what should i do?

After months and months of deciding on a bridal party I finally asked my girls. I asked my sister in law and 4 really great friends although I am close with about 4 more other girls. I just knew I didn't want a huge BP (although that might have solved my problem). All my friends are special to me and I didn't want to make like the BP were these elite group of girls. But in a way... aren't they... kind of? (even though i would never treat my other friends like they weren't as good as my BP) I felt confident in my choice.... and that lasted five minutes.

My problem is that I have these friends M & H. I've known M for over 10 years and although we've been friends for a long time we aren't best friends and in the past year I find myself not being a good enough friend to her. It seems like she always has a problem with me and wants me to be a better friend. I understand her needs but I can't see myself stepping up on that pedestal that she has me on. Now, H and I have become really close and although our friendship has caused M to become a little jealous there is nothing I can do about it. M and I have talked... H and M have talked and it seems like things are much better in that department. However, I just asked H to be in the bridal party and am worried about how to let M know that not only is she not in the BP but that our mutual friend H is.

Sorry if this post is confusing. I was just wondering if any of you have had any problems with this issue. I've heard so many times that weddings change people. I feel my friendships are still remaining the same but I hate that I am hurting my friend's feelings. But on the flip side, I still don't want to ask her to be in the BP (for all different reasons). How do I handle a situation where in a group of friends I picked one and not the other to be a bridesmaid? I don't want H to feel like she has to hide the fact that she is a BM.

i need some liw advice

I feel like during a process like this, you will find out who really matters, and who never did...If they respect you enough, they will understand. I mean I could totally understand if M is upset and hurt - but in the grand scheme of things - it's your wedding and you have to do what is right for you and you FH. And if that means not having M in the wedding then you already fought that battle..

Good Luck.

ETA: You need to confront M and make it your place to tell her she is not in the wedding so H doesn't 'hide' being in the wedding- thats not fair to either party.

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Posted by AlliCatB

Can you have M do a reading? Include her in another way and just say you were limited with who you could pick??

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we already have FH's sisters and a friend doing readings. I had been thinking for a while now to have all my other girlfriends walk down the aisle as 'honorary' bridesmaids... but not give them that title. I want them to know that they are special to me but I am stuck on ways to do so.


I am mostly worried about how to even approach M.

Wow this has the makings of a bad situation but remember it is your choice who you have. She may get mad but as pp said find something else for her to do. Like a reading or handing out programs. If she is a true friend she will understand. Good luck and sorry I can't be of much help but here's some hugs for you

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we already have FH's sisters and a friend doing readings. I had been thinking for a while now to have all my other girlfriends walk down the aisle as 'honorary' bridesmaids... but not give them that title. I want them to know that they are special to me but I am stuck on ways to do so.


I am mostly worried about how to even approach M.

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My gf had a situation like this & she made the person be the 'guest Book Attendant.' The person really liked the job. She brought the guest book around to people top make sure they signed.

I don't know if you are having a full mass or even your religious orientation but you could ask her to bring the gifts to the altar..

That is a tough situation, but if you sit down and explain to her that you couldn't have a huge wedding party and that you do truly value her friendship and you don't have to have her in your BP to feel that way...

I had a similar situation and I just explained to the girl that the choice was very difficult and I still do really care about her...

I wouldn't bring it up to her unless she brings it up to you...

I dunno, good luck girl!

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Posted by Marchbride07

I don't know if you are having a full mass or even your religious orientation but you could ask her to bring the gifts to the altar..

That is a tough situation, but if you sit down and explain to her that you couldn't have a huge wedding party and that you do truly value her friendship and you don't have to have her in your BP to feel that way...

I had a similar situation and I just explained to the girl that the choice was very difficult and I still do really care about her...

I wouldn't bring it up to her unless she brings it up to you...

I dunno, good luck girl!

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We won't be having a particularly religious ceremony.
I think I am going to ask her to do something though...and have her walk down teh aisle with three other girls as Friends of the Bride.

I just don't want H to feel like she has to hide the fact that she is in the BP. Is there any 'right' way to let M know that H is one of my BMs?

I had a similar problem but I went the other route. I just asked everyone to be a bridesmaid.

Now I'm stuck with 7! bridesmaids!!

I am just a person who cannot deal with confrontation and it was overall less stressful for me to add one person.

It's a hard decision to make, but once you've thought about it, stick with it. If you've been friends for 10 years, you've been through lots of ups and downs. The main thing is that this person is there to be happy for you and share in your special day. She may be hurt at first, but the day is about you, not her. If there is something special for her to do, I'm sure she'll appreciate it.

Good Luck!

That's tough...I'm a person who does not like to hurt anyone's feelings...You only get married once (well you're supposed to anyway) why not include all of the friends that are close to you? That's just my opinion. I think this might create a little bit of friction between you two. If this girl cares enough about you to be in your wedding why not let her (granted that you value her friendship) which it sounds like you don't really care too much for her...anyway, It's ultimate your choice what you do, but if it was me and this girl was my friend and has stood by me for 10 years I would most like her have her in my BP...Good luck!
XOXOXO
Kitty

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Posted by mskittynj

That's tough...I'm a person who does not like to hurt anyone's feelings...You only get married once (well you're supposed to anyway) why not include all of the friends that are close to you? That's just my opinion. I think this might create a little bit of friction between you two. If this girl cares enough about you to be in your wedding why not let her (granted that you value her friendship) which it sounds like you don't really care too much for her...anyway, It's ultimate your choice what you do, but if it was me and this girl was my friend and has stood by me for 10 years I would most like her have her in my BP...Good luck!
XOXOXO
Kitty

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Yeah, I am starting to think that I should have just had a 10 girl BP, but at the time it just seemed too excessive. And with this girl, I do care for her, but there are so many things that have gone on that it's just not that simple. We 've been friends for a long time but for the majority of our friendship it has been distanced. It wasn't until H came into the picture did M start acting like we were the best of friends.
I will definitely find something special for he to do though.

All I have to say is, if M is a good friend and a good person then this will NOT bother her. It might, but a good friend will keep it to herself and not let it ruin your BIG day! JMO, but girls can be so catty! It's your day, have it your way

I have a very similar situation and I have no idea how to fix it either!! I think my BP is going to grow again

10 yrs is a long time and u never kno you girls might become even better friends as time goes on....i had a similar situation and i still asked the girl to be in my wedding only becuase i always saw her beign a part of it and sharing it with me....bottom line is if u really want her in your wedding then ask her to be in your wedding...and trust me beign a true friend has nothing to do with how shes going to react because if i were really close with someone and i expected to be in their bp but wasnt id be p*ssed off.....go with your heart if deep down u want her in ur wedding ask her...

It's a tough situation, maybe you should just ask her to be in the wedding. This way she won't feel excluded.

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Posted by Licee15

I feel like during a process like this, you will find out who really matters, and who never did...If they respect you enough, they will understand.

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Completely agree with this statement. Its the truth-and she will either be ok with the decision you made (no matter what she may be a little upset) but its her place to hide that and be happy for whatever you have chosen and be upset on her own time as not to make you feel guilty.
YOu should not by anymeans be made to feel bad.
im sorry you are trying to figure this out you should not have to