What are you doing iwth your last name after you are married?

I really just felt like it was part of who I am and didn't want to lose that.

I completely agree with you! I think this decision is totally individual. For some it's easy either way, and for others it's not. I think each person makes the right decision regarding this because it's the right decision for them. Changing your name, not changing, hyphenating, making up a whole new name, whatever - as long as it's YOUR decision, then it's the right one.

That's funny cause at first I wasn't going to change my name at all. Then a little while later FI says that he would really want for me to change my name or at least add it on. So of course I will but I am still torn about adding it or replacing it. Like some other girls have said I feel like I'm losing the identity I've had my whole life. I try to explain this to FI but he doesn't get it. I don't dislike his name but it's just not mine. I have such a nice Italian last name. I am also very torn.

P.S. His mom sent me a card recently and put on the envelope Mrs. XXXXX and I was like hey that's not my name yet!!

I have my license, and I officially am hypenating.

But I'm using either one when I want, as is the tradition in my family. I'll keep my name at work and professionally, and I'll just be Mrs. X to my kids' teachers and friends, and we'll be 'The Xs' socially (on invites and stuff) and as a family. But I'm using my maiden pretty much for every single other thing. I'm probably just gonna use the hypenate for legal stuff.

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Posted by takeoutcook

my fh's last name is the same last name as a tv family from a classic tv show. the last name is fine, but EVERYONE points out the tv reference, as if i've never watched tv as a child.

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Now im dying to know!!!

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Posted by takeoutcook

my fh's last name is the same last name as a tv family from a classic tv show. the last name is fine, but EVERYONE points out the tv reference, as if i've never watched tv as a child.

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sort of off topic.... but my stepuncles name is Peter Brady!!! heehee

I'm taking his but mostly because he feels so strongly about it (more than me).... but if he didn't I'd probably hyphenate. I might still use my maiden name professionally since we both work for the same agency.

The good thing is I get to go from 7 letters to 5 and I move up one letter in the alphabet; the not-so-good thing is that his last name is so common and mine is Latin but also sounds Italian -- which HE is but you wouldn't know it by his last name!

Yes it is true - NYS does not legally allow you to use your maiden name as your middle name!!! They told me this at the license office and I read an article in The Wall Street Journal too.

Makes no sense. Now all of you reading this are saying this isn't true because you know people who have kept their maiden name as their middle name. Yes - it's true. The Social Security office and DMV do not seem to be aware of this law (but the office where you get the marriage license certainly is) or maybe they don't care.

About 90% of the time - you can go to Social Security and do what you want so don't sweat it. Don't ask - just put what you want and they will probably do it unless you get someone who knows the law (highly unlikely)

Just realize that it may not happen so if you are dead set on keeping your maiden name - you should hyphenate or keep it.

My last name and husbands last name do not hyphenate well.
On the marriage license - I said I was just going to take his name (since I couldn't use maiden as middle as I planned)
Now I've changed my mind and want to keep my last name. I hope it's OK that it doesn't match my marriage license! I suppose it isn't reported anywhere though or we wouldn't have to notify Social Security (including the IRS) and DMV ourselves.

I don't have a problem taking his last name but some old timers insist that a woman give up both her first and last names when she gets married so she becomes Mrs. John Doe instead of Mrs. Jane Doe.

I'm 30 years old. I have a name. I won't settle for just an 's'

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Posted by JuneBride2005

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Posted by november12003

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Posted by JuneBride2005

I really don't want to 'lose' my last name, so i was thinking of making it a legal middle name (although I already have one). I have heard of people doing that...it is just too long a name to hyphenate, and I really don't want to just drop it totally. I was wondering what everyone else was doing...

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I read somewhere that in NYS you cannot change your maiden name to your middle name, you can only take his or hyphenate.

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My friend's aunt and my mother's cousin both did this with their maiden names...they both live in NY state...have they changed the laws?

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I don't know if the law has recently changed but I was just speaking to my aunt about this last week. She said that her son's (my cousin's) fiance wanted to do that but that she wasn't allowed to change her middle name to her maiden name. They told her the only alternative was to hyphenate her name with his. She ended up just taking his. I would have liked to add my maiden name to my middle name but seeing as you cannot do this, I will just take his.

I have no idea what I am going to do. My FH says he definiatly wants me to take his name, he thought I could drop my last name, however I dont want to drop it. He then suggested I drop my middle name and make my last my middle and take his BUT my middle name is my moms maiden name and I dont want to offend her....Any suggestions

You can change your name to anything you want. You just have to do it legally, the same way as if you were changing your first name. I think there are lawyers and legal documents involved.

For those who don't want to give up your name, my mom pointed this out to me the other day: You've had your father's name all your life anyway. It's not like it is 'yours'. I thought that was an interesting and different viewpoint...

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ

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Posted by takeoutcook

my fh's last name is the same last name as a tv family from a classic tv show. the last name is fine, but EVERYONE points out the tv reference, as if i've never watched tv as a child.

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Now im dying to know!!!

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it's cunningham - it's kinda funny cause Happy Days was one of my favorite shows growing up - i figure just embrace the joke and have the happy days theme song be playing when we're introduced to the reception.

oh no... i am even more confused now! i have been struggling with this for months now and i thought i finally made the decision to add his name and take mine as my middle name. but now if i can't do that, i need to reevaluate things. AND WE ARE GOING TO GET THE LICENSE ON MONDAY AT 9:00AM!! ouy-vey!

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Posted by kel2004

You've had your father's name all your life anyway. It's not like it is 'yours'. I thought that was an interesting and different viewpoint...

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I could never follow that logic b/c then that would mean that FH's last name isn't his either - it's his father's.

I'm still not sure what to do either. It's the one thing my FH voiced his opinion about. He want's me to drop my name all together but I'm still struggling with this. If I legally change it can I still use my maiden name at work? I think that would help with the transition.

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Posted by Jordan

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Posted by kel2004

You've had your father's name all your life anyway. It's not like it is 'yours'. I thought that was an interesting and different viewpoint...

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I could never follow that logic b/c then that would mean that FH's last name isn't his either - it's his father's.

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Right, and then that name is really his father's and where does it end... It was Mom's way of thinking. I'm changing my name anyway. I don't think it's a big deal.

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Posted by Lorena

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Posted by JuneBride2005

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Posted by november12003

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Posted by JuneBride2005

I really don't want to 'lose' my last name, so i was thinking of making it a legal middle name (although I already have one). I have heard of people doing that...it is just too long a name to hyphenate, and I really don't want to just drop it totally. I was wondering what everyone else was doing...

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I read somewhere that in NYS you cannot change your maiden name to your middle name, you can only take his or hyphenate.

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My friend's aunt and my mother's cousin both did this with their maiden names...they both live in NY state...have they changed the laws?

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I don't know if the law has recently changed but I was just speaking to my aunt about this last week. She said that her son's (my cousin's) fiance wanted to do that but that she wasn't allowed to change her middle name to her maiden name. They told her the only alternative was to hyphenate her name with his. She ended up just taking his. I would have liked to add my maiden name to my middle name but seeing as you cannot do this, I will just take his.

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you guys...I am so depressed now!!! I don't know what I'll end up doing!!!

My maiden name is my name not because it's my father's name, but because I went though 28 years of life with it, I wrote and published plays with it, I established a career (of sorts ) with it. It's what I've been called my whole life. Your mom didn't think the whole thing through.

My name is my name because I made it my name, the same way my FI's name is his name because he's been himself his whole life as well. I'm using his name in family situations, because it's easier, but I'm not gonna stop being me, the same way he's not gonna stop being him.

For those of you worried about the middle maiden thing, just go and change it at the SS office the way you want. if they give you crap, leave and come back another day, but they probably wont.

And just use whatever name you want - there's a law that as long as you don't intend to defraud, you can use whatever.