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Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

Original post by JuneBabyBride

Okay I am home and ready to spill. As most of you are aware of the fighting and everything from the other day, PF (past fiance) agreed to get the apartment b/c he wanted to stay together and knew that moving in and proving he is mature enough to take care of is was one of the conditions of us staying together. We also discussed things, about the threating, no more of that, and things that bothered me and things like that but most importantly no more throwing in my face that he has to pay for everything and I don't pay for anything an how useless I am.

Well since he agreed which was only on thursday night, friday came along and instead of wanting to see me since we haven't seen each other in a week, he wanted to hang out with his friends, well I told him how messed up that is and to make a long story short he did come over b/c I started *****ing about the maturity thing again and to basically shut me up he gave in but the point that the first place he would want to be the day we made up wasn't here was screwed up.

Okay so since then we have gotten along, the whole 1 1/2. Welll today we went to the city to see the car show at the javitts center, it was going good for a while until he started *****ing about the money thing again which in then started to **** me off so I told him to drop it before it turns into a fight. Yeah right, he started with the threats again about if you don't give up all this stupid **** for the wedding then we aren't getting an apartment, or if you don't help with the apartment money then forget it. So I told him like always he agreed to get the apartment to shut me up and make up the other day but had know plans on sticking to it, like he always does.

Then the famous words, well if this isn't gonna work then give me my ring back. Now he knew I only had a few dollars on me so he said I owe him the money for my train ticket and the admission into the show and the taxi. Then he said I hope your few dollars gets you home on the train. He had our r/t tickets but was being spiteful and wouldn't give me mine. So I had to push the stroller, the baby, my pocket book, the diaper bag and the bag of stuff from the car show done track 19 by myself in penn station b/c he walked away, so we sat seperatly not even in the same car on the way home and I had called his mother to make sure she was babysitting tomorrow and she asked where dan was and I said I don't know, so of course she was like your in a fight again. She met us at the train station and he sat there and called me things and said to give him his ring back now and I refused b/c he owes me a couple thousand dollars on my cc.

Well he went in his mothers car and she took him to my house to get his car and he followed me to my door yelling at me to give him the ring, so I slammed the door in his face and he punched my car to get my car alarm to go off.

I had such a headache and this was making things worse so the baby fell asleep and I was going to take a nap and I hear his car, he came back with his mother in his car ringing my door bell calling my phone so I answered it and he said he has his checkbook, he will write a check for the amount he owes me and he wants his ring. We fought back and forth I told him I don't trust him, he will probaly bounce the check cause he would only lose $28 and then I would be out all the money, so then he threatened to call the cops so I said the number is 911 and hung up on him and shut off my phones. After ringing the doorbell a few more times he left.

His mother knows what a a55hole he is and usually takes my side, well I don't know what he said but she was completely on his side about this which isn't like her. We will see if she actually babysits tomorrow.

There is no going back now, he really just sealed the coffin. I just don't know what to do, I know I am so much better off but where do I go from here.

I am so sorry this is so long, but I feel better that I just got this whole story off my chest, even if I typed it and didn't speak.
Sunny Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

YOU WILL BE FINE!!! I know it sounds like crap, but it is true. I know it hurts now, but in tine you will see this is all for the best. Stick to your guns- don't take him back, because I can almost guarantee he will come crawling back. He needs to prove he is an adult.
Olgaki Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

It's very brave of you to do this. Just know everyone is here for you and your daughter will love you because she will realize what a difficult decision this was. We are all here for your
wacky Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

It is better to be alone and miserable than with someone and miserable

Jsut thank god, for letting you realize that you deserve more in life.

'There is a lid for every pot and yours had a defect.
'
This happened to a gf of mine, once she made up her mind to stand on her own, many positive gates opened for her

She has met a wonderful man is graduatingfrom school and her daughter is happy
eroxgirl Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

First of all, I'm so sorry you're going through all this

As the child of divorced parents, believe me, you did your daughter a favor by walking away from this guy, no matter how hard and painful it might be at the moment. Eventually, your daughter will realize the strength that it took, and she'll respect you for it. And chances are, her father will prove to her, all on his own, what an immature jerk he is and she won't respect him at all. I know it must be so hard right now but things do always work out in the end, at least I believe so.

And when you really feel like you're going to lose your mind, you have all of us to vent to and help you through!
LizD Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

First, I want to say how sorry I am that you are going through all this. I hope you know that we are all here for you whenever you nees us.

I also wanted to mention that if you do not have a legal agreement on child support, now is the time to get a lawyer and get that done. He seems very immature, and you do not want him holding back support for Kayla to get back at you. Make sure you get a court ordered amount that he has to give to you for Kayla. Regardless of your relationship with him, he is her father and he is responsible to help take care of her needs!!
Jess2 Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

I don't think there is anything I could say differently than these great girls, but I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry it didn't work out, but I also think you will be better off in the long run. There is no point in living a miserable life together, and I think Kayla will be better off in thg long run too.
SomedayBride Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

I wish only the best for you and your daughter. Better days will come.
Just a thought though, when ex-fh gives you the check for what he owes to your credit card, make sure he either writes on the check or includes a note that says 'payment for money owed to credit card' or something along those lines. Just in case one day in the future he decides not to pay child support, and tries to claim in court that the $2000 that he gave you was for cs, and not money that he owed you.
dgtlsunshine Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

Oh sweetie big hugs (((((()))))))

You are so strong and you will get through this
JuneBabyBride Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

Wow, thanks that is a good point I never thought of that. I told him though yesterday I am not going to except a check, only cash or a money order. He thinks I am stupid, he will probably bounce it on me just for the $28NSF fee. Thanks again everyone, I look forward to checking my thread to see all the nice things you guys wrote to me.

michele31 Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

First off, congratutlations on taking control of your own life and having the courage to leave a bad relationship. It is NOT an easy thing to do! I know. I have been in a bad relationship before, full of fighting and verball abuse so I understand how hard it is to walk away. I didn't have a child but I am sure that just adds to the stress of the situation.
Your heart WILL heal, I promise but it does take time. In the meantime, the pain can make people do things that they normally wouldn't do (him, not you) so I think you need to make sure you 100% protected from him.
Do you have legal custody agreement? If not, you need one. He can decide to keep the baby from you, at his Mom's house, and then you have to get an attorney to get her back. It could cost you thousands and hurt you and your child in the process. Don't say 'He would never do that' because it has happened to many women before. My sister's friend had it happen to her and it was 6 months before she got her daughter back. It was a painful, costly process that nearly destroyed all involved. Also, you should have a formal vistation and payment schedule for c/s now.
Second, call your community college. They can help single mothers so much. You need to think of getting yourself on your feet, fully-supporting your daughter. The community colleges very often have programs that are either free or low-cost to women in your situation, plus on-site low cost daycare. You can take classes and earn your degree and thus ensure a better life for you and your child (and even make some new friends).
Consider counciling. It cannot hurt to learn more about yourself and the life you want for yourself.

Cry when you have to, laugh when you can, remember good times but don't let them cloud your judgement, never talk badly about Kayla's father in her presense, pray (to whichever higher prower you believe in) for some strength and remember that we are all here to help you!
LizD Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

From watching Judge Judy .. lol
When he gives you the money that he owes you for the credit card, if it's not a check but a money order or cash make sure you write up a receipt stating that the money is for the credit card bills so as someone said before he can not claim it to be for child support or something else, and make him sign it. This way you have it down the line if you ever need it. Also, I would not give him the ring back until you have the money he owes you for the credit cards and a legal agreement on child support.


edited to add: Michelle that was perfect.
WishCandy Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

OMG - I'm so sorry this has happened to you! But, you have to believe that everything happens for a reason. Mr. Right is probably right around the corner & if you were with Mr. Immaturity - you would miss him.
If you need anything, pls let me know.
Sassy Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

Hi Meredith,

First of all, I want you to know you are NEVER alone. You have us, you have your beautiful daughter that I'm sure worships the ground you walk on. This experience will make you soooo much stronger, the misery will last a while, then slowly begin to fade. You don't need him, please realize that. He is not the source of your happiness, YOU are.

My best advice :

Money: Get that Certified check, and cash it IMMEDIATLEY (even certs can be stopped, but it's a little more difficult - but not impossible)
Give him the ring AFTER you cash the check.
I agree with the advice to have it written that it was for payment on the credit card. (he should have this typed by the bank in the memo or reference section of the check before he gives it to you so it's undisputable who put it there)
If he gives you cash, not a check, bring him to a Notary, and have him sign and notorize a document saying exactly what the money was for, then give him the ring once it's in your possession. Make copies of it, and put one in your Safe Deposit Box. If you don't have one, get one, you can get one for about $40 a year at most banks.

Child Support: If he pays it fine, the MINUTE he doesn't pay or is late, go to court immediately. Don't threaten him that you will go, just go without warning him.

Your own Sanity: As hard as it may be, try to relax, when you're at home worrying, listen to light music and take a bath. Do your nails, put on makeup.
Pray, the power of prayer is amazing. Let God take care of you, but you have to trust that He will. If you do, you will be fine.
Think about only yourself and Kayla. Don't feel sorry for him for a minute, and do NOT give him another chance.
His behavior has proven that he is not to be trusted, and he does not care.
I'm so sorry.
Lastly, please come on here and vent whenever you need to.
I'm going to give you my phone Number in FM. Call me if you need to talk, please don't hesitate.
HUGS
curly2003 Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

I am so sorry
IrishTracy Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

Meredith-I am sorry it had to come to this. But, you will be fine!! I know plenty of woman who are raising their child on their own. I know it's hard. But, it will get easier. Don't see that you will be alone forever. In fact don't think of men at all. Give yourself some time.
As for your ex- do not let him get to you. You have to stand strong. I still can't get over the whole ring the bell & phone thing. That could of scared the hell out of Kayla. And he didn't care. And for Grandma to stand by him while he did it!!! That makes me sick!!!!
Maybe you should work on a back-up babysitter. Maybe a friends mom or something. If money is tight then I see that you can't pay for a babysitter. Maybe he can help with that. (that's if he's being reasonable)
I wish you all the best!! And know that we are here for you!!!
Robeymuse Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

Merideth,
I am so sorry to hear this. In the long run, you will be better off and your daughter will be too. I know that it may seem hard now but by walking away, you are giving both of you the chance for real happiness later.

Jenn
Betty Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

I'm so sorry to hear this but you ABSOLUTELY made the right decision!!!! He will never change and you deserve SO MUCH better than that. Dont' worry about your daughter, she'll get through this. Like I said before I am a child of divorce but I was 17. I went through a few years of listening to SO MUCH fighting!!! No child needs to go through that.

As for the $$$ I would definately get a certified check, cash or something that he cannot screw you with!! He will have to pay the child support or you take his a$$ to court and fight for EVERYTHING you can get!!

As for being alone the rest of your life DON'T BE CRAZY!!!!! I know it feels like that now but that is not true. A friend of mine got divorced and had a 2 year old daughter. Her X was a Ba$**ard and made her life living he!!, It was bad, he was insane!!! She felt the same wasy you did and let me tell you, she just got married last month to a great guy!!!! Believe me you will find the right one!!
ANYTIME you want to go out and need a babysitter, NO JOKE, just ask, I LOVE kids!! I remember what my friend went through and how she needed to get out and you deserve it!!

Just remember, everyday, this is for the best and your prince charming is out there, just be patient
dubliner Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

I am just adding my support - you did the right thing for yourself and Kayla. You are obviously a stong person, and although it will take time, you are soo much better off

yabbobay Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

I'm so sorry for you

It seems to me that you made the right decision...now think of the steps you can do to better your life...

ie mommy and me programs...single parents groups...etc

check out daycare...(I know Levittown schools sponser the Little Red School House on Old Jerusalem) and Michele's idea about CC is great...

good luck...
StayandJohn Posted:

Re: Wedding is Off! Very Long!!

Oh my God, I'm so sorry. But that is great that you stood up to him like that! He sounds sooooo immature, you need to take your beautiful little girl and get the hell away from him.....he is being petty about every little dime. I couldnt believe when I read that you had to carry your daughter and all that stuff down the stairs, you know its one thing for him to be mad at you, but to take it out on your daughter! What if (God forbid) you would have fallen, your daughter could have gotten seriously hurt.

I hope that everything works out for you and Kayla. I hope your PF grows up and sees what he is missing by being so ridiculously immature.

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