Very disappointed.... advice needed

Hi girls,
I'm so disappointed. I had a heart-to-heart with my FH last night and he's really stressed out about how we are going to pay for our wedding. We just bought a house and have spent 'boku bucks' doing home improvements. We both also have a lot of credit card debt and wont be getting any $$ from either of our parents towards the wedding.

So he wants to push our wedding back a year, to Sept. 23rd 2006. After looking at reception sites and dresses, I'm sad to think that I'll have to wait for almost 2 years to be married.
I know he has a valid point and that stressing ourselves financially right now is going to cause a lot of problems, but I was really excited about my wedding!

Any thoughts on whether I should accept the new date graciously or fight for keeping our original plan?

PS-
I'm so glad that I can post my feeling on this board and that you all offer caring and insightful responses. You're the best!

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

If that's what you have to do financially, do it! 2 years will fly! I was engaged for two years, and money was the reason why we had to wait so long.

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

we will be engaged almost 3 years when we get married in 2006 - it was the best decision we could have ever made. weddings are so damn expensive and its hard for anyone to come up with over 20k in a short amount of time. i think you are making a very smart decision and you will be happy that you have the time to enjoy the process w/out stressing about $$..

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

I think it depends what your willing to do in order to keep the wedding. Can you take a second job? (I did, and its making a huge difference $$ wise.) Have you laid out a budget that you will STICK to? Can you cut from this? If your not willing to cut, than maybe you should have a ceremony later. Perhaps get married in a civil service and have a big wedding to celebrate down the line? Just a few ideas.

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

By the time we get married we will have had a two year engagement. We have to pay for this entire thing on our own so we need the time to save - plus we own our co-op and those bills take a bite each month.

I have to say that at first I was heartbroken by the long wait but now I am happy to have had it. I got all the vendors I wanted since I had plenty of time to research them and then book. I have had time to plan without the stress of time working against me and most importantly we have been able to save.

One other thing to look at - the longer you wait the more money you pay towards your mortgage which means the more equity you build. If you are in a real bind you can take out a loan against that equity for the wedding.

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

I'm sorry you have to go through this right now, but let me just say that I think your FH might be thinking realistically.

You don't want to start off your marriage with a tremendous amount of debt. That is the worst thing to do. You should right now, slowly put away a portion of your paycheck as with him as well. Start saving, and cut out other things you spent money on that you wouldn't think would add up (ie. coffee, eating out, lunch, any shopping, etc.)

You have to be strategic about saving for a wedding. DO NOT TAKE OUT A LOAN THAT YOU DON'T THINK YOU COULD PAY IN FULL AFTER THE WEDDING! Personally, I don't think newlyweds should be suffering fiancially when they first get married. It's too rough on the relationship, you want to enjoy being a newly married couple, not arguing because you're financially stressed.

Also, what about a small wedding or say less lavish one? At a cheaper hall? Or places like, Pompei, firehouses, VFW's. If you are dead against not having the wedding you want, then wait! Make priorities, and abide by them.

Hope all works out with you, let us know!
Good Luck!

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

Thanks girls. It's nice to know you have been through similar circumstances and are glad you waited. Also, my FH seems so much less stressed out. I know he didn't want to disappoint me intentionally and would probably agree to keep our original date it I really wanted - but this is the man I love, and I can't be selfish about this decision.

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

It is the Practical thing to do, I would advise on waiting. It sounds like you guys are just maxed out already financially. The Two years will fly by and weddings are just way to expensive - even a budget one, it can do more damage to you guys at this point. But you can still plan and be excited, that doesn't have to stop.

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

I agree that time will pass faster thatn you realize it. We got engaged 5/03 and 1/06 felt like it was forever away. I am almost at the 1 year mark and it still feels like it is forever away but I really know that it isn't.

The only other thing I can suggest if you truly don't want to wait is to scale things down if you can. I don't know your whole situation but maybe you can limit your guestlist and the overall size of your wedding therefore saving moeny and enabling you to have it sooner.

Good luck!

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

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Posted by didianita

If that's what you have to do financially, do it! 2 years will fly! I was engaged for two years, and money was the reason why we had to wait so long.

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Same here.......Hey, being engaged even longer is not a bad thing. Why rush one of the best times of your life?

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

I would have a civil ceremony with a large reception later if you really don't want to downscale to something you can afford without postponing. IMO money should never stop anyone from getting married--marriage is about a commitment to the man you love, not whether you have the martini bar or a chocolate fountain...I definitely wouldn't have wanted to extend my engagement, even if it meant having a wedding with more extras, etc. I actually wish my engagement was shorter--once we decided to get married, I didn't really want to wait longer for anything!

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

I think you should delay the wedding until 2006. An engagement is very special and should be enjoyed. This is an exciting time in our lives. My FH and I planned a year and a half engagement and I am so glad we did because I didn't want the time to fly by and not relish in this joy. So my advice is to plan the wedding in 2006. It will go by fast enough and you'll have more time to enjoy it. If you kept the original date you might stress a lot over the finances and have to compromise on things for the wedding and it would take away from the joy you should feel.

Good luck!

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

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Posted by nov04LIbride

I would have a civil ceremony with a large reception later if you really don't want to downscale to something you can afford without postponing. IMO money should never stop anyone from getting married--marriage is about a commitment to the man you love, not whether you have the martini bar or a chocolate fountain...I definitely wouldn't have wanted to extend my engagement, even if it meant having a wedding with more extras, etc. I actually wish my engagement was shorter--once we decided to get married, I didn't really want to wait longer for anything!

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I agree with this. If you can't wait to be married, have a small ceremony at town hall and then save up and have a larger wedding later.

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

It will be here before you know it. We were engaged 18 months so we could save and we were together almost 10 years by the time we got married.

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

Well, I don't think there is anything wrong with waiting. Fh and I could have gotten married this year, but we are waiting until next november to save $$. The time really flies, but I understand your wanting to do it now. FH and I always say - oh we should have just done it this year, but we'll be much better financially if we wait

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

I guess it just depends how important a big wedding is to you. Personally, I would just have a smaller affair and get married when you planned but I can't tell you what your priorities are.

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

I was engaged for 14 months and it felt like it was 14 days!! Really, dont worry!
The worst thing you can do is start off your marriage being in DEBT up to your eyeballs. IT will cause more stress, fights and problems and you dont need that.

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

Thanks to all for your advice. We are planning to have a small wedding anyway, but are still financially stressed, so waiting seems like the best option.
I appreciate all of your comments and support!

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

Waiting until 2006 is not bad at all, the time will fly by and you will not be stressed over money as you will be if you were to keep your date.......I would compromise with my FH and move the wedding date back...Regardless you guys still have a commitment and one year longer is not going to change that....

Re: Very disappointed.... advice needed

definitely change the date.

You're not actually 'postponing' the wedding, you're just changing the date.

I had a two year engagement and it FLEW by! I can't believe that we're coming up on our 6 MONTH anniversary!!!