Vent- Have you ever felt like...

I hope my mother doesn't read this post...

But has anyone out there ever felt like they were attending someone else's wedding? I'm getting married in September, but it's like I'm planning an out-of-body wedding. Like, I don't even feel like my wedding is my own. And it's very upsetting. I don't want to pay for anything, because I feel like every dollar spent is a waste (because it's not going towards something I'm interested in)-

I'd have to back up a bit and start by saying my wedding is as far from what I wanted as possible...I mean seriously opposite. I wanted a unique location in the South (near where I'm from) and got a synagogue in Long Island (long story having to do with religion...so you can only IMAGINE what I've been through). It doesn't sound that bad, and in the scheme of things I guess it isn't, but hey, it's all relative. And when the dollar amount being spent is over 100K, you start thinking twice about what it's being spent on. I mean, you'd better be jumping up and down happy with your wedding when you spend money like that!

Anyway, I guess I just not only feel bad for my mother, who doesn't live in NY and is helpless to all this- but I feel bad for my fiance. He's upset by the whole thing as well. It's really been a nightmare for us.

So, I just needed to hear if anyone else has had such issues. It's really disheartening how down I feel about this. I should be happy, and every day is a struggle not to lash out at his family. Thanks for listening (or reading).

I'm sorry you are feeling this way! It should be a happy - albeit stressful - time of your life.

I don't have any advice... just a few hugs!

I'm sorry... my mother has been a pain throughout this whole planning process too.. granted mine has only started... but she is negative about everything! Why can't mothers be supportive and respect our wishes! Its your wedding... speak up for yourself.. its your day.. she had hers!

My mother is supportive, but helpless. My family are the 'out of towners' and my future in-laws are from the NY area, so basically they have the upper hand. Plus, they are the religious ones.

You know, it's fine. It's one day. Too bad I don't feel like it's my own.
I mean, my mother has to pay $1,500 for a G-Damned bus to schlep my guests from the city to the LI synagogue. What a pain in the ***. This *****.
Why couldn't I have had my wedding in the city, do you ask? Because a kosher wedding is twice as much $.
Why are my guests staying in the city, do you ask? Because my wedding has to be on a Sunday night (religious reasons), and will be on Labor Day (*****) weekend, and my family wants to make a NYC vacation out of it. They don't want to stay in LI, in the middle of nowhere. They would all have to rent a car. There aren't really any hotels near the synagogue anyway, and the ones that are there are full.
Oh yeah. This is so fun and joyous I can hardly contain myself.

I can identify with you (sort of). I'm not having everything I want either and not by choice. It's annoying. I'm sure your day will still be the happiest of your life. It's just going to be a trek getting there!

I am sorry you feel this way. Althougth this is not of any confort, you are not the only bride feeling this way. A lot of brides and grooms feel 'cheated' of what they really wanted.

It becomes a parents' want to be dream wedding of what THEY wanted for they own wedding, a show or competition to impress the fathers' golf buddies who married their daughters last year.

This is our 'second time around' for both of us.

Needless to say, we are paying for everything. But this time we are doing it the way WE want it. We are calling ALL the shots. Who is invited, what style we want...everything. This is on a smaller scale but at least it's exaclly what we want and we could not be any happier.

Don't worry... go with the flow and enjoy your day!

Thanks for all the support-
It's just so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, especially since it's so freakin' expensive!

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Posted by nychaos99

I hope my mother doesn't read this post...

But has anyone out there ever felt like they were attending someone else's wedding? I'm getting married in September, but it's like I'm planning an out-of-body wedding. Like, I don't even feel like my wedding is my own. And it's very upsetting. I don't want to pay for anything, because I feel like every dollar spent is a waste (because it's not going towards something I'm interested in)-

I'd have to back up a bit and start by saying my wedding is as far from what I wanted as possible...I mean seriously opposite. I wanted a unique location in the South (near where I'm from) and got a synagogue in Long Island (long story having to do with religion...so you can only IMAGINE what I've been through). It doesn't sound that bad, and in the scheme of things I guess it isn't, but hey, it's all relative. And when the dollar amount being spent is over 100K, you start thinking twice about what it's being spent on. I mean, you'd better be jumping up and down happy with your wedding when you spend money like that!

Anyway, I guess I just not only feel bad for my mother, who doesn't live in NY and is helpless to all this- but I feel bad for my fiance. He's upset by the whole thing as well. It's really been a nightmare for us.

So, I just needed to hear if anyone else has had such issues. It's really disheartening how down I feel about this. I should be happy, and every day is a struggle not to lash out at his family. Thanks for listening (or reading).

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I'm sorry you have to go through this, When parents pay they think they have the right to do everything they want. They have a right to an opinion but they forget who is getting married. I would talk to your in laws with your FH and tell them how you feel. You need to take back your wedding!!!!! It's your day and you should be happy!!!
XOXOXO
Kitty