What is the one piece of advice you would give from your own relationship

I highly recommend everyone on here, picking up the book, 'Lies at the ALter' by Dr. Robin L. Smith.

It has 200 questions to ask each other, and my FH agreed to doing the questions with me over the summer and our relationship has improved soooo much since.

You learn so much about each other and how to communicate (esp for the guys).

To this day I am in shock how my FH answered some of these questions, I never would have guessed..

That is my one piece of advice, what would you say from your own experiences?

---

Posted by gfield101

I highly recommend everyone on here, picking up the book, 'Lies at the ALter' by Dr. Robin L. Smith.

It has 200 questions to ask each other, and my FH agreed to doing the questions with me over the summer and our relationship has improved soooo much since.

You learn so much about each other and how to communicate (esp for the guys).

To this day I am in shock how my FH answered some of these questions, I never would have guessed..

---

Thanks. I think I may pick that up.

Yea to this day we are still arguing if family needs to call first before stopping by the house.

We even brought this up Friday night at Pre Cana lol

Yes.

Well since my parents gave us an apartment in their basement to live in for a year and didnt charge us any rent once he proposed to help save for the wedding, and are helping us with some $ for the wedding,
I dont feel they have to call if they happen to be in the neighborhood on a Sunday afternoon, since we have already lived with them.

Now, if it becomes an every week occasion that would be another story..

Other questions were:

How would you feel if your partner has a glass of wine with dinner every night?

How do you feel if an ex called your partner and they didnt mention it to you?

Have you told your partner how many sexual partners youve had in the past? is that something you may ask in the future?

Has a debt collecter ever called you?

etc..

---

Posted by zoe282

Was that one of the questions? Family definitely needs to call...in my opinion...personal private space is very important.

---

this was a BIG topic at pre-cana...i was surprised how many couples do deal with this and many of the couples at pre-cana seemed to relate and has caused fights in the past. The host couple really suggested to not let family interfere with the relationship and to set up boundaries. Some of the things were such things as them just dropping by, someone getting too involved in our relationship...also one tip they had is not to get into a routine with our in-laws such as 'we'll come by for dinner every sunday' they say this will be impossible to keep and that there will be times that we can't make it and if there was no expectation for us to go then it won't cause problems.

I think money questions are so important to ask each other. I can't believe all those wedding shows where they are in complete disagreement over how to spend money and even hide it from each other! FH and I are lucky since we have similar views about money. I'm definitely a little cheaper than him and, if it was up to me, I'd probably buy day old bread and never splurge on luxuries. He's a little more extravagant (but not overly), which makes my life a little more pleasant.

This was actually one of the first things we discussed when we started dating. It was a good thing, since we were long distance at the time and had to budget a lot of flights!

---

Posted by Espo22

---

Posted by zoe282

Was that one of the questions? Family definitely needs to call...in my opinion...personal private space is very important.

---

this was a BIG topic at pre-cana...i was surprised how many couples do deal with this and many of the couples at pre-cana seemed to relate and has caused fights in the past. The host couple really suggested to not let family interfere with the relationship and to set up boundaries. Some of the things were such things as them just dropping by, someone getting too involved in our relationship...also one tip they had is not to get into a routine with our in-laws such as 'we'll come by for dinner every sunday' they say this will be impossible to keep and that there will be times that we can't make it and if there was no expectation for us to go then it won't cause problems.

---

I agree, there definitely needs to be boundries..obviously it's different for each couple. I need large boundries...FH family lives like 5 mins away and for me I need to have a lot of boundries....my family doesn't live in LI so I need FH and i to figure out things for ourselves...sometimes i feel if you count on parents too much you can't grow as a couple...also i feel that if FH mother does too much i won't be able to grow as a wife either...

---

Posted by zoe282

---

Posted by Espo22

---

Posted by zoe282

Was that one of the questions? Family definitely needs to call...in my opinion...personal private space is very important.

---

this was a BIG topic at pre-cana...i was surprised how many couples do deal with this and many of the couples at pre-cana seemed to relate and has caused fights in the past. The host couple really suggested to not let family interfere with the relationship and to set up boundaries. Some of the things were such things as them just dropping by, someone getting too involved in our relationship...also one tip they had is not to get into a routine with our in-laws such as 'we'll come by for dinner every sunday' they say this will be impossible to keep and that there will be times that we can't make it and if there was no expectation for us to go then it won't cause problems.

---

I agree, there definitely needs to be boundries..obviously it's different for each couple. I need large boundries...FH family lives like 5 mins away and for me I need to have a lot of boundries....my family doesn't live in LI so I need FH and i to figure out things for ourselves...sometimes i feel if you count on parents too much you can't grow as a couple...also i feel that if FH mother does too much i won't be able to grow as a wife either...

---

very true.

---

Posted by NYCGirl2008

This is by far the most useful thread I have read on LIW thus far.

---

Awe danka!!

---

Posted by zoe282

My advice would be to tell eachother how you are feeling....no one is a mind reader. Sometimes it doesn't work in my favor, but I always tell FH how i am feeling. especially if he has done something to upset me. I have tried the other way and hoped that he would figure it out but he never does..lol...if i hold it in i get resentful and keep bringing it up in the future...talk about it....get it out and move on..

---

AMEN! That is also something they spoke about in Pre Cana...as I was thinking...'Yes tell them, even it it takes FIVE TIMES For them to hear you'

---

Posted by zoe282

My advice would be to tell eachother how you are feeling....no one is a mind reader. Sometimes it doesn't work in my favor, but I always tell FH how i am feeling. especially if he has done something to upset me. I have tried the other way and hoped that he would figure it out but he never does..lol...if i hold it in i get resentful and keep bringing it up in the future...talk about it....get it out and move on..

---

THis the the BEST advice!!!...I think FH has learned that now..he use to just get silent and not talk to me and it made me more mad/upset!..Now he knows that it is onlyy better to talk!

---

Posted by NYCGirl2008

This is by far the most useful thread I have read on LIW thus far.

---

aww Celia! I feel so proud of you!! LOL

---

Posted by Coach416

---

Posted by NYCGirl2008

This is by far the most useful thread I have read on LIW thus far.

---

aww Celia! I feel so proud of you!! LOL

---

Thats just because Im a Counselor and was programed to think like this for my masters!

It really is a good book though!

I also think many of us (myself included!!) forget that you are going to fall asleep to that face for.. ETERNITY and get so caught up in the day of the wedding! Thats why so many girls become depressed after the wedding, they are so focused on the favors and dress, that when reality strikes with a big can of DEBT and DISHES, they suffer some type of depression...

OR................lol...someone needs to tell me to shut the hell up, sell back my phsychology books and remember to lighten up, its a PARTY!!!!

lol
OFF TOPIC: anyone see Cloverfield? I just got back from seeing it!