What can I say to my bm??? She still didnt get shoes or her dress altered!!!!

Her dress is still sitting at my house. She was supposed to come by Sat. early to pick it up. By Sat. evening I hadnt heard from her so I called her and she was at her boyfriends apt. relaxing. She said she would call when she was ready to come pick it up!
My wedding is in 13 days!!!! She hasnt gotten shoes either! ( cant alter the dress without them!) she said shes just gunna look for red shoes instead of having to buy a pair AND dye them

I feel really bad saying anything to her b/c she is scheduled to have minor surgery on Friday and then she will be on bed rest the whole weekend ( including her birthday and missing my bach. party)
But that also means she cant take her dress next weekend and between work and school I have no idea when she plans on doing this

Omg.... with 13 days to go?? And with that surgery situation... she needs to get it done preferably BEFORE the surgery because you never know what she'll feel like afterwards....

Maybe call her and ask her when she plans to pick it up because you have some sort of deadline.... who's going to alter this dress?

Well...whatever you do, try not to stress about it too much. She'll get it done before the wedding, you'll see.

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Posted by lilacwine

Can you bring the dress to her?

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She lives down the block! Thats the worst part!!! she was supposed to be my MOH thank g-d shes not anymore!! she hasnt called me ONCE to see how things are going, if I needed help with anything, not even to tell me she got my RD invitation in the mail. NOTHING.

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Posted by JimmysBride

Omg.... with 13 days to go?? And with that surgery situation... she needs to get it done preferably BEFORE the surgery because you never know what she'll feel like afterwards....

Maybe call her and ask her when she plans to pick it up because you have some sort of deadline.... who's going to alter this dress?

Well...whatever you do, try not to stress about it too much. She'll get it done before the wedding, you'll see.

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I told her on Sat. you know we only have 2 weeks left right??? then she had no clue where she was going to alter it or where she was going to find these red shoes. Uggggh!

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ

I told her on Sat. you know we only have 2 weeks left right??? then she had no clue where she was going to alter it or where she was going to find these red shoes. Uggggh!

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If you want it done, you (or, god forbid, one of your other BMs) need to do as much as possible for her. For example, find her a place to get the dress altered (make an appt for her even) and buy a pair of shoes for her.

How bad would her dress look without alterations?

Not to put anymore work on you (so maybe your MOH could do it?) but maybe try finding a seamstress for her and set up an appt....

Then she has a deadline that she HAS to get her shoes by!

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Posted by lilacwine

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ

I told her on Sat. you know we only have 2 weeks left right??? then she had no clue where she was going to alter it or where she was going to find these red shoes. Uggggh!

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If you want it done, you (or, god forbid, one of your other BMs) need to do as much as possible for her. For example, find her a place to get the dress altered (make an appt for her even) and buy a pair of shoes for her.

How bad would her dress look without alterations?

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Im really not sure how bad it would look. She didnt even have the time to go pick it up so I did it for her! She has never tried the gown on since it came in
I already found a place for her to do alterations and called and left the info on her voicemail. I cant get in touch with her to make an appt.
The top should fit ok but the bottom is probably way to long b/c shes only 5'2 and it fit my 5'9 bridesmaid perfectly

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ

Her dress is still sitting at my house. She was supposed to come by Sat. early to pick it up. By Sat. evening I hadnt heard from her so I called her and she was at her boyfriends apt. relaxing. She said she would call when she was ready to come pick it up!
My wedding is in 13 days!!!! She hasnt gotten shoes either! ( cant alter the dress without them!) she said shes just gunna look for red shoes instead of having to buy a pair AND dye them

I feel really bad saying anything to her b/c she is scheduled to have minor surgery on Friday and then she will be on bed rest the whole weekend ( including her birthday and missing my bach. party)
But that also means she cant take her dress next weekend and between work and school I have no idea when she plans on doing this

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I can't believe she has not bought shooes or had her dress altered at this stage in the planning. It sounds like she may not really want to be a part of the bridal party

Have you asked if she wants to back out?

If she does want to back out, can you replace her with someone that can wear the dress (with alteration of course)? I had a friend do that the weekend of her wedding. She got married 9/15/01 so some of her BM's could not get flights in to NYC (no flights, boats etc due to 9/11). She had other friends fill in who could fit the already altered dresses since she too had all the dresses here in NY with her.

Assuming she does not want to back out, maybe remind her that she won't have time to get shoes and have alterations done prior to the wedding if they are not done by this Thursday. She may think she will have the time or maybe she thinks she will not have to be on best rest for the entire week

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ

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Posted by lilacwine

Can you bring the dress to her?

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She lives down the block! Thats the worst part!!! she was supposed to be my MOH thank g-d shes not anymore!! she hasnt called me ONCE to see how things are going, if I needed help with anything, not even to tell me she got my RD invitation in the mail. NOTHING.

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Wow - didn't read this far down the first time.

She seems kind of jealous Maybe she is not happy for you and does not want to be involved in the details.

With only this info to go on, I'd replace her or do without her.

Maxine, I have no real advice ...

I just wanted to give you lots of these sweetie

Easy for me to say, but please try not to let this affect your wedding day. I know this is definitely NOT what you need a couple weeks bf the wedding, but somehow, someway this will work out in the end. Try to remember the most important thing is you and Joe and your son .. the rest of this isn't truly important in the big picutre (despite how frustrating it is right now!) All eyes are going to be focused on the beautiful bride anyhow, so no worries !!

Remember I'm here if you just need to vent, cry, whatever!!

Cannot wait to see ya!

Just to put your mind at ease....when I was in my brother's wedding, I lived out of town and was a BM. I sent a dress that was form fitting, so they could measure it and order the dress. My SIL did not get the dresses in time to send it out to me to have it altered. I arrived early Friday morning, took it to the tailor at my dry cleaners and they altered it Saturday. I picked it up Sat. afternoon and it fit perfectly for the wedding on Sunday.

I know this is not how I would have planned it, and it is far from ideal, but she might have an idea like this in her head. My MOH waited until the last minute to get a dress. She was the only one in the wedding party and I told her she could wear whatever she wanted. I thought this would make it easier, but it just made her procrastinate. What finally got her going was when I sent an email saying, 'I know you are planning on getting a dress, but the fact that you don't have one yet is the thing that is causing me the most stress right now. Please, can you just go and get something?'

Good luck- sometimes it's just tough being the bride. It will all work out....

I know this sounds mean, but could you just not include her in the bridal party? I only say that becuase it doesnt seem like she is all that interested.

I'm sorry about all the stress, you dont need it, that's for sure.

Sorry you're in such a stressful situation.
She has to realize that you're planning a wedding ( a HUGE deal) and that you want everything to go as planned.

Maybe she does not have the money for these things. You go get her, drive her to the place you're having alterations done and even pick out shoes with her beforehand. AND you can offer to pay (calling it a b-day gift or something like that.)

Good luck.

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Posted by tinab16

AND you can offer to pay (calling it a b-day gift or something like that.)

Good luck.

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Its sooooooooooooooo funny you said that b/c this weekend is her bday!!!!


** Update - I called her and spoke to her. She is picking up her dress today (hopefully) and getting shoes and dropping it off to be altered this week. I think shes just so scared about her surgery that everything is taking a back seat.

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ

Her dress is still sitting at my house. She was supposed to come by Sat. early to pick it up. By Sat. evening I hadnt heard from her so I called her and she was at her boyfriends apt. relaxing. She said she would call when she was ready to come pick it up!
My wedding is in 13 days!!!! She hasnt gotten shoes either! ( cant alter the dress without them!) she said shes just gunna look for red shoes instead of having to buy a pair AND dye them.

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I am so sorry you're experiencing this. I've read so many stories like it on the boards, and have had my own drama with my BP. I've decided to re-write an old saying: It's not 'you don't really know someone until you live with them', it's 'you don't really know someone until you ask them to be in your wedding.'

I hope it all works out. Wish I had some better advice.