I was reading the topic about the girl who's friend does not have an engagement ring and It made me wonder what exactly does 'can't afford a ring' mean? Does it mean that the guy is so poor that he does not have money for anything other than the necessary or does it mean that he cannot afford the ring that the girl wants??
I know a lot of guys who have girl pressuring them for a ring and they are very specific about the carat and the cut, etc...
The reason I ask is because my FH asked me to marry him 10 years ago when I was 19 and he bought me a small gold ring with a heart and a teeny tiny diamond and I said 'yes' and the ring did not matter.... We didn't start planning a wedding tho, we were young and my mom called it a 'promise ring'
but he could 'afford a ring'... technically..
He proposed this summer 'officially' as he calls it, with the big diamond and the platinum band... My FH and I always knew we were going to get married but he felt this time was official because he was proud to give me this ring. I didn't even look at my ring until people started with the questions; 'how many carats', 'platinum or white gold' and he answered before I could even say, 'oh, I don't know'..
but he didn't have to change my ring, ofcourse, I never asked him
I don't think you need a ring to be engaged but you don't have to have an extravagant ring... it can be a small gold band with a gold heart...
So when someone says a guy 'can't afford a ring', can he really not afford a ring or can he just not afford the ring that she wants????
opting not to have a ring is fine, I agree with the majority of people that it depends on the couple and if they are acutally making wedding plans, etc...
but am I wrong to assume a 'ring' can always be afforded?
PreshusSmurf
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
In some ways, the ring is also a reflection on the guy ... its not always about affording the ring 'she wants', sometimes I think its about what people will think of him if he doesn't buy a 'decent' ring.
This isn't how I feel personally ... just putting the point of view out there ...
portjeffbride
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
that's a good question.... I've always presumed that 'can't afford a ring' means he can't afford the ring HE thinks is appropriate...
but now that you mention it, that's a big presumption on my behalf.....
Rodiah
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I think you guys are right.. it is pressure for the guy too...
MrsQ-in2007
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
I guess the answer to 'what does can't afford a ring' is relative to the person saying it.
I know that for my FH, he knew that I wanted a square stone, but the details as to size, quality etc were totally up to him (the way I see it, only he knew his budget etc). BUT my FH always used to say that he wanted to get me a ring that I would be proud to wear and that he would feel proud of for having chosen and purchased.
Another man may feel the same or the opposite - who knows.
erdbeere
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
I think it depends on the couple.... I'm sure when some guys 'can't afford a ring' its because their girls have big demands, or because the guy thinks it has to be some huge diamond on a platinum band because of the pressures from society and trying to 'keep up with the jones.' If someone come sont his board and looks at everyone rings, they would probably feel pressure to get huge diaond rings...like THAT is what an engagement ring is supposed to be.
On the other hand, I am sure there are some couples who are in very tight financial situations and really can't afford to spend $ on luxuries at the time. And why should that stop them from becoming engaged?
If my FH proposed without a ring I would have said yes because he doesn't have much money since he has pretty much been supporting me for the past 3 yrs (paid for my last yr at college) and is paying for the wedding pretty much by himself. He wanted to do it 'right' and get me a ring though... its a small diamond solitare and I absolutely love it because it came from the man I love.
SeaMaiden
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
i agree, any ring will truly due, why would you have to wait to get engaged because you cant afford an expensive ring. It could be a personal choice not to spend this $$$. FH and I make good money, but i am very uncomfortable spending one year of college's worth of $$ on a ring that i could lose one day.....id rather take the masters degree right now and the wedding than the ring. i dont need an object to show how successful we are, but there is tremendous pressure from others who feel it is necessary. Dont get me wrong, i LOVE 2 ct rocks, but just not for me.
MJDoc12
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
i think the pressure on the guy to get a 'good ring' is humongous, and maybe he wants to propose before, but can't afford the type of ring he wants. the previous thread about whether someone is engaged or not unless they have a ring...shows how much emphasis we put on the diamond and how ppl ask 'how big is it?' 'how many carats?' etc. (which i think are disgustingly RUDE questions, but whatever)
my DH wanted to ask me to marry him earlier in the relationship, but he was insistent on waiting until he had the money for the ring he wanted. i told him over and over again that i didn't care about the size and such....but he said he wanted to make he got me a ring he could be 'proud of'
snowcat
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
this is so funny...i think FH is missing that gene! I've often heard guys say they are proud of the ring their FW has- my FH got a ring that he knew I wanted, and was affordable for him. like everyone else said, it is something up to the couples what kind of ring to get and what they consider affordable
Bride4Mike07
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
I agree with you totally! FH couldn't afford the ring 'I wanted' but he could afford a ring. To a certain extent the ring does reflect the guy. What he gets you should be from his heart, and what he could afford, not to break the bank either. If being together is more important than material things then being engaged should be as simple as just saying it without a ring. For me it's more important to save for a house or for our nuptuals than to spend 10gs on a ring. I knew I was getting a ring, I was a bit worried in my case, because FH had NO knowledge of buying rings or any type of jewelry for that matter...he was simply going by what I told him. Much to his credit, he did try to accomodate my wants. Instead of the 1carat princess cut, I got the 1 carat princess invisible cut. which looks just as beautiful...but I guess I got a bargain out of it...4 diamonds together, instead of one! He says he'll upgrade, but the tought of him giving me the ring and surprising me with it was enough!
April Liane
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
I dunno ... if the guy can't afford any ring than maybe wedding plans should wait. Weddings are way more expensive than the ring. And also it costs a lot to live on long island. What's gonna happen after you get married? There are a ton of bills once you are on you're own. If you are not in a good enough financial shape to buy a ring than maybe you are not in a good enough financial shape to be getting married just yet. What's the rush anyway with most people? I waited until FH could afford a ring... we talked about getting married way before that but I don't see the need in rushing.
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
The one couple I know who was in the 'can't afford a ring' situation is my parents (sorry I keep bringing them up ). My dad was in a tight financial situation, neither of them had much money. Their wedding was in a relative's house, a friend took pictures, and my dad had to even leave in the middle of the 'reception' to go get more soda because they ran out. I think they had agreed the ring would come later when they were better off financially, but then life got in the way and other things became more important.
eternitybride
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
I am in a situation like that. My FH cant afford a ring that he thinks is suitable (bear in mind we both have champagne taste, so our idea of a ring starts around 5k). Its the symbol that has become so important, and I know I was raised with a mother saying 'a half carat is a maybe, a 1 carat is a yes, anything under a half is a no and walk away' so its what they see as being appropriate. The way the engagement ring has been so played up and advertised, its kind of intimidating for a guy who cant afford the 1 carat platinum diamond ring, because people may look at the ring and think he is cheap or doesnt think the girl is deserving of a better ring.
FH and I were talking about this in the car, he feels bad that he cant afford the $2,000 ring, but I told him I would be happy with a $80 ring, or no ring, because the only thing really important is that he loves me and wants to marry me.
nifheim
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
i was raised never accept anything under a carrat also but I accepted what fh could afford and I am happy with it. Would of I liked something a bit more fancier - yes.. i don't even care about the diamond so much I wanted something with a different setting then what I got. But I took the damn ring and ran with it IoI
If your shallow enough to be so focused on a ring and a significant force in your marriage I can guarantee your marriage will be just as shallow. Too many girls run around and need status symbols to show how important they are and their relationships are. I am not impressed - I also feel sorry for them because in the end they will never be happy and most likely divorced.
I have two married friends that waiting till their 8 year ann. for a real diamond ring. One had a spoon that their FH formed into a ring which I honestly have to say looked really amazing and pretty. That is all they could afford at the time and they are still around 10 years later with four kids and no money still but HAPPY.
The other married couple did a whole wedding in their backyard and had no rings at all. They wanted nice rings but wanted a home first so they purchased a house, had the wedding in the backyard of the house then three years later got their rings.
Shell84
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
'Can't afford a ring' is the pressure that guys put on themselves. They want to buy their girlfriends a ring that she will be proud to show around and that will make him feel good about himself too. He knows the first thing that people are going to ask for is 'where's the ring'. Guys feel better when someone said 'wow' when they see the ring instead of 'oh, it's pretty'. FH and I are both young and he got me a nice ring, but he still feels that he has to update it once we are financially settled. I could also blame myself for that because I always look at the most ravishing rings in magazines.
Maybe he felt that he can't afford the ring that he would love to get me, but I am happy with the ring that he got me. its the most beautiful one I ever seen. I get caught staring at it every day.
erdbeere
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
Wow no offense to anyone, but I can't imagine ever telling my kids not to accept less than a 1 carat ring! Thats crazy!
Snickers76
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
My Mom always told me to forget about rings and big weddings and make sure I marry someone I love and who respects me and will make a good husband and father. My FH had a lot of external forces pressuring him to get me a giant ring that he could not afford. He got me a .75 princess cut in a catherdral setting and din't go into debt for it. I love it and I lve him!
Rodiah
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
Intresting comments... I do notice how people sometimes state their points by putting people on the opposite end of the situation down.. I don't think that is fair.... It's all opinion. Just because a guy gives a girl a 3K ring doesn't mean he loves her more or less than a guy who gives a girl a .75k ring or a ring with no diamond or even no ring at all. Each situation can only be judged on an individual basis. And then again, who are we to judge? I love my ring and I love the fact that my FH took the time to learn about diamonds and to save. He agonized over how to propose, He didn't go in debt to buy my ring. We are paying for our own wedding and buying a condo. We no where near rich... He told me, he got me a nice sized diamond with fantastic clarity because he told me he wanted people to take notice. It's the same reason people drive nice cars or wear nice clothes. I recently went to an event and the women there had diamonds so huge, it made my ring look like their rings had a baby! LOL! It didn't bother me tho... It's not the size of the ring but we shouldn't assume the bigger the ring the less the love... or someone went in debt or can't afford a house or whatever. Wanting to get someone you love something nice within the range you can afford, be it, $1 or $1million dollars is not far fetched.... When I was 19 and I have my little gold ring with the heart, girls turned up their noses all the time, it never phased me, people acted as if we weren't really engaged.. it rolled off of me, there was no way we could have a afforded a wedding or a home back then... so maybe in a way it was just a promise ring.. We could have gotten inexpensive bands and went to city hall, lived with his parents, (my parents did that) but my FH wanted to give me the wedding of my dreams and unknown to me, he also wanted to give me a different ring... So the promise was, he would marry me in the fashion that we see fit when the time was right. I just notice sometimes people say a guy 'can't afford a ring' but realistically the woman or the man 'can't afford the ring' they want. A 'ring' can always be afforded... you can buy a ring for $15. ...
Rodiah
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
I just thought of something.. one of my bridesmaids was engaged and her ring was one the the bigggggggeeeest rings I have ever seen in my life.. I mean HUGE... Anyway.. we were talking about people asking those rude questions, 'how many carats' 'platinum or white gold', etc.... well people would come flat out all the time and ask her if it was FAKE! !!!?? LOL! My FH has a really nice watch with diamonds on it and we were in Roosevelt field buying that thing that makes your nails reeeal shiny and the guy selling it asked my FH like 10 times if they were real diamonds, even tho my FH kept on saying 'yes'... the guy would wait 5 minutes and ask again.. 'no really, are those diamonds?'
luvabul
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Re: what does 'can't afford a ring' mean?
is it me? i would never ask someone if theyre ring was fake!... and yea i dont think ppl cant afford a ring, i think its more the guy can afford the ring acceptable to him and society standards...
sure my FH could have given me a 100$ ring as an engagement ring and i wouldve gotten engaged long ago, but we waited till i could get my sparkler
anyways a ring is just a very SMALL symbol, i know people madly in love with few children and a nice house and they dont even HAVE rings..
so all i have to say is f*ck this engagement ring concept...its not the end of the world
if u have a nice ring, thats awesome if u dont have the best ring, who cares...you husband/fiance loves you...and with time can come everything....
