Very Sad(long)

I am a regular poster on here but for this topic I have changed my name.
I am in need of some advice.
2 years ago I was in an accident and the other motorist was killed.
I was really emotional messed up by this for a long time. In fact I still don't think I am over it. I can't even speak of this with out crying or getting a lump in my throat.
After months and months of therpay and investigations by detectives and insurance compaines, I was found NOT at fault for this accident.
This up coming nov I am to attend a DMV hearing to investigate the accident.
I am soo scared and nervous. All these past feelings are coming back and I feel like just going to sleep for a long time and maybe not waking up.
I am not going to go to jail or anything. This hearing is to see if I am allowed to keep my license or if it will be revoked or suspended. I just don't want to have to re live that horrible moment all over again.
I guess I am just looking for some sympathy or maybe just some advice on how I can deal with all this emotion.
Thanks for letting me vent and let this feelings out.

God that is awful. Have you talked to a professional? What you are dealing with goes beyond needing a little sympathy. If you are still having trouble dealing you should take to someone. It will be hard but you have to remind yourself it was an accident and it could have happened to anyone. Do the actual events of the day have to be re-hashed again?

I hope you are ok.

I am so sorry you have to go through with this.

Just remember its not your fault. You were found not at fault by detectives and by investigations.

Remember it was an accident.

Dont be hard on yourself. Keep your head up and be strong.

Stay positive.

I did see professional help and for a while ( till now) It helped. I guess because I was necer forced to talk about it again.
I will have to talk about everything that happened at this hearing.

It is going to be a hard time. I would think about going back to see someone after it is finally over. If it helped once it can help again,

You FI or DH will be there for you and you will get lots of support on here. You are a good person who made a mistake!!! You can't beat yourself up for that.

It is very hard to have to talk about something so traumatic and yes an event like this will make it all come back to reality. The part that really scares me is when you said--I feel like going to sleep for a long time and maybe not waking up-- You need to get in touch with a therapist and fast! This is a VERY SERIOUS and SCARY statement. Please call the therapist that you were working with IMMEDIATELY!

Im so sorry that your wounds are going to be reopened
I think you should speak to a professional.
Sending you lots of hugs

Thanks for the hugs. I will try to contact my therapist in the morning.
For now I just felt the need to say these things to someone, anyone and just let the feelings out.
My FI and family are here for me but sometimes I feel like they just tell me things to keep me calm. Almost like they sugar coat everything so I won't get all emotionally messed up like before.
I am trying ladies so hard to put it behind me it just feels like I will never get away from it.
I am afraid, very afraid to say the words of that day

I'm so sorry you're forced to relive this horrible experience.

I definately also recommend that you go and speak to your therapist again. I'm sure it will be a HUGE help at such a tough time

So sorry you have to go through this. I know you said you were seeing a professional, but if you are still having a hard time, maybe you need to try seeing someone else that maybe deals with this more. Hope you feel better!

I cannot begin to wonder how it feels like to be in your position. I hope things go well for you at the DMV

First of all, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I would also like to say that it is very VERY normal to experience setbacks in therapy, ESPECIALLY if you have been involved in a traumatic accident like the one you were in. It's no wonder you are feeling this way with the upcoming hearing. I think you need to call your therapist AND vocalize as many of these thoughts and feelings as you can. Sometimes when we finally say the things that are really going on inside us, it sets those emotions and memories free. I certainly do not have any answers for you, but I just pray that you continue with your therapy and continue to seek support in any way that you need to. Have you thought about finding a support group with other people who have been in similar situations? I'm sure there is one. Please let us know if you need ANYTHING.

Thank you ladies.
It means alot to me that people here are trying to help me get through this. Words can not express how much my heart is being filled with kindness.
Thank You ladies. Thank you for making it easier for me to fall asleep tonite.

I'm so sorry to hear that this is being dragged up for you again. Some of the things you are talking about (going to bed forever etc.,) are signs of clinical depression. I strongly urge you to get counseling so that you can not only deal with the hearing, but also so that you can go on with your life and forgive yourself.

Your insurance company should cover at least some of the cost of a counselor or therapist. If not there are also those that charge on a sliding scale based on income or you can speak with your priest, pastor or rabbi (whichever applies). Please please do not continue to go without someone to talk too. We are all here for you, but I think you can better help from a professional.



Edited to say that I didn't realize you were seeing someone. You should ask them for an emergency number just in case you need someone to talk to between appointments. It's really important to have that.

Keep The Faith
I will for you

I'm glad that you will call the therapist tomorrow!!! you need to talk to someone open...no sugar coating...use LIW to do this...sometimes just writing/typing it out helps...get a journal as well


try to remember some of the things you leanred in therapy...relaxation...thought stopping (when you start getting upset by your memories...tell yourself to stop)


also discuss with your therapist with ways to get through the next month...its going to be tough...but you will learn to deal with it.

I am glad you are going to talk to your therapist tomorrow. I cannot imagine what you are going through and hope you find the strength to get you through this.