upset about a 'friend'

I guess sometimes there's just that friend that you knock yourself out for, make sure to always make it to their parties, and their wedding, give a generous gift, spend the money to stay at the hotel, etc and d amned if they can't make it to any of my events, not my birthday party, not even my wedding.......not to mention they got married July '05 and I still haven't gotten a frikkin' thank you card and they JUST now asked for my address again to send the TY (saying I must not have been on their original list for thank yous.....uhhhhh WHAT!?!?!?).

And ummmm, my address hasn't changed. you didn't have any problem finding it when you were asking me to go to your destination wedding?!?!?!?!

ok, maybe this didn't turn out to be as 'mini' of a vent as I originally thought......but it's almost 1a.m. and i'm beat and really sad that after all these years, they're probably not coming to my wedding.

Can anyone relate?

Some hugs might help.....please.

I'm so sorry you're feeling sad. Here's some hugs for you:


What about talking to her? Have you let her know how upset you are that she's not coming? Since it sounds like you've been friends for such a long time, you should tell her how important it is to you to have her share in your day. Did she give you a reason for not being able to come?

thanks so much for responding, tomsgirl07!!
yes, that's good advice. I'll wait until I settle down a little bit. I know not everyone's going to be able to make it to the wedding, but this one just burns. i feel a little like I've been used throughout our friendship and wonder if it's time to just end the friendship altogether. i just had a feeling this was going to be one more big disappointment. i will definitely talk it out first, though. Thanks again!

You're welcome! I'm just glad I was awake at this ridiculous hour to help.

Definitely talk to her- at least you'll be able to tell her how you feel and maybe she'll wake up and realize she's been s*cking in the friend department lately.

Let me know how it goes.

I'm sorry you are so hurt. I find around this age, people change and their lives take different paths. It could be that or it could be just that you never realized how self absorbed they were in the first place. I've been there...

my 'friend' is a co-worker who I have been really close with for years. Professionally I think she is amazing and as a person really grounded.

this past year she became pregnant after much difficulty and did not even tell me. I found out that she was pregnant after she was 6 months in. I was sooooo happy for her but really pisssed that I had to find out from someone who she constantly makes fun of and says she hates.

I still invited her to the wedding and she never said a thing about it, and the due sate has passed and I have not gotten a response from her. She is not an easily approachable person and I am sick that this friendship is clearly over. She has a history of doing this to others so I am not shocked but I am still hurt.

Ps..... I have spent a great deal of money on her and there has been no reciprocation whatsoever! Not a verbal acknowledgement or a card.

I am going through a very similar situation right now. . . my friend was very excited when I invited her and her husband ( I was in her wedding party but explained that I kept mine to family to keep it small. . .no problem, she said) . . . but she was a little disappointed when I added that only immediate family children were invited (3 of which are FH's and 1 is mine . . . or we'd end up with more children than the adults) Okay she said, she'd work with it. . .she just said her son was leaving for camp the day of our wedding but she would figure something out. . . well, here I am 2 days before my wedding and I've never recieved her rsvp and she's been avoiding my calls. FH called her last night to convey my disappointment (she didn't know his phone number and didn't realize it was him so no avoiding his call) and her response was, 'oh I've been so sick (she's pregnant for the fourth time) and then began saying 'Well, I told Jennifer that Trystan starts camp that day. . .and believe it or not we are still trying to find a way for him to get there with someone else (B.S. he goes to camp through their church along with a bunch of his friends) and then she began to say that she was sure we'd have a beautiful day. . .blah, blah, blah. Okay, clearly she has no intention of coming so why not just say so?? I don't understand people. . . and the worst part is that after having the conversation with my FH, she didn't even call me to say she was sorry my feelings were hurt. . . obviously this is a friendship which has run its course. . . I've decided that after the honeymoon I will write her a letter and find closure I never believed it when I heard that people's true colors come out leading up to a wedding. . . they do. . . one of my bridesmaids is a cousin who I used to be very close to until now. . . I don't get it. . . she can't even be bothered to call and ask how its going. . .and yet I hear through the grapevine how excited she is. . . PEOPLE!! okay, my vent's over too. . .thanks and I commiserate

It sounds like unfortunately this is a 'friend' you can do without. Unless it's about her, she seems to be not interested. You are probably better off without her in your life. I completely understand why you are sad, though. I think we've all had people like this in our lives at one time or another.

i have a friend like that as well...and we're growing apart now because i don't think she values our friendship

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is true what they say about seeing people's true colors when planning a wedding. Don't let it get you down - it sounds like you are better off without her!!

i can TOTALLY relate!! i have a friend who i've known since 3rd grade- we are like sisters. BUT, somehow i always seem to be at the bottom of her ' priority' list. about a year ago, she got married and moved 2 hours away. i've been out tiwce to see her house, meet her for lunch.. but she has yet to come visit me in my new house. BUT, she finds time to drive 2 hours for another friend's 2-year-old's birthday party and things like that all the time
also, we were in each others weddings last year. her shower was a month before mine- it was at her neighbors house, and i did so much for it. made the favors, made flower-shaped chocolate lolllipops, went early to help set up, stayed late to help clean up.... BUT, when it came time for my shower, she left while i was opening presents! all the sudden she goes ' oh i have to go- i'm going out to dinner for my fiance's birthday'
um... ok. that couldn't wait another half hour until i'm at least done opening presents?? it was just sort of a slap in the face after all i had done for her shower....
LOL wow! guess i needed to vent too!!! but just wanted to let you know that you're NOT alone... its sad, but some people just dont' have a lot of loyalty....

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Posted by tomsgirl07

You're welcome! I'm just glad I was awake at this ridiculous hour to help.

Definitely talk to her- at least you'll be able to tell her how you feel and maybe she'll wake up and realize she's been s*cking in the friend department lately.

Let me know how it goes.

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I'm so glad you were awake too!
Your response really helped me settle down to get to bed and at least get a little sleep. thanks again. I'll let you know how it goes!

you know our philosophy...

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Posted by patticakes



I'm sorry you are so hurt. I find around this age, people change and their lives take different paths. It could be that or it could be just that you never realized how self absorbed they were in the first place. I've been there...

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yeah, that's a good point . A lot of times, friendships die down after people get married (and start having kids). It's sad..........but I guess that's part of life and why it's good to have places like this to meet new people. Thanks so much for your response!

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Posted by CLMon7906



you know our philosophy...

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Margaritas all around?!

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Posted by chansmom

my 'friend' is a co-worker who I have been really close with for years. Professionally I think she is amazing and as a person really grounded.

this past year she became pregnant after much difficulty and did not even tell me. I found out that she was pregnant after she was 6 months in. I was sooooo happy for her but really pisssed that I had to find out from someone who she constantly makes fun of and says she hates.

I still invited her to the wedding and she never said a thing about it, and the due sate has passed and I have not gotten a response from her. She is not an easily approachable person and I am sick that this friendship is clearly over. She has a history of doing this to others so I am not shocked but I am still hurt.

Ps..... I have spent a great deal of money on her and there has been no reciprocation whatsoever! Not a verbal acknowledgement or a card.

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OMG, that is SO similar to my situation!!! I heard about my friend's engagement through a 'mutual friend' that I thought neither of us was really that close to. I thought that person was pulling my leg b/c I was like, No way--I would've received a phone call!!!!

And yeah, I've spent a lot of money on this friend, who always seems to have money when it's something they want to do (even extravagant things) but cries poor when it's my event.

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Posted by jakcat

I am going through a very similar situation right now. . . my friend was very excited when I invited her and her husband ( I was in her wedding party but explained that I kept mine to family to keep it small. . .no problem, she said) . . . but she was a little disappointed when I added that only immediate family children were invited (3 of which are FH's and 1 is mine . . . or we'd end up with more children than the adults) Okay she said, she'd work with it. . .she just said her son was leaving for camp the day of our wedding but she would figure something out. . . well, here I am 2 days before my wedding and I've never recieved her rsvp and she's been avoiding my calls. FH called her last night to convey my disappointment (she didn't know his phone number and didn't realize it was him so no avoiding his call) and her response was, 'oh I've been so sick (she's pregnant for the fourth time) and then began saying 'Well, I told Jennifer that Trystan starts camp that day. . .and believe it or not we are still trying to find a way for him to get there with someone else (B.S. he goes to camp through their church along with a bunch of his friends) and then she began to say that she was sure we'd have a beautiful day. . .blah, blah, blah. Okay, clearly she has no intention of coming so why not just say so?? I don't understand people. . . and the worst part is that after having the conversation with my FH, she didn't even call me to say she was sorry my feelings were hurt. . . obviously this is a friendship which has run its course. . . I've decided that after the honeymoon I will write her a letter and find closure I never believed it when I heard that people's true colors come out leading up to a wedding. . . they do. . . one of my bridesmaids is a cousin who I used to be very close to until now. . . I don't get it. . . she can't even be bothered to call and ask how its going. . .and yet I hear through the grapevine how excited she is. . . PEOPLE!! okay, my vent's over too. . .thanks and I commiserate

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OMG, proof that your friend was screening your call!!! And a lame excuse. And no follow-up call to you. Ugh! Good idea on writing the letter for closure. So sorry you had to go thru this so close to your wedding!

it's so funny. I have a cousin too who was begging to be in the bridal party and ever since we asked her, she hasn't shown one ounce of enthusiasm.........but she's only 12 (although she looks 16), so I'm chalking it up to immaturity........but it's annoying b/c originally we were just going to have best man and maid of honor but because we didn't want to offend my aunt and uncle by not asking my cousin, we've expanded the bp to be 10 ppl now..........and my cousin looks like she can't be bothered!

It does look like it's all about her. I would express my feeling about it. I think from what you wrote you already know the answer. She is well 'over' you or maybe was never really a friend the way you thought she was. I am sure this is disappointing and hurtful if you have made a point to always be there for her and now you feel she just used you all those years.

Unfortunatelly, there are people like that. They don't always realize what they do. They do it to everyone. Meanwhile we have true feelings and attachment for them and it saddens us when we realize they don't feel the same way we do.

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Posted by Smiles111

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Posted by CLMon7906



you know our philosophy...

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Margaritas all around?!

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YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!