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(UPDATED and MUCH MUCH BETTER!!!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

Original post by [email protected]

I give up. I really don't know what to do anymore about his family. We just don't get along at all. For the last 6 years, I have tried my best to fit in, and it just hasn't worked.

A few months ago, I posted how they were trying to get me to purchase new favors and I refused to give in. Well, I finally made up with his aunt (I had to apoligize to her even though I did nothing wrong. SHe has always been very good to us, and I felt badly that I somehow managed to hurt her feelings...). However, I have yet to speak to him mother. I spoke to his aunt who said his mother really wanted to smooth things over. I am petrified of this woman, and I told Brian that I wanted to have him with me when I had to speak with her. Well, I made plans with Brian's aunt and sister to go to see Chateau Briand tomorrow and out to dinner. As far as I knew, things were better. I spoke to her on the phone today briefly, and about two hours later, I went outside and she was talking to her friend on the steps. Brian's motehr was at teh window, and her boyfriend was also outside. I said hello to everyone (Just a quick hello) and I ran to the car so I could start it and wait for Brian who I knew would be out in a few seconds.

*****PLEASE TAKE NOTE THAT IT IS 30 DEGREES OUTSIDE, AND MY HAIR WAS WET! I HAVE NO MAKE UP ON, I AM WEARING A SWEATPANTS, A FLEECE AND A DOWN COAT****

Well, Brian comes out, BS's with them for a minute and gets in teh car. First thing he says was why didn't you wait outside with them? I'm freezing and I knew you woudl be right out. Well you are going to have to talk to them at some point, Laurie...

WTF?????

Um, it's freezing! Next, I get defensive.

'WHY? DID THEY HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT IT?' No...it's just obvious that you were avoiding them...

WHATEVER! WE ARE GOING TO LOOK FOR TUXES AND I AM GOING TO IGNORE THAT COMMENT....

We are in teh store, phone rings...it's his sister. He walks away for a second, and comes back all po'd. I ignore him assuming it's because we had already done this whole tux shopping thing and he was annoyed that I changed stores on him.

Phone rings again. He walks outside and I see him yelling at his sister. I finish up, go outside and he starts yelling at me about how much trouble I have caused by acting like a baby, and his aunt is crying because I was ignoring her and his miotehr is so pissed taht I was so rude and didn't stand outside (in this freezing weather) to BS with them...

Now mind you, these are women that normally sit outside to BS about EVERYONE AND GOSSIP ABOUT EVERYONE on teh block. 50 year old women talking abouy everyone elses business but their own. They make me sick. I am nothing liek that and yes it bothers me and I try to avoid these conversations as much as possible, but I WAS FREEZING!!! If I wanted to avoid them, when I heard them outside, I would have waited for them to a) Eitehr leave or b) would have walked out with Brian and made a formal announcement that i was cold and went to sit in the car.

SO I told him today that if every day of my life is going to be scrutinized by his family as it has been for the last 6 years, I don't think this will work. I am not a shy person, I am not unfriendly, I am not stuck up or a snob. However, I am also not two faced and I will not sit and gossip with them about all of their friends. Ezpecially today, when it is 30 degrees out and my hair is still wet!

HELP ME PLEASE? I NEED ADVICE!
Imagin916 Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

I am so sorry you are going through this..Nobody should have to live a life wondering who is talking about you, and trying to cause problems between you and FH. I agree with the others that he has to start defending you or else.. I am at a loss for words regarding the behavior of this woman, and I just want you to know my thoughts are with you. I hope all gets worked out.

suven Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

yeah, read my post titled, 'For a good laugh...Last night at the house'

butterfly20 Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

im so sorry this is happening, i think that was a perfectly good email you sent, and no reason to get in trouble for it. As the other girls said, you really need to have your fh back you up on things, thats the most important. the only thing i would say to do is sit down and have a Serious discussion with your fh. He seems to be wanting to please his family and forgetting that you are #1, you are the person he will grow old with, not them.. also instead of just emailing his mother maybe you can also sit down with the aunt you like, and discuss with her your concern?

[email protected] Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

EROXGIRL~WHERE ARE YOU???

I had Rebecca read through the ridiculous day of emails to try and determine if I was the mean one or if it was her. She pulled the famous, 'If you don't want me at the wedding, pelase let me know and I won't attend'. That one was classic. I told her flat out taht if this is what you want, the only person you will wind up hurting is your self and your son. If that is what you want, then it's your decision. (NOt a mature one, but it's a decision...)

And her is a new one, she EMAILED MY MOTHER WHOM SHE HAS NEVER EVEN EVER MET and up unitl 09/18 of this year, has never even spoken to! She, in six years, has never retunred my mothers calls, nor has she ever even accepted any invitation to meet my parents. That was fun. SHe seems to be looking for sympathy beacsue she and her son hardly ever speak.

And how is this my fault or even my problem?

Anyone, anyone?

Ok, I didn't think so. WHen I started dating him when he was just about to turn 20, as far as I knew, they didn't speak then either? Boys will be boys, and girls will always be girls. How is her son not talkling to her my problem? Why is she taking this out on me? If he doesn't want her involved in it, that is not my fault? RIght?

So once again, I try to explain why I feel teh way I feel. She reponds. Move on, it's over. That's teh problem with this family. If you have a problem with someone, you just brush it under teh rug and move on. Tehy never know how to talk thinsg out. Tehy just let it be forget to teh next big fight and then you have all this tension built up and it's never discussed and never completely resolved.
July2004Bride Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)



I really don't know what to say except I'm sorry that you are going through this so close to your wedding day... My thoughts are with you..
Jen_n_Dale Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

OMG Laurie!!! I really do feel bad for you. You are so sweet and I take offense that someone would treat you like this. It hurts more because it is your FH's family!!! Ugh! I think the letter is great but I think this woman will sit and read into EVERY word in that letter.

Hugs kiddo!
[email protected] Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

Taht was just the begining. YOU haev no idea. I am sitting her eshakign because I don't think I can handle this anymore. I wiedding is 110 days away, my FH and I haven't spken in over 24 hours, I just don't know what to do. The letters just got worse and worse. I can only imagine what I am in store for when I check my email at work tomorrow.

yabbobay Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

I wish i had some advise to give you on this...but I have not really been in this situation (with the exception of DH's SIL...who noone likes or gets along with, so at least I had company)

but I can give you


it seems that you have been writing a lot of emails...my only suggestion would be to stop that...never put things in writing....it is very hard to unwrite them once it has been sent...and if she is as vindictive as she seems...you don't want her with this type of ammo....
swags1016 Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

Laurie,

As if you have not gone through enough recently- UGH!!

I am soooo sorry that you are going through this. I am sure that you will remember that I went through a lot of the same problems with Frankie's family before the wedding. I finally had to have it out with his sister and he had to have it out with his mother. Then I was able to talk to her.

I will tell you this. When the stress of the wedding is off of everyone, things can get better. There is no more animosity between his family and I. Do I forgive them for everything they have done, no, but I have moved past it, cautiously, with the hopes that we can build a brighter future.

I am sorry that you are going through this. I truly am. I am here whenever you need to vent. I totally understand.

wenndypoo Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

I'm so sorry you are going through this.
I don't have any advice just wanted to send
[email protected] Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

He still hasn't returned my call or replied to my emails. I think I am goign to go by his house after work.

Danielle Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

Good luck. Just know that you are in the right, remain calm, and keep your head held high. They are not being rational. And the more rational you are, the less of a 'case' they will have against you.

Don't let them get you flustered! Keep your cool, talk to your FI before you go. if you keep calm, you will not give them any more ammo to say things about you.

I'm sorry you are going through this.
eroxgirl Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

I'm here! I'm here! Sorry for the delay, I didn't go online last night!!

Posted by Danielle

Good luck. Just know that you are in the right, remain calm, and keep your head held high. They are not being rational. And the more rational you are, the less of a 'case' they will have against you.

Don't let them get you flustered! Keep your cool, talk to your FI before you go. if you keep calm, you will not give them any more ammo to say things about you.

I'm sorry you are going through this.


I agree with this completely!! Especially because she's pulling the 'I just want to be friends but if this is how you want to be I guess we'll never get along' crapola.

Did you go by his house? What happened??? E-mail me!
LIPrincess00 Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

I just wanted to tell you that I am so sorry that this is happening, especially now. But I have to tell you that IMO I think you and your FI should go for a few sessions of couples (marriage) couseling and really talk things out before the wedding because even if his family stops their nonsense there is still going to be resentment because there will always be something he or you either never said to each other or did say and are upset by it. I dont mean to offend you in any way, but this is JMO.

holly231 Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

Laurie,

Just wanted to give you a bunch of !! This has got to be such a rough time for you and FH...Some open talking has got to go on with you guys and his family....and for them to dfrag your mom into it, how aggravating! You and FH Love each other no matter waht everyone else says and Love Conquers all!! Stick in there, things will get better!
aliciahelene Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

I dont have any advice for you because Im not in your shoes..but hnag in there!!!! Im sorry they arent nice to ou!!!
2003OCT10 Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

Posted by suven

I don't think that you should go to his house. I think you should let him come to you.

If you go to him, it will seem like you're chasing after him. If they think that you are chasing after him, they will respect you even less than they already do.

So, let him come to you. Stop calling, stop emailing, and don't go there. Find something else to do. Get together with a friend. Or, even if you just hang out with your mom and cry and complain to her all night, it would be better than going to his house.

I know it will be hard. Because of my own FMIL (I think you all read that drama), my Fi and I argue frequently. But, I refuse to chase after him. I make him come after me each and every time she starts her crap. And, I think that he respects me more because he knows that I WILL NOT tolerate it. And, if this is possible, I think that even his mother has been improving over the years because she is starting to see that her son won't tolerate it either.

Even my fi admits that since I stand my ground, he respects me more.

Good Luck!



I agree!!!! I think you did a great job of presenting yourself and the situation in our letter.. And I know its hard for you to not ne speaking to your FI, but thats how men and women are different.... we Jump on the phone (or Liweddings ) and start ventiong because we are hurt... Men keep it inside and try to figue out how to let the situation Fizzle... Obviously HE is hurt by this too... After the two of you atrt COMMUNISATING, I would go for a drive somewhere.. out east, to the Beach, a park, where the two of you could be alone and just talk, and cry, and share your true feelings and your fears aboout you FIL's.... Let him comfort you, and tell him how much it hurts you to feel this way. If he sees how its breking your heart, he should start playing on your side of the coourt more often!

Good Luck!!!!
Jen_n_Dale Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

Laurie- Is everything ok???

jenny2penny Posted:

Re: (UPDATED and MUCH WORSE!) Anyone Besides Me Having Serious Problems with HIS family? (VENT)

Pook, how are you doing????

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