VENT...SO angry at my best friend, am I wrong???

My shower is one week away. My best friend (she is not the MOH, my sister is, and I am not having any bridesmaids) ALREADY responded yes. She texts me ( I am in FL for the weekend) that she is so sorry, but she can't come to my shower next Saturday bc she is going to FL to her nephew's college graduation. Originally, she said no to his college grad invite bc she is low on $ and works from home on the weekends, so she told her nephew and sister she was not going and said YES to me for my shower.
So she texts me that her sister begged her to come down for her son's college graduation and offered to pay for her flight and hotel, so she just can't say no to her sister and/or disappoint her nephew! Ugh. I was so angry when I got the text, I wrote back I was very very very upset, and thanks a lot for upsetting me while I'm in FL.
I just think it is wrong, I mean she knew of her nephew's graduation all along and she already decided she wasn't going. I think she should tell her sister and she already has another commitment. Her sister knew a month ago she wasn't coming to FL for her son's grad.
I am so angry. I don't want to talk to her or text her til I calm down, bc I feel like saying, if you don't come to my shower, don't bother coming to the wedding either, but I know that may be just my anger talking. It is a very important day for me I really want her at my shower.
Please help with input.
Thanks for listening girls!

uhmm u might hate me.. but CALM DOWN.. its a shower. not a wedding..not a funeral.. its a shower.. its a 4 hr event where ull spend 90% of the time opening gifts while the majority of ur guests yap away not giving a flyinf fk that aunt thelma gave u ur crock pot. lol sorry

im soo harsh but do NOT end ur friendship over ur BEST friend going to her nephews graduation. im sure she wouldve wanted to do both.. its not like shes ditching u to go out on a date..

dont hold grudges or say anything that u will regret.

there will be plenty of people at ur shower that u love.

I am in the same position as you!!!
My BF who is my maid of honor, travels for her job and told me she could not come. I was very angry at first just like you BUT I had to just get over it and say to myself that I was being selfish asking her to come to my shower, bach party and wedding. She would have had to buy flights for all of those events. Id rather have her there for the wedding and bach party.

I know it is hard to get over but you will. She is your bf and you will forever her. One of the girls on here told me this...we cant expect everyone to think that our wedding day is as important to them as it is to us. It will never be.
I HTH!

I definitely think it's a good idea for you to take a few days to breathe and think this through before you talk to your best friend about it.

I realize you're really disappointed, but if you can, try not to be so angry at her about it. You're her best friend - of course you are important to her, and this was definitely not an easy decision for her to make. In fact, she had decided to be there for you in the first place. But family has to come first, and this graduation is so important to your friend's sister that she's paying your best friend's way there. Family has to come first. You'd put your family and FH ahead of your best friend if it came down to it, so you should try to understand the very difficult predicament she was in, even if you are upset about the final outcome.

This is a great opportunity for you and she to do something even more special than attend your shower together. You can make a girls' night out, or get a veil and have a BFF bachelorette night at your favorite spots. See if there is some time for you to go out of your way to re-include her in what's important to you. Your friendship with strengthen, rather than strain, because of this.

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Posted by FallBride2010

I know it's probably upsetting, but Barb is right. You wont even know she's missing b/c you'll be opening gifts the whole time. And honestly, family has to come first, in some cases. I wouldnt blame her for going to something for her nephew

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ITA...sorry!! It'll still be a great day though.

Sorry, don't take offense to this but you really can't get upset if she goes to a family function and not your bridal shower.

I understand you're upset that she decided to skip your shower, but it is her nephew's college graduation. You will see her at the wedding. You are just upset right now and don't text her back saying anything you will regret. She seems important to you, but her choosing her nephew and sister over your shower does not mean that you are not as important to her. Take some time to yourself, and just sit back and relax. Your shower will still be great.

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Posted by grkbarbie

uhmm u might hate me.. but CALM DOWN.. its a shower. not a wedding..not a funeral.. its a shower.. its a 4 hr event where ull spend 90% of the time opening gifts while the majority of ur guests yap away not giving a flyinf fk that aunt thelma gave u ur crock pot. lol sorry

im soo harsh but do NOT end ur friendship over ur BEST friend going to her nephews graduation. im sure she wouldve wanted to do both.. its not like shes ditching u to go out on a date..

dont hold grudges or say anything that u will regret.

there will be plenty of people at ur shower that u love.

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ITA... and being from the guests eyes - showers can be pretty painful - oohing and aahing over kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom gifts... yawn...

I can understand why you're upset, but I think if you just turn it over in your mind for a few days you may feel differently.

She's your best friend and I'm assuming that this means that she has been there for you a lot. You're best friends for a reason. However, it was probably very difficult for her to respond 'No' to the Graduation because of the money, and then to have the problem fixed for her.

He is only graduating this one time, but you'll still have your bach party & Wedding to go. Maybe she doesn't get to see these people in her family often, and she does get to see you very often. Like I said, I can understand if you're disappointed- of course you want her to be there. But I feel there are bigger things going on here.

However, if this is not the first time something of this nature has happened, then perhaps there is more reason to feel upset. But if this is a one time deal, I wouldn't get all worked up about it.

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Posted by MikesBride2B

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Posted by FallBride2010

I know it's probably upsetting, but Barb is right. You wont even know she's missing b/c you'll be opening gifts the whole time. And honestly, family has to come first, in some cases. I wouldnt blame her for going to something for her nephew

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ITA...sorry!! It'll still be a great day though.

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I agree as well.... I do however think she could have waited to tell you when you got back from vacation.

I understand why you are upset. I think that your friend was a little inconsiderate telling you that she would be there, and then a week before changing her mind, when she knew all along she had these two events. She shouldn't have told you 'yes' without being totally positive that whatever came up, she would still be there. I would be upset as well, but I think you will feel A LOT better once you wake up tomorrow morning. Sleeping always helps ease my issues. So Sorry about this!

i understand you being upset, but this doesn't in any way make her a horrible best friend.

I was a bridesmaid at my friends wedding this past November. At the time, I had already made plans to go away (to visit my long distance fiance/now husband) for the summer. I told her sister (the MOH) the dates I would be gone and begged her to have the bachelorette and shower when I was home. But she didn't. In fact she scheduled BOTH during the 2 month time that i was gone - which is odd considering that her bachelorette party was 4 months before the wedding, but whatever. I felt soooo bad not to be there for her and was afraid that she'd be upset with me for not making it to either. But I just could not afford to change my flight. Needless to say, she was very mature about it and our friendship is just too strong to be affected by something so small. It's not as though I was missing her Shower or Bachelorette because I didn't feel like it. And I was certainly there for her from the moment I got home (in August) until her wedding day in November.

That's all I'm saying. Ya gotta look at the bigger picture here. I'm sure she's not doing it to be mean. And I'm certain that she cares deeply for you and wishes that she could be at both. It wouldn't be right for you to make her feel guilty about it and maybe even damage a once very strong relationship.

Take some time to process and calm down. Things will be FINE!! At my shower, I had OOT family that I wanted sooo badly to be there that didn't even seem to make an effort. But you know what? I barely even noticed on the day of. I had an amazing time with the people who WERE there - as will you.

(If she were skipping your WEDDING,however, it would be a whole other story)

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Posted by grkbarbie

uhmm u might hate me.. but CALM DOWN.. its a shower. not a wedding..not a funeral.. its a shower.. its a 4 hr event where ull spend 90% of the time opening gifts while the majority of ur guests yap away not giving a flyinf fk that aunt thelma gave u ur crock pot. lol sorry

im soo harsh but do NOT end ur friendship over ur BEST friend going to her nephews graduation. im sure she wouldve wanted to do both.. its not like shes ditching u to go out on a date..

dont hold grudges or say anything that u will regret.

there will be plenty of people at ur shower that u love.

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I agree with you 100%.

OK, I am breathing and taking all your responses in...lol...I guess it isn't the first time she has bailed on me and I think I am over reacting due to that as well. It's like the 'last straw' type of thing....but I am calming down....I was just so mad today that I had a knot in my stomach. And I guess in the scheme of things, you are all right.... it's not worth ruining our friendship over. I will calm down and call her on Tuesday when I get back to NY.
Thanks girls!!!!

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Posted by caper24

OK, I am breathing and taking all your responses in...lol...I guess it isn't the first time she has bailed on me and I think I am over reacting due to that as well. It's like the 'last straw' type of thing....but I am calming down....I was just so mad today that I had a knot in my stomach. And I guess in the scheme of things, you are all right.... it's not worth ruining our friendship over. I will calm down and call her on Tuesday when I get back to NY.
Thanks girls!!!!

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I'm glad. It's smart to wait before calling her You're being very mature about this, and I'm sure she feels bad. Good luck

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Posted by caper24

OK, I am breathing and taking all your responses in...lol...I guess it isn't the first time she has bailed on me and I think I am over reacting due to that as well. It's like the 'last straw' type of thing....but I am calming down....I was just so mad today that I had a knot in my stomach. And I guess in the scheme of things, you are all right.... it's not worth ruining our friendship over. I will calm down and call her on Tuesday when I get back to NY.
Thanks girls!!!!

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Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better!

We've all gotta look out for each other, or they'll be a lot of throbbing veins in wedding pics!

Sorry but I agree with GRKBarbie...
This is her nephews graduation, and I'm sure it was a hard decision for her to make but I know if my sister begged (and probably gave me a guilt trip, I'd go too) -- family IS family... I understand its your best friend, but you also need to understand, this means alot for her sister for her to be there... now if she was going away on a vaca, just for the hell of it... THEN I'd be pissed, but in this case, I would of course be upset , but not angry at her...

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Posted by grkbarbie

uhmm u might hate me.. but CALM DOWN.. its a shower. not a wedding..not a funeral.. its a shower.. its a 4 hr event where ull spend 90% of the time opening gifts while the majority of ur guests yap away not giving a flyinf fk that aunt thelma gave u ur crock pot. lol sorry

im soo harsh but do NOT end ur friendship over ur BEST friend going to her nephews graduation. im sure she wouldve wanted to do both.. its not like shes ditching u to go out on a date..

dont hold grudges or say anything that u will regret.

there will be plenty of people at ur shower that u love.

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totally agree with this