UGH! OMG, how did I forget to post about this?

So not exciting, just appalling to me. So, when I lived in MA, I made these two really good friends, Erin and Julianne. PS-I ask them to be BMs in my wedding. Great. Love them. So Erin has a long time BF and Julianne was single for the longest time. Fine, who cares? Anyway, we all worked at the same school and there was this one teacher in the classroom next to Julianne's and he was a TOTAL a$$hole. He would GRAB the kids by the back of the neck and rip them out of their seats, or grab them by the back of their necks and throw them IN the seats, or he would restrain them improperly without the proper supervision (I worked in a behavioral school), and when two of us reported him for unsafe behavior with the children, my boss told me, 'Oh, he just has his ways, but they work for him.' WHAT THE F???? Anyway, he had a classroom full of boys and he would tell them that they didn't need to listen to their mothers, only their fathers and that women were only good for cleaning and that they didn't need to listen to any of the female teachers. God, I wish I were exaggerating this. It was so disgusting. ANYWAY, so, our friend Julianne took a weird liking to this guy and they became friends. Well, turns out she 'secretly' started dating him about two months ago, and I just found out through another friend that they got ENGAGED this weekend Meanwhile, this is a girl that I had become VERY VERY close with, whom I had asked to be in my BP, so now, she has not even called me yet to tell me that she got engaged because as she told my friend Erin,'Scott doesn't like me talking to you and Rachel anymore.' WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??????????????????????????? God, I'm SO upset over this. She is just the sweetest girl in the world with the WORST self esteem. And now she's marrying this ABUSIVE man and is NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO ME??? What the F? ARGH! I'm sorry, I needed to vent that.

Re: UGH! OMG, how did I forget to post about this?

sounds like a really really dangerous situation!
rachel - is there any way you get get through to her?
so scary!!!!

Re: UGH! OMG, how did I forget to post about this?

We've tried so hard, and it's not like she doesn't know how he is because she reported his behavior back in May as well, but now she says, 'Oh, he's so different outside of school.' I mean, we had ALL last school year where we would be SHOCKED together over the things he did and said. But, my school has cameras and they claim it's within normal behavior for a teacher. But really, they are DESPERATE for teachers and he has the toughest room in the school, so to find someone else is almost impossible. They do this for a lot of things. It's so unfortunate, but that's a whole nother vent.

Re: UGH! OMG, how did I forget to post about this?

OMG!!! That does sound really dangerous--I hope you guys can get through to her--do you know her parents well enough to call them and speak to them about it? I hope it all works out-SORRY!

Re: UGH! OMG, how did I forget to post about this?

I don't know her parents very well And my other friend has given up on her. I just don't know what to do.

Re: UGH! OMG, how did I forget to post about this?

OMG Rach---that sounds like a horribly dangerous situation! And only dating 2 months and engaged? She might need some serious help!

Re: UGH! OMG, how did I forget to post about this?

i think you need to be there for her when she needs you, and make sure you are ready to help her becuse she will need it.
but i don't know if you should push her or try to pull her away from him.....that might cause more trouble.
my parent's have friend's who's daughter got married about a year ago and they're separeted right now becuse he was abusive....but she still sees him and stays with him, and all of her friends have broken all ties with her until she leaves him for good. her parents are terrifie and have no idea what to do...
it's a really tough situation becuse there are no right answers and there is so much room for error!

Re: UGH! OMG, how did I forget to post about this?

I know, see, I feel like that now that they are engaged, there's really no place for me to say anything. I mean, essentially, she's cutting ties with me anyway because he won't let her talk to me. He doesn't like me or my friend Erin because we were not afraid to say something to him when he was being too rough with the kids and we were not afraid to tell him what an a$$hole he is.

Re: UGH! OMG, how did I forget to post about this?

one of my BMs actually dated a guy like that for 3-4 years in high school...and i was the only one who would say anything to him about what an @$$ he was. but he knew my parents and loved them, so he wouldnt' touch me.
one night though, he was drunk and i pi$$ed him off and he grabbed me by the hair and told me to shut up. i was so freaked out.....
she broke up with him shortly after that i think. i didn't talk to her for a while because she was dating him and she knew it was a stupid thing to do....

why are women so stupid when it comes to these things? it scares me soooo much!!!

Re: UGH! OMG, how did I forget to post about this?

It's just sad I wish this wasn't happening, but I guess there's nothing I can do about it. The worst thing is is that I can't even share in my friend's engagement. Partly because I don't want to and partly because I'm not 'allowed' to.

Re: UGH! OMG, how did I forget to post about this?

Rach,

Its a really sticky situation...its horrible she is cutting ties with you, and going ahead with an engagement and an eventual marriage...she probably has issues of her own, and she needs to sort herself out, and to allow him to dictate to her who she can talke to, etc...is horrible...I just hope that when it does blow up, and if she comes crying back to you, that you at least give her a chance to explaiin and be that great friend that you are.