FH just called me and asked me if it was too late to elope. Apparently his parents are super p*ssed that their names aren't on the invitations. I totally understand them wanting to be named, but FH decided he didn't want to include them because his mom is really his step mom (his real mom died when he was 4) and he didn't want to say he was their son when he would be leaving out his real mom. Anyway, it's too late now, so I guess the FILs are going to have to get over it, but I feel really bad about it and I know FH is really upset too.
Any suggestions on how to deal with this, other than ordering new invitations? I'm so upset - I told FH to make sure it was ok before we ordered! ARG!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks for all of your advice. I felt really badly that FILs were upset because they are always so good to us. We talked to them about FH's concern and they said we should just put 'son of Mr. and Mrs. ...' which could be either his real mom or his step mom. We found out that we could just order the invite card so it wouldn't be too expensive and it should be done in time, so we reordered. Everyone is happy now.
dedecakes
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
Posted by Kristina2009
We are paying on our own (with generous small things coming from my parents that we just learned about - shower, dress, a generous wedding gift).
We put
With together their parents, Mr. and Mrs. A and Mr. and Mrs, B K and M invite ypu
FH also did not want to list his parents names but I felt bad. It does bug me a little that our parents seem to be getting credit for throwing the party but in the end I don't want to offend anyone and better that than hurt feelings. I know that at least my parents who help if I could not afford it.
Since they are contributing - I would see if you can just reprint the main invite card. If you ordered from a book you should have time. Honestly, I would probably be upset if I were them as it is the right thing to list them if they are paying. If reorder is not an option maybe a thank yu seech tp them at the wedding letting everyone know this wedding would not be possible without their generosity, etc.
I like that wording...I think I am going to use that!!!
dedecakes
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
Posted by MLAngelo
Posted by dedecakes
Who is paying for the wedding? If they are putting any money into it, then they should have a say. If they are not putting in a dime, they have no right to open their mouths. My parents are paying for the reception (we are paying for the rest). I was planning on just putting:
Together with their parents
Although I have this funny feeling that my parents are not going to like that idea. lol!
If your parents are paying it should say they are throwing it, you should check with them first. The wording indicates who is paying for it, who is the host/hostess.
MLAngelo- We are all paying the same amount. My parents are paying for half and we are paying for the other half. Therefore, I think that we should both be hosting it.
gina409
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
this i s a tough situtation..ur only safe bet is to just sit down wit them and expain why u guys put it that way..im sure they willget over it in time...goodluck
tonysbride09
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
what if you include them in the program. Maybe dedicate a nice section of the programs to the parents. Then they could have their moment of glory. I wouldn't spend the money and do the invites over though, you have so many other things to worry about.
Kristina2009
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
Posted by dedecakes
I like that wording...I think I am going to use that!!!
thanks. i spent so much time trying to find a good way to include everyone. hopw it helps.
MrsCtobe
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
Tough one. I'm not really sure how you could have worded the invite. I think the best thing to do at this point is talk to them honestly and explain.
dedecakes
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
Yay, I agree with the above poster...include a dedication page in your program. This was what i was planning on doing on the last 'fan' of my program.
Maybe instead, you could say: On this day, we would like to thank our parents, Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, and and Mr. and Mrs. Michael Jones, for their love, support, and encouragement. We are who we are today because they have touched us in their own unique way. Thank you.
Are they paying for any part of the wedding? If they're not, I was under the impression that they don't necessarily have to be mentioned.
If they're so upset, tell them they can pay for new invites to be printed.
flairforfashion
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
Posted by dedecakes
Yay, I agree with the above poster...include a dedication page in your program. This was what i was planning on doing on the last 'fan' of my program.
Maybe instead, you could say: On this day, we would like to thank our parents, Mr. and Mrs. John Doe, and and Mr. and Mrs. Michael Jones, for their love, support, and encouragement. We are who we are today because they have touched us in their own unique way. Thank you.
This was the idea I was going to post. I would also have FH explain what he told you to his Parents.
mlcvln129
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
We aren't including our parents on the invitation, although both sets of parents are giving us some money. . .but in the end, FH and I will have paid for more than half of the wedding, I'll have to post what my exact wording was, but it was pretty nice and I don't think there will be any hurt feelings by it.
Novia09
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
Unless they're paying for the wedding, they shouldn't be named anyways...
endlesslove116
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
well traditionally if your parents and his parents are helping in the wedding expenses and paying for anything they should be mentioned on the invite. if they are not putting a dime into the wedding than it should only be you and fh on that invite! both my parents and his parents are helping us with our wedding so we are going to mention them in our invites.
it is prolly to late to now order new invites and have to go thru all that now. so i think fh should sit down with his dad and step mom and explain to them why he choose to not add them on the invite and how he felt about it and his dad sould understand and especially the step mother when it isnt even his mother. and the only thing they can do is accept it and understand and if they dont, they will get over it. dont drive yourself crazy over this and get all upset, it isnt worth it. because they will get over it! :)
Camroy
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
How long is the stepmom in the picture for now?
Deeglasser
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
well, putting parents names on the invitiations (from what i have been told) has to do with the fact that they have contributed to the wedding monetarily... for example, if they are not helping to pay for it, then they should not have their names on the invitation. my parents are paying for it entirely, so their names will be on the invite, not FH's. and they can't be upset b/c they haven't offered ANYTHING. my friend got married and they paid for everything, so they didn't mention any of their parents.
Jna2010
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
Posted by Deeglasser
well, putting parents names on the invitiations (from what i have been told) has to do with the fact that they have contributed to the wedding monetarily... for example, if they are not helping to pay for it, then they should not have their names on the invitation. my parents are paying for it entirely, so their names will be on the invite, not FH's. and they can't be upset b/c they haven't offered ANYTHING. my friend got married and they paid for everything, so they didn't mention any of their parents.
i personally feel that putting parents' names on the invitation is a matter of honoring them for your uprbringing and everything. Even if they cant contribute towads the wedding they spend the last x amount of years paying for you and raising you! JMO though. But if it was FH's decision to not include names than he should (or both together) sit his parents down and just explain the reason for the decision and apologize for any offense taken.
the program page dedication is a good idea too to make amends!
BeLissa
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
like a lot of other girls, i feel that if they are helping out financially, their names should def be on the invite. that being said, its obv too late. I think the suggestion to mention them in your programs is a really great idea, and the whole financial aspect does not have to be a factor at all - just a way to honor and appreciate them.
i totally understand how he feels though, my mom passed away and my dad is paying for the wedding but i did not want to say 'Dr. & Mrs . ____ ' because it insinuates that i'm her daughter, which to me would be disrespecting my mom. so, after asking my dad, i only put HIS name on the invite. however he did say not to send one to him so that she doesnt see
MLAngelo
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
Posted by dedecakes
Posted by MLAngelo
Posted by dedecakes
Who is paying for the wedding? If they are putting any money into it, then they should have a say. If they are not putting in a dime, they have no right to open their mouths. My parents are paying for the reception (we are paying for the rest). I was planning on just putting:
Together with their parents
Although I have this funny feeling that my parents are not going to like that idea. lol!
If your parents are paying it should say they are throwing it, you should check with them first. The wording indicates who is paying for it, who is the host/hostess.
MLAngelo- We are all paying the same amount. My parents are paying for half and we are paying for the other half. Therefore, I think that we should both be hosting it.
Yeah then I can see that. Well hopefully your parents will be ok with it, but parents are strange that way aren't they? My parents are paying for the whole thing, well most of it, so it is saying...
Mr & Mrs. ___________________ request the honor of your presence at the wedding of their daughter Michelle Lea to Jason Richard ____________
We were going to put 'son of...' but because FFIL is so ill, we were afraid to write it for fear of where he will be when the invites go out.
Brat23
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
Posted by jlovesa
They are helping to pay for the wedding - this is why I can totally understand them wanting to be named (I could even understand if they weren't paying just because they are his parents), but FH said no. He also said they wouldn't care. Famous last words...
He needs to fess up to them just say he didnt want to exclude his mother didn't know how to word the whole thing so felt it easier to leave them off
Its a tough situation we had a similar one also tough because on top of all that we have kids and wanted to include them too so in the end we left all the parents out and did Adam and Jacquelyn along with there children John and Adam we explained and everyone understood
GL hope it all works itself out soon
Dani777
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
Honestly, this was the problem I have...I added in spirit and in presence on it... no names...but still including my Father who passed away in 05... Do you already have the invites? Maybe you can talk to the ones who made it for you. Otherwise, I would talk to them about it personaly... both you and FH... JMO
dutchessev
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Re: Ugh! FILs are P*SSED!
What is done is done. I wouln't order new invites that is a waste of money.
Your fh should have discuss this with them first and secondly they should respect his wishes.
I think they probably just got caught off guard when they expected their names to be on the invite.
