So I had posted on here a few months ago about my fsil (my junior bridesmaid). I am beyond upset on how I have been treated by both her and her mother (fmil). First, my FH and I had to purchase her gown because my FMIL is in and out of work because she gets tired of her jobs. Secondly, they live out of state when they went to pick up the gown late, they were told the gown was sold. Than they fought with the bridal shop owner there. The fight was so bad that the bridal shop owner called me up and was crying. Than I was upset because my fsil dyed her hair purple and green (she is 12). After all this we get her a dress cost us more money and now 3 weeks and two days before my wedding she says she is not going to be in the bridal party. I am so upset and shocked I didn't know what to say. My fmil started arguing with me telling me I shouldn't be upset because 'its like trying to put a square peg in a round hole'. Whatever that means. What can I say to these people without ruining my future relationship with them, and without having them ruin my wedding. My FH is so upset by all of this, I feel bad for him because what can he say its his family. He told them they were rude. I want to tell them to not to come to the wedding but I know I can't.
Espo22
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Re: wedding drama...its long
that's hard bc she is 12 years old so not much you can do or even really get that mad at her. At that age they go through stages and different moods. I mean so many teenagers go through this and cant expect much out of a kid. You said she said that now she wants to be in the bridal party but did you mean that she doesnt want to be in the bridal party anymore? probably because makes more sense
it is hard to reason with a 12 year old, theyre still kids
Reesy
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Re: wedding drama...its long
Wow, that's very inconsiderate of them.....can you return the dress? If not try to sell it here or on ebay....good luck!!
MnM182008
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Re: wedding drama...its long
I meant she doesn't want to be in the bridal party. She told me she doesn't 'love' the gown. She actually asked me if when she comes to NY if I can buy her a new dress. The thing that really hurts me is that they have acted so ungrateful (never a thank you). My fmil is the one that really upsets me because she keeps telling I shouldn't be upset. I've printed the programs with her name, purchased her bms gift. Order her flowers. Its rude. I don't blame my fsil she doesn't know any better, she is raised in this environment.
Espo22
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Re: wedding drama...its long
Posted by MnM182008
I meant she doesn't want to be in the bridal party. She told me she doesn't 'love' the gown. She actually asked me if when she comes to NY if I can buy her a new dress. The thing that really hurts me is that they have acted so ungrateful (never a thank you). My fmil is the one that really upsets me because she keeps telling I shouldn't be upset. I've printed the programs with her name, purchased her bms gift. Order her flowers. Its rude. I don't blame my fsil she doesn't know any better, she is raised in this environment.
I would have your FH talk to his sister and his mother. Tell his sister to S*CK it up and be in the bp and tell his mom to stop acting this way. Unfortunately if you are the one talking to them about this all the time, its just going to cause more drama. Thats why I think its best he handles his family, dont be the one to argue with FMIL let him do it.
xosweetiexo
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Re: wedding drama...its long
OMg I'm so sorry.... but you know what look at the bright side- now you dont have to deal with any more of her drama up until the wedding..... she gives me the feeling that she will be dying her hair another color or doing something else to bother you as the wedding approaches. I'm sorry that your FH and you have to deal with this.... I say you are better off without this drama- good thing she is out.
MnM182008
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Re: wedding drama...its long
Posted by xosweetiexo
OMg I'm so sorry.... but you know what look at the bright side- now you dont have to deal with any more of her drama up until the wedding..... she gives me the feeling that she will be dying her hair another color or doing something else to bother you as the wedding approaches. I'm sorry that your FH and you have to deal with this.... I say you are better off without this drama- good thing she is out.
I think your right. Just is upsetting! Thanks for the advice
xosweetiexo
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Re: wedding drama...its long
Posted by Espo22
Posted by MnM182008
I meant she doesn't want to be in the bridal party. She told me she doesn't 'love' the gown. She actually asked me if when she comes to NY if I can buy her a new dress. The thing that really hurts me is that they have acted so ungrateful (never a thank you). My fmil is the one that really upsets me because she keeps telling I shouldn't be upset. I've printed the programs with her name, purchased her bms gift. Order her flowers. Its rude. I don't blame my fsil she doesn't know any better, she is raised in this environment.
I would have your FH talk to his sister and his mother. Tell his sister to S*CK it up and be in the bp and tell his mom to stop acting this way. Unfortunately if you are the one talking to them about this all the time, its just going to cause more drama. Thats why I think its best he handles his family, dont be the one to argue with FMIL let him do it.
This is exactly what happened with a friend of mine. The girl got involved and it created even more drama with the family. Then the family of the groom didnt want to listen to the groom and the fighting went on up until the wedding. THe groom & bride werent even talking to the bridesmaids and this just made for even MORE DRAMA!!! It was crazy.....
geegee827
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Re: wedding drama...its long
I understand that she is 12, so you can't expect that much, but I would be fuming at FMIL! If I pulled this crap when I was 12, my mother would kick my a$$.
That being said, you have to try to not let it ruin your wedding. You know she's out, make the best of it, and see if you can return that BM gift!
xosweetiexo
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Re: wedding drama...its long
Posted by MnM182008
Posted by xosweetiexo
OMg I'm so sorry.... but you know what look at the bright side- now you dont have to deal with any more of her drama up until the wedding..... she gives me the feeling that she will be dying her hair another color or doing something else to bother you as the wedding approaches. I'm sorry that your FH and you have to deal with this.... I say you are better off without this drama- good thing she is out.
I think your right. Just is upsetting! Thanks for the advice
Awwww I know... I'd def be upset too.... but sometimes people are just rude and try to rain on your parade. I say get negative people out bc you dont need that on your special day. If the 12 yr old doesnt want to be in it... then fine... but dont ask to be in the wedding a day b4. I had a friend who had drama b4 the wedding and there was STILL drama at her wedding.... it wasnt worth it.... it really wasnt... and now she says 'I should have just kicked them out of the wedding'...
FallBride2010
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Re: wedding drama...its long
Since she is 12...I guess you have to take it with a grain of salt. BUT -- her mother should put her foot down and do some damage control. You dont let a 12 yr old call the shots. I would have FH tell his mother to rectify this situation...or leave the brat at home. I have my own inlaw issues...so my patience with spoiled, inconsiderate people is gone. His mother should tell her to wear the dress whther she likes it or not...and die her hair back to an acceptable color!
Think of it as a blessing in diguise. If she isn't in your bridal party you won't have to deal with the drama (as much). As much as a pain in the @ss it was to put up with all that nonsense, you can put it past you and move you. It's better that she backs out now then a week before the wedding!
lizzie217
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Re: wedding drama...its long
That is upsetting and really rude FH should speak with his mom and explain that not only did you shell out all this money for the dress but her name is printed in the programs etc..
If she still decides not to be in the wedding party she and FMIL will look like the jerks not you.
I wouldnt talk to FMIL or FSIL bc you are upset and may say things you shouldnt. I would let FH handle..I am sorry hunnie.
erika99
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Re: wedding drama...its long
Sorry you're having wedding drama. I think we've all experienced some throughout the process.
It sounds like she's been a major pain. I would be more than happy not to have her in my wedding party. Who knows what other sorts of problems she would cause? I know it *****, but I would keep his fam minimally involved if they're bringing such negativity.
Good luck and try not to let it get to you
MitziandAndrew
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As for your fsil it is a blessing in disguise. Now you don't have to worry about having all your photos with her green and purple hair in your BP. Like you said she is only 12.
dutchessev
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Re: wedding drama...its long
My only advise is to 'LET IT GO'.
Just say ok to her and ignore her. I think she is just trying to get attention. Don't show her how upset you are. Just take it all in stride. The $$ has been spent already. It is not worth you getting upset about it.
It is better for her to just not be in it then to be in it and give you a hard time about it that day. The last thing you need is on your wedding day to have your FSIL ruining it.
Ignore her.
JSG10506
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I have to say with all the bs these people have caused you, maybe it's better she isn't in the BP to save you the agony and stress of the day. I think you'll have a better time with her as a guest, then if you had to stress all day long about her terrible behavior. I'm so sorry, people suck sometimes!
Mmnnng
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I'm sorry but someone needs to teach this kid some manners and some gratitude and most of all the value of honoring a commitment.
There is no way I would allow my 11 year old to act like this.
I would be mortified. Does your FMIL not teach her any respect?? You bought her a dress, asked her to be a huge part of her own brother's day, she accepted and now wants to back out and you can buy her a new dress 2 weeks before?? Uh uh no way no how.
Do not be upset about this...having her there would only ruin your time. She would obviously sit there with a puss on her face and misreable anyway. It seems like you win here!
jtgarsik
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Re: wedding drama...its long
oh my gosh - i am so sorry about all this. i actually remember ur original post when u were debating getting her a new dress! It's hard because she is 12, so she's not fully aware of weddings and/or proper etiquette..she's just a grumpy teenager probably going through a phase because she gets no disipline from her mother. honestly i would be more upset at the mother...ur fsil - SHE'S 12. His mother should be the one saying 'too bad..u're doing this whether u like it or not' u know? try not to let it rob ur joy or 'cause dension with ur hubby...u've worked too hard & too long for ur wedding not to enjoy it. try to look at the brighter side - like u wont have to worry a miserable crazy hair colored 12year old ruining ur pics as hard as it might be, i would shrug it off...at this point there is not much u can do if the mother is not stepping in. i know it's money, time & energy wasted, but be the bigger person...she probably just wants attention anyway.
