well I just found out my FH's Mother is upset with us because we have not informed her of what color to wear.....you know we both fell out laughing....my parents have been involved from day one, my FH's parents could care less....we last spoke about 7 months ago when she heard thru the grapevine we did not want her current husband standing in the receiving line (FH'S real father is deceased)...I diplomatically straightened out that nonsense and now this....these people have not contributed one penny, a suggestion, or nothing thus far....we're still laughing and moving forward...we're on a 50-some odd day countdown and could care less...just what the heck are we supposed to do call and start having a discussion?!
orangegina1
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Re: Vent...future MIL
I can understand how you feel. If she was that concerned, she should have just simply asked, 'What color should I wear?' instead of getting upset for no reason. No one said you had to tell her - it's just a tradition. Since she reacted the way she did, I would just call and say, 'my mother is wearing such and such color. You can wear any other color you want other than her color' or something of the sort, and leave it at that.
Happybride2005
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With the wedding in a few weeks, I'm surprised she doesn't have her dress yet.
DjPiLL
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Posted by Happybride2005
With the wedding in a few weeks, I'm surprised she doesn't have her dress yet.
She doesn't have her dress yet because nobody told her what the bride's mom is wearing.
jannshari
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Posted by charlotte227
....we last spoke about 7 months ago when she heard thru the grapevine we did not want her current husband standing in the receiving line (FH'S real father is deceased)...these people have not contributed one penny, a suggestion, or nothing thus far...just what the heck are we supposed to do call and start having a discussion?!
You last spoke to her about your wedding 7 months ago and you wonder why she's upset? I don't know the relationship between your FH and his mother, but it seems like you are leaving her out quite a bit. Whether she has contributed monetarily or not, that shouldn't dictate whether you contact her about the wedding. Maybe she didn't offer suggestions because she's trying not to butt in or tell you how to plan your wedding.
And yes, I do think you are supposed to call and just start having a discussion with her. Why is she finding things out through the grapevine? Why can't you just call her and talk to her about the wedding?
You stated in your other post about your mom that you've been keeping her out of the loop as well. I'm honestly not sure what you expect when you don't keep people informed. Just tell her the colors and let her get her dress.
PrincessRose
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I understand where she's coming from though. My FILs were completely uninterested in the wedding until like a month or two ago. It kind of gets to the point where you're thinking, 'If you don't care enough to ask, I'm not going to bother telling.'
dm24angel
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i just assumed you were suppossed to tell the Mother of the Groom what color your mother picked out and once the bm's colors were choosen..
DjPiLL
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Posted by dm24angel
i just assumed you were suppossed to tell the Mother of the Groom what color your mother picked out and once the bm's colors were choosen..
Isn't this tradition... the way its supposed to be done? A week or so after I announced to my family that I was engaged... my mom told me to let her know once the bride's family picked out all their colors. My mom is 'very traditional' so I would assume this is the way its normally done.
dm24angel
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Posted by DjPiLL
Posted by dm24angel
i just assumed you were suppossed to tell the Mother of the Groom what color your mother picked out and once the bm's colors were choosen..
Isn't this tradition... the way its supposed to be done? A week or so after I announced to my family that I was engaged... my mom told me to let her know once the bride's family picked out all their colors. My mom is 'very traditional' so I would assume this is the way its normally done.
Thats what I thought too...
charlotte227
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My Mom and I are close, I'm her only daughter so yes we bump heads..as for my FH's side of the family they are estranged greatly (very dysfuntional), I am not getting into that....so I don't have to call the FH's mom for anything, period whether she contributes to our wedding or not....I have a decent career thanks to my parents support of financing my college education...I don't bow down to people because of titles...I'm resepctable but that is it.....
charlotte227
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Posted by Happybride2005
With the wedding in a few weeks, I'm surprised she doesn't have her dress yet.
Exactly, FH's mom is full of it!
jannshari
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Posted by charlotte227
My Mom and I are close, I'm her only daughter so yes we bump heads..as for my FH's side of the family they are estranged greatly (very dysfuntional), I am not getting into that....so I don't have to call the FH's mom for anything, period whether she contributes to our wedding or not....I have a decent career thanks to my parents support of financing my college education...I don't bow down to people because of titles...I'm resepctable but that is it.....
You don't have to justify yourself to us, but if you're putting the info out there, you're bound to get opinions about it. You seem to get really defensive very easily. JMO.
charlotte227
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And yes, I do think you are supposed to call and just start having a discussion with her. Why is she finding things out through the grapevine? Why can't you just call her and talk to her about the wedding?
You stated in your other post about your mom that you've been keeping her out of the loop as well. I'm honestly not sure what you expect when you don't keep people informed. Just tell her the colors and let her get her dress.
FYI this is 2004 we have a wedding website, STD's were sent out, 7 months ago I called her and patiently listened to the drama...as of today I'm done with it period. I could give a rats a**! Really
jannshari
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OK then.
charlotte227
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I am not defensive I am tired of lurkers and negative comments instead of honest open dialogue, most people do not walk around with Marriage Guides on how every detail should be done, weddings are personal peoples familes are spread out and time is of the essence, some people like drama and some are drawn to it...its best to keep a negative post or comment to yourself rather than point a finger and say someone is defensive when you know them not
jannshari
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Posted by charlotte227
I am not defensive I am tired of lurkers and negative comments instead of honest open dialogue
First of all, I'm far from a lurker. Second, I was giving you honest open dialogue. If you want only dialogue that agrees with you, then you don't really want honest or open. You are also only providing snipets of information from which we have to assume certain other things. There was no way to know about your past relations with FMIL. I asked questions and gave you my opinion based on what information I had.
It doesn't seem to me like you want dialogue - it seems that you are looking for agreement and sympathy only. From now on, I'll know that and respond accordingly or not at all. No biggie.
charlotte227
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Sorry your offended, this is not Jerry Springer and I'm unsure as to why the interest but I graciously accept all of your comments...keep it moving!
jannshari
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Not offended in the least. I hope things smooth over for you.
regi
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Posted by charlotte227
My Mom and I are close, I'm her only daughter so yes we bump heads..as for my FH's side of the family they are estranged greatly (very dysfuntional), I am not getting into that....so I don't have to call the FH's mom for anything, period whether she contributes to our wedding or not....I have a decent career thanks to my parents support of financing my college education...I don't bow down to people because of titles...I'm resepctable but that is it.....
Charlotte is right. SHe (fmil) should've asked about the dress months ago. Not now. The wedding is less then two months away and now she is asking what color dress to get??
