Upset and Confused ( very long) - UPDATE in OP

Original post by bluekat16

Jul 16, 2008 12:17 PM

I need to vent and get some advice ladies .

So some of you may know that I own my 1 bedroom co-op apt. in Forest Hills. FH owns his house but it's really his mother's house, he built an apt. in the basement before himself before we even started dating, so it was more of a bachelor pad. After Fh and I got engaged we decided that I'd sell my place and move out to Farmgville, since he really couldn't sell his place. We would live in his basement apt. and save aggressively for another house.

Now I've had my issues with moving out there: 1 - comute is longer, 2 - his sister who lives elsewhere with her boyfriend and baby comes over everyday in the morning when she gets off work and in the evening before she goes to work to smoke like an effing chimney, which then that seeps down to the basement apt. I was just going to suck it up and live there and save aggressivley as I said before...enough so we could easily afford two small mortgages which is what we would end up with.

Well my apt. went into contract in early June after going through two other buyers who were crazy we finally found one that we thought was good. Well today I found out the co-op board denied the buyer and ofcourse they don't have to explain why. He had great income made over $75K...so don't know their reasoning.

I don't know what to do now. I have a couple of options but I'm so confused. I'm mostly confused because I'm a contractor at the company I work for right now, so it's not a permanent position. Should they let go of me or not renew my contract FH cannot handle both mortgages on his teacher's salary, not to mention that I make more than he does.

My options are:
1 - Start from square one with the selling process - just not sure if I'd get a buyer because of the economic uncertainties that their are right now in the U.S.

2 - Sublet my apt., which I'm allowed to do - My only thought on that is that I relaly don't want to be a landlord because my parents were and we had such bad experiences.

3 - FH and I will Live in the apt. 5 days a week and then just go out to LI on the weekends - FH is keen on this one if I keep my apt., but it makes it hard to save for a house. Also this one is highly dependant on my job situation because I would be carrying this mortgage.

I just needed to write this all down and just vent. I'm so confused and it *****.. I'm also feeling now like we should've had a much more scaled down wedding or waited longer because of all of this. I also feel like I s u c k for not having a permanent position and being up in the air like this. I just have a ton of emotions I'm going through right now.

Thanks for reading.

******UPDATE******
FH and I had a long talk last night and in the end we've decided to live in my apt. now and possibly sell in another 2-3 years when it's time for us to upgrade. Should my job situation change then we would just try to sublet it. We both agreed it was a blessing in disguise that my apt. didn't sell considering the issues I had with living in his basement apt. and his smoking sister always being over, etc.

I'm very happy about remaining in Queens.

bluekat16 Posted: Jul 16, 2008 01:07 PM

Re: Upset and Confused ( very long)

Posted by Espo22

BTW where is your apartment in forest hills, which building?

You have FM.

snwb08 Posted: Jul 16, 2008 01:25 PM

Re: Upset and Confused ( very long)

i guess i don't get why your fh has the mortgage on the house and you have to live in the basement? does his mom live upstairs still? the smoking and the SIL would drive me crazy and I don't think that's the best situation under which to start out your life together.

personally i would stay in your apartment. I know you're worried about your job and he can't afford both but what would you do if he weren't in the picture and you lost your job? you'd have to find a solution then too.

bluekat16 Posted: Jul 16, 2008 01:42 PM

Re: Upset and Confused ( very long)

Posted by snwb08

i guess i don't get why your fh has the mortgage on the house and you have to live in the basement? does his mom live upstairs still? the smoking and the SIL would drive me crazy and I don't think that's the best situation under which to start out your life together.

personally i would stay in your apartment. I know you're worried about your job and he can't afford both but what would you do if he weren't in the picture and you lost your job? you'd have to find a solution then too.

FH 'bought' the house from his mom a few years ago, as a tax shelter for him and to help out his mom who couldn't afford to cont. paying on it. So his mom still lives in the main part of the house. he pays the mortgage and cable and she pays the heating and electricity. In all fairness his did offer to move to the basement apt. but she's 66 and has issues with stairs so we didn't want to do that to her...plus this has been her house for so many years we felt it was just unfair. We also knew that we ulitimately wanted to move out of there. The FSIL does drive me NUTS! She's like hiding out from her life.

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise and we should just stay put. You're right if he wasn't in my life I'd have to figure out what my alternatives would be. I'd probably have more $$ saved, since right now a lot of the $$ is going for the wedding....but other than that I'd have to make. Ulimately we do want to buy a house or a bigger apt. in Queens...so at some point I have to sell this place. There is just soo much to consider and in my head I keep going back and forth.

bluekat16 Posted: Jul 16, 2008 04:14 PM

Re: Upset and Confused ( very long)

Before I leave for the day I just wanted to say thank you ladies. I totally panicked and freaked out when i found out my buyer had been denied, but you girls were a great sounding board.

Fh and i are going to discuss at legnth what we want to do and what we think is best long-term. He has no problem moving into my place we just need to talk with math backing up whatever decision we make. Unfortunately my boss has been out in meetings and he's working from home tomorrow....I wanted to discuss my future here to gauge what his thoughts are. I will anways once he's in the office regardless of what FH and I decide to do.

Thanks again for listening (reading).

klanghan Posted: Jul 16, 2008 04:15 PM

Re: Upset and Confused ( very long)

I have no advice for you what so ever, but i want to wish you luck, its such a tough housing market and it sound like you are in a rough spot.

snwb08 Posted: Jul 16, 2008 04:21 PM

Re: Upset and Confused ( very long)

Posted by bluekat16

Posted by snwb08

i guess i don't get why your fh has the mortgage on the house and you have to live in the basement? does his mom live upstairs still? the smoking and the SIL would drive me crazy and I don't think that's the best situation under which to start out your life together.

personally i would stay in your apartment. I know you're worried about your job and he can't afford both but what would you do if he weren't in the picture and you lost your job? you'd have to find a solution then too.

FH 'bought' the house from his mom a few years ago, as a tax shelter for him and to help out his mom who couldn't afford to cont. paying on it. So his mom still lives in the main part of the house. he pays the mortgage and cable and she pays the heating and electricity. In all fairness his did offer to move to the basement apt. but she's 66 and has issues with stairs so we didn't want to do that to her...plus this has been her house for so many years we felt it was just unfair. We also knew that we ulitimately wanted to move out of there. The FSIL does drive me NUTS! She's like hiding out from her life.

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise and we should just stay put. You're right if he wasn't in my life I'd have to figure out what my alternatives would be. I'd probably have more $$ saved, since right now a lot of the $$ is going for the wedding....but other than that I'd have to make. Ulimately we do want to buy a house or a bigger apt. in Queens...so at some point I have to sell this place. There is just soo much to consider and in my head I keep going back and forth.

i hear you; i live in forest hills too and bought my apartment in 2006 so DH moved in with me. I just think the house situation - while very nice of your FH to help your mom out - isn't the greatest and it would be better for you to stay in yours. obviously his weekends on LI idea is ideal; i wouldn't worry about losing your job until it happens. It's a lot to deal with but you will figure it out...

My BIL lost his job and he had a wife (my sister) and two babies, a mortgage and a car to pay for, and my sister was a stay at home mom. They made it through just fine, and while that hopefully won't happen to you, you will make it too, no matter what.

good luck.

LuvMyAlfonse Posted: Jul 16, 2008 04:34 PM

Re: Upset and Confused ( very long)

I can't offer any advice either. I just moved in with my inlaws - into my FHs bedroom no less, it's not like we have an apt... and it IS tough.

If the smoking is bothering you now - when you move in there it will be 100 times worse for you and you'll start to resent him - thinking that you gave up your apt for this, you know? And you can't expect their habits to change.

You're facing a really tough decision and I don't envy you. If by chance you do move in with FH - just remember that it was a joint decision.

wo0shply Posted: Jul 16, 2008 05:00 PM

Re: Upset and Confused ( very long)

FH and I do pretty much your 5 day option. We do not own our apt but during the weekends he goes to his mom's house in LI and I go visit my dad.

If you could sublet your apt, you could make some money off of it. I know that you're afraid of being a landlord but your co-op will screen the person to make sure they meet their requirements and I'm sure they will not let anyone rent the apt.

I hope you can find a solution.

Gigi08 Posted: Jul 16, 2008 05:07 PM

Re: Upset and Confused ( very long)

Posted by snwb08

Posted by bluekat16

Posted by snwb08

i guess i don't get why your fh has the mortgage on the house and you have to live in the basement? does his mom live upstairs still? the smoking and the SIL would drive me crazy and I don't think that's the best situation under which to start out your life together.

personally i would stay in your apartment. I know you're worried about your job and he can't afford both but what would you do if he weren't in the picture and you lost your job? you'd have to find a solution then too.

FH 'bought' the house from his mom a few years ago, as a tax shelter for him and to help out his mom who couldn't afford to cont. paying on it. So his mom still lives in the main part of the house. he pays the mortgage and cable and she pays the heating and electricity. In all fairness his did offer to move to the basement apt. but she's 66 and has issues with stairs so we didn't want to do that to her...plus this has been her house for so many years we felt it was just unfair. We also knew that we ulitimately wanted to move out of there. The FSIL does drive me NUTS! She's like hiding out from her life.

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise and we should just stay put. You're right if he wasn't in my life I'd have to figure out what my alternatives would be. I'd probably have more $$ saved, since right now a lot of the $$ is going for the wedding....but other than that I'd have to make. Ulimately we do want to buy a house or a bigger apt. in Queens...so at some point I have to sell this place. There is just soo much to consider and in my head I keep going back and forth.

i hear you; i live in forest hills too and bought my apartment in 2006 so DH moved in with me. I just think the house situation - while very nice of your FH to help your mom out - isn't the greatest and it would be better for you to stay in yours. obviously his weekends on LI idea is ideal; i wouldn't worry about losing your job until it happens. It's a lot to deal with but you will figure it out...

My BIL lost his job and he had a wife (my sister) and two babies, a mortgage and a car to pay for, and my sister was a stay at home mom. They made it through just fine, and while that hopefully won't happen to you, you will make it too, no matter what.

good luck.

I'm being lazy, so I'm piggy-backing on Silvana's response. I'm inclined to agree that maybe it's best you stay at your apartment. Especially since he's not opposed to moving in and for the other benefits mentioned (commute, gas). It may take long to sell. I definitely feel strongly about it being a better arrangement for you to stay in your apartment, as far as privacy and space are concerned. Trust me, you don't want that kind of added stress. You're probably better off renting his apartment than subletting yours. You have a lot going on now too, so sometimes that makes it a little more difficult to make a decision. Sometimes things have a way of working themselves out for the better.