What are you doing iwth your last name after you are married?

awww nsgraham...you made me feel better!
I totally agree with making your name yours..i feel the same way! it is a part of me!!! (one that i don't think i am going to part with..and it kind of bothers me i am just expected to!)

---

Posted by takeoutcook

my fh's last name is the same last name as a tv family from a classic tv show. the last name is fine, but EVERYONE points out the tv reference, as if i've never watched tv as a child.

---

i am curious....what is it? Brady? Partridge? Keaton? Seaver?

i changed mine to my husband's.

ETA - i just read : Cunningham! I forgot about that one!

---

Posted by DrmnBlnd

I am taking his. I can't wait!

---

Same here ... and the wait is almost over!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted by katebloom99

Personally, I can't wait to get rid of my last name b/c I have never liked it. So I will be taking my fh's.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Same here!!!! I love FH's last name!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ditto for me!!!

I'm going to keep my name professionally - but take his .
My dad is an only child, and has 2 daughters. -
So I feel bad just dropping my name w/ noone to carry it on -

1st. Off.....I LOVE my middle name....I am not dropping..it at all.

I could live without my last name...I have had it for 30 years. Plus...it will always be my maiden name....so, I won't be so far away from it.

I so appreciate your perspective that your name is 'your name' because you've built an identity and your career with that name. Amen! I think this is a really personal decision. I agreed and laughed out loud earlier with the person who said that all of their feminist tendencies get focused in this one issue, I saw myself in your quote!
I totally agree that I'm not OK with adding an 's' and being Mrs. John Doe. Besides the fact I worked for a really long time to get a doctorate, so it doesn't work anyway.

Thanks so much for all of this discussion about this, my head has been spinning with this issue at time.

Fh and I battled this one out. Finally I decided that he wasn't supportive of me keeping my name and I could live with that. I am definitely not doing it out of spite (when I decided - I thought he would be supportive) but I refuse to change my mind because, as he says, his parents will be upset.

Since FH has no middle name - I told him that if he wants our names to reflect our backgrounds so badly - he should take my last name as his middle name. He said that was stupid because he was used to his name as it was. Really? How did he think I felt then?

My decision is not based on making a femi nazi statement. It is based on my own rationale. We are given first and last names. Why would we change them because we get married? If the point is to be one entity - there should be a new name for both or a combination such as hyphenation for both husband and wives. In the end, we are never one entity in my opinion. We are two individuals who pledge to love one another and care for one another. Calling each other by the same name doesn't affect that.

The tradition of taking a man's name started when men legally OWNED their wives. The 's' (in Mrs.) was added to show posession.
They called women Mrs. John Doe because she really did no longer exist as her own person. Now I understand people like tradition and consider my reasoning to be an oversimplification. For me - taking a man's name is a tradition that has no meaning for me. I don't really see the purpose (since the real reason people did it was to show ownership. We no longer consider ourselves property - so why do we do it? Purely tradition)

I do not have any problem with women who do decide to take their husband's last name. However, I do wonder how any woman is not terribly offended at being referred to as Mrs. JOHN Doe however. Ladies - keep your first name!!! Calling yourself Mrs. John is creepy (to me anyway).

Even on my invites and placecards - I refuse to use a man's name to address a female. If he gets a first name - so does she.

It all comes down to preference and my point is not that women shouldn't take their husband's last name. My point is that for me, just doing something for the sake of tradition wasn't a good enough reason.

When I was younger I used to think the name change thing didn't matter because you either had your father's name or your husband's--historically a sign of the two men you BELONGED to during your life. So no matter what you did, it was still sexist. But now that I'm an old lady (!), I agree with the other girls who said their maiden name is not their father's, but their own because they've lived with it for so long. I never even particularly liked my last name, but it's mine. I can't imagine parting with such a big piece of me.

I think FH is kinda bummed, but since he knows me so well, he's not surprised. If he disagrees with my choice, he's keeping it to himself.

But I do just want to share with the rest of you girls who are keeping your names: get ready for the big question, 'What about the kids? What will their names be?'

Personally I think that the one who carries a baby around for nine months, gains weight, gets bloated and sick and hormonal, and finally has to go through outrageously painful labor should be the one to get her name on the kids!

---

Posted by samsbride

Fh and I battled this one out. Finally I decided that he wasn't supportive of me keeping my name and I could live with that. I am definitely not doing it out of spite (when I decided - I thought he would be supportive) but I refuse to change my mind because, as he says, his parents will be upset.

Since FH has no middle name - I told him that if he wants our names to reflect our backgrounds so badly - he should take my last name as his middle name. He said that was stupid because he was used to his name as it was. Really? How did he think I felt then?

My decision is not based on making a femi nazi statement. It is based on my own rationale. We are given first and last names. Why would we change them because we get married? If the point is to be one entity - there should be a new name for both or a combination such as hyphenation for both husband and wives. In the end, we are never one entity in my opinion. We are two individuals who pledge to love one another and care for one another. Calling each other by the same name doesn't affect that.

The tradition of taking a man's name started when men legally OWNED their wives. The 's' (in Mrs.) was added to show posession.
They called women Mrs. John Doe because she really did no longer exist as her own person. Now I understand people like tradition and consider my reasoning to be an oversimplification. For me - taking a man's name is a tradition that has no meaning for me. I don't really see the purpose (since the real reason people did it was to show ownership. We no longer consider ourselves property - so why do we do it? Purely tradition)

I do not have any problem with women who do decide to take their husband's last name. However, I do wonder how any woman is not terribly offended at being referred to as Mrs. JOHN Doe however. Ladies - keep your first name!!! Calling yourself Mrs. John is creepy (to me anyway).

Even on my invites and placecards - I refuse to use a man's name to address a female. If he gets a first name - so does she.

It all comes down to preference and my point is not that women shouldn't take their husband's last name. My point is that for me, just doing something for the sake of tradition wasn't a good enough reason.

---

<~~~ Jumping and clapping for samsbride.

Very well said!
I'm so tired of people looking at me like I'm crazy because I haven't changed my name! It odesn't make me any less committed, or any less in love.

---

Posted by wenndypoo

---

Posted by samsbride

Fh and I battled this one out. Finally I decided that he wasn't supportive of me keeping my name and I could live with that. I am definitely not doing it out of spite (when I decided - I thought he would be supportive) but I refuse to change my mind because, as he says, his parents will be upset.

Since FH has no middle name - I told him that if he wants our names to reflect our backgrounds so badly - he should take my last name as his middle name. He said that was stupid because he was used to his name as it was. Really? How did he think I felt then?

My decision is not based on making a femi nazi statement. It is based on my own rationale. We are given first and last names. Why would we change them because we get married? If the point is to be one entity - there should be a new name for both or a combination such as hyphenation for both husband and wives. In the end, we are never one entity in my opinion. We are two individuals who pledge to love one another and care for one another. Calling each other by the same name doesn't affect that.

The tradition of taking a man's name started when men legally OWNED their wives. The 's' (in Mrs.) was added to show posession.
They called women Mrs. John Doe because she really did no longer exist as her own person. Now I understand people like tradition and consider my reasoning to be an oversimplification. For me - taking a man's name is a tradition that has no meaning for me. I don't really see the purpose (since the real reason people did it was to show ownership. We no longer consider ourselves property - so why do we do it? Purely tradition)

I do not have any problem with women who do decide to take their husband's last name. However, I do wonder how any woman is not terribly offended at being referred to as Mrs. JOHN Doe however. Ladies - keep your first name!!! Calling yourself Mrs. John is creepy (to me anyway).

Even on my invites and placecards - I refuse to use a man's name to address a female. If he gets a first name - so does she.

It all comes down to preference and my point is not that women shouldn't take their husband's last name. My point is that for me, just doing something for the sake of tradition wasn't a good enough reason.

---

<~~~ Jumping and clapping for samsbride.

Very well said!
I'm so tired of people looking at me like I'm crazy because I haven't changed my name! It odesn't make me any less committed, or any less in love.

---

i second that! although I am unsure about whether or not i will be changing my name, i don't like how others react to the fact that i may not change it! You are right...it doesn't mean you are any less committed, or any less in love...there seem to be a lot of people who don't understand it. That's okay though...it is a personal decision every woman is entitled to make for herself!