Were You a Bad Teenager?????

I need help. I am desperate. My FSIL is 19 years old, and I have known her since she was 13. Once she started High School, she stopped going to school. SHe cut out almost every single day. At 16, she dropped out and passed her GED by one point.

SHe is always in trouble. Her ex boyfriend stole her mothers car keys and stole the car last June, we have had the police knock at our door (we live in the basement apartment) to tell us that one of her friends called 911 from her mothers apartment as a prank during one of her house parties, she has had about 6 jobs, but no longer than one month sat each becasue she can not wake up on time, and she will call in even as soon as her first week. She sleeps all day long, and when she wakes up, she is the biggest b*ithc, and you can't even talk to her until she is ready....

SHe has attempted college during 4 different semesters, and failed every single class with the exception of two. Her father had wasted so much money on her education, as well as teh poor guy has to pay for her COBRA beacsue she is not a fulltime student.

We are all responsible for teh way she acts becasue we have all contributed through the years to making her the irresopnsible brat that she is. But at 19, I was working a fulltime job for $6.00 an hour and a fulltime student... I know it's not right to compare, but I think if she is not in school, she should still hold some type of job...

Ok, so here is teh best part.

Since she was 17, she has worked on and off in my office. They let her go three times already, but when tehy are desperate, tehy bring her back for a day or two. I was able to get her an office job in teh company downstairs from me for teh same pay, and all she has to do is file and answer phones...
On Monday, one of teh girls in my office picked her up and drove here here. SHe was on time, and she did a great job.
On Tuesday, I woke her up at 7, and she was suppsoed to get picked up at 7.50. SHe fell back asleep (I have had to come in at 7.00 all this week, so I can't drive her...) and she missed her ride. SHe had to take car service, it cost her $30.00 and she was 45 minutes late.
Today, I woke her up at 6.45. SHe tells me taht she will be waiting fo rher ride at 7.40. I said did you tell Jennifer, the girl taht drives her, that you will be waiting for her and you need a ride? No, I was goign to call her now. Ok Lauren~that's a good idea considering she is doign YOU a favor. Our house is out of the way. So at 7.00 she calls and says she can't get her on teh phone. I try, I can't get her. I yell at her and tell her I am leavign my office and I will get her. Bear in mind, my office is a half an hour away from her house, and with traffic, it'll be liek 45 minutes. I don't even get a thank you!!! I get an OK! At 7.15, my phone rings and it's Jennifer, who tells us that she spoke to Lauren three times yesterday, and Lauren never mentioned taht she needed a ride.
SO I drive back to work, where I am half an hour late.
I wouldn't care if she lost her job if I wasn't teh one to get teh job for her as a nice gesture from this company. We do a lot of work woth them, and I have a great relationship with them. HOW HARD IS IT TO JUST BE UP ON TIME!!!

Were any of you girls like this? How did you finally grow up??? I was also a terribel teenager, but I was also responsible and intelligent and did well in school and at her aga, I worked and I wasn't a burden on people.

How did you finally grow up? I am at teh verge of tears, this is putting a strain on Brian and I.

Why doesn't she just find a job around by where she lives? Its very unfair that she isn't even appreciative of everyone going out of their way to give her rides to work. Sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do. I would say 'I can pick you up at this time,will you be ready? If you aren't,then I can't wait.
As far as her schooling goes and her not even trying and flunking her subjects, I wouldn't even pay for it. If she wants schooling and is serious, she should get a student loan like millions of others and pay for it herself. When it affects HER pocket,maybe she will take it seriously.
Sounds like she is very spoiled and needs to grow up. Don't let her get to you like this. You can offer her a ride if she will be ready at a specific time,if not,its her problem.

I was not like that, I was quite the angel ( ), but I have a 15 yr old cousin who is on the same track as your FSIL. The difference is, my cousin is bi polar and has PTSD. She had some TERRIBLE things happen to her as a child, and as a result, she acts out in certain ways. She's in a treatment program, but last January, she ran away with her best friend and two cab drivers (mind you she was 14 and these cab drivers were in their 20s). Well, anyway, after days of searching for her, she finally ran out of money and called my aunt to come pick her up. She immediately tells my aunt she may be pregnant with the cab drivers baby. So the police got involved, they went to court, she got locked away in a lock up facility, and now she will be starting another program in the fall.
My guess is that there is something going on with your FSIL. Maybe clinical depression. I would urge your FH to tell his parents she needs severe counseling. As for vouching for this girl with anything, I would not do that anymore. She's just incapable of following through. I hope everything works out!

I wasn't goign totwrite this part because I was embarrassed in some way by it, but she has her mothers ATM card, and she withdrew over $600.oo in increments of $20.00 since June. SHe has been thrown out AGAIN for the third time, and she had slept on our couch. I want her no where in my apartment!!!

In teh past, she has 'borrowed' clothes numerous times and also had teh nerve to take my laptop out of the house and bring it to her friends house without permission!!! I almost killed her for that one.

I dropped out of college one friday at 19 and went to work on Monday...and have been working ever since and now have to pay my own way through college because of my foolishness (busting my a$$ all along the way, I might add!) I too believe that if you're not in school GET A JOB. That said, you can only do so much for a person. If they're not willing to help themselves, you can't force it on them. Laurie, you're such a great person and you have such a big heart but I honestly believe that she needs to fall flat on her face in order to learn her lesson! You risk your own good reputation when you give someone a good recommendation and they are a lousy employee. I know it will be very hard for you to sit back and watch that happen but right now, IMO, she's taking full advantage of you and the rest of her family, and has no consideration for what you all do for her!

You have told me so much about her, I am sorry you and Brian have to go through this.

She needs a good @$$ kicking

I don't think the mother should have given her an ATM card. This girl needs to learn responsibility and never will if everyone is paying for this and paying for that and driving her wherever she needs to go.
Why doesn't she get her own car and drive herself and be responsible by paying her own insurance.
I wouldn't want her around either if she takes things from your home without asking.

You are right, I think she does need a counselor.
And if she has to pay for school, she won't go. It's liek teh world owes her something!

And has dated teh guys from her, but they were all her age. SHe hates OLDER MEN! I am really going to kill this girl.

I believe that if her family continues to pay for her schooling,drive her around & give her money whenever she wants then she isn't going to learn responsibility. On the other hand, if they stop giving her money and paying for her schooling,she will be more motivated to get up and go to work so she can make money & study and take schooling seriously.
I don't blame you for being annoyed. I would have no tolerance for her behavior either.

I wasn't the best teenager either. I screwed up my first semester at Boston U and had to come home. My parents were apalled. I just wasn't ready for all that freedom

There is NO way that my parents would let me sleep all day. My mom used to tell me, 'this is not a hotel!' I had strict rules I had to abide by or I was out of the house. I had to have a job, go to that job, pay rent, had to be up and dressed at a certain time (even on weekends!), had a curfew, go to counseling, had limited phone time, etc. They even had me sign a contract (dad is an attorney).

It may seem kind of militant, but it worked. Of course not at first. I didn't take it seriously until they kicked my a$$ out. Tough love. I wasn't gone too long. I had to beg to come back b/c believe me, it ain't easy out there at 18. Straightened by butt out for sure.

BTW, my parents would not pay for school after that. When I decided to go back, I had to pay for it myself.

Lesson learned.

I had to pay for my own schooling,car insurance,etc. Seems to me that if she had to pay for everything herself,she wouldn't be such a brat!
Kids are too spoiled these days.

There is a McDonalds on our corner! She has that 'I'm too good for that!' attitude. I can't deal with this. There are so many things I could add to teh above this that you woudl eb appalled by. Her mother is beyond upset and I don't always see eye to eye with her, but it hurts me to see her so destroyed over Lauren. And it kills me because Lauren's first priority should be paying back her mother, but it's not! It's 'I have to eat, ya know!!!! ' Brian and I had it out beacsue he gave her money over teh weekend.

Like Dawnie always says, we are her enabalers....

She can brown bag her lunch like many of us do.
There is no reason people need to give her money.
She is perfectly capable of making her own money at work. I say 'don't give her any money and let her learn responsibility.'

at 19 shes not a kid anymore.......... Sorry to say.

But tough love goes a long way. Forget it, you can bring a donkey to the river to drink make you cant make them drink the water.. However that saying goes.

Tell her to grow up..... Does she live with her parents, family?

Alias, I totally hear where you are coming from, but its her life. Sometimes people learn more from getting less, the more you give the more they want from you and not from themselves.

Don't let her cause you any problems. She is not your responsibility. Don't give her any money and don't give her special treatment. She'll learn the hard way. If she needs a ride, you expect her to be ready at a specific time otherwise she'll have to find another way to get to work.
She can only get away with what everyone allows her to get away with. I know she's your SIL and you want to help her but I think you'll help her more by not helping her.

At this point, she is living from house to house to house. It has been almost a week since her mother realized taht her account was off my $600.00...

Where is she supposed to go if she won't let her come home? And NO !!! SHe is no longer permitted to sleep on my couch.

There's tough love, but her mother can't just discard her daughter?

I wouldn't say its discarding her daughter. Its teaching her a lesson, and she NEEDS to be taught one.
From my own experience after being kicked out, the first week or two is fun, staying with friends, partying, etc, after you wear out your welcome reality starts to kick in and its not so fun anymore.

Letting her get away with stuff like this and letting her live at home is not going to help her.

Enabling is always easier that tough love

She can either kick her out, or bail her out for the rest of her life until she dies, at which time Lauren will mooch off of you and Brian for the rest of your lives. Don't mean to be harsh but that's how I see it.

Why doesn't her mom start charging her rent?