Brides Helping Brides ™ - What should I do? re: postponing wedding? – Page 2

2003fallwedding Posted: Feb 20, 2005 10:58 AM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

If your going to have a ceremony then have the renewal and reception, why wait until Dec 2006? Why not get married now? I don't know your situation, maybe you like the date you picked for December 2006...just a suggestion

Janice Posted: Feb 20, 2005 11:34 AM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

You do what you can do...I would keep the date, have a downsize wedding, and forget the big thing.. all this stress over a few hours..live life, enjoy your FH, not the stress of a wedding. We were going to do a big thing, we wound up only inviting family to a smaller wedding, in a hall that has been referred to on this site as a lodge, but I don't care..I did not go into debt, and I got married with money in the bank for our house. If your mom is at risk of losing her home, the stress seems like it is going to get worse before it gets better, so do yourself a favor..enjoy the planning of a smaller wedding, a bride is a bride and cut unnecessary stress out.

Wintersbride Posted: Feb 20, 2005 11:41 AM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

So sorry to hear about your situation. I voted for the small wedding w/ a renewal later on (if you still want the big party). Most people will understand the situation, and personally, if I was an invite, I would go to a renewal. Weddings are huge deal when it comes to money. Unfortunately we can not always predict what life will throw our way. I think anyone who is quality will understand.

don424 Posted: Feb 20, 2005 12:46 PM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

Hey Jenn:

Here's how I feel about it. Now, let me preface this by saying that I know that some women dream about and plan the 'day' since they're five. Keep in mind that alot of men don't understand this - -so take that into consideration when you read my view.

I would say do one of two things. No matter what, I would think long and hard about what will make you and Doug the most happy. But, I would either do a small affair on your date in 2006, or save up and have the big affair in 2007.

My cousin is doing the 'two-ceremony' thing. She got married last April because she had to keep her DH in the country (he's from Australia), and now they are doing this big wedding renewal thing this coming May, complete with bridal shower and all the usual. Admittedly, some of the family are put off by this, snice she is already married, but she wanted the big day, her family has money and is able to do this for her.

I wouldn't recommend entering marriage with lots of debt (if you can avoid it). For most, the adjustment is hard enough, add in financial stress and it can cause a strain.

I know you are feeling like things are being taken away from you, so you and Doug are going to have to do some thinking here. You can have a really nice, elegant, small affair, like others have suggested, and it will be lovely and you'll have great memories. But, like I said, some women plan the day at a young age, and it's important to them. So, if this is something that is important to you and Doug, I say wait until you can afford it.

In our case, we had the big wedding because my IL's could afford to do it for us. But, to marry Boosh, it wouldn't have mattered what type of wedding it was. It's your day, celebrated by you and DH only, it's special no matter how expensive it is.

Hope this helps and sheds some light

Shorty McBride Posted: Feb 20, 2005 02:08 PM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

Jenn:

I know what this is like. I don't know if it's possible, but from knowing what I know about you, would you consider getting married in Disney?

Your closest family/friends WILL make it, and you'll get to marry your DH in your favorite place.

112903 Posted: Feb 20, 2005 02:31 PM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

I think I would opt for the small elegant wedding on the original date.
I am so sorry that you have rearrange everything you wanted for this wedding, but again like some others said this is about you and for FI to decide whatever decision you come to everyone who cares about you will be behind you 110%...

Blu-ize Posted: Feb 20, 2005 05:54 PM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

Posted by JimmysBride

I'm sorry you are going thru this!

I think you've waited long enough and were planning to wait long enough to marry your FH. Life is too short and will always throw you curve balls like this... you never know what could end up happening in 2007!

I say do something small and elegant in 2006 and that's it. Two wedding celebrations a year apart is not something I would do. The important thing is that the two of you get married and that the closest people you love are there to share in the day with you.

I agree with this..something small and wonderful and get on with the rest of your life. What matters is your marriage and your family. It will be beautiful no matter what. Judging by the order you put the poll in, I imagine that you would prefer to have two events.

Moehick Posted: Feb 20, 2005 07:38 PM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

I know this is tough and ultimately you and your FH have to decide whats best. I voted for small 2006 wedding because like someone said, you never know what life can throw ya. Getting married and being together is the most important thing whether or not it was done in a big or small wedding. GHood Luck with your decision

lilmrs Posted: Feb 20, 2005 07:42 PM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

Posted by Moehick

I know this is tough and ultimately you and your FH have to decide whats best. I voted for small 2006 wedding because like someone said, you never know what life can throw ya. Getting married and being together is the most important thing whether or not it was done in a big or small wedding. GHood Luck with your decision

This is what I was going to say as well.

jms100303 Posted: Feb 20, 2005 10:11 PM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

Jenn I am so sorry for all that you are going through right now. I can only imagine how tough this is for you and Doug and your mom. But I do believe things will get better and you will be stronger as a result. As for the your post about the wedding, I voted for 'other', let me explain why:

As others have stated the most important thing is you and Doug. I don't know about your relationship, but from what I can tell it is very strong and you are both very committed to one another. If I were in your situation I would have a very small intimate wedding now, in 2005. Why wait till 2006? Maybe you can still plan a small trip to Disney and get married then. It will be beautiful and special and a great way to start your life together.

I would also plan to do a renewal, someday. Maybe your 5 year anniversary, maybe your 3. But wait and see. So much can happen and life is unpredictable, but don't put off the start of a wonderful marriage and lifetime together because you can't afford to have the original wedding you planned. Focus on your life together, your education/future, and helping your mom.

You can still have the shower and bachelor party if you want before your smaller wedding, but don't worry about it.

One other thing, I wouldn't recommend going into debt for the wedding. Debt will add so much more financial stress and pressure. It is something you don't want or need to start off your marriage. My DH and I just talked about this, what would we do if my parent's didn't pay for our wedding? We would not have gone into debt, but have something small and elegant. I liked the idea of the two of us on a beach barefoot somewhere.

Best of luck. I wish you all the happiness you deserve.

KandM2006 Posted: Feb 21, 2005 01:04 AM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

I would have a smaller wedding now and then have a big one on ourmaybe 5 or 10 yr anniversary any way you want! GOOD LUCK!!

DanielleBride Posted: Feb 21, 2005 04:04 AM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

FH and I had to postpone our wedding for financial reasons as well. I actually suggested a destination wedding in the Bahamas but he is the one who has been dreaming about this since he was 5, go figure...whatever you decide make sure you and future hubby agree with it, good luck and let us know what happens.

TracyInQueens Posted: Feb 21, 2005 05:15 AM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

I would have the smaller wedding in '06. I really hope your luck turns around.

bxgell2 Posted: Feb 21, 2005 07:46 AM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

DH and I actually got married at City Hall six months before our big wedding/reception, not for financial reasons, but for Visa reasons. But, let me tell you, it was the best thing we could have done. It made the ceremony so much more intimate and special - it was OUR day, literally. And, our special secret for 6 months. Not only that, it made planning the big reception that much easier because all the stress and anxiety was gone once we were actually married. It really helped to put everything in perspective, so my vote would be to have the ceremony as soon as you like, and plan for a reception later!

cluelessbride Posted: Feb 21, 2005 08:13 AM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

First of all I am really sorry to hear you are going through this

If I were in your shoes I'd opt for the original date, smaller wedding.

Now that my wedding is over I can honestly say that the day goes by so fast and I really wish I had had more time to spend with those I am close with. My favorite part of the wedding was the 'after party' in our hotel room with my mom and friends.

Rainmama Posted: Feb 21, 2005 08:22 AM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

Posted by september2004

I would have a civil ceremony and scrap the big wedding altogether. I would concentrate on taking care of business and not get into any more debt than is needed. Once finances are in order I would then revisit a more lavish celebration.

Taking care of your mom and continuing your education would be top priority for me and where your funds should be spent.

Sorry to hear you are going through this!

I have to say if I were in this situation, this is exactly what I'd do.

ambersmom Posted: Feb 21, 2005 10:38 AM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

I just wanted to say again how sorry I am Jenn that all this is happening to you

marymoon Posted: Feb 21, 2005 12:05 PM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

Thanks os much for everything. I'm not sure what we're going to do.

it's really hard to downsize the original wedding because the sheer volume of people makes it costly. I have a HUGE family, and I'm only inviting the closest as it is. I'm really not sure what to do yet, but I thank you for all of your suggestions..

I don't want to lose our $$ at NRC!

Also, I'm sure I could find a less expensive hall and cut a lot of $$ off the price right there, but I just feel so frustrated about it. I'm always going to see NRC and be like 'That was supposed to be our hall' (we are so totally in love with it)... Maybe I'm being a spoiled brat, but I feel like recently I've lost so much, my dad (and that includes a lot of wedding day reourcussions), a much needed vacation, the luxury of working part time and finishing my degree FT, and like, to lose my dream wedding, it's so frustrating. I know I'm being such a baby, but it's not fair I mean, we weren't depending on anyone really as far as the wedding, and FH works increidbly long hours and has been wokring so hard to pay all the deposits and everything on the reception hall. I just feel so frustrated. I feel bad for FH, too. He was really really looking forward to going to Disney this spring. I know that's the absolute least f our problems. But he works 13 hours a day, and so needed a vacation.

Yeah, I was thinking that if we do have a small ceremony now and postpone, we might as well have the ceremony at WDW. but the thing is, that's also really expensive, and it takees $$ away from what could be my wedding up here. I think for the 'intimate wedding' at disney, where it's the bride and groom plus 8 guests, it's still $20K!
I mean if I have $20K that could be put toward the 180 people I wanted to have at my hall, and there's no airfare

1017Bride Posted: Feb 21, 2005 12:07 PM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

I thought you should have the wedding reception next year because after all you gone through you owe it to yourselves to have a nice wedding. Maybe downscale other things like your photographer, DJ, flowers etc.

emilain Posted: Feb 21, 2005 12:23 PM

Re: What should I do? re: postponing wedding?

the BEST wedding I EVER went to was in Jamaica. My DH's bestfriend invited a bunch of close family members and friends and we all went down and had A BALL!!! It was very simple, although the bride worse a wedding gown, they did the ceremony on a cliff, had the small recption under a hay bungalow, it was the best!! I wish I could do my HUGE wedding over and do what they did, plus it only cost them $3,000 for EVERYTHING (photographer, music, food, flowers, etc)!!! When we all left they stayed an extra 5 days for their honeymoon. Could this be an idea for you!?