walking down the aisle..

Original post by SAIL428

Oct 04, 2006 02:00 PM

i have a dilema. i always wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle..which he is, but that was before i knew that sometimes both parents do it. now i want to stay traditional and just have my dad...but then i feel bad because i'm my parents last daughter and my mom didnt walk my sister down the aisle with my dad. now i feel like my mom really doesn't care about this wedding so that makes me not want to do it, but then i say in my mind..'will she hate me if i dont have her walk me down with my dad?' what are your opinions on this? i dont know what to do...and i can't talk to my mom because everything out of her mouth is an insult or she just starts arguing with me about anything.

thanks.

PrincessRose Posted: Oct 04, 2006 02:48 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

MJDoc is right - both parents walking the bride down the aisle is a Jewish custom. It's been adopted by many non-Jews (because it's really nice), but it's by no means a requirement.

If your mom hasn't said anything to you about this, then chances are that the idea hasn't even occurred to her. And then on the off chance that she has and she brings it up, just say 'I thought that was a Jewish Custom?' and she's more than likely to drop it.

NY031978 Posted: Oct 04, 2006 02:48 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

i know how you feel....i want my dad but now that i think about it i want my mom. So as of now i will have both but i think once we get to the alter my mom will sit and my dad will hand,kick,push me over too Alex!

SAIL428 Posted: Oct 04, 2006 02:55 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

Posted by jackiez

I had my dad walk me down the aisle and then my mom walked out of her pew when we got up there and they both 'gave me away' to my husband. I thought it was good because I got to walk down the aisle with my dad alone, but my mom was able to be involved, too.

thats a good idea....i never thought of that at all...thank you! i think i might do this.

SAIL428 Posted: Oct 04, 2006 02:56 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

Posted by NY031978

i know how you feel....i want my dad but now that i think about it i want my mom. So as of now i will have both but i think once we get to the alter my mom will sit and my dad will hand,kick,push me over too Alex!

haha yeah my dads gonna cheer and do a dance when he hands me over!! haha

CLMon7906 Posted: Oct 04, 2006 02:59 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

usually when moms do it's b/c only mom raised the daughter alone or dad is RIP.

i had my mom and dad do it for 2 reasons: 1-my mom raised me alone, but i wanted my dad there and 2-at the time of my wedding [it was a decision i made days before the wedding] i wasn't sure how much longer my mom would be around [she had a stroke in april and was not doing well in july].

SAIL428 Posted: Oct 04, 2006 03:00 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

Posted by CLMon7906

usually when moms do it's b/c only mom raised the daughter alone or dad is RIP.

i had my mom and dad do it for 2 reasons: 1-my mom raised me alone, but i wanted my dad there and 2-at the time of my wedding [it was a decision i made days before the wedding] i wasn't sure how much longer my mom would be around [she had a stroke in april and was not doing well in july].

thanks for your response. sorry about your mom

CLMon7906 Posted: Oct 04, 2006 03:04 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

Posted by SAIL428

Posted by CLMon7906

usually when moms do it's b/c only mom raised the daughter alone or dad is RIP.

i had my mom and dad do it for 2 reasons: 1-my mom raised me alone, but i wanted my dad there and 2-at the time of my wedding [it was a decision i made days before the wedding] i wasn't sure how much longer my mom would be around [she had a stroke in april and was not doing well in july].

thanks for your response. sorry about your mom

It's ok...she has since moved to my grandmother's home in FL and is doing MUCH better. But she was in rough shape then and I knew I would hate myself forever if I didn't give her that honor if she didn't survive...just b/c she was my only parent for 18 years.

SAIL428 Posted: Oct 04, 2006 03:12 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

Posted by CLMon7906

Posted by SAIL428

Posted by CLMon7906

usually when moms do it's b/c only mom raised the daughter alone or dad is RIP.

i had my mom and dad do it for 2 reasons: 1-my mom raised me alone, but i wanted my dad there and 2-at the time of my wedding [it was a decision i made days before the wedding] i wasn't sure how much longer my mom would be around [she had a stroke in april and was not doing well in july].

thanks for your response. sorry about your mom

It's ok...she has since moved to my grandmother's home in FL and is doing MUCH better. But she was in rough shape then and I knew I would hate myself forever if I didn't give her that honor if she didn't survive...just b/c she was my only parent for 18 years.

well i'm glad she is doing much better, thats always wonderful to hear. yeah i understand how you must've felt. i mean i never had that problem, but you know what i'm saying. my grandma passed away in '02, i'm still not over it, but i think its because i never went to visit her in the nursing home. i hate myself for that.

06NovBride Posted: Oct 04, 2006 03:26 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

I told my mom she was walking me down the aisle with my dad...lol. She's the one who really raised us and has been there for us through everything.

Michy Posted: Oct 04, 2006 03:28 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

I am also my parents lat daughter and I am having both my parents walk me down the aisle. I look at it as both my parents are giving away their last daughter. I think it is really nice and both my parents are honored.

autumnwedding Posted: Oct 04, 2006 03:36 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

Posted by Michy

I am also my parents lat daughter and I am having both my parents walk me down the aisle. I look at it as both my parents are giving away their last daughter. I think it is really nice and both my parents are honored.

I'm the last child getting married as well and I'm having both of them walk me down. I feel like being the youngest has always bonded the 3 of us together and I look fwd to having them both with me. My dad is happy to have my mom with us because he said she will calm him down - he's nervous. So cute.

I think if this will make your mom happy you should do it... Woud your dad mind?

smara Posted: Oct 04, 2006 03:39 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

I think you should follow your heart... if you feel your mom deserves it as much as your dad than I say have both of them walk you down the aisle. Sometimes Tradition doesnt reflect how you feel..

As for me I dont have that connection wiht my dad.. and my mom passed away so I had my sister walk me down. It was what was best in my heart and I am so glad I did it that way.

Good luck!!

smara Posted: Oct 04, 2006 03:40 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

Posted by CLMon7906

usually when moms do it's b/c only mom raised the daughter alone or dad is RIP.

i had my mom and dad do it for 2 reasons: 1-my mom raised me alone, but i wanted my dad there and 2-at the time of my wedding [it was a decision i made days before the wedding] i wasn't sure how much longer my mom would be around [she had a stroke in april and was not doing well in july].

Cheryl I remember your moms speech it was so touching.. me and DH were sentimental over it

LandsEnd06 Posted: Oct 04, 2006 04:28 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

Posted by MnM52607

My mom told me she would never take that honor away from my dad. But it's totally up to you and your family.

That is basically what my mom said too. Besides I am definitely daddy's little girl so he is totally looking forward to walking me down the aisle.

AlBaBride Posted: Oct 04, 2006 04:30 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

My dad is walking me down the aisle alone. My mother understands that it's a tradition. Besides, she said that she wants to watch us walk down together...Your mom may feel the same, that she wants to watch as your dad gives you away...talk to her about it.

bournebride Posted: Oct 04, 2006 04:52 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

I think you should walk with your dad. I have been toying the idea of having a fast fun song with my mom on the dance floor!

October Bliss Posted: Oct 04, 2006 05:46 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

Posted by SAIL428

i just feel like everything i do isnt good enough for her...so thats why i'm having such a problem on deciding.

Your comment makes it seem like a no win situation. As in if you ask, she will make comments later about how you broke tradition, and if you don't ask she'll get mad. Frankly, if it were me in that situation, I would stick with tradition. Outisde the Jewish faith, having both parents escort the bride is relatively new 'trend' and nobody would fault you for sticking with tradition.

jgl Posted: Oct 04, 2006 06:18 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

I like traditional too

But if mom is reallllly upset about it... maybe just do it. She will be the proud mom and its just 1 small part of your whole wedding.

Snowflake08 Posted: Oct 04, 2006 06:42 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

having both parents walk you down is a jewish tradition - doesnt mean you cant do it
your mom should never 'HATE' you

its your day, she should want you to be happy

annie1207 Posted: Oct 04, 2006 07:08 PM

Re: walking down the aisle..

You should really do what your heart tells you...
my first time around, mom wanted to walk with me and dad, I told her no....my dad agreed, he always pictured it just us, im the only daughter...it was also a little too much since dad had to be on the alter for a good part of the ceremony (Episcopal church thing)...I Regretted it, good thing mom has a second chance, this time it will be all three of us....