What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

Sorry to drag this subject on, but what if I am Catholic, FH is Jewish and we are NOT getting married in a church, or under a Chuppah (Spell) I have heard that a Priest won't marry you if you are not in a church. And A Rabbi won't marry you if you are in a church. We're getting married at the reception site. Am I going to have to pay someone to dress up like a Priest to please my mother because I won't be able to get a real one?

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

Try the 'God Squad'... the rabbi and priest duet that write for Newsday! Seriously - depending on the price that's what I may consider. But I'm cool with a guy dressed up as Elvis too, but my mom would kill me!

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

I know what you are going through. My finace is catholic and my mother is jewish. He wanted to be married by someone of the catholic faith. Unforunately you will have a very hard time finding a priest who will do this for you outside of the church. Perhaps you can use a minister or someone of the christian faith?

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

I had a Deacon and a Rabbi come to my ceremony site which was at Villa. (I am Catholic, husband is jewish) They will work together! Just have to find ones that have before. The priest's from my church wouldn't marry me offsite, that's why a Deacon did it. My marriage is recognized my the Dioceses, so i didn't matter where it was in the end. I can baptize my children etc.

Take a breath, you'll be fine! Do what's best for you! If you and your FH want a dual ceremony then go for it! Don't worry about pleasing the moms, it will never happen! My mother was very hurt I didn't get married in a church but I didn't marry a catholic man, she got over it.

ETA: we had no Chuppah. We had the breaking of the glass and we lit the unity candle. I had my brother do a reading from the new testament. It can be done!

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

I am not getting married in the Church and i have a Priest & a Rabbi performing the service. FM mail me if you want details

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

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Posted by Mrs.Ptobe

Try the 'God Squad'... the rabbi and priest duet that write for Newsday! Seriously - depending on the price that's what I may consider. But I'm cool with a guy dressed up as Elvis too, but my mom would kill me!

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I've been told that Rabbi Marc does not officiate at interfaith weddings. He will only marry Jewish couples.

There are 'teams' consisting of a rabbi and priest that do interfaith ceremonies. I researched this before we were engaged. I can't remember who it was but the 'team' wanted a $1200 fee. This seems about right is you combine the typical fees for a rabbi and a priest.

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

A friend of mine is Jewish and she had a Rabbi at the hall. I dont know about the priest but Im sure that's not true, I've seen ads for catholic priests who will come to your hall to marry you in magazines. Have you asked the church?

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

I was able to get an exemption; it wasn't that hard...Initially, when we got enagaged, I could care less if the RC church recognized my marriage but when FH & I really discussed it we did want both religions respresented.
So, we found a RC priest that is willing to do the service & he works with certain Rabbi.

Now, we have to go to interfaith pre-cana. FH is really psyched for that...not!

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

You have to get a dispensation from the church. The monsignor which married me did so outdoors! That is why he is the best. I responded to your other thread on this topic. There is more about it in my review.

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

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Posted by am470

You have to get a dispensation from the church. The monsignor which married me did so outdoors! That is why he is the best. I responded to your other thread on this topic. There is more about it in my review.

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Thank you. I couldn't think of the term dispensation...it was driving me nuts!

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

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Posted by djswedding2006

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Posted by am470

You have to get a dispensation from the church. The monsignor which married me did so outdoors! That is why he is the best. I responded to your other thread on this topic. There is more about it in my review.

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Thank you. I couldn't think of the term dispensation...it was driving me nuts!

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Rabbi applestone married me too.

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

am470 i sent you a FM

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

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Posted by babslovesjoey

you can have a deacon or pastor marry you, but unfortunately the roman catholic church will not recognize the marriage, they are EXTREMELY strict w/ that. It has to be performed inside the catholic church, or you have to get the pope to pardon it, and it has never happened in history. They consider marraige as a sacrament the same as if you were going to get a baby baptized, a child getting 1st holy communion and confirmation, believe me I had my talks w/ the dioscese of rockville center and my church, rules are rules. I eventually decided to just get married in the church.

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SO NOT TRUE!!! My marriage is recognized by the ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH and I was not married in a church or to a fellow Catholic! I can get my children baptized and i am on record with the church as a recognized marriage within the dioceses of Rockville center.
There is an exception paperwork you sign..DOn't scare the girl!

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

FH is Jewish and I am Catholic, but since neither of us are religious, we decided to have a non-religious ceremony and have an interfaith minister perform the ceremony for us

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

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Posted by danielleb

Sorry to drag this subject on, but what if I am Catholic, FH is Jewish and we are NOT getting married in a church, or under a Chuppah (Spell) I have heard that a Priest won't marry you if you are not in a church. And A Rabbi won't marry you if you are in a church. We're getting married at the reception site. Am I going to have to pay someone to dress up like a Priest to please my mother because I won't be able to get a real one?

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First of all you spelled 'chuppah' correctly!

Second of all to have someone dress like a priest, I would imagine, would be sacrilege. Though from what I have seen, there are denominations that use a collar and robes that arent Catholic. you may want to check that out.

My brother (Jewish) and his wife (Catholic) were married at their hall by a Reform Rabbi and an Episcopalian minister. A priest would NOT marry them because he would not get his marriage annulled because it produced children. He also would not get married in a church out of respect for my parents. Their child was not able to be baptized Catholic rather Episcopalian.

Also I venture to say that only a Reform rabbi would perform an interfaith ceremony and even then before the Sabbath starts at sundown (good luck in the spring/summer months) and after it ends at sundown the next day. My brother had to get married before the sun went down on a Friday night because even his reform Rabbi wouldnt do it after Shabbos started. If a Jewish person gets married on a Saturday night in the summer, the weddign starts VERY VERY late. This is why so many opt for weddings earlier in the year. It has to do with the Rabbi.

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

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Posted by babslovesjoey

Don't scare the girl?OMG Not trying to!! Sorry hon! These are the exact words that came out of their mouths, 'it is not recognized' That was what the diocese of Rockville center told me, in fact the lady who is referred to as the head of pre cana, I don't remember her name, as well as my monsignor of my church, a priest at christ the king in commack, so did my FH's priest in St. Lukes in Queens, that's what we were advised!!! One priest at my church said to me before I met w/ the monsignor, told me something crazy like 'you can't expect me to change God's laws.' I'm just talking about getting married outside the church, my FH is already roman catholic. Maybe they were just hungry for a donation to hold the wedding at their churches, I even had a problem trying to get a church to begin w/ because we no longer live in the areas we grew up in and haven't donated/attended these churches for a long time. I was denied at Christ the King, unless we started donating on a regular basis and I attended more of their services, was denied by 1 priest at my own church before I had a nice conversation w/ the nice monsignor who agreed to marry us, because I no longer lived in the area. I don't know about St. Lukes because we didn't even consider it since it was in Queens. Who cares anyways the church is messed up, if it's recognized or not. (OH by the way, my friend wasn't married to her husband yet and they had a baby before they got married, 1 church's priest said they wouldn't baptize a baby unless the couple were married, they went to another church, gave a donation and got the baby baptized w/ no problem.)

Sweetness, it says in your profile you got married by a deacon?

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The reason you could not get a dispensation - is they do not give them if you are both catholic

Dispensations are given if one party is catholic and one is jewish

A dispensation is only necessary if you are going to raise your kids catholic and want them babtized

otherwise all you need to do is hire a deacon and a rabbi

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

We were married in a Catholic church (my husband is Catholic, I am not), by a Catholic priest. But because I was not baptized, we were told that it was not a sacrament. Perhaps this is what is meant by 'not recognized'? (I honestly have no idea, just a thought)

Re: What if I'm not getting married in a church though?

The church won't recognize it really doesn't mean anything. It won't affect your life at all. THe baby can still be baptized.