What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

Original post by gfield101

Jan 20, 2008 03:20 PM

I highly recommend everyone on here, picking up the book, 'Lies at the ALter' by Dr. Robin L. Smith.

It has 200 questions to ask each other, and my FH agreed to doing the questions with me over the summer and our relationship has improved soooo much since.

You learn so much about each other and how to communicate (esp for the guys).

To this day I am in shock how my FH answered some of these questions, I never would have guessed..

That is my one piece of advice, what would you say from your own experiences?

NYCGirl2008 Posted: Jan 20, 2008 08:44 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

I was being serious. This is a great thread. We all talk so much about trivial stuff on here it's nice to see us finally discussing what actually matters. And this is me included! It's so easy to get wrapped up in the flowers and bridesmaid's dresses and in-laws without thinking of the relationship.

gfield101 Posted: Jan 20, 2008 08:58 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

Posted by NYCGirl2008

I was being serious. This is a great thread. We all talk so much about trivial stuff on here it's nice to see us finally discussing what actually matters. And this is me included! It's so easy to get wrapped up in the flowers and bridesmaid's dresses and in-laws without thinking of the relationship.[/QUOTE

AMEN SISTER!

Teamhurldon Posted: Jan 20, 2008 09:08 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

My advice is to realize and cherish all the things and times you have together, and don't sweat the small stuff like money and materialistic items. We giggle all the time and make the most of our time together!

Mici n KC Posted: Jan 20, 2008 09:22 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

I think there are similar questions that is done in Pre Cana, but I'm definitely interested in reading the book.

I think the one piece I'd give is to communicate with respect. Tone of voice and manners really do make a big difference. You don't want your life partner talking down to you so you shouldn't do it. Yelling doesn't solve anything. Yes it's good to yell because we all need to, but this is the time that a lot of things are said that we don't mean. So if you start yelling at each other, turn down the volume and start talking at a normal level. Definitely works all the time and not just in relationships!

gfield101 Posted: Jan 20, 2008 09:33 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

AGREED!!!

I also think, it's O.K. to have some alone time..

MAY24BRIDE Posted: Jan 20, 2008 09:49 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

I'm fairly young and it took me a long time to realize this.....but i think my advice is to have a life for yourself too....meaning, if you absolutely love to paint...don't just give that up and feel like you have to spend every moment with fh/dh, make sure you do things you enjoy....don't forget who you are. i've learned that it's good to have a bit of space for yourself, and there's nothing wrong with that......learning this has helped mine and fh's relationship a lot.

MrsD71208 Posted: Jan 20, 2008 11:07 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

My piece of advice is:
Men and women are NOT from the same planet. We have different wants/needs/sentiments, and unless we share our feelings with our guy and vice versa, there is no chance for a healthy relationship. Enjoy the similarites, but embrace the differences...that's my advice.

gfield101 Posted: Jan 21, 2008 12:43 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

My fh said I should add one for him, TELL US STRAIGHT OUT WE ARE NOT MIND READERS... I told him many of the girls already picked up on that one

Another thing we just started that is so much fun, even though we live together, every other week we have date night, and say its my turn, I have to plan a date that I think he will enjoy(maybe stopping by a ferrari dealership to browse and then bowling or little frankie in manhattan), and vise versa! So for me he will take me to a movie or museum of natural history...

gabbie83 Posted: Jan 21, 2008 12:45 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

thats so cute:)

im also going to order that book online

lilangel369 Posted: Jan 21, 2008 12:53 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

my advice is understanding and compromise.

there are no winners or losers in a relationship. so when there's a fight, don't fight to win. find/offer a solution, so that next time both people will know how to handle the situation.

just my 2cents

gfield101 Posted: Jan 21, 2008 12:55 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

Posted by lilangel369

my advice is understanding and compromise.

there are no winners or losers in a relationship. so when there's a fight, don't fight to win. find/offer a solution, so that next time both people will know how to handle the situation.

just my 2cents

She speaks about this so much in that book... about how many couples just fight to win...

Lyssiegrl Posted: Jan 21, 2008 01:03 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

Mine is very simple but very important- TRUST...

I think so many of us suspect the worst- we get jealous if he's checking out another girl or if he still talks to his ex or if he goes out with the boys one night... He should be able to do these things b/c you know he's never going to cheat on you or hurt you... and if you have any reason to be suspicous, then it's simply not going to work.

I've seen the lack of trust in a relationship tear people apart. You're marrying him for a reason- its b/c you feel differently about that him than you have about anyone else and he feels the same way. He's not going to do something to destroy that b/c chances are he might not find it again. So trust that he will always do right by you and vice versa.

Wifeynella Posted: Jan 21, 2008 01:14 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

our big thing is never let the silly things get in our way. we are both very stubborn and opinionated but we never take it too far. agreeing to disagree helps alot.

gfield101 Posted: Jan 21, 2008 01:59 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

Posted by Lyssiegrl

Mine is very simple but very important- TRUST...

I think so many of us suspect the worst- we get jealous if he's checking out another girl or if he still talks to his ex or if he goes out with the boys one night... He should be able to do these things b/c you know he's never going to cheat on you or hurt you... and if you have any reason to be suspicous, then it's simply not going to work.

I've seen the lack of trust in a relationship tear people apart. You're marrying him for a reason- its b/c you feel differently about that him than you have about anyone else and he feels the same way. He's not going to do something to destroy that b/c chances are he might not find it again. So trust that he will always do right by you and vice versa.

So true!! and on that note...who is ok with fh having strippers at the bachelor party

DiamondPipa Posted: Jan 21, 2008 02:14 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

Posted by gfield101

Posted by Lyssiegrl

Mine is very simple but very important- TRUST...

I think so many of us suspect the worst- we get jealous if he's checking out another girl or if he still talks to his ex or if he goes out with the boys one night... He should be able to do these things b/c you know he's never going to cheat on you or hurt you... and if you have any reason to be suspicous, then it's simply not going to work.

I've seen the lack of trust in a relationship tear people apart. You're marrying him for a reason- its b/c you feel differently about that him than you have about anyone else and he feels the same way. He's not going to do something to destroy that b/c chances are he might not find it again. So trust that he will always do right by you and vice versa.

So true!! and on that note...who is ok with fh having strippers at the bachelor party

yea, sometimes too much trust though gets them into trouble...i've seen it happen first hand with a family member!

my piece of advice---COMMUNICATION and COMPROMISE. Communicate each others wants and figure out a way to compromise to make both parties happy!

DeeluvsVinny Posted: Jan 21, 2008 02:15 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

I just ordered the book from Amazon

Love08 Posted: Jan 21, 2008 02:15 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

THanks I have to get that book

gfield101 Posted: Jan 21, 2008 02:17 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

Posted by DeeluvsVinny

I just ordered the book from Amazon

Oh how exciting! You will LOVE IT!

When you are done reading it, FM me and let me know what you thought..we should have a book club meeting at starbucks one night about it... lol

ITS SO GOOD!

gabbie83 Posted: Jan 21, 2008 02:29 PM

Re: What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

dont go to sleep mad -
what i love about us is that even though we might get into a little disgreement , we just look at each other, laugh and know its not worth it :)