What has wedding plan taught you?(long)

Aside from how to stick to a budget (or not) or how to make your own pocketfold, what else have you learned about yourself or the people around you during this crazy process?
It's said you learn who your friends are....when close friends are a no-show, BMs act like royal PIA, mommy-zillas, etc. I haven't had much of that. I mean, sure, people, on occasion act like PIAs, but no surprises...
What I have learned....
I need to reevaluate my work life. I love my career but wedding planning has made it all that more apparent that I have very little time for myself. I can't do much of anything during the week b/c I'm up at the crack of dawn to go to the gym (the only time I can go) and home late-8:00 on a good night, whip up dinner and then start to unwind. I've been trying to write shower thank you cards and I can get through about 10 a night before conking out! Post-wedding, I need to try to institute some changes..for starters I'd like to spend more time in the evening with my man. This whole process also makes me feel like I sooo don't make enough $, but that's a whole other story.

I've also learned that our relationship is pretty darn good. Sure, we've had fights over spending too much mula on flowers, and the guest list, and etc, etc, etc. But we always end up on the same page.
I think the planning process is a good indication of how you'll handle some future stressors....all the biggies are at play--money, time management, sex (too busy wedding planning? lol), etc.

Okay, that was my random thought for the day. But seriously, what has it taught you?

* Budget, budget, budget
* Time management. It's such an important skill to have.
* Who your real friends are and people's true colors.
* To appreciate DH more and the time we have together alone because wedding planning is HECTIC and oftentimes there is little time for ourselves much less us together.
* Not to sweat the small stuff. Nothing is perfect and you can't control everything.

Good post.

I think I've learned a lot in this past year of wedding planning and I'm sure I'll miss something but here goes.

Wedding planning taught me that I can't please everyone - no matter how hard I try. If I try to accommodate one person, it will become inconvenient for another - can't win. Also, people drove me CRAZY with who I should invite (despite certain people having treated me badly in the past, I was expected to be the bigger person and invite them to my wedding anyway... and in the end I did. Only to have them not RSVP and hear through the grapevine that they're not coming. Nice, right?). So while I still take our loved ones into account, in the end we have to do what is in our best interests. It took me almost this entire year to fully realize this.

Also, wedding planning taught me that you should never expect anything from anyone, but should be grateful to those that come through for you. There was one person that I thought FOR SURE would be there 100% for me and another that I thought would be soooo busy that she would not be as involved, but both were the complete opposite of what I thought. So while I may have been greatly disappointed with one person's actions, I was very happily surprised by another's. So just be happy for what you get - and be appreciative too! Never forget to say THANK YOU when it's deserved!

Like I said, I'm sure there's more, but those came to mind right away.

*Not to nitpick
*pick and choose your battles
*Relationships are what they are, but a wedding magnifies what was already there, the good and the bad
*Spend more quality time with FH and DD
*Budget better, make a plan and stick to it. We were able to save what we wanted, but in retrospect we could have saved more and would be another step closer to a house!

It taught me that we should have eloped FH brought to my attention that if we had eloped i could have had a 4 carat engagement ring he could of had his cross and chain he wants and we could have went on a huge honeymoon and paid off my car

and i also learned that I should not have picked the person I did as my MOH

yet even with all that I have to admit that I am enjoying every min of it and cant wait for my wedding day

*We should have eloped as we originally wanted to, saved a bundle and had our dream honeymoon and both fete closer to a house... Cest la vie.

*Pick your battles with CALM forethought.
* do no aliente your future hubby over wedding plans and the drama other people cause because he is the one who will be there with you through thick and thin once the wedding is over.

*Relationships are what they are, but a wedding magnifies what was already there, the good and the bad (EXCELLENT one Ryan)

*Budget better, make a plan and stick to it. we saved a lot but back to ym original #1 learned experience, we could be closer to a house then we are now.

*Learn to give-i allowed my dad to invite people I really didn't wnat at my wedding as not to hurt him. Normally I would have said no way. however I did NOT send them ty cards since they gave us NOTHING AND insulted MY MOTHER underhandedly. I handled it like a lady and didn't fly off the handle as I normally would. Wedding plans taught me PATIENCE!

I think remembering that although your wedding day is very important, when it's all said and done its just a party, not your life or your marriage.

Try to have fun in your planning, remember to include your love ones, because let's face it ladies, it is not all about the bride but about the joining of two families to one.

I am very blessed that my FIL's are all wonderful people and have welcomed me and my family into theirs.

Okay, I'm getting sappy, I'll stop now.

Congragulations Ladies!

This is a great post.

*I've learned a lot about myself and how I relate to other people

*Planning has been a great thing for me and FH to do together. Makes me feel like if we can deal with this stress, we can do anything.

*Your friends & family will definitely surprise you in all sorts of ways!

*I learned that everyone thinks your wedding is about them, not you, which is incredible!

Excellent post, and ladies, very good answers.

Normally a very quiet and shy person, I learned how to put my foot down. I had to teach him to let some go of friendships that have died,otherwise our guest list wold have been huge. I also had to let go of some people in my past, without feeling any of the guilt.
I learned how to make concessions, that I cannot always have my way. The budget was the primary teaching tool.
I learned that I can use my business skills in the planning process, making it quite easy.
I learned how much I valued my Mom when she was alive, and how much I really miss her during this whole process.
I leaned what it is like to have a large family who loves you for who you are. Growing up, it was only my parents and my sister. Now I have become cousin-in-law and Aunt Susi to all the children.

I have always been fiercely independant and have relied on only myself. Kind of me, myself and I way of thinking.
While I cannot give up on all of my independence, I have to learn how to begin sharing my life with someone else. At almost 41, it is going to be a challenge.

On a lighter note, I wish that we would have eloped, or had an intimate wedding instead of this party. All of that money that could have been used towards a house, but it's ok. We are getting married and having a big party to celebrate.

And we are making his mom one very happy lady by having this big party. As she tells everyone, she's been waiting 45 years for this to come.

Ladies, best wishes to all of you.

I've learned a lot about a family member (not mine). I've learned that as close as I thought I was with FH's aunt I really wasn't after she called me a very rude name last week b/c she wasn't happy with the outcome of a question she asked (her daughter is in bridal party). As far as I am concerned she will never be my aunt EVER even after she apologized.

She called me a very rude name. F'ing little biznitch! In the correct spelling of the words, not the way I spelled it.

If I had to do it all over again, I would have not asked her daughter to participate.

I've also learned that planning a wedding is very time consuming and can be stressful when other people make your life miserable b/c they can't get their way.

All aside I would still have my dream wedding like I've always wanted just not include some people.

This was a great question for a post!

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Posted by rkl1130

* Budget, budget, budget
* Time management. It's such an important skill to have.
* Who your real friends are and people's true colors.
* To appreciate DH more and the time we have together alone because wedding planning is HECTIC and oftentimes there is little time for ourselves much less us together.
* Not to sweat the small stuff. Nothing is perfect and you can't control everything.

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ditto - i think these sum it up nicely

Also--wedding planning has taught me that you put all your time, energy, and money into one day----but sometimes we forget about the rest of our lives.

My dad always sayd 'You can always be prepared for the wedding, but its too bad more couples aren't ready for the marriage'

6 months after our big day, i do not regret our wedding at all---it was the greatest day of our lives, but that's all it was---just ONE day. I have cherished every single day that has come afterwards, cause i'm so damn appreciative that i have found my companion for the rest of my life.

i learned how much my family loves me....
my mom, dad, brother, sister and im sure many others have been leaving the house for literally hours every night for the past two weeks(i am 99% sure its to do stuff for my shower)
When im totally stessed they ignore me lol but always find a way to fix
I also learned to use my mom's favorite phrase in many situations, 'it is what it is'

I learned lots of little things:

* people are rarely as gracious as you are generous
* get everything in writing
* I CAN successfully negotiate prices
* my family is awesome
* no matter how many times you give someone directions, they're bound to get them wrong

However, this is the most important thing I learned:

The wedding is just a party. You know when this hit me? When my father went under the knife for 7 hours of open heart surgery 3 weeks before my wedding. What color table linens we had, how much we spent on favors, who didn't send a shower gift, and who forgot to RSVP didn't matter quite so much then. What DID matter was that my entire family sat in the hospital from 5 o'clock in the morning until late that night when we were finally allowed to see my dad. What did matter is that my DH (then my FH) took the day off from work - without anyone even asking him to - and sat beside us the entire day. What did matter was that, when my brothers and I were falling apart, my DH took my mom out for a walk, made sure all of us ate breakfast and lunch, and never complained or anything. He kept my mom calm, he kept all of us calm.

This is when you realize that the WEDDING is just a party, but the MARRIAGE is what is important. Family is what is important. I would have married him in my jeans and t-shirt in the lobby of that hospital if I had to and never regretted it. My wedding day was awesome, but married life is much better.

I've learned to really appreciate my family. I'm the only one still living in NY and although everyone drove me crazy w/ RSVP's and such-in the end mostly everyone sacrificed to travel and be here with us. I don't think in the beginning I realized how much that would mean to me.

I've learned that I have awesome friends. I've always said that my 2 BF's are2 of the most genuine people I have ever met. They both have families & children and have been amazing throughout this process. They worked so hard to put my shower together since my Mom lives out of state. They came to fittings w/ me, cut petal cones out for me, etc. Pretty much whatever I needed them to do.

I've always felt that some women put more effort & thought into their wedding instead of their marriage. So I went into this whole process w/ that in the forefront of my mind. I didn't need to have the biggest & best b/c in the end it's not about that. I think I've done a pretty good job of staying true to that.

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Posted by jenn122397

i learned how much my family loves me....
my mom, dad, brother, sister and im sure many others have been leaving the house for literally hours every night for the past two weeks(i am 99% sure its to do stuff for my shower)
When im totally stessed they ignore me lol but always find a way to fix
I also learned to use my mom's favorite phrase in many situations, 'it is what it is'

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awww jenn those are good ones!

I have learned that I am crazy and anal lol...

but seriously, I realize how much more FH get along than ever, I thought we would argue because Im so picky and he's so nonchalant, but he has been so great.
And I have come to terms that my Grandma, who raised me, wont be physically with me, (she passed away 1 month after we got engaged) but even though she isnt here, she has really helped me get through all of the bumps we've had lately and I realize that she will still be with me on our wedding day regardless.

It has taught me:

-Who your true friends are
-Who you can count on to be there when you need them (no matter what time of day it is)
-That just because they are your family doesn't mean they act like it!!!!!
-That I can survive just about any crisis!!!!!
-How to manage stress!!!!
-My FH actually likes to have a say in how the wedding is being planned
-Some of my BM aren't who I thought they were
(thought they would be there every step of the way with me.... boy was I wrong!!!)

This is a great post and you ladies gave great answers. I have learned a lot of similar things such as:

-How we can never please everyone, but we should do what we feel is right. We paid for 90% of this wedding so ultimately it is our decision and not others.

-I learned how to speak up for myself. I normally run away from an argument to avoid confrontation. Now I have learned that sometimes I need to stand my ground and speak my mind instead of avoiding it.

-I have learned to create a budget and stick to that budget. I might not have gotten exactly what I wanted, but I found a cheaper, but just as nice alternative to many things that in the end saved us a lot of money.

-You don't have to compete or try and do everything that others have done for their weddings. In the end it is not going to matter. The fact that you are marrying the love of your life is what really matters.

-I learned to never count on people's word. You need to get things in writing or just don't expect things to always turn out how they said it would. We were surprised with some no's when the RSVPs came, even after they said they would be there. Some vendors also told me one thing and then denied it.

-I have learned who truly cares about me and will be there for me. I have friends who have shocked me by disappearing during this time and family who have stepped up to help when they were not there in the past.

It is true that weddings bring out the best and worst in people. What we have gone through in the past year of planning has shown me the ugliest and best that people have to offer. I have had to deal with my parents being divorced and not liking each other and even silly family disputes that have been going on for decades. Weddings seem to bring everything to the surface. At first I got all upset over it, now I know it is only one day and that day is about me and FH. That day will fly by and none of that stuff will matter during it.

This is such a great thread! Thank you, magbride, for starting it. I am enjoying reading all of these posts.

This planning process has taught me the following:
+ Each person in your life has a different perception of what their role should be. This doesn't make them good people or bad people. If you can accept them this way, then you will be able to keep them in your lives. If you can't, then it is time to either let them go, or change the parameters of the relationship.
+ Just as each person in your life has a different role, two partners in a relationship have different things they are good at doing. Learn how to make your partner's strengths compliment yours, and don't try to change him into something he is not.
+ Don't sweat the small stuff - it will just make you even crazier!!! Try to calm down - it's not as bad as it seems.
+ You can't make everyone happy. It pays to try a little bit, but don't get carried away. People who care about you will understand.