Update - WWYD if a BM complained about strapless?

With the right undergarments, she may not even need straps. My BP is big bre@sted and I was worried about strapless but they all love the dress I picked. 5 of my 7 girls are a D or bigger (one is an E... no joke.)

If she buys a real strapless bra, not a cheap one, she shouldn't have trouble. They can also sew cups into the top for her when she goes for alternations.

Whoa!

Okay, before a train wreck starts...

I haven't said ANYTHING to this girl, yet. I am doing the best I can to accomodate ALL of my BMs. There are SEVEN of them. Not all of them can have exactly what they want.

I'd NEVER expect her to wear strapless all night if she didn't want to. I merely asked if it would be inappropriate to ASK her if she would wear it strapless until the reception. I NEVER said I'd make anyone wear something they hated or felt uncomfortable in.

Apparently, people disagree, but can we please stop intimating that I'm some bridezilla who cares nothing about the comfort and input of my BMs?

This is going to be out FIRST trip to look at dresses - these are 2 dresses out of probably 2 dozen that we'll try on. I didn't think bringing to the table the idea of 'Would you wear it strapless until the reception if we love this dress' was a mean thing to request in the event we even choose this dress at all.

I was merely looking for suggestions on how others would handle it. I wasn't suggesting or even intimating that I'd make anyone wear something they're totally uncomfortable in. (And, yes, I've been asked to wear things I was uncomfortable in to other weddings and never said anything - in fact, was never even consulted about the dress beforehand... So I DO know what it's like to wear something unflattering and uncomfortable for you ALL night long, and I wouldn't put my girls in that position -- hence how this even came up since I sent the email around with pics to get feedback from t he girls)

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Posted by Kara and Todd

Problem is, I think she wants straps thick enough to wear a bra with straps under it (not just spaghetti straps).

Could that be done and still go strapless for the church and CH?

Would you allow just one of your BMs to wear a dress with straps while the others were strapless?

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Oops - 'allow' was the wrong word choice here. I meant - would you have one girl wear straps while the others were strapless -- meaning the question to be 'Would you have them all wear straps or just the one that wanted to add them?'

I think I see the confusion now....

If one wanted to wear straps, I wouldn't mind, one of my BMs did wear straps and the others didn't.

Would you consider having the girls wear different style dresses? That was what I wanted to do at the beginning but, they all sort of agreed on one dress.

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Posted by Kara and Todd

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Posted by Kara and Todd

Problem is, I think she wants straps thick enough to wear a bra with straps under it (not just spaghetti straps).

Could that be done and still go strapless for the church and CH?

Would you allow just one of your BMs to wear a dress with straps while the others were strapless?

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Oops - 'allow' was the wrong word choice here. I meant - would you have one girl wear straps while the others were strapless -- meaning the question to be 'Would you have them all wear straps or just the one that wanted to add them?'

I think I see the confusion now....

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exactly.

my answer is as long as it's the same color, they can and should wear any style THEY like.

especially with the new 'BS' that the dresses are so nice they can wear them again...

if the dress has rinky dink straps that can be removed at the time for pics...they won't provide her with the support she seems to be looking for...

do what makes you feel comfortable.. i think suggesting that they go strapless for pics is fine.. and then they can put up the straps during the reception.. BMs are your friends and they should understand... how many dresses have we all worn that we werent big fans of?? JMO

also when she gets her dress altered she can request that they put in some boning in the inside for added support and cups... if you want to go further maybe she buys her bra and the seamstress can somehow incorporate it into the dress... these are suggestions you can make when you go try on dresses... ??

hth

my SIL asked me if she can change her dress all together bc she hates strapless! Caused a fight and i told her if you change your done w/ the pics!! I wasnt spending all this $$ on pics for 1 person to stand out like a sore thumb!

if she feels that uncomfy i say let her get straps that she can wear for the CH and Recp...all the other times she should match the other girls....

If i were a bridesmaid and looking for straps, I would not be annoyed or pissed off if someone asked to not wear the straps during pictures...

Personally I love the uniformity of a bridal party in pictures, so I want all my girls to have the same dress, same style. I think as long as you put it out there in a non offensive way, like would you mind just for pictures, I can't imagine her blowing a gasket.

The BP pics aren't exactly ones I see myself keeping framed for years to come... so I don't really care if she looks a little different in the pics.

Anyway, I guess it's not really worth worrying about until we go try on some dresses.

I told her I wouldn't make them wear anything they were uncomfortable in, so if it was strapless and she wanted to add straps, we'd make it work. These girls are in my BP b/c I love them, not so I can torture them. I guess I just would appreciate them at least being willing to try on some dresses I like. I didn't want strapless for my gown either... until I tried them on...

I've been a BM so many times and I never complained about the dresses...

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Posted by NY031978

my SIL asked me if she can change her dress all together bc she hates strapless! Caused a fight and i told her if you change your done w/ the pics!! I wasnt spending all this $$ on pics for 1 person to stand out like a sore thumb!

if she feels that uncomfy i say let her get straps that she can wear for the CH and Recp...all the other times she should match the other girls....

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I think some of you girls are letting this wedding stuff get to your heads....

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Posted by irishsweetheart

honestly I would forego the uniformity of the pictures and let her wear the straps for the day. More than a few of my BM's have requested the same thing including my sister who is my MOH and I know they just don't feel comfortable in strapless because it doesn't give enough support for well endowed girls and there's actually a chance your pictures might look worse if a strapless gown/bra isn't supportive enough.

I wouldn't want to feel self conscious or uncomfortable if I were the BM who was told that I couldn't have straps for my gown and that's my main reason for telling my BM's that if I end up deciding on a strapless gown (which I'm trying to avoid doing) they can add whatever type of strap will make them feel comfortable for the day.

But remember this is JMO!!

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i agree i mean if they are uncomfortable with themselves in a strapless dress they might look awkward and uncomfortable in the pics and that will ruin it more than one of them being in straps. i know fh's sil who is a bm doesn't like strapless and actually prefers something with a cap sleeve that's what she's comfy in thats fine im also not having all the girls wear the same dress tho so that jmo

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Posted by AeroJenn

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Posted by NY031978

my SIL asked me if she can change her dress all together bc she hates strapless! Caused a fight and i told her if you change your done w/ the pics!! I wasnt spending all this $$ on pics for 1 person to stand out like a sore thumb!

if she feels that uncomfy i say let her get straps that she can wear for the CH and Recp...all the other times she should match the other girls....

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I think some of you girls are letting this wedding stuff get to your heads....

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I have to say that this was NEVER my intention, and I NEVER would force the girls to wear something that makes them uncomfortable, nor would I ever give an ultimatum.

Screw her...it's your wedding

LOL, I am the tiniest bit of a bridezilla.

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Posted by Marchbride07

Screw her...it's your wedding

LOL, I am the tiniest bit of a bridezilla.

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What about a wrap? She can put it to the side for picture purposes, but she can wear it to cover up. She'll have to pay for the added cost since fabric from the manufacturer is expensive. Just an idea...

Just wanted to chime in as a large chested person (32E). I wore a strapless dress for my wedding and it was a huge pain the butt to get a good longline bra. I had to go to a woman who custom fits you and then paid $100 for the bra. I looked great on my wedding day because of the bra and my style of dress but I've tried that bra on with other strapless dresses and it looks weird (basically it doesn't work with thinner fabric). Point being, it's extremely hard to get bras and dresses to fit correctly when you're that big (I'm a size 10 in clothes so I don't have to deal with plus size which I'm sure is another pain).

I'm my sister's MOH this coming spring and I requested that I not wear strapless. I just couldn't deal with the stress of not knowing whether the dress would look good or if I could find proper undergarments. I honestly don't think smaller chested girls completely understand how miserable it is to not have proper support, feel like your dress and bra are falling off, etc. If there's any possibility of your bridal party finding dresses that please you and them, take the time to find them. It's a serious issue for some of us that would honestly ruin our day if not handled politely.

Okay, one more time. I'm not forcing anyone to wear anything they don't want to.

I'm not small OR small chested with DDs and DO understand what it's like to be uncomfortable wearing a dress in someone's wedding. We ARE taking the time to find a dress that will please all - at least not anger anyone. I leave for China on business in 3 weeks - This was a last minute trip I can't cancel, so I'm cramming this into a small amount of time. These were the two dresses I liked most when I was out looking with my mother - They are not the only dresses we're considering or trying on.

I was just wondering if you would have them ALL wear straps, ask to go strapless for the church, or find another dress. They might all hate it. I might hate it on them. It was more of a 'what if'

And this is not about covering up for her at all and she's not a larger girl. She's a size 4 (though well-endowed). The issue is not wanting to wear a strapless bra (something I understand) - so a shawl / spaghetti straps won't work at all. I actually have an idea of straps that would be very pretty with the pictured dress.

At any rate, I'm tired of trying to explain what I was getting at...

Thanks for the suggestions. I'll let you know how our dress shopping trip goes.

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Posted by Suzannebride

I told my bridesmaid they could use the spaghetti straps that came with the dress or have straps made or go strapless, whatever they were most comfortable with. I think they will look better in pictures and throughout the day if they aren't hiking their dress up and looking uncomfortable. I think that would draw more attention to them than if they had straps. Plus, everyone will be looking at YOU because you are the most important person at the wedding!

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From personal experience I can tell you that your pictures (candids) will be affected if the girls are self-conscious in their dress by their posture or by them hiking up the front of the dress in every pic.

It really depends on what is most important for you though.