wedding costs

Hi Everyone,
Is it still traditional for the brides family to pay for the entire wedding. My parents seem to think that both parents contribute while DF parents think that the brides family pays. Yikes!

Re: wedding costs

Seems that there really are no more rules nowadays especially with the ages that people get married being much later in life that in the past. It is not uncommon now for couples to pay entirely for their own wedding. But tradition would say that the bride's parents pay. It is not always that easy though. And I think it is much more common today for both sets of parents to contribute if they can afford to. This is definately a hard subject to bring up and talk about, but once you sit down with both sets of parents and establish budgets and who will cover what, you will be able to plan your wedding with much more ease, rather than just hoping that someone will jump in at the last minute and offer to pay for things.

Re: wedding costs

ddune - you should write for brides magazine!

Re: wedding costs

I don't think that is true anymore. A lot of groom's family contributeto the costs, as well as the couple's themselves.

Re: wedding costs

Sonic-you are too funny! Thanks! I wish I could dump my boring job and do something cool like that! I'm seriously thinking about becoming a wedding planner after my own wedding..I love this stuff!

Re: wedding costs

We're paying for most of the costs ourselves, b/c neither my nor my FI parents can afford to...

Assuming your parents can't / don't want to pay for the wedding, have you thought about talking to FI's parents (or have the FI talk to them without you there)? Perhaps mentioning the average cost of like 30K and up will do the trick? I think my FI and I will have our parents help a bit here and there, but will try our best to pay ourselves. Or you could also split the cost 3 ways? 2 sets of parents and you guys?

Re: wedding costs

if you want to go by the 'traditional' rules here they are: From Southern Living:
Groom's family pays for e-ring and w-ring for the bride, all HM expenses, RD expenses, Bots for GMs, Corsages for immediate family, Officant fee, Marriage license, Accesories for GMs (I think that is anything other than the tux), Gifts for GMs, transporation to the ceremony for groom and GMs, Accomdations for GMs,
All of the reception fees, video, invites, photograher, limos (other than for the guys), flowers, BM gifts, Groom's w-ring, music is paid by the bride's family.

That is what tradition calls for but with many people having weddings that cost over $50K, the cost of college, and the ages of couples getting married many couples have to pay for their entire weddings, or part of it. If your FH thinks your family should pay for the entire wedding, please tell him to call my parents for me. My FH and I are paying for everything except for my outfit, harpist at the church and about 10 guests that my parents wanted to invite that I barely know. I think your FH is expecting an awful lot of your family. If your parents offer to pay for part, or all of it that is great. That also means that you might not have the exact wedding that YOU want since a) they might have a very different budget in mind and/or b) they have a large say in the plans since they are writing the checks. THat is something to consider. Sometimes I hear parents give their children a certain amount of $ towards the wedding, to be spent anyway they wish. I think that is the best solution.
Does your FH feel that your family is expected to pay for it all?

Re: wedding costs

My parents paid for the catering hall and the engagement party.

My husband's family paid for the rehearsal dinner, band, flowers, photgraphers, and video.

We paid for rings, invitations, programs, yalmulkes, clothing, limo, honeymoon, officiant.

I believe that unless his parents are in a worse financial situation then your parents, that it is surprising they would not be willing to contribute anything to the wedding. I believe a kind way to approach this is for him to speak to his parents and say, 'Her parents can afford X, which means that she and I are going to have to cover Y to have the wedding of our dreams.' I wouldn't be surprised to hear them step up at that point.

Re: wedding costs

my Fh & i are paying for the ENTIRE wedding ourselves, every last penny, except my dress, my mom bought it for me

Re: wedding costs

Whenever I read those wedding books and they talk about 'who pays for what', I have to laugh! I find it so outdated, since in reality, so many couples pay for the entire wedding themselves. In our case, all of our parents (and step-parents) are contributing some money (thankfully!), we will pool their contributions with ours, and pay out of a 'wedding fund'... no one is paying for anything in particular. That seems to work the best for us.

Re: wedding costs

I laugh everytime I read it to, since no one in my family believes it. But I don't call it outdated beause I am the ONLY one of my close friends that didn't get significant help from my parents. Most of my friend has their outfits, flowers, band, and most of the per person cost of the reception paid for.
I hope to someday be able to give my children money to cover their reception. This paying ourselves stuff is not very easy.

Re: wedding costs

We are paying for our wedding totally! The whole thing!