I understand that. you guys are friends, have been friends. but would you go out after being engaged and find a new male best friend? that seems a little weird to me. i know that if FH had a female best friend, i'd be FINE with it. but if tomorrow he came home and said, 'I met this girl and she is so awesome, i think we'd be great friends', i'd be a little weary.
This is what I mean.
There is a certain emotional aspect of a relationship, that you should only have with your SO.
I'm not just talking about an innocent friendship.
SEE THAT is different then and that is why when it comes to the whole emotional, flirting, confiding part its not black or white, there is alot of gray area that you cant just automatically say its wrong but have to know the situation first.
if someone says JUST confiding in someone else is cheating then i wont agree, doesnt mean that person is right or wrong bc its their opinion and how they feel. But if its like danielle said, if fh goes out to a club meets some new random girl gets her number and becomes friends with her then that is wrong and something is up. The same way i wouldn't meet a guy at a club, exchange numbers and become friends with him now. But i will confide in a male friend that i have known for years and even before FH. The truth is alot of girls do have a problem even if it was a female friend before her. Before FH when i was single, i had a guy friend who came to me with all his female problems. We would talk everyday and there was also drama with girls in his life hahahaha and he always talked to me about it. Now i was sitting there trying to help him work things out, giving him advice even telling him he was wrong and to stop being an A** and the girl deserves better and all that. I didnt cross the line but i know a gf at that time got mad at him for being friends with me, even though he told her from the beginning that he had a good female friend. I would never call while he was out or anything like that bc i never wanted to cause problems, i am not disrespectful to other woman.
wifetobe
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
Posted by MrsHtobe
Posted by yelley77
Posted by wifetobe
This is what I mean.
There is a certain emotional aspect of a relationship, that you should only have with your SO.
I'm not just talking about an innocent friendship.
_______________________________________
Exactly...I think we are all mature enough to handle a friendship with the opposite sex and we are ok with our FH's having the same friendship...(if it wasn't new like Yelley said).
Agreed. maturity has a lot to do with it. I know a handful of girls that would not be comfortable with their SO's going out with female co-workers, friends, etc
How would you feel if your SO had more than one emotional relationship. . .talking to girls and not fessing up to having you in his life.
How would you feel if then progressed to them hanging out, but 'nothing' happening.
That is beyond a deal breaker for me.
Anytime he lies or omitts information.....that's a betrayal.. if nothing is going on..why keep it from me and why can't I 'hang out' too.. NO WAY.......
My friend is married and this happened to her..he swore nothing happened.....how do you trust him if he keeps this from you!!!!! It's a betrayal...
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
Posted by MrsHtobe
Posted by yelley77
Posted by wifetobe
This is what I mean.
There is a certain emotional aspect of a relationship, that you should only have with your SO.
I'm not just talking about an innocent friendship.
_______________________________________
Exactly...I think we are all mature enough to handle a friendship with the opposite sex and we are ok with our FH's having the same friendship...(if it wasn't new like Yelley said).
Agreed. maturity has a lot to do with it. I know a handful of girls that would not be comfortable with their SO's going out with female co-workers, friends, etc
How would you feel if your SO had more than one emotional relationship. . .talking to girls and not fessing up to having you in his life.
How would you feel if then progressed to them hanging out, but 'nothing' happening.
That is beyond a deal breaker for me.
wait these girls dont know he has somebody? yeah that is 100% wrong and i would flip out
MrsHtobe
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
Posted by Espo22
wait these girls dont know he has somebody? yeah that is 100% wrong and i would flip out
I agree I'm trying to help my friend see this, but its really hard when you love someone and can't see yourself without them.
Wish I knew what to say to her
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
Posted by MrsHtobe
Posted by Espo22
wait these girls dont know he has somebody? yeah that is 100% wrong and i would flip out
I agree I'm trying to help my friend see this, but its really hard when you love someone and can't see yourself without them.
Wish I knew what to say to her
yeah that is absolutely wrong. There is only one reason why a man wouldn't tell a female he is with somebody
it is so hard to get involved with these things. Sometimes they even hold it against you. Just be there for her to listen to be her shoulder to cry on, thats all you can do. The rest she needs to figure out for herself what she has to do.
wifetobe
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
Yeah...all you can do is tell her your opinion...tell her to step back from her situation....if it were you in the situation..what would she tell you to do???
I told my friend her FH cheated on her....she still married him and now they are divorced....in the end..they will make their own decision...just give her the info she needs to make an informed decision and clear headed decision....that's all you can do and hope for the best.
MrsHtobe
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
Posted by Espo22
Posted by MrsHtobe
Posted by Espo22
wait these girls dont know he has somebody? yeah that is 100% wrong and i would flip out
I agree I'm trying to help my friend see this, but its really hard when you love someone and can't see yourself without them.
Wish I knew what to say to her
yeah that is absolutely wrong. There is only one reason why a man wouldn't tell a female he is with somebody
it is so hard to get involved with these things. Sometimes they even hold it against you. Just be there for her to listen to be her shoulder to cry on, thats all you can do. The rest she needs to figure out for herself what she has to do.
I told her how I felt about it. That I would always be wondering what he was doing, if he was telling the truth, what could have happened if things had been a little different.
But I guess at the end of the day she just needs to figure out what is best for her.
Thanks for your input girls, I might just send her this link.
bluekat16
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
Posted by Espo22
Posted by MrsHtobe
Posted by Espo22
wait these girls dont know he has somebody? yeah that is 100% wrong and i would flip out
I agree I'm trying to help my friend see this, but its really hard when you love someone and can't see yourself without them.
Wish I knew what to say to her
yeah that is absolutely wrong. There is only one reason why a man wouldn't tell a female he is with somebody
it is so hard to get involved with these things. Sometimes they even hold it against you. Just be there for her to listen to be her shoulder to cry on, thats all you can do. The rest she needs to figure out for herself what she has to do.
Denise you put it well.
There is nothing else but to listen to her. You've spoken your peace...now she has to reach the conclusion for herself.
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
Posted by MrsHtobe
Posted by Espo22
Posted by MrsHtobe
Posted by Espo22
wait these girls dont know he has somebody? yeah that is 100% wrong and i would flip out
I agree I'm trying to help my friend see this, but its really hard when you love someone and can't see yourself without them.
Wish I knew what to say to her
yeah that is absolutely wrong. There is only one reason why a man wouldn't tell a female he is with somebody
it is so hard to get involved with these things. Sometimes they even hold it against you. Just be there for her to listen to be her shoulder to cry on, thats all you can do. The rest she needs to figure out for herself what she has to do.
I told her how I felt about it. That I would always be wondering what he was doing, if he was telling the truth, what could have happened if things had been a little different.
But I guess at the end of the day she just needs to figure out what is best for her.
Thanks for your input girls, I might just send her this link.
Yeah unfortunately theres only so much we can do. The only thing you can do is be her friend and be there for whatever she needs. She just has to be the one who feels ok with her decision and she has to live with.
lizzzie35
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
Innocent flirting (like just talking) = not cheating
Everything else you mentioned = CHEATING
markdea7699
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
Posted by wifetobe
I feel that anytime you have a connection with someone other then your spouce..it's cheating. If you confide in another that is also cheating to me.
Im harsh but I just can't stand the thought of FH talking and confiding in another woman!!! Emotional cheating is just as bad..if not worse than physical cheating.
i agree on this one.. and FH has stricter views than i do
emomma17
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
I feel like anything you feel has to be kept a secret isn't kosher.
Emotional cheating especially would kill me because it is on a different level. Either one would be considered cheating and would not fly with me, no second chances here!
cherish83
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
Posted by wifetobe
I feel that anytime you have a connection with someone other then your spouce..it's cheating. If you confide in another that is also cheating to me.
Im harsh but I just can't stand the thought of FH talking and confiding in another woman!!! Emotional cheating is just as bad..if not worse than physical cheating.
I completely agree!
autumnbride10
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
Posted by minibride08
Posted by GinaZ
Posted by JulyBride728
all of the above I consider cheating. Anything a mate does behind your back with intentions of covering it up is considered grounds for serious mistrust...especially when it comes to him and the opposite sex.
I agree!
I agree too
Agreed!
Any type of connection other than 'Hi...how's the weather'...makes me worry....emotional connections can lead to other things....
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
Posted by autumnbride10
Posted by minibride08
Posted by GinaZ
Posted by JulyBride728
all of the above I consider cheating. Anything a mate does behind your back with intentions of covering it up is considered grounds for serious mistrust...especially when it comes to him and the opposite sex.
I agree!
I agree too
Agreed!
Any type of connection other than 'Hi...how's the weather'...makes me worry....emotional connections can lead to other things....
with new ppl or even female friends hes known for a while and like co-workers?
autumnbride10
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
Posted by Espo22
Posted by autumnbride10
Posted by minibride08
Posted by GinaZ
Posted by JulyBride728
all of the above I consider cheating. Anything a mate does behind your back with intentions of covering it up is considered grounds for serious mistrust...especially when it comes to him and the opposite sex.
I agree!
I agree too
Agreed!
Any type of connection other than 'Hi...how's the weather'...makes me worry....emotional connections can lead to other things....
with new ppl or even female friends hes known for a while and like co-workers?
Mostly new people....I know most of FH's female friends and like them all....then again...most are engaged or married...if they were single I may feel differently....
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
Posted by autumnbride10
Posted by Espo22
Posted by autumnbride10
Posted by minibride08
Posted by GinaZ
Posted by JulyBride728
all of the above I consider cheating. Anything a mate does behind your back with intentions of covering it up is considered grounds for serious mistrust...especially when it comes to him and the opposite sex.
I agree!
I agree too
Agreed!
Any type of connection other than 'Hi...how's the weather'...makes me worry....emotional connections can lead to other things....
with new ppl or even female friends hes known for a while and like co-workers?
Mostly new people....I know most of FH's female friends and like them all....then again...most are engaged or married...if they were single I may feel differently....
well new people is understandable but even if one of his old female friends were single you dont always have to feel like it will lead to something else. He loves you and you know whether or not you can trust him, you dont have to always feel like that. As much as they should be respectful to us and vice versa we also need to give them the respect of trusting them. When there is need for suspicion then that is different.
Sorry, just saying ONLY bc this was done to me in the past and i know what it was like. My ex would get mad if i even said Hi to a guy i know since we were kids. I never did anything for him to be like that, and always respected him so to not be trusted without any good reason can take away creditability. Not towards what you said but just saying this part in the thread in general
meli722
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
flirting no kissing, sex, etc yes emotional relationship yes
bella1028
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
Posted by yelley77
I personally think that innocent flirting is ok (a smile, a short general conversation, etc).
I think sharing your hopes and dreams with a man/woman that is NOT your SO is cheating, kissing (and everything physical that goes with that) another man/woman is cheating.
to me, an emotional affair would be more devasting than if FH had sex with another woman. To know they spent hours talking and emotionally connecting would make me sick.
I 110% agree with how you phrased all of this!!!
JeanetteandSteve
Posted:
Member since
Re: What do you consider 'cheating'
any kind of physical relationship/intimacy is absolutely cheating.
but...the emotional part is tough b/c there's friends and then there's something more and sometimes it might be hard to figure out where to draw the line. i have a male friend who i was VERY close with...and sometimes i used to feel bad about how much we talked and how close we were b/c i felt like i shouldn't be that close to another man. so i took a break from talking to him for a while. we started talking again recently but much less often and i told him we can't be close like that anymore. he understands and i feel much better. FH never even really complained about it, but i felt like it would make me uncomfortable if FH was THAT close to another girl where he wanted to talk to her every day and they called each other 'best friends' and acted like they were in their own little world when they hung out. that's way too much when you're married/engaged...even when you're just dating.
i think it's up to the couple when it comes to the emotional relationship w the opposite sex. if you feel like it's crossing a line, then it is and you shouldn't go there. if you don't feel that there is anything wrong then there isn't. and you have to respect how your husband/wife feels about it too. if they feel there should be a more strict boundary then you do, you should draw the line to meet their comfort level.
