UPDATE ON PAGE 3 - What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

Original post by LM903

Oct 28, 2005 10:19 AM

Can i just say - the friggin nerve of people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I invited everyone I work with to my wedding and only those who are married (2 of them)with their husbands. Everyone else is invited solo - since we are on a tight budget and have limited seating. None of those who were invited solo are engaged.

I received the RSVP from a girl last night (WHO I CAN'T STAND MIND YOU and invited her just to be nice) that she is bringing a guest.

She wrote: 'Ms. Stupid Idiot' and Guest
will __2__ attend

Now that she's put me in extremely akward position, i have to approach her. At this point, its not about the money or the people - but what I do for one, now I have to do for all. I can't stand people who just assume things like this.

Anyone have this happen to them?! Any advice????

UPDATE, UPDATE:

So I get home last night and in the mail is another RSVP from another girl in my work who I invited - SOLO. Her RSVP says ...

'Ms. Stupid Idiot 2' and MY MOTHER
will _2_ attend

DO YOU BELIEVE THIS?
Immediately after opening this - i called the first girl - the evil one - on her cell b/c she obviously talked to this other girl and told her its ok to respond with a guest. I left her a firm and some what nasty message saying ...

'I just received your RSVP for my wedding. We're happy you'll be able to attend but there must have been a big misunderstanding - the invitation was ONLY intended for you. I really wish that if you had any question about that - that you would have to come me and asked me, rather than assume otherwise. FH and I are on a very tight budget and I don't think we'll be able to accomodate you with a guest at our wedding.'

I can not believe this nonsense. What in the world are people thinking??? And someone wants to bring her MOTHER?? WHAT THE HECK??????

Girls, word to the wise - If you have any doubts about inviting people from work - my advice is .... DON'T DO IT

mka06 Posted: Oct 28, 2005 11:28 AM

Re: What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

You definitely don't have to allow her to bring a guest! You don't have to let anyone, but you definitely shouldn't if this is someone you did not want to invite in the first place and don't really like.

Keep us posted... Good luck and go kick some a**!!

july06bride Posted: Oct 28, 2005 11:30 AM

Re: What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

Posted by Sapphire77

What if people are in a committed relationship they can't bring their spouse because they aren't married? I personally wouldn't invite single guests. I think it's nice to have someone with you that you know. I was in that situation and I didn't like it.

Now to your question, just tell her the truth.

I agree- I would not want to attend a wedding without my Fiance...no we arent married, but I think it would be odd to not go with him just because we arent married...HOWEVER, since you dont like her anyway and its really no skin off your back if she gets mad,I would just tell her that she wasnt invited with a guest because of ..the reasons... and you are sorry, leave it up to her as to what she wants to do..go or not go.

siobhanB Posted: Oct 28, 2005 11:39 AM

Re: What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

Ya know, I read something about this stuff once in a Miss Manners column (although of course I can't find it now)

I think what she said though, was that if a person is invited without a guest, htey obviously should not bring a guest. IF they are not comfortable doing that, they should politely decline the invite... so you should just tell your coworker that she must have misunderstood, and that all the coworkers were invited w/o guest and if she would like to rethink her response, you would understand. (you don't owe her an explanation of why she can't bring a guest, its none of her business. nobody was. period.)

As for the question of which 'guest' is acceptable, a friend or only a spouse. I think miss manners said that you reserved two seats in her honor, and its not up to you who she is allowed to bring when you address it 'and guest'. Just because the invitee isn't part of a couple doesn't mean she should automatically be unable to bring someone. THink of it like this, if she brings a friend, she's most likely doing it cause she knows it will add to her having a good time as opposed to bringing an opposite-sex guest and having to 'babysit' that person.

JennJay Posted: Oct 28, 2005 12:08 PM

Re: What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

' THink of it like this, if she brings a friend, she's most likely doing it cause she knows it will add to her having a good time as opposed to bringing an opposite-sex guest and having to 'babysit' that person.

Thats a good point, I never thought of it like that.

SIBride06 Posted: Oct 28, 2005 12:34 PM

Re: What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

Posted by LM903

She wrote: 'Ms. Stupid Idiot' and Guest
will __2__ attend

LMAO!

Yeah she is a stupid idiot LMAO. I just say suck it up, and HOPEFULLY none of your other guests do the same.
If it is a money issue & you have too many guest.. just tell her outright. Whats the worse that could happen? She will get offended and WONT come??

Boo Hoo.

babybug631 Posted: Oct 28, 2005 12:46 PM

Re: What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

I wouldn't let that biatch bring a date. you clearly invited just her. the balls on this girl to invite herself a guest. i would tell her that you really wanted all the people from work to be there, but you can't afford guests for everybody. then leave it up to her. you don't really want her there anyway, so what do you care.

by the way, i have a lot of single cousins and my brothers friends who are also single. they're all 18-22 years old. i'm not inviting them with guests. only the ones with serious long-term girlfriends are getting invited with a guest, and i'm putting the girlfirends name on the invites.

leighdvm Posted: Oct 28, 2005 12:47 PM

Re: What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

I would NOT let it slide. All the people from work weren't invited with a guest, so I would absolutey 100% tell her 'SORRY!!'

October Bliss Posted: Oct 28, 2005 01:53 PM

Re: What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

Since she has walked all over you in the past, I think NOW is the time to put your foot down. It is your wedding, your day, and you didn't invite people you actual like so as not to exclude ONE person from your job. Tell her flat out she cannot bring a guest no need for explanation. However, be prepared for her to show up with one anyway, and have your DOC (if you have one, brother, father, best man, other random large guy) be prepared to turn her away. If you don't have someone ready to toss her out on her ear she will have just walked all over you again.

Goldi1021 Posted: Oct 28, 2005 02:01 PM

Re: What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

I know someone who was invited to a function with her live in boyfriend specifically and wanted to bring her 11 year old son instead. It was completely innappropriate and uncomfortable for the host and nervy to have even asked!

prinses777 Posted: Oct 28, 2005 02:09 PM

Re: What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

If it was someone else (not from work), I would most likely suck it up...
But... Then it puts you in an awkward position for all the other singles at work who might have wanted to bring a date... I would say something.

LM903 Posted: Oct 28, 2005 02:16 PM

Re: What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

you girls are awesome, thanks so much for the advice. I wish I could have you all standing behind me cheering me on when I say something!!!!!

waterspout4 Posted: Oct 28, 2005 02:20 PM

Re: What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

Posted by SexyEsq

Tell her flat out she cannot bring a guest no need for explanation. However, be prepared for her to show up with one anyway, and have your DOC (if you have one, brother, father, best man, other random large guy) be prepared to turn her away.

Other random large guy

I totally agree with what you said.

tracy2246 Posted: Oct 28, 2005 02:23 PM

Re: What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

Posted by LM903

you girls are awesome, thanks so much for the advice. I wish I could have you all standing behind me cheering me on when I say something!!!!!

when you are talking to her just visualize us all standing behind you with our pom poms

FINALLYME Posted: Oct 28, 2005 02:24 PM

Re: What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

Since i'm getting married till next october and havn't even looked at invites yet, I was thinking what would I do... how about calling her and saying right now I can't entertain extra or unvited guests.... BUT if I get some cancellations down the road I will call you and then you can bring your guest....
How friendly are you with her? If she gets pissed off and doesn't come to your wedding will it bother you a great deal?

LM903 Posted: Oct 28, 2005 02:32 PM

Re: What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

Posted by FINALLYME

Since i'm getting married till next october and havn't even looked at invites yet, I was thinking what would I do... how about calling her and saying right now I can't entertain extra or unvited guests.... BUT if I get some cancellations down the road I will call you and then you can bring your guest....
How friendly are you with her? If she gets pissed off and doesn't come to your wedding will it bother you a great deal?

I can't stand the girl and just invited her to be nice since I invited all the women I work with. that is probably along the lines of what I'll do - although it erks me that someone has the audicity to do something like this.

FINALLYME Posted: Oct 28, 2005 02:41 PM

Re: What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

Then I wouldn't even give it a 2nd thought, if you can't stand her and just invited her because you work with her, just tell her she can't bring anyone and if she's pissed, that's her problem, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING by inviting her. She did THE WRONG THING by ASSUMING she could bring a guest...
There are so many things you should be doing when planning your wedding and wasting time on stupid inconsiderate people is not one of them... Don't waste anymore of your precious time on her. ESPECIALLY since she's not even a good friend. A good friend would never have the nerve to do something like that.

LM903 Posted: Oct 29, 2005 11:37 AM

Re: UPDATE - YOU'll NEVER BELIEVE THIS ... What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

BUMP FOR THE UPDATE

littlebookworm4 Posted: Oct 29, 2005 12:00 PM

Re: UPDATE - YOU'll NEVER BELIEVE THIS ... What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

I'm waiting on 19 RSVPs still and I'm just waiting for one of them to be like that!

M&S Sept12006 Posted: Oct 29, 2005 12:09 PM

Re: UPDATE - YOU'll NEVER BELIEVE THIS ... What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

Im sorry but thats what happens when you invite people from work and expect them to come SOLO...have you ever been to a wedding by yourself? Im not trying to be nasty or anything but just put yourself in the girl's position. If I got an invitation with just my name on it, I would have guessed that I can invite someone to come along with me...I wouldn't want to go by myself. And thats what the girl who is coming with her mother (very awkward but hey whatever floats her boat) was thinking... And if you feel that people are nasty or idiots then why would you want them at your wedding to begin with????

Please don't take this the wrong way, its JMHO...I hope all works out for you

Goldi1021 Posted: Oct 29, 2005 12:32 PM

Re: UPDATE - YOU'll NEVER BELIEVE THIS ... What to do when someone is not invited with a guest and responds that they are bringing one!!!

Im glad you were strong enough to say something to those people. As someone who strays from confrontation, I applaud you. I would not second guess your choice for one minute. Here's my take!

If you invite more than one person from work and those people know each other rather well then there is no need to invite them each with guests. If you invited one person from work or perhaps people from different departments who did NOT know each other at all, then Id say YES let them bring guests as it WOULD be awkward for them. It is apparent that they DO know each other well enough to have some sort of discussion about it so they shouldnt have ANY problem talking to each other at your wedding without a guest.

People are very ballsy. I am in a work situation where I really cannot exclude people. A few people have told me right to my face that my family is wealthy (based on where I grew up) and thats why they can afford a huge wedding. Then they assume they will be invited wih guests. It couldnt be further from the truth. If a financial restraint prevents a couple from inviting people with guests then those guests need to respect that. So what if I am inviting 250 people to my wedding? Do my work friends have any idea how many cousins I have? How many of those cousins have spouses? How many cousins my parents have? How many siblings I have? No they dont. Im sorry, but Id much rather have my cousins than the flavor of the week so my work buddy has someone to dance with.

A wedding isnt a venue to showcase some person they met a week ago at a bar. This happens quite a bit. If I ever brought someone to a wedding (or other function) as my guest, you can be darn sure they played a very significant role in my life.