What to do...w/poll

Since the ladies who know my situation, you know you have been my backbone and I honestly love you!!!!
My mother is away and this is a very emotial time. What should this girl do!!
Oh BTW his heart has forgiven me but not his head
I truly beleive he is getting off on hurting me some how and if I was in his situation I just might do the same.Sometimes we hurt the people we love in this world for reasons unkown, but lessons are learned, and boy I learned my lesson, beleive you me. Torture.

Kris, I didn't vote because I don't feel that I know the whole situation but I just wanted to send you some love. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

I wish I could tell you what to do but I also don't know the whole story but whatever it is if you think that the love is so strong between you to than don't give up just yet. He may still need time and it might be worth the wait. HTH

---

Posted by Tiggeruth

I voted to give him a little more time. I know this is all confusing and frustrating but you have invested a lot into this relationship and should at least be patient a little while longer. I do not think an ultimatum is the way to go, those never seem to work out well.

---

I know!!!

---

Posted by MrsBartonToBe

i said more time... i cant imagine whats going through his head, if i were in his shoes id be a COMPLETE mess.. it takes a LONG time to get through this, and you WILL.. theres no rush for the wedding, youre young, it will come together eventually, wether its 2007 or 2009... doesnt matter.. you will spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with him!!! give him more time. its a rough situation

---

I know, but the poll is 50/50 I am dying to hear the other responses and why.

---

Posted by MnM52607

Kris, I didn't vote because I don't feel that I know the whole situation but I just wanted to send you some love. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

---

Me too!

Poor god!

---

Posted by Tiggeruth

I voted to give him a little more time. I know this is all confusing and frustrating but you have invested a lot into this relationship and should at least be patient a little while longer. I do not think an ultimatum is the way to go, those never seem to work out well.

---

I agree...although, FH gave me an ultimatum after we broke up. We were apart for a year, then we got back together but we were just casually dating...I wasn't ready to throw myself back in. He said all or nothing. I knew I couldn't lose him, so I picked all, and I never regret it. It could've backfired though. . . So I wouldn't reccommend it unless you are ready for EITHER decision.

---

Posted by JazzyT

i'm sorry but your relationship is your relationship and I do not understand how fellow brides from a message board can take a poll and help you decide your relationship...the answer is within you and if you seriously have to take a poll then there is obviously something else going on.

---

It is true, she needs to figure this out herself, but all of us have turned to our friends in time of need and comfort. But ultimatley it is YOUR decision, you need to dig deep down and don't let a message board decide your future.

---

Posted by JazzyT

i'm sorry but your relationship is your relationship and I do not understand how fellow brides from a message board can take a poll and help you decide your relationship...the answer is within you and if you seriously have to take a poll then there is obviously something else going on.

---

I know its immature! I am just desperate sorry if I offended anyone.

---

Posted by kdecamp

---

Posted by JazzyT

i'm sorry but your relationship is your relationship and I do not understand how fellow brides from a message board can take a poll and help you decide your relationship...the answer is within you and if you seriously have to take a poll then there is obviously something else going on.

---

I know its immature! I am just desperate sorry if I offended anyone.

---

I am not offended nor am I going to keep going back and forth but what i think is that this is something to be dicussed in the privacy of you and your FH you two best know the situation and can best decide whats best for you.

If this situation was flipped.....what would you do?Would you be able to forgive him?

I haven't posted a lot about this topic b/c I am torn on how to repsond. I do think you need to give him more time, you can't expect him to just get over what happened. In his head he is probably so confused....'Do I forgive her', 'can I forget what happened', 'will I be worrying about this everytime she goes out w/ out me'....Maybe there are issues he's still trying to figure out for himself before he could move on. I think you should give that to him. If something like this happened to me, I'm not sure if I could forget....forgive...yes but forgetting is really hard.

---

Posted by DNicholes

If this situation was flipped.....what would you do?Would you be able to forgive him?

I haven't posted a lot about this topic b/c I am torn on how to repsond. I do think you need to give him more time, you can't expect him to just get over what happened. In his head he is probably so confused....'Do I forgive her', 'can I forget what happened', 'will I be worrying about this everytime she goes out w/ out me'....Maybe there are issues he's still trying to figure out for himself before he could move on. I think you should give that to him. If something like this happened to me, I'm not sure if I could forget....forgive...yes but forgetting is really hard.

---

Well said If my FH did this to me- I would not forgive him. JMO. Dont give him an ultimatum- give him time.

---

Posted by ik1

He probably needs reasurance that it wont happen again and that you love him. He is probably feeling insecure about your relationship. Work on your relationship, give it time. Stick by him.

---

I will never leave.

I honestly can't think of anything 'new' to add to your situation, so I'll just repeat one of my old posts to you!

It's not suprising that you'd want to do everything to please him.. I'm sure that you feel guilty about the previous situation and feel the need to 'make it up to him.' But there comes a point when someone can begin to take advantage of that. I dont know your exact situation, so I don't know where that line is drawn...

But my advice to people in similar situations has always been.... Something happened in your relationship. You can't go back and change it. So, now you both have to decide what you to do from here. You've made your decision (i.e., you want to be with him). Now he needs to decide if he can deal with what happened and move on or not. Because it's not fair for him to hang this over your head forever.... and you can't spend the rest of your life trying to make it up to him (you don't deserve that!). I think that he DOES want to be with you, from what you've told us, so he honestly just needs to HEAL and MOVE ON. This shouldn't be something that's constantly brought up in arguments and fights... he should know that it happened, and move past it.

--ALSO...

I think that you need to let HIM start making some decisions. I'm sure that he feels that the situation has gotten WAY out of his control. I DEFINITELY don't think an ultimatum is the way to go... I just think that he needs to figure out whether he REALLY can forgive (and not just 'say' he forgives you, and then he's worrying everytime you leave the house, and constantly bring this up in fights).

think SERIOUSLY about if the situation were reversed.

I'm sorry to say this, but if my FH cheated (even just a kiss) it would be over.... no looking back.

I think you need to understand what HE feels about the situation, and stop trying to be in control of everything that goes on... just let him figure it all out.


AND -- since I'm always giving quotes and lyrics.. here's a good song.

We all lead such elaborate lives
wild ambitions in our sights
How an affair of the heart survives
days apart and hurried nights
Seems quite unbelievable to me
I don't want to live like that
seems quite unbelievable to me
I don't want to love like that
I just want our time to be
slower and gentler, wiser,free

We all live in extravagant times
playing games we can't all win
Unintened emotional crimes
Take some out, take others in

I'm so tired of all we're going through
I don't want to live like that
I'm so tired of all we're going through
I don't want to love like that
I just want to be with you
Now and forever, peaceful, true
This may not be the moment
to tell you face to face
But I could wait forever
for the perfect time and place

We all lead such elaborate lives
We don't know whose words are true
Strangers, lovers, husbands, wives
Hard to know who's loving who

Too many choices tear us apart
I don't want to live like that

Too many choices tear us apart
I don't want to love like that
I just want to touch your heart
May this confession
be the start...