Wedding Jokes

Jack was soon going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat.
Jack's father said, 'Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here - try these on.''
Jacks father continued, 'So, she did and replied, 'These are too big, I can't wear these pants.' So I replied to your mother, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.''
'Ever since that night we have never had any problems,' concluded Jack's father.
'Hmmm,' Jack said in reply. He thought his father's suggestion might be a good thing to establish on that day of new beginnings.
So on, his honeymoon Jack took off his pants and said to Jill, 'Here, try these on.'
So she did and said, 'These are too large, Jack. They don't fit me...'
Jack replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that.'
Then Jill took off her pants and handed them to Jack, as she said, 'Here, you try on mine!'
As she requested, he tried them. 'I can't get into your pants,' Jack said with a question in his tone.
Jill replied, 'Exactly. And if you don't change your attitude, you never will.'

IF MEN WERE IN CHARGE OF WEDDINGS........

1. There would be a 'Rehearsal Kegger' rather than a 'Rehearsal Dinner.'

2. Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jeans cutoffs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines.

3. Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors. (My fiance threatened to have his and his brother's football numbers embroidered on their tuxes! I threatened to walk out but he said I wouldn't see it until after we said our
vows so I'd be stuck then!)

4. June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs

5. Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that 'forsaking all others' part.

6. The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '73 Charger or some other Mopar muscle car with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley!

7. Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would get punched in the head.

8. Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of 'Best Man.'

9. There would be 'Tailgate Receptions.'

10. Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at half-time or between innings.

11. Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long.

12. Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party. (Those strippers and all that alcohol sure add up!!!)

13. Men wouldn't ask, 'Well, what do you think, dear? The burgundy or the wine colored napkins?' They'd just grab extras from their local pub or tavern.

14. Favors would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet, free drink passes at the local lounge.

15. The bride's dress would show cleavage, her navel, and be form-fitted to her butt.

16. Instead of a sit-down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza and plenty of bar-b-que.

17. No one would bother with that 'Veil Routine.' But they would insist that the garter be as high up on her leg as it could go.

18. The bridal bouquet would be recycled from a previous funeral or something.

19. Invitations would read as follows: Tom (**** or Harry) is getting the ol' ball and chain. He's getting married.

He either:
A) knocked her up; B) couldn't get a different roommate; or C) caved in to her ultimatum.
Please meet the woman who will cook and clean for him for the rest of his life at Texas Stadium On the 50 Yard Line at half-time during Sunday's Game. Please join us at the Clubhouse after the game For beer, nachos and pizza. Oh yeah, BYOB.

First Fight
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Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. 'Reverend,' she wailed, 'John and I had a DREADFUL fight!'
'Calm down, my child,' said the minister, 'it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!'
'I know, I know!' said Joanna, 'but what am I going to do with the BODY?'

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Posted by luvabul

First Fight
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. 'Reverend,' she wailed, 'John and I had a DREADFUL fight!'
'Calm down, my child,' said the minister, 'it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!'
'I know, I know!' said Joanna, 'but what am I going to do with the BODY?'

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