VENT - so annoyed, hurt

One of my cousins, who i've always been very close to got engaged 2 days after me and my FH. When I asked her to be in my wedding party she said she couldn't because she couldn't afford it. At the same time, she still wanted me to be one of her BM's and I said OK. I figured by the time her wedding came along, i would have made a slight financial recovery from paying for my own wedding. (Little did I know we were going to have to pay for our dresses and shoes in full a year before her wedding) Her and her FH are VERY in debt from his law school loans. At the time she asked me to be in her bridal party, they were even tossing around the idea of getting married at the Knights of Columbus to save money. Since then, she's booked the Westbury manor, with a bunch of little extras and one of the most expensive photographers on long island. that being said...
Yesterday, i find out that one of her FH's friends is getting married and she's in their wedding party! I'm dying to say something to her

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

I think I would be hurt also. First she tells a family member she can't be in there party but she'll be in a friends party. I would talk to her.

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

Dang - that ain't right! you SHOULD say something!!

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

I think you are perfectly correct to want to talk to her -- but can I recommend you give it a little time to let the anger pass abit and focus on what you want to say. You are going to need to interact with this person and it should be a real conversation rather than an exchange of angry words. Just my advice, I wish you the best of luck.

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

I would be hurt also. I think you should say something or it will build up and drive you crazy.

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

thanks, i might say something to her, right now i'm so annoyed I don't want to pay a dime, or lift a finger to help with her plans.

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

Tell her that you're very hurt that she agreed to be in someone elses wedding when she turned you down. Also, let her know that you can't help but feel resentful that you're picking up this extra financial burden to be in her wedding. If you're that upset, maybe you would want to back out? I'm sure the family will understand that with your weddings so close, neither of you cold handle the extra money or time it would require to be in each others BP.

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

i'm sorry. that wasn't right what she did.. i think you should talk to her.. but wait a few days/weeks until you cool down.

i know if i confronted her right away it would just end up in a giant screaming match and nothing would get accomplished except more hurt feelings.

maybe theres more to the story that you don't know about? or maybe shes just mean. i dont know

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

I would talk to her, but I agree with Deb, give it some time, so you can talk to her calmly and it not just blow up into something bigger than it has to be.

Good Luck

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

That's really bizarre. I was going to say that maybe she just didn't want to be in your BP for wahtever reason and used $$ as an excuse, but then she wouldnt have asked you to be in her BP. Maybe her fiancial situation has changed? If I were you I'd want to confrotn her, but I rpobably wouldn't..I don't know how I'd do it

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

---

Posted by Laura1976

thanks, i might say something to her, right now i'm so annoyed I don't want to pay a dime, or lift a finger to help with her plans.

---

I'd feel the same exact way... and I would approach her about it. That's just plain wrong what she did. I would respect her more, if she told declined because she didn't want to, than lie.

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

ah man, that really does sting. you have to say something when you can plan on being calm, and can use all those good communication tools, otherwise this might be soemthing that comes up WAY down the line because it was never resolved. i guess i'd just be interested in hearing her justification and she has got to know how it hurt your feelings.

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

---

Posted by DebMaher

I think you are perfectly correct to want to talk to her -- but can I recommend you give it a little time to let the anger pass abit and focus on what you want to say. You are going to need to interact with this person and it should be a real conversation rather than an exchange of angry words. Just my advice, I wish you the best of luck.

---

Well said. At first I'd be fuming but talking to her in that manner will do no good. Calm down but do bring it up in the near future.

Could it be that her dress, etc. is being paid for by her friend?

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

maybe the friend asked her to be in her bridal party before you did and she didn't tell you because she didn't want to hurt your feelings????
She should of at least still talked to you about it. I would just ask her....

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

Dont ya just love family!! Sorry your aggrivated but I would tell her you reconsidered then and since you didn't realize you would have to pay for everything in full now you can't afford it!

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

Thanks for your support. Her financial situation definitely hasn't changed in order for her to be in this other wedding and she was just asked to be in it over the past week.
Tomorrow, I'm going to mention it to her sister who is also in my bridal party. It won't be a direct confrontation but I know it will get back to her.

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

I would definately say something to her!!

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

i would say something, that's not right, if she didn't want to be in your BP for some reason she should have been honest with you....JMO

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

I would be hurt too. Im so sorry. I say, talk to her and find out whats up.

Re: VENT - so annoyed, hurt

That is totally ridiculous. I would be so upset by that. You are her family and since you have always been close you would think that if there was any way to be in your bridal party she would. I can't believe that she is going to be in one of her FH's friends wedding. I would be really pissed and offended. It was so nice of you to still say that you would be in her bridal party. Good luck talking to her sister, let us know how it goes.