OMG I sometimes wonder how FH and I ended up together! We can't even agree on china and stemware! We started registering in MARCH and we still cant agree! Last night I just gave up! We're going to have holiday meals on paper plates! He likes these busy busy busy designs on glasses with lines and etching and bows and trims and I like much much simpler designs! He likes ivory china with flowers upon flowers and I like white china with simple trim! I KNOW I have a tendency to be too plain, so I thought maybe we'd meet in the middle, but we can't! My aunt would say forget what he says just get what you like! But I KNOW him - every single time he would eat on them or drink from them he will say. 'You know, I never really liked this design' UGH!
At this rate, how will we ever agree on anything? I'll like the name John and he'll like the name Xanadu! I am just so frustrated!!
I just had to get that off my chest. Thanks for letting me vent!
Annemarie13
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
I feel the absolutley same way. I am glad I am not the only one. I think we agreed on one thing so far.
Latina511
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
Things for our home we can agree but when we were planning the wedding it was horrible. The only thing we agreed on was with the reception hall and the DJ. Everything else was a nightmare. If I wanted to do this he wants to do that or he didn't want to do it at all.
Sassy
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
WOW Good Luck deciding what to do. I must say, I think I like your taste better than your FH I'd definitely put my foot down, and at least try to get something in the middle. Don't get somehting you hate !!!!!! I'm sure it will get better
Annemarie13
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
Girls- What are you supposed to do? I am in the early stages of planing. I only just booked my hall. How do you get through this.
christine1221
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
M,
I know how frustrating this can be! Meanwhile, when you put food on the dish, who'll see the pattern, so why is he such a pain? Tell him he can have his TV!
We went w/ the Micasa 'Italian Countryside' ... my taste is like yours, simple & ELEGANT . Not plain & boring please! PLUS you can accessorize your dinnerware w/ table linens, napkin holders, stemware, centerpices etc. And if you break pieces, you can even subsititute from similiar patterns w/o driving yourself crazy!
SOOOO the long & the short of it is... that a classic pattern will never go out of style, and is much more practical for the long term ie. save you $$$ - I always appeal to his practical nature.
Good luck! Eventually, you'll reach a compromise (sp?) ... which is basically your way anyway!
Latina511
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
Two weeks before my wedding I was buying things and hiding them in my MOH house with the receipts. He didn't know anything until the day before and it was too late. I know that was mean but things wouldn't have gotten done so close to the wedding if I let him in on it.
You just have to take it one step at a time with patience. Usually you will get your way because they will see it as this is your day and you are the bride.
christine1221
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
LOL - latina ! I've resorted to that too! or left things in the trunk
Recently our disagreement was the ceremony ... I liked these readings, he liked those .... what a pain! We worked it out last night, but OH the arguing!
Good luck to you, newbie's ... hopefully your FH's are easy going ... mine was mostly & even then we've had SOME fights!!
alina
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
Does your fi actually care about the registry and the dishes you pick? Mine wants to stay out of anything involving decorating, and mostly lets me have my own thing - I plan to register on my own, without him.
We had major disagreements about photo albums and photography. The album issue got resolved via compromise, and b/c in the end we ended up liking the same albums and same photographer... But for a few weeks before finding Lia, we fought a bunch of times about photography style, album style, digital/film, normal b/w vs. sepia, you name it. In the end it all worked out, and same will happen to you. Here is a hug to help you get through
Claud2001
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
It terms of home styles, furnishings, china, stemware, etc. DH and I have very similar tastes. I don't like anything too frilly, girly or ornate, and that suits my DH just fine.
We chose china and crystal that we felt would be classic and timeless. We didn't want to get super tired of it and end up hating it in 5 years. Our china pattern is Lenox Hannah Platinum. It is neutral enough to be used with many different styles of decor in a dining room, and I have the option to add a splash of color b/c I also got the light blue accent plates.
Since our everyday dishes are a simple white, I can also use some of those place settings and serving pieces along with the formal stuff in the event that my 12 plc. settings in not enough.
I really think it is important that you concentrate on what you think will be functional for your home. Perhaps you can compromise and let DH pick other items for the registry, while you get to choose china and crystal. I have to say that I'm surprised to hear that your FH likes such a busy pattern - or that he has such a strong opinion about it. My DH gave an opinion, but if I had strongly disagreed, he would have just let me choose what I liked better. Good luck - this is not an easy process!
Latina511
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
Regarding the China Pattern I agree Christine.
My opinion simple and elegant is better than ugly and gaudi. I would just pick something out myself.
abc7077
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
OH MY GOSH I read your post and thought I had written it!!!! We had so many problems agreeing on stemware and china that we wound up taking it off our registry because it was stressing me out way too much. We are going to continue looking for a pattern and at some time in the future will decide what we want. Don't let it stress you!!!!!! We still don't agree and therefore don't have china which I guess is not the best solution but I am calmer!!!! You will see that things will calm down but right now everything just seems so crazy. I am actually looking forward to not having a list with all of our disagreements and things to do!!!! Good luck
mv1003
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
April2603- thanks for getting that off your chest! I'm sorry you're not agreeing on the china, but I have to say, I'm glad there are more brides-to-be out there who don't agree w/ their FH's. Don't worry about the china- do try to explain that you can do more w/ an elegant pattern w/ linens etc... or- register for both?
Latina511- that's me!!! We don't agree on anything else. FH doesn't care about house items, thinks a 'lady' should pick it out so I'm lucky there- but we can't agree on anything else. If I say one thing, he says another. We just spoke about this last night... as I had to confess, I was just doing things w/out him and hiding them! I just felt that he wasn't in the 'planning' with me- and I want it to be a team effort from the both of us. He thinks I'm extravagant (aren't we suppose to be?) For example, he can't understand why I want a diamond wedding band? He thinks I should get a plain band. There's nothing wrong with a plain band, I just would like one w/ diamonds Sometimes I think I'm crazy. I like one dj, he likes another. Same w/ photos etc...
Annemarie13- I guess we get through this with all of us! My God, this is the best site I ever found!
Thanks for listening!!!!! I guess we're all normal in the end.
MSCJLK
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
Mine was just the opposite...we went to Fortunoffs so many time when we registered to add things that the girl knew us by NAME....He is the type that has to look and look and look and look and look and look and look and look ... it makes me nuts...
MaryK
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
Wow - thank you to everyone for your responses! I can't believe his choices either! He acts like such a 'manly man' LOL yet he goes for the frills??!! I don't get it?! I think really the patterns he's picking remind him of his grandmother who he loved dearly, so when I think of it like that I kind of soften. But I still don't want his grandma's china!!!
I am SO happy that I am not alone here! We fought about the other things (dj, photographer, reception site) only a little, but we seemed to agree much more on those things. I think christmasbride you got the answer when you say to appeal to his practical side! That's how we got everything else - I did spreadsheets factually proving the benefit of going with one vendor over another! And I think the accent plate is a perfect place to compromise!
I love this site and I am so happy I posted that - I feel so much better knowing I am not alone!
Thanks!
bearsbabe_113
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
April, you must be marrying my husband's long-lost twin because your FH sounds just like my DH!!! LOL You are making me have flashbacks to our pre-registering!!! I was in tears in a store one day and when we got to the car I told his mother and grandmother, 'tell everyone to buy us f******* chinet paper dishes because that's what we'll be eating off of'!!! My husband was into big flowers, the bigger the better and I can't stand anything with flowers on it. He finally gave in and let me pick my china (Mikasa Palatial Platinum), but he picked the everyday -- Newport Green by Mikasa (very boring considering he picked it).
We still have total opposite tastes on some things, but I have to say that once we were married, we seem to agree a bit more on certain things. So hopefully the same will happen to you!
I totally feel your pain girlfriend!!!!
ChristineC68
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
I am so sorry you are arguing about this. Maybe point out that with food on the plates you don't really see the design anyway and let him pick the crystal? or everyday dishes? I hope it works out and you get something you can both live with.
Our planning was long and tedious - in the end I got what I wanted most of the time but it took me 4 months to convince him that centerpieces like this (with picture in hand) would look really good. That was a LONG 4 months - haha
michele31
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
Consider getting a plain main plate with a 'busier' accesory plate to use for desert. A comprimise. Also, a plain white or ivory china pattern will never go out of style. I like the flower designs, but I still tried to stay away from trendy patterns for that reason. I don't want to look at my stuff in 10 years and say I hate it. I also think you need to consider how you will decorate your home. If you cannot pick a simple china pattern, what will you do about wall colors? Start to discuss how you plan on dealing with these differences in taste. It is important to come to an understanding.
jtodaro
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
if you two can't agree on anything then the simplest plan is to have a 'one for you one for me' registry. for instance he loves a set of glasses and dishes and you hate them, fine let him have them, but then you have sole discretion over the bedding, or pots etc.
MaryK
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Re: We can't agree!!! (FH vent long sorry!)
Bearsbabe I was hysterical reading your post - thanks for the laughs! And thanks for the hugs all!
Actually we painted the whole apt top to bottom and were able to compromise easily on that! It's just this freakin china!!
Thanks for all your advice. I was really stressed about it, but now (thanks to you guys) I think I can take a more rational approach!!
