What do you think is the secret...

When I think about my family members who have been married for a long time, I think it all comes down to Respect.

When I think of divorced people, I think of how things start to decline when respect is gone; whether it's cheating, or not understanding different views, or not being there when someone needs you.

I read this book that was very 'catholic' but it said in essence, that men need to feel respected by their wives and women need to feel loved by their husbands. But...it went further to say that by husbands showing 'love' to their wives, they are in essence showing the 'respect' that they themselves crave.

So all in all.... respect. And it's something that I will continually work on.

my great aunt and uncle have been happily married for over fifty years and when I asked her what the secret is she said fight!! I was shocked.. she said that you have to fight.. that if people tell you they never fight there is something wrong there! So I guess FH and I are going to married for a very very long time!

My parents were married 49 years right before Dad died 2 months ago. I asked her the same question a while back and here is what she said.

When you first get married, you are head over heels in love with each other - doing everything together having sex all the time (ew my parents doing it) all over the house. But then you must realize that time changes and people change. You can still love and be in love with someone after such length, but the nature of the relationship isnt the same and it isnt based on the same things. Your children have been raised and take care of themselves, so now it is time to take care of each other. The relationship becomes more of a co-existence and a friendship.

I think the reason why my parents were together for so long is that they had lives independent from each other. Dad worked. Mom was a housewife. WE ATE DINNER EVERY NIGHT AS A FAMILY<-----VERY IMPORTANT in creating a good family dynamic (if you can do it). Dad had bowling night, poker night, stock club night. Mom bowled, played Mah Jhong and did her thing with the kids before Dad came home.

Personally, I think that when you do everything together all of the time, there isnt much left to talk about. I enjoy listening to FH's stories that don't include me. I assume he does the same.

Honesty
Communication
Romance
Making time for eachother even when there hardly is any
Appreciating eachother's differences

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Posted by Goldi1021

My parents were married 49 years right before Dad died 2 months ago. I asked her the same question a while back and here is what she said.

When you first get married, you are head over heels in love with each other - doing everything together having sex all the time (ew my parents doing it) all over the house. But then you must realize that time changes and people change. You can still love and be in love with someone after such length, but the nature of the relationship isnt the same and it isnt based on the same things. Your children have been raised and take care of themselves, so now it is time to take care of each other. The relationship becomes more of a co-existence and a friendship.

I think the reason why my parents were together for so long is that they had lives independent from each other. Dad worked. Mom was a housewife. WE ATE DINNER EVERY NIGHT AS A FAMILY<-----VERY IMPORTANT in creating a good family dynamic (if you can do it). Dad had bowling night, poker night, stock club night. Mom bowled, played Mah Jhong and did her thing with the kids before Dad came home.

Personally, I think that when you do everything together all of the time, there isnt much left to talk about. I enjoy listening to FH's stories that don't include me. I assume he does the same.

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My parents married 53 years now really inspire me. My DH's parents are married 58 years! They torture each other with BS but at the end of the day they wouldn't have it any other way. They are a part of each other. They take the time to realize the other person's needs, listen to what they say and talk, touch and love.

I don't necessarily agree that you shouldn't go to bed mad, or to work..etc. There have been times when I have had to walk out of the house to calm down. It would be a much uglier scene if I stayed. After I cooled down, we could talk it out. This goes for him too. I think that you find your own way to a happy marriage, but you have to love yourself first and be happy in the skin you are in to make it work with someone else. It will never be smooth all the time. You have to ride out the ups and downs and don't give up.