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Weddings not happeniing? UPDATE NEAR BOTTOM

Original post by confused06

Thread views: 8,865

I'm a regular 06 poster on here and FH & I have been fighting on/off almost every 2 weeks for the past few months. It always starts the same & I know so much is stress about the wedding and stress about the money and stress because it is coming soon, but here's the deal. It's 2am & I can't sleep and I just want to cry.

FH is NOT the most emotional guy. He's on the cold side & not one to share his feelings and not very romantic (cards, flowers, expressing his emotions), but he'll show things in another way. Yet I am very emotional and at times when we have a busy week & dont get 2 see eo I'll send email/notes to him like i feel so alone, we need to talk. b/c he is busy w/ work/other commitments, he'll blow it off or not realize how serious I am. he is always saying how over-emotional i am & what a drama queen.

well then it hits the fan. I thought we'd spend a nice weekend together but fri he went w/ friends to parade in city & came home exhausted, Sat was supposed to spend time together but he was running errands for his job and we did have dinner then went to his friends' house for drinks/cake (fine, but WE didnt' talk). Yesterday was supposed to goto church & breakfast together but he woke up & got the laundry & said 'I have 3 bags of laundry' so i went 2 church alone & was even more angry when he said he was going to his parents from thre (instead of cleaning apt & talking--yet again).

just feel so disconnected. well then i was mad & saw his glasses on the table so i hid them (he had his prescrpition sunglasses on i guess)& went shopping. he called asking where they were, i ignored his calls. his calls got mean & I finally told him where they were. an hour later i went home to find my monogrammed cake topper that i spent hours on, smashed into 10 pieces along w/ a glass candle.I was beyond devasted. i spent HOURS on the cake topper & was so proud of it & really loved it

things got mean at that point & I called accusing him of loving his job more than me & asking if there was someone else ( know there isn't) & asked why everything else is more impt than me.

long story short....by end of last nite he said he can't 'do THIS' anymore & we shouldn't get married & things will only escalate from here. I can't sleep, he says we'll talk tomorrow about returning deposits/money/who gets apt, but he cannot see us getting married.

I'm devastated and can understand his frustration but feel 90% is due to stress & also that he doesn't read my signals....all i need is love and to feel special from him & when I don't have the chance to talk talk w/ him for a week, I feel myself getting yucky inside & the bad things happen.i told him this, but he says i pushed him too far.

the flip side of me says I dont need a guy that doesn't listen & doesn't tell me how special i am or do the sweet things. also if we have kids, he has to learn to control his temper & cant be smashing everything in his site Also more than anything the cake monogram has me seriously devastated (he has not even acknowledged this at all---he just said 'I told you to give me my glasses back).

i do love him & i can see us married but so much of this is due to stress & money & we're forgetting the impt stuff. i know he does love me but he gets caught up in work & enjoys what he does.

Not sure what i am asking for, just hugs/advice too....what would you do? Sorry so long.

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jenntony Thread views: 8,865

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

so sorry about everything, i hope that everything works out for you guys!!!!

ssdbk Thread views: 8,865

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

Sounds like he had his decision made before the weekend. If you feel that you need to hide the guy's glasses, do you really love him? I just can't see doing that to my husband.

chloeme2 Thread views: 8,865

Re: Weddings not happeniing? :( Need 2 vent...so sad...so confused

Posted by jada2destiny

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this maybe you guys SHOULD hold off on the wedding plans for a while A moment of embarrassment is way better then a lifetime of regret and pain. I understand that you really love this guy and I'm sure that he loves you the same (in his own way), but his temper is out of control and next time it may not be a cake topper that is his target. Some guys just aren't affectionate and as the saying goes, 'you can't teach an old dog new tricks'.

Keep us posted and good luck i will keep you in my prayers

JMHO: Maybe you guys should seperate for a while to figure out what the two of you want as individuals and seek counceling seperately and as a couple as some of the other girls have suggested

I agree w/ a lot of what Jada2destiny posted. Sometimes people need space so that they can see the forest through the trees. Too many people that I know are ending marriages after 2 yrs or less. It's really imperative that 2 pple go into marriage feeling confident that they are committing to a healthy relationship. As difficult as it may be, I think that it's time to soul search so that both of you can make a solid, rational decision. I am so sorry for your pain

cherryj24 Thread views: 8,865

Re: Weddings not happeniing? UPDATE NEAR BOTTOM

YAY! Good luck!

MrsMagoo Thread views: 8,865

Re: Weddings not happeniing? UPDATE NEAR BOTTOM

I hope everything works out for you! We are all thinking about you!!!

smara Thread views: 8,865

Re: Weddings not happeniing? UPDATE NEAR BOTTOM

Good Luck - I am glad you guys are starting to communicate.

bacibaci Thread views: 8,865

Re: Weddings not happeniing? UPDATE NEAR BOTTOM

Edited for wrong quote

bacibaci Thread views: 8,865

Re: Weddings not happeniing? UPDATE NEAR BOTTOM

Posted by sarahradio5

Posted by MysteryGroom

This sounds like another faker!!!!

I don't think so. I think maybe she signed on under another name so she can anonymously state her true feelings and situation.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have to say... I don't think he's ready at this point for marriage. He seems very immature when it comes to relationships. You're trying more than he is. You're both getting to the point where you do immature things out of frustration.. you hiding his glasses. Him breaking the monogrammed cake topper. Those things don't help ANYTHING. I think postponing the wedding, as HARD as that is, is the best thing. In fact, I think you guys may need a break from each other. When my FH and I went through bad times, we 'broke up'. I was still there for him during that time when he got in an accident and was out of work for 3 months, but we weren't 'together, together'. All of a sudden, a light bulb went off in his head, and he realized what he had in me. He called me one day and said he wanted to meet and told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and apologized for everything. (that still wasn't the official proposal... the ring came 5months later after I saw how he re-committed himself to me and enjoyed our relationship). It has been AMAZING. He's not an overly emotional or romantic guy on a daily basis, but he definitely has his moments! The reason I'm saying this is because I learned you can't force a guy into being committed to a relationship. The bad times with us were filled with my trying to do that. That just made it worse. Give him space... let him see what he has in you. Try to be the bigger person here. Don't hide things on him. Suggest the postponement maturely. Say you love him, but you think this is best. And then give it REAL time. I'm sorry you're going through this now, but it's better than after the marriage and kids. Let him mature and grow a little, and then you'll see if it's meant to be. I learned that both people in a couple have to be 100% emotionally happy and complete in order to be in a healthy relationship. He may not be to that point yet. Maybe, in time, he'll realize...

Good luck.

I completely agree! If it's at the point where you two aren't fighting to fix the problem and you're just fighting against each other then maybe a break from each other is what you both need in order to figure out how and if you should move forward with your relationship. Sometimes it takes more courage to walk away (even for a little while) than it does to stay and let all of your problems escalate.