VENT!...FMIL woes (long)

Okay, my FMIL has always been very nice, etc and I thought wow! Im so lucky that Im going to get a nice one.

Well, in the past month, she has done a 360.

First the day of my shower, we came home to unload presents and my dog had peed on the tile floor (he has kidney problems the poor thing). So while they are bringing in the presents, I mopped up the floor. The next day she tells my FH that my house smells like piss!! I said to him, the dog had just peed! I felt like she was insinuating that I dont clean the house. Of course he didnt think she meant it that way. But how else do you interpret your house smells like piss, and she could have said it while she was still there and not to him the next day.

A couple of weeks ago, we went to her house for dinner, my FBIL was there with his girlfriend, they end up having a big fight and leaving without saying goodbye. So we are all like what happened. Which at that point she says 'I will always take the side of my children when they have a problem with their girlfriend whether they are right or wrong'. Again another slap in the face to me.

Now, my bachelorette party was on Saturday. My friend asked her if she wanted to go to be nice. She asked if my mom was going, my friend said she didnt know. (Meanwhile FMIL has my Moms phone number and could have called her herself.) Well my Mom and my friend never got in touch (phone tag), so my friend thought she wasnt going and told my FH's mother that my Mom wasnt going. In the meantime I had talked my Mother into coming. So nobody knew my Mom was coming until about 3 o'clock the afternoon of the party.

Last night, I am at work, I try calling FH at home, it rings off the hook, the answering machine doesnt pick up, and he doesnt pick up the call waiting. I kept calling back, and no answer for about 40 minutes. Finally, I get through to him, I asked why he wasnt answering the phone, he said Im talking to my mother and shes very upset. I said about what? He said because she feels like she was lied to about the bachelorette party and everybody conspired not to have her there. So I told him the story, and now he was on her side!!! He said shes very upset, you need to call her to apologize. I said screw that, I didnt do anything wrong and Im not apologizing, it was a miscommunication!!

So needless to say, he and I had a huge fight (while Im still at work). And I feel like she is just trying to start trouble. What do you all think...am I just being paranoid or does it sound like she is being a troublemaker? I just cant believe that all this is happening 1 month before my wedding!! Please tell me your thoughts...thanks!

Re: VENT!...FMIL woes (long)

Well she may be getting a little crazy because its one month from the wedding. She may feel like she is loosing her son etc. ect. Who knows exactly whats bugging her. Keep in mind that she has been great up till now - its probably just wedding stress. Try to find a way make peace - you will have this women in your life for a very long time.

Re: VENT!...FMIL woes (long)

It sounds to me like your FMIL wanted to go to the bachelorette party if your mom was going to be there. I think that once she found out that your mom went, she was hurt because she would have gone too. I think the house smelling comment wasn't meant to be mean and that she wasn't aware the dog had had an accident. I think she said it to her son on the side but didn't mean to insult you. It seems to me that there was a lot of things said or done but not purposely to hurt anyone. Perhaps she said the comment about the house because she was hurt over the other thing. I wouldn't worry about all this. Let it blow over. I'm sure nothing was done to intentionally hurt anyone.Good luck!

Re: VENT!...FMIL woes (long)

I think I agree. She may be stressing about being 'replaced' in her son's life. And she may also feel truly hurt to not be included in the festivities last weekend. I would call her and try to explain and apologize if she FELT excluded but that it wasn't intentional....

Re: VENT!...FMIL woes (long)

Honestly, I think you may be oversensitive to her comments.

The comment about the piss may have been taken out of context. And since your house did smell like piss - its hard to argue.

The comment about taking sides. I totally agree with her here - she shouldn't side with someone outside the family in general.

The bachelorette party - she is probably geniunely hurt thinking that there was a conspiracy to get her NOT to go. Calling and explaining the situation can't hurt even though you did nothing wrong. Nothing really to apologize about since you didnt know what was going on but if she knows the whole story and hears it from you - she will probably feel better.

Re: VENT!...FMIL woes (long)

Believe me, I understand how you feel. I have had nothing but Misery from my FMIL. It sounds like my situation, there is no pleasing. As horrible as she has been to me, we just lent her a big chunk of money that we had ( two weeks before our wedding) until she closes on her house and she didnt even call to say thank you. She is very selfish and only cares about herself. Everybody says that as long as he stands by you, but it sounds like he has taken her side in your situation. I also know how that feels. My FH is very intimidated by his mother and she has a way of making him feel sorry for her. I could go on and on, but know that you are not the only one. When you realize there is no pleasing, you stop trying and you cant get hurt. It sounds like it was innocent with your bachlorette party and you are still blamed. All I can say is try not to let it bother you. I have to keep reminding myself. Good luck!

Re: VENT!...FMIL woes (long)

I agree with what was said earlier.

Why don't you visit her alone and just talk out what happened. Apologize for the fact that her feelings were hurt - but assure her that you certainly didn't want her to feel left out --> but you were not in charge of the invite list to your party and you assumed that everything was being handled appropriately...

It's amazing how nasty people can sound or seem behind your back -- but when they're face-to-face they usually mellow out.

Of course the other issue is your FI... Why is he allowing himself to be put in the middle -- and why when it's his wife vs. his Mom he chooses his Mom? At a minimum he should have spoken to you before he decided who was right and wrong... although I feel pretty strongly that, at least publicly, married couples should present a united front to the world -- and work out their disagreements in private... But, of course, that's a tough transition to make --> from Mom's protector to a wife's protector... I'm sure it probably takes some people time...

Just my opinion -- take it for what it's worth...

Re: VENT!...FMIL woes (long)

I could see why she felt that you didn't want her at your b-party since she was told that your Mom wasn't coming but if you both had a nice relationship before this then I am sure you can just explain it to her and say you didn't mean to hurt her. That is not asking much. The other comments are something I would just ignore, honestly. But in a way she has a right to be a bit upset over the b-party stuff.

Re: VENT!...FMIL woes (long)

Thanks everybody for your thoughts. I do feel much better after reading them. Perhaps I am a little extra sensitive right now (I guess that is understandable with the wedding being less than a month away!!)
I am going to explain again to her what happened with the B-party and hopefully she will understand that it was just a big confusion. I spoke to my FH about the whole thing and he is ok with it and truthfully that is the most important thing.
Regarding the other things I am going to try to let them go.
Thanks again everybody for your opinions!