*~*~*~*~*Wednesday QOTD*~*~*~*~*

Happy Hump Day to all my beautiful brides past and present!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know this might be a controversial topic but I had a conversation with a couple of friends of mine regarding Rhianna and one friend said that she would leave her boyfriend the minute he touched her but my other friend said that it depended on what he did...meaning verbal, emotional or physical and if he had counseling and never did it again she would take him back. I tend to agree that I wouldnt be able to forgive abuse ever.

I know this is touchy but I would like to know what everyone thinks....

Is it ever appropriate for someone to express anger to a loved one in a physical/emotional/mental way? If so, when and how? Would you stay with FH if he ever expressed anger to you?

I believe that anger should never be expressed to a loved one. I am a firm believer in communication really does solve most problems and if it has to resort to expressing anger there is a real problem that requires mediation. If fh got some angry that he had to punch a wall or else it would escalate I would immediately seek counseling for him because there must be an underlying issue that is causing his anger to get to the breaking point. I could never stay with fh if he ever expressed anger like that to me because it shows disrespect and the lack of love he has for me...because if you love someone you should never express your anger in any type of abuse. JMO

I dont want to bring anyone down with this topic but it really got to me.

Ok I have been in a very verbal and somewhat physically abusive relationship its very hard to leave! But I eventually did and thank god for that!!!

If my FH ever did anything to me Verbally or Physically I would not stand for it!! at all! being in that situation before its not fun!

but in rihannas case...If i were her i would have left chris brown! she should not stand for that kind of treatment buuuuuttt I dont believe chris brown should be hated by the world! I believe that he has a problem that stems from his childhood and should get help! if he get the help and fixes the problem than good for him! Im a trueeee believer that people can change!

I would leave FH in one second flat if he ever physically hurt me (even just once).... mentally and emotionally is a different story, I guess it depends on the extent of the situation. If it was an ongoing thing then I would leave him no questions asked. I am so fortunate to know that FH would never do that to me.. He is the sweetest most gentle person.

I unfortunately have experienced this, which is the reason I wouldn't think twice about leaving if it happened. My ex drank alot and when he did he became very mean and emtionally abusive. I used to ignore it then it started to really bug me.. we would fight about it non stop. One day he got so mad at me (while being drunk) that he threw me down on the ground. I was all cut up and bleeding etc.. I was an idiot. I forgave him and looked past it and figured it would never happen again.. a few months later I had a party at my apartment and he got very wasted and mean again.. I don't even know what happened (if i said or did something mean) but I just remember him charging me and his friends having to pull him off of me... they were all screaming at him saying 'what is wrong with you hitting a girl' etc. Needless to say I never saw him again. I told him to get out. He kept coming back to the apartment for weeks apologizing and I refused to open the door. I was terrified of him. Finally he stopped. I told my dad what happened eventually so he was fully preparted to kill him if he came back.

Last I heard of him he was engaged... I feel bad for that woman. I didnt see the real side of him until 4 years into our relationship. I know now that I would never ever forgive someone for that because if it happens once its probably going to happen again!

sorry that was so long haha

I think there is never ever a reason to get angry like that to loved one especially your spouse. Fh used to have a bog attitude problem and not realize it and I would tell him you do not act that way with me,. He knew I was right and has worked really hard to be better and is better.
But as far as physical abuse there def is never ever a reason to do it. ANd no one should ever put up with that no matter what

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Posted by JennyAPH

I would leave FH in one second flat if he ever physically hurt me (even just once).... mentally and emotionally is a different story, I guess it depends on the extent of the situation. If it was an ongoing thing then I would leave him no questions asked. I am so fortunate to know that FH would never do that to me.. He is the sweetest most gentle person.

I unfortunately have experienced this, which is the reason I wouldn't think twice about leaving if it happened. My ex drank alot and when he did he became very mean and emtionally abusive. I used to ignore it then it started to really bug me.. we would fight about it non stop. One day he got so mad at me (while being drunk) that he threw me down on the ground. I was all cut up and bleeding etc.. I was an idiot. I forgave him and looked past it and figured it would never happen again.. a few months later I had a party at my apartment and he got very wasted and mean again.. I don't even know what happened (if i said or did something mean) but I just remember him charging me and his friends having to pull him off of me... they were all screaming at him saying 'what is wrong with you hitting a girl' etc. Needless to say I never saw him again. I told him to get out. He kept coming back to the apartment for weeks apologizing and I refused to open the door. I was terrified of him. Finally he stopped. I told my dad what happened eventually so he was fully preparted to kill him if he came back.

Last I heard of him he was engaged... I feel bad for that woman. I didnt see the real side of him until 4 years into our relationship. I know now that I would never ever forgive someone for that because if it happens once its probably going to happen again!

sorry that was so long haha

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Wow!!! Can I ask why you stayed??? I had a friend in an abusive relationship and I would say just leave...and her rebuttal was you dont understand, I love him. Is it the love, did you think that would be the last time? I am no longer friends with her because I just didnt understand why she would stay and it hurt me to see her that way and take it.

Its great that you left and are in a healthy relationship.

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Posted by JennyAPH

I would leave FH in one second flat if he ever physically hurt me (even just once).... mentally and emotionally is a different story, I guess it depends on the extent of the situation. If it was an ongoing thing then I would leave him no questions asked. I am so fortunate to know that FH would never do that to me.. He is the sweetest most gentle person.

I unfortunately have experienced this, which is the reason I wouldn't think twice about leaving if it happened. My ex drank alot and when he did he became very mean and emtionally abusive. I used to ignore it then it started to really bug me.. we would fight about it non stop. One day he got so mad at me (while being drunk) that he threw me down on the ground. I was all cut up and bleeding etc.. I was an idiot. I forgave him and looked past it and figured it would never happen again.. a few months later I had a party at my apartment and he got very wasted and mean again.. I don't even know what happened (if i said or did something mean) but I just remember him charging me and his friends having to pull him off of me... they were all screaming at him saying 'what is wrong with you hitting a girl' etc. Needless to say I never saw him again. I told him to get out. He kept coming back to the apartment for weeks apologizing and I refused to open the door. I was terrified of him. Finally he stopped. I told my dad what happened eventually so he was fully preparted to kill him if he came back.

Last I heard of him he was engaged... I feel bad for that woman. I didnt see the real side of him until 4 years into our relationship. I know now that I would never ever forgive someone for that because if it happens once its probably going to happen again!

sorry that was so long haha

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Im sorry you had to deal with that and expericance it. But Im sure it made you a lot stronger person, and good for you that your happy now and with someone who knows the right way to treat you

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship in my early 20's. It was tough to get out of because he had eroded my self-esteem down to less than 0 by the time I realized something was wrong. I snapped one day when we were fighting and he punched the wall next to me (missing my face by about 10 inches). That was it. I left his house and NEVER went back. I told him that if he tried to call or contact me in any way I would slap him with an order of protection.

At the same time, my best friend is in an emotionally (and I suspect physically but have no proof) abusive relationship. We have all tried many times to get her to leave the jerk, but she won't. She has been engaged to him for 7 years. He says he won't marry her until 'she improves her attitidue' whatever that means!

Unfortunately we can't make her leave him unless she's willing to do it.

ETA: I guess I should add that one of the things that I love most about FH is he is one of the most gentle compassionate people I've ever met! I'm very lucky.

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Wow!!! Can I ask why you stayed??? I had a friend in an abusive relationship and I would say just leave...and her rebuttal was you dont understand, I love him. Is it the love, did you think that would be the last time? I am no longer friends with her because I just didnt understand why she would stay and it hurt me to see her that way and take it.

Its great that you left and are in a healthy relationship.

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The first time it happened I figured he was really drunk.. I did break up with him but he apologized a million times and i finally forgave him and took him back. I don't remember if i honestly thoguht it would never happen again. I knew how mean he got when he drank.. but he promised he would work on that too... of course those promises only lasted a few weeks and he was back to drinking and emotionally abusing me. I was at the end of my rope as it was and then that thing happened where he attacked me and that was enough for me. Im not sure why I didnt just end it sooner. We were together for 5 years so maybe part of me was scared and confused. The first 4 years of our relationship was great then it all went downhill. I have no idea.. all I know is that I am SO glad I never even gave him the time to apologize again. I did call his parents and told them what happened and that he needed help. I don't know if anything came of that.

I to used to be in a emotional relationship. I was young and 18 and stupid and loved him. But he would say **** to me and mess me up in the head. I remember one time he told me his best friend ( who was a female) was gorgeous ad prettier then me. So here I am all feelin bad about my self liek Im not good enough, and I meet her and I was def hotter thne her. I said something to him about it and he goes oh I know I was just afraid that you would leave me so I sadi that... whaaaaaaat!!!! He cheated on me and did all this stuff... so glad i have FH now bc when I think of why I stayed then I really dont know. But whatever brings you down only makes you stronger and im def a lot stronger for dealing with all of that ( theres was a lot more but I wont get into it)

I also had my best friend be in a really bad relationship she was come crying to me I would tell her to leave him and give her advice and she wouldnt do it. Then we went to visit them in florida and she saw how happy me and FH were and that was what it was for her to leave him bc she saw us and was lie hey its not supposed to be like that

I would NOT be able to forgive any kind of that behavior.
But I also don't believe in women hitting men either....I had a friend who slapped her b/f at a bar and I feel that is a huge no-no and there is a lack of respect.....so in that case if he would have slapped her back (he didn't just saying) I would think she deserved it.
JMO.

well of course phsical abuse is def a no and so is mental but if u r talking about when fh and i fight...or anyone fights i think the most important thing is to not go below the belt..it should never be a contest of who can say what would hurt the other one more....everyone fights and sometimes says things we should not but to me its how u fight that really says something

not sure if i answered this right lol

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Posted by LadyDuda81509

Ok I have been in a very verbal and somewhat physically abusive relationship its very hard to leave! But I eventually did and thank god for that!!!

If my FH ever did anything to me Verbally or Physically I would not stand for it!! at all! being in that situation before its not fun!

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Same here. It is really hard to leave, as much as you know it is the right thing to do, because your self-esteem is completely shot to hell. But luckily, I finally broke free of that situation.

DH helped me learn to love and respect myself more than I ever thought possible. I'd never stay with him though if he hurt me, physically or verbally. Unless it's a chemical thing, it'll never get better, only worse.

I would not be able to stay in a physically or mentally abusive relationship... there is a big difference between a fight b/w you and your fh/dh and an ongoing abusive relationship...

but i also believe that you can not say anything if you haven't been in that person's shoes...

I met fh when i was 18, every other relationship i had before that was never serious, and i am very lucky to say i am marrying a great man, not a perfect man by no means, but a man that loves AND respects me ! we have fights just like every couple on LIW but when the fight is over we are able to let it go (which i feel is very important) and we are able to learn from it !

as a nurse I have learned about many different places and organizations that are around to help women and men in abusive relationships.... if there are any girls on here reading this that do need help, know that there is help out there for you !