Ok - I have a bit of a situation regarding my reception and the open bar, and I'm not sure how to deal with it.
I'm getting married in Ireland - but FH is American. We're having lots of American guests come over to IRL for the wedding, including all his family. Also we'll be having loads of Irish guests as I have a huge family and lots of friends there.
Here's the problem - in IRL weddings are a little different. They go on for a very long time - my reception will start around 3:30 or 4 and probably go till midnight or later. Also, in Ireland you NEVER have an open bar - just different customs. Irish guests pay for their own alcohol (although I should add that wine and wedding toast drinks are paid for by whoever is paying for the reception) .
So after investigating this a little further, I found out that in Ireland, the reception is paid for differently than it is in the US - it's not per head with dinner and the bar included like it is here, and the bar would be a totally separate tab, charging us regular prices for beer, liquor, etc. The hall will most likely NOT give us a deal on the alcohol, and with Ireland being so expensive (drinks are often almost twice as costly as they are here), us having so many guests, and the reception going on for almost 8 hours (!!) the bar tab could literally end up costing as much as the reception itself. I should also mention that we are already having punch (at the cocktail hour), wine, and champagne for a toast with dinner that's included in our reception cost.
I don't want to end up paying a fortune for the reception and drinks and I don't want to also insult my American guests. I just don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
CJStein
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
Can you bring in your own alcohol? That might keep costs down. Also, maybe do beer, wine, and just a few other 'signature drinks' like vodka and cranberry, rum and coke, etc.
EireBride-to-Be
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
Good suggestion - thanks!
Anyone else??
nferrandi
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
Another suggestion is to have the open bar for only a specific period of time, like during CH and dinner and from that point on it would be a cash bar.
LFitzy79
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
I like the idea of doing a few staples (vodka and cran, etc), you could talk to the banquet manager of the hall and see what they will do for you-perhaps they will discount the bill, or at least see if they will charge you for bringing you own alcohol, and then maybe you could do some tubs of bottle beer, or a keg....
TwoBugs
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
Honestly, if I went to a wedding in Ireland and they didn't have a full open bar (but had punch, wine, and champagne) I would just think 'oh, that's what they do here in Ireland'... I wouldn't think twice about it. I definitely wouldn't be insulted.
LuckyMe
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
What if you explained to the future inlaws the irish traditions and let them pass it around so people understood. After the way you explained it I know I certainly wouldn't be insulted I wouldn't expect you to pay that much for liquor. I agree about the open bar for maybe the ch and then just punch during the rest of the reception or a cash bar. Good Luck!! Please post pictures afterwards. My grandmother always told me how beautiful Ireland is but I've never been.
12-3Princess
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
Maybe you could have an open bar for cocktail hour or something and then close it off. If you explain the situation to American guests, they'd understand - just somehow get the word out to everyone. Plus, that one hour would be a nice compromise maybe?
EireBride-to-Be
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
I will certainly post pictures!
I am so glad to get your opinions about the cash bar - I'm just so afraid that people will be insulted or think we're being really cheap, but its just such an enormous expense if we have an open bar all night long. And with the punch, wine, and champagne toast, its not as if we aren't paying for any drinks. Even sodas and WATER cost $$ in ireland - like 3 euro a bottle for each!!!
I think we'll definitely have to talk to FH and his parents regarding the difference in traditions - hopefully everyone will understand as you ladies have right now.
I appreciate all the advice!
nferrandi
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
I have to be honest though, even though I understand why it's next to impossible for you to have an open bar, I would be a little annoyed about it if I travelled all the way from NY to Ireland and had to spend even more money having drinks. I'm guessing all of your guests will be paying for their flight and hotel, and they may feel a little shafted to have to also spend money at the reception. JMHO
divabride
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
Will the reception hall let you purchase a certain amount of drinks? I found these online. Each guest can get like one or two drinks each and if they want any more they can pay for them. Or maybe you can have a 'limited' open bar such as wine or tap beer.
EireBride-to-Be
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
nferrandi - what you said is EXACTLY my concern (thanks for your honesty) - my guests will already be paying for so much to fly over and stay at a hotel and THEN they have to pay for drinks? I know exactly what you mean - I'd would feel shafted too if I were a guest. Its very hard to know what to do....
Divabride those are cute where did you find them?
molly25
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
MY FRIEND IS IRISH JUST MARRIED AN AMERICAN THIS PAST AUGUST AND THEY HAD THE WEDDING IN IRELAND. ALOT OF US KNEW THE TRADITION WITH A CASH BAR AND WORD OF MOUTH SPREAD FOR THOSE THAT DIDN'T KNOW. NEVER HEARD ONE COMPLAINT. WE ALL HAD A GREAT TIME BECAUSE THE RECPTION WENT ON SO MUCH LONGER THAN AN AMERICAN RECEPTION. JUST EXPLAIN TO THE AMERICAN CROWD HOW THINGS ARE DONE AND THEY SHOULD UNDERSTAND. IF THEY DON'T THEN , OH WELL. I WOULDN'T STRESS TOO MUCH OVER IT. GOOD LUCK! WE ENJOYED SOME OF THEIR DIFFERENT TRADITIONS.
mms
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
Would you consider at all ONLY offering the wine, punch, etc. (whatever you're paying for) and not having any other bar options? That is, no hard liquor or beer, and people just have to drink what you're offering. Then, nobody would be paying for drinks, since there would be no opportunity to. Or is that worse, since then you're limiting what people can have?
At my sister's reception (in Chicago), she had wine paired with each course, and that was the only alcohol included. People were buying themselves mixed drinks at the bar and were upset about it. Part of the problem was that it wasn't well communicated to everyone that only the wine was included, so people just didn't understand why they kept being asked to pay. But at the time, I thought it would have been better for the bar just to be closed.
EireBride-to-Be
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
mms- we had talked about that option, but as you say, it limits what people can drink. Its so hard to know what to do - I wish it could be open bar all night but it's just going to be impossible. You've all given me some great options to think about - thank you!
Any more suggestions are more than welcome!
lilacwine
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
Are your American guests from New York, or from other areas of the U.S.? If they're mostly from the NYC area and have never been to a wedding in Ireland before, I agree with nferrandi that people are going to be insulted and annoyed if they have to pay for their own drinks at your wedding after they flew all the way to Ireland.
If most of your American guests are not from the NYC area, they're probably used to cash bars and may not have any complaints.
One other thing to consider, if you're going to go the cash bar route, please make sure your guests understand this in advance so they'll know to have enough Irish cash on them for your reception.
ckgmwedding
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
I have attended a number of weddings here in CA that are cash bar only after the cocktail hour. No wine, only the toast so I think you are offering enough. Just have your FH pass the word about what you are having so they bring cash to the wedding to purchase their own drinks.
marymoon
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
I don't know. I understand that you have areal dilemma , but as a guest who didn't know, I'd be really confused and irritated. i usually don't bring that much cash to weddings, and I'd probbaly order drinks and be embarrased, not knowing I had to pay for them. I would be like 'oh how weird/tacky...you have to pay for your own drinks!!!!!!!!!' especially after coming off of a plane, paying for a hotel, etc. I mean, i udnerstand your situation and I know you're not being weird and tacky, but I don't think the average guest would know. I think those cards are good, because they communicate that the bar is a cash bar, but they also allow you to buy drinks for your guests. That's probbaly the best bet, since you don't want to end up with a $10.000 liquor tab. My aunt had a birthdya party that was sort of wedding style where you got your choice of entree, etc, but the bar tab was separate and not included and her bar tab was more than the dinner itself, and this was a small 4 hour party with family, so you can imagine. I guess if I were you I'd go with cards, and try to get family to mention it casually offhand. if there are enough dirnks available, wine, punch, etc...maybe you can get a certain number of like, frozen margarits passed around or something, people won't miss the dirnks they'd otherwise be getting for free, hopefuly. It' a rough situation, and I just babbled without giving you a real answer. LOl Sorry! Good Luck!
eogara
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Re: What to do? Reception drinks help!
My brother was engaged to an Irish girl and they were planning their wedding for over there. Ultimately it didn't work out but while they were planning, THIS was the biggest issue. He refused to have all of us travel over there for a wedding and then have to pay for our drinks. While I understand 'it's what they do in Ireland', it was what they do in Pennsylvania where my cousin got married and my family was still really pi$$ed. As far as limiting it to beer and wine, I don't think that will help much since, if your family is like mine, that's pretty much what they drink anyway.
I think before they broke off the engagement my brother and his fiancee had decided to somehow designate the members of his family to the barmen so they knew who to charge and who not to (ie cash bar for all except those who travelled over - that would be a tab on the bride and groom). I don't know the logistics of this but if you could figure those out, I think this might be your best option.
