What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

Original post by xjulietx

Oct 27, 2003 12:21 PM

You know the one. The guy who either you never dated or maybe you did date and it didn't work out because of timing or maturity or maybe even distance. Now you are happily married or engaged and he decides to reappear and profess his love for you. What do you do? How do you feel? Do you talk to him?

Edited to say: this is not about me. Just a question because a friend is experiencing it.

Claud2001 Posted: Oct 27, 2003 02:29 PM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

I had a 'what if' guy. He dumped me b/c I was going to be too far away from him (he was insecure)....then he started seeing someone I used to work with. He came back to me while I was still single and just out of college, complaining that the other girl was not as wonderful as me. We had a fling, and then he married the girl I used to work with. He sometimes STILL emails me to complain about her

I guess HE'S the one saying 'What If' now!

Shamee Posted: Oct 27, 2003 03:18 PM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

Hmmmmnnnn....it would be interesting because he was my first love, first physical encounter, blah, blah, blah but I would never give it more than a second's thought because life is short and his actions would be too little, too late. The people we were then are not who we are now, and despite memories, he really doesn't know who I am. How could he really be in love with me if he doesn't understand my mind, know my thoughts and dreams, spent a decade building a life with me, etc.?

My committment to my husband is 100% real and I would never jeapordize what I have him for something so uncertain.

All those things I found 'perfect' about Mr. 'What If' once upon a time might be looonnnng gone in the here and now. All those romantic fantasies were probably just that (in my own mind) because if they were true to life, he would be in it now, no?!? Everything happens for a reason I believe and the fact that he's not in it now is proof of that.

shamma Posted: Oct 27, 2003 03:26 PM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

I met my what if guy for lunch last year after not seeing him for years. He was in NY visiting, and there was nothing there.

He moved away to Ohio and we parted ways. He is now a new person and we have nothing in common. Talk about shallow and self centered and so materialistic.

Xelindrya Posted: Oct 27, 2003 03:59 PM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

Technically my what if guy asked me to marry him two months before I got engaged.

I was the 'one and only' the one who 'understood him best' and he was the one who really 'knew' me better than anyone in the world. All of this is true. Still I said no.

Then again we have a long long history and I loved him more than I loved myself a few times. I'd have given my world to be his. Do I think things could have worked out, sure in my fantasies. The truth is I'd be unhappy more than happy. I know those happy moments were so sweet and wonderful they were nearly painful but they were nothing compared to the pain he could cause.

I decided that I love him and will love him forever and till I die, but I love him too much for my own good. That's my WHat if.

It isn't an if, its nearly a when. Now that I am 'engaged' (he doesnt know we went to town hall) he is trying to get married before. He doesnt really love this woman, its just to be better than me. I feel bad for her. I am her constant enemy. The woman she can never beat and the woman her husband will always think about. Worse, he tells her. It's her call, I'd dump the *******!

He is invited to our wedding. Both of them are. Should prove to be interesting. Deep down we love eachother too much to cause eachother pain. Unfortunately he acts immature from time to time as if to remind me why we aren't together.

Hehe.. its like God saying 'Remember this?' and Im like 'OH YEAH'

Sassy Posted: Oct 27, 2003 04:07 PM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

I had a couple of 'what if' guys

But the SERIOUS what if guy appeared in my life when I was with DH for about 2 years or so. I was so in love with DH I KNEW that my 'what if' guy had lost his chance a long time ago.
But I DID see him if anything just for closure, so I could not give him another thought.
Even DH knew I saw him.
I saw the guy, told him how happy and in love I was with DH, got my closure, and went on with my happy life with DH

nrvbrd Posted: Oct 27, 2003 04:11 PM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

I have a 'what if guy', he is one of the most wonderful people I know, however it aint happenin. There were no sparks between us, he did not make my heart flutter. I will always be grateful that he came into my life, but that is as far as it goes.

prncssrachel Posted: Oct 27, 2003 04:12 PM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

All I will say is that at the time, he was great and when he heard I was getting married, he came back and he was really the 'no way in hell' guy now. So from experience, I think when you have REAL love, you know it and you keep it. And that's what I have with JT.

xjulietx Posted: Oct 27, 2003 04:14 PM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

I wish my friend didn't get excited seeing this guy. I wish she could just forget him and concentrate on her husband and their life together. She says she hates her house and her life and his job and I think she needs to remove herself from this annoying 'what if'. He will only cause grief. She never dated him. Only flirted with him. She has no clue what a relationship with him would be like. She and her DH have been together since 95

Marcela1654 Posted: Oct 27, 2003 05:47 PM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

Posted by jannshari

My 'what if' guy did come back. I'm marrying him next year.

I guess that's not the response you were looking for. Sorry.

Same here

xjulietx Posted: Oct 28, 2003 09:15 AM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

I guess sometimes it works out for the best. I guess I just can't stand someone with no respect for the vows two people took.

xjulietx Posted: Oct 30, 2003 03:13 PM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

Bumping for Halloween

Latina511 Posted: Oct 30, 2003 03:32 PM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

I have to say that my what if guy is very happy for me. If it wasn't for him I would of never came to NY and I would of never ended up married my baby (DH).

Tammy5-03 Posted: Oct 30, 2003 03:54 PM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

I have known my what if guy as long as DH. They know each other too. They have never been friends but they have a lot of friends in common. DH probably knows so much more than I have ever told him about that relationship. This guy has tried to come back in the picture more than once, especially early on in my current relationship. I have to admit he could have had me back. I have been with DH for over 7 years, for the 1st 2 years, the what if guy had a real chance. I have since gotten closure on that relationship and nothing could ever make me consider that again. I've seen him so many times since, we have tons of college friends in common. We used to talk on the phone occassionally but that has stopped. He knows I got married. My MOH saw him about a month after the wedding and kept going on and on anout the wedding. I have to admit, I hope it makes him a little jealous. He is the one who lost his chance, he shouldn't have been such a stupid boy.

nrvbrd Posted: Oct 30, 2003 03:58 PM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

Tammy- he is a stupid boy, you are real catch.

Boop2704 Posted: Oct 30, 2003 04:07 PM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

I bumped into a guy that I dated for a while and thought was the one a couple of times. And I can honestly say, there was not a bit of excitement to see him. I am so happy and truly found the man of my dreams and I don't think anyone could ever come back in my life and treat me with such respect, make me so happy and support all my goals and dreams like my FH does. FH is the ONE that I was searching for all my life and nothing will ever change the love I fell for him!!

Tammy5-03 Posted: Oct 30, 2003 04:07 PM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

Thanks Kiesha. That is so sweet.

halloweenbride04 Posted: Oct 30, 2003 04:35 PM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

I responded to this post saying that my 'what if' guy would resurface from time to time while FH and I were dating with the whole 'I want you back, I'm a changed man, yadda, yadda, yadda' crap. I had also said that he knew I was engaged and hadn't resurfaced so I was hoping he cut his losses and moved on....WELL, guess who e-mailed me yesterday? Yep, the 'what if' man!!! He tried the guilt approach this time...'I heard you were engaged, so happy for you, lots of luck...I promise I won't go to xyz (places we used to hang out) if I know you'll be there with your fiance'. Are you kidding me? First off I don't take FH to places I used to hang out at with the ex because of that very reason and how the heck would he know ahead of time that I was going to be there?? Jeeeez!

blissbride Posted: Oct 30, 2003 05:28 PM

Re: What if your 'what if' guy came back into your life?

I always have this feeling that I'm going to bump into him now that I'm married.
I think if that ever happened, I would see why he was the 'what if' and not 'the one'.
I guess there's a reason why they are called x's. Because they are not supposed to be the one for you.
But, I have to admit, it would be a guilty pleasure of mine just hear him say he was wrong. That's about it.