UPDATE::Please help..how would you handle this????

oktom22 Posted: Jul 21, 2008 10:32 AM

UPDATE::Please help..how would you handle this????

I really need some pearls of wisdom right now...
So I had my shower on Sat (and it was amazing...I will do a seperate post on that w/ the pics). And the mother of our ring bearer (FH's friends son) tells FH's mother that she's not sure she wants her son to be in our wedding, and that FH should expect to get a phone call about it.

So now we're just shy of 6 weeks before the wedding and she's dropping this on us? Without even an explanation as to why. Also note that we sent them 2 invites, one to the parents and one just to the ringbearer, so he feels special. And they sent the reply as Regrets. My mom freaked out when she saw that and called FH and he didn't know anything so he called the father (who he was friends w/ from college) and the father said that they would be going to the Church but not the reception. So I very calmly asked FH to ask them if they could at least make it to CH b/c we have a gap b/w the ceremony and RH and that's when we were going to take pics, and I wanted some w/ the Ringbearer....

I really want to call this woman and ask her what her problem is (it probably wouldn't come out that nice) but it's FH's family friend, so I feel that he should handle this situation.

I'm a mess of emotions right now...

----UPDATE-------
So this unstable being called FH and told him the reason her son is not going to be participating is b/c FH has not called to ask how the ringbearer is doing. And if we wanted someone to fill the position we might as well try Ebay b/c it's not going to be her son!!!
She then went on to say she was insulted that when FH sent out an email to the GM and RB dad w/ all the tux info and suggesting they all go together to get measured and then come back to the house for BBQ, she flipped out that FH didn't send her a personal email, instead of emailing the group.

She also said she was not introduced at MYshower as the mother of the ringbearer, and that her mother was not introduced as the grandmother of the ringbearer...

That's my little bit o'drama

TrueLoveIn2008 Posted: Jul 21, 2008 10:36 AM

Re: Please help..how would you handle this????

I don't think you should do anything until you find out WHY this is happening. Seems very strange that all of a sudden they are changing their minds. Does it have something to do with money, maybe? (The tux, etc?) Can FH call the father and just calmly ask what's going on?

jessnstu08 Posted: Jul 21, 2008 10:38 AM

Re: Please help..how would you handle this????

wow I would be upset too !

However, for whatever her reasons are, If she does not want her son or her for that matter to participate in your special , once in a lifetime day, then who needs them there!

I know that is a hard pill to swallow, but like i tell FH , I don't need /want anyone there that doesn't want to be there or that isn't happy for us . Don't let anyone sabotage one of the happiest days of your life. you don't need the stress so close to the wedding .

Kimbalina Posted: Jul 21, 2008 10:41 AM

Re: Please help..how would you handle this????

I would try and find out why they wont be attending.. is it a money issue.. did someone get into an arguement that you do not know about.. etc...
Then take it from there. But to lose a ring bearer is not that bad in my opinion

oktom22 Posted: Jul 21, 2008 10:46 AM

Re: Please help..how would you handle this????

It is all very strange...I have been racking my brain to figure out WHY she would not want her son to participate.

FH goes golfing w/ the his friend from college (the boy's dad) whenever they can....and the mom is good friend's w/ FH's mom.

The only thing I can think of is that FH did not make one of the ring bearers basketball games. But is that reason to pull him from the wedding...I agree I guess if they don't really want to be there and are just interested in stirring up drama...then I'd rather not have you there. I just think it's a really ***** thing to pull and I feel bad for FH. I know he is shocked and hurt by it.

mariaobride Posted: Jul 21, 2008 10:50 AM

Re: Please help..how would you handle this????

The way she is going about seems a little out of the norm and sudden but maybe it is for the better. I would just be curious to hear the explanation. Why would you want someone to be in a wedding party who clearly doesnt want to be in it.

bluekat16 Posted: Jul 21, 2008 10:53 AM

Re: Please help..how would you handle this????

Seems very strange. Def. try to find out what's going on.

I wouldn't stress out if they pull him though. Hopefully they give you a reason though because it is hurtful and wrong if they do not.

Maria31 Posted: Jul 21, 2008 10:53 AM

Re: Please help..how would you handle this????

To be honest, I wouldn't really jump to conclusions until you know the reasoning behind it. Maybe they don't have the money? I'm sure they aren't doing this to spite you and they probably feel genuinely bad about it and that's why they haven't approached you guys yet. I would definitely have FH talk to his friend about it. Don't let this upset you, though! Everything will work itself out!

oktom22 Posted: Jul 21, 2008 11:10 AM

Re: Please help..how would you handle this????

Thanks ladies!!

I'm not too stressed out about it as I am pissed, not really for me but for FH. He's an amazing a guy (that's why I'm marrying him) and he's the reason the ringbearers parents even met in the first place...so we figured it would be a nice touch to ask him....

Everything will be fine in the end...and the show must go on

debismom Posted: Jul 21, 2008 11:11 AM

Re: Please help..how would you handle this????

Theresa, sometimes, when people cancel at the last minute, it is a money issue, because they perhaps had hoped the money would be there, by the time it was needed, and it didn't come, or they're embarrasssed, and delay telling you. Fred had a groomsman do this!! Waited until just before the wedding to tell Fred it was a $ issue. He said his wife had told him to tell Fred right away but he didn't. Mary MOB

ant090608 Posted: Jul 21, 2008 11:15 AM

Re: Please help..how would you handle this????

I wouldn't worry about it. If they give you a reason or not the show will go on- with or without their son. Sounds like she doesn't want her son in your wedding, because she should've told your FH if they can't make the wedding.

wundmoretime Posted: Jul 21, 2008 11:50 AM

Re: Please help..how would you handle this????

I think it is very weird and rude, but we are not having a ringbearer. At least it is not a big part of the wedding party and not everyone has a ringbearer.

Kerin2804 Posted: Jul 21, 2008 12:09 PM

Re: Please help..how would you handle this????

that all sounds strange - FH should really talk to his friend.

mRm2008 Posted: Jul 21, 2008 12:32 PM

Re: Please help..how would you handle this????

Try to stay as calm as possible, but I would call and try to get a definite on if he can attend at all, if even for ceremony/photos. I would not dig for a reason at this time, it might be a personal reason they may not be comfortable in sharing.

I am so sorry this is all on your lap right now. Can you find another to take his place? For example, I do not have a RB, my youngest FG is carrying the ring pillow. I have no one (friend or family) with a young son

sweetdoublenn Posted: Jul 21, 2008 12:36 PM

Re: Please help..how would you handle this????

First, I am so sorry you are going through all of this! Why dump this on you 6 weeks before? There must be a reason why she is behaving in this manner. I would try to find out what her problem is and why a change of heart. If she refuses to talk to you, don't worry about it! I know that's easier said than done...but try to remain calm!! Do not let her ruin your wedding day or your happiness!

oktom22 Posted: Jul 21, 2008 07:33 PM

Re: UPDATE::Please help..how would you handle this????

Thanks everyone for your advice! And listening to me vent.

mathteach Posted: Jul 21, 2008 07:36 PM

Re: UPDATE::Please help..how would you handle this????

So this unstable being called FH and told him the reason her son is not going to be participating is b/c FH has not called to ask how the ringbearer is doing. And if we wanted someone to fill the position we might as well try Ebay b/c it's not going to be her son!!!

No, I can't believe someone is really that self-absorbed. You've GOT to be making this up!

JodyLC Posted: Jul 21, 2008 07:41 PM

Re: UPDATE::Please help..how would you handle this????

I am astounded at her reasons... it is ALL about her.. Um the going together for the tuxes then BBQ sounds fun not an insult.... Well you can try Ebay but it S U C K S... I tried there...

cutet1018 Posted: Jul 21, 2008 07:48 PM

Re: UPDATE::Please help..how would you handle this????

OMG!!! Its so not about them and it is all about you. Screw them and enjoy your day!! Sorry this is happening to you.

NYCGirl2008 Posted: Jul 21, 2008 07:56 PM

Re: UPDATE::Please help..how would you handle this????

I am so sorry for you. That is a horrible story and she sounds like a nightmare. I would just let it go, let your FH handle it. It is his friend afterall. How old are these people?