Since the ladies who know my situation, you know you have been my backbone and I honestly love you!!!! My mother is away and this is a very emotial time. What should this girl do!! Oh BTW his heart has forgiven me but not his head I truly beleive he is getting off on hurting me some how and if I was in his situation I just might do the same.Sometimes we hurt the people we love in this world for reasons unkown, but lessons are learned, and boy I learned my lesson, beleive you me. Torture.
TnOiOnL
Posted:
Member since
Re: What to do...w/poll
Posted by hayleyandsteve
I honestly can't think of anything 'new' to add to your situation, so I'll just repeat one of my old posts to you!
It's not suprising that you'd want to do everything to please him.. I'm sure that you feel guilty about the previous situation and feel the need to 'make it up to him.' But there comes a point when someone can begin to take advantage of that. I dont know your exact situation, so I don't know where that line is drawn...
But my advice to people in similar situations has always been.... Something happened in your relationship. You can't go back and change it. So, now you both have to decide what you to do from here. You've made your decision (i.e., you want to be with him). Now he needs to decide if he can deal with what happened and move on or not. Because it's not fair for him to hang this over your head forever.... and you can't spend the rest of your life trying to make it up to him (you don't deserve that!). I think that he DOES want to be with you, from what you've told us, so he honestly just needs to HEAL and MOVE ON. This shouldn't be something that's constantly brought up in arguments and fights... he should know that it happened, and move past it.
--ALSO...
I think that you need to let HIM start making some decisions. I'm sure that he feels that the situation has gotten WAY out of his control. I DEFINITELY don't think an ultimatum is the way to go... I just think that he needs to figure out whether he REALLY can forgive (and not just 'say' he forgives you, and then he's worrying everytime you leave the house, and constantly bring this up in fights).
think SERIOUSLY about if the situation were reversed.
I'm sorry to say this, but if my FH cheated (even just a kiss) it would be over.... no looking back.
I think you need to understand what HE feels about the situation, and stop trying to be in control of everything that goes on... just let him figure it all out.
AND -- since I'm always giving quotes and lyrics.. here's a good song.
We all lead such elaborate lives wild ambitions in our sights How an affair of the heart survives days apart and hurried nights Seems quite unbelievable to me I don't want to live like that seems quite unbelievable to me I don't want to love like that I just want our time to be slower and gentler, wiser,free
We all live in extravagant times playing games we can't all win Unintened emotional crimes Take some out, take others in
I'm so tired of all we're going through I don't want to live like that I'm so tired of all we're going through I don't want to love like that I just want to be with you Now and forever, peaceful, true This may not be the moment to tell you face to face But I could wait forever for the perfect time and place
We all lead such elaborate lives We don't know whose words are true Strangers, lovers, husbands, wives Hard to know who's loving who
Too many choices tear us apart I don't want to live like that
Too many choices tear us apart I don't want to love like that I just want to touch your heart May this confession be the start...
jenn122397
Posted:
Member since
Re: What to do...w/poll
hmm - i dont know your entire story, not sure of the reason why you guys broke up so my opinion may be totally wrong. but from your posts that i have read it sounds like your guy is playing games with you and I think it may be best for you to move on - i know that is easier said than done but thats just my advice from what i know about your situation (again, im not sure of all the details) hope everything works out!
brittny817
Posted:
Member since
Re: What to do...w/poll
Please don't take this the wrong way but I'm genuinely curious. How would your BF/FH feel about you posting topics/polls like this? Do you think he would feel a little offended? I swear I am only asking out of curiousity. My FH would probably have a stroke
Seriously, this is a decision only you and he can make. I know it's not easy. Best of luck to you both.
KD1279
Posted:
Member since
Re: What to do...w/poll
Posted by brittny817
Please don't take this the wrong way but I'm genuinely curious. How would your BF/FH feel about you posting topics/polls like this? Do you think he would feel a little offended? I swear I am only asking out of curiousity. My FH would probably have a stroke
Seriously, this is a decision only you and he can make. I know it's not easy. Best of luck to you both.
Yes he would have a breakdown but he is not my BF or FH, he is playing plenty of games with me! I am just looking for what is best.
EGreene79
Posted:
Member since
Re: What to do...w/poll
I think you should give him time. It hasn't been that long since all of this has gone down. Something like this could take someone months to get past. He has to completely rebuild his trust. I don't think you're in a position to give him an ultimatum - especially so soon.
ETA - I don't know either of you, but just from what I've been reading I wouldn't necessarily say he's playing games. He's probably even more confused than you. What do you do when someone you love hurts you? You want to get over it, but it's not as easy to trust again.
melbalalala
Posted:
Member since
Re: What to do...w/poll
Posted by kdecamp
Posted by brittny817
Please don't take this the wrong way but I'm genuinely curious. How would your BF/FH feel about you posting topics/polls like this? Do you think he would feel a little offended? I swear I am only asking out of curiousity. My FH would probably have a stroke
Seriously, this is a decision only you and he can make. I know it's not easy. Best of luck to you both.
Yes he would have a breakdown but he is not my BF or FH, he is playing plenty of games with me! I am just looking for what is best.
I gotta agree with Brit here. I can see what you are saying, he currently isn't your FH or BF.
But you have been airing your dirty laundry since the beginning of this saga.. even when he was 'kinda' your FH. If you think there is a REMOTE chance you might get back together, I would make sure he never ever sees your posts. I know my FH would be mortified if he found out I posted stuff about our fights.
Then again, Im pretty sure he would be mortified with the dirty freaky Friday threads I start.
iBCraZ131
Posted:
Member since
Re: What to do...w/poll
you have FM
heatherandrichie
Posted:
Member since
Re: What to do...w/poll
Posted by PaddysGirl15
Posted by DNicholes
If this situation was flipped.....what would you do?Would you be able to forgive him?
I haven't posted a lot about this topic b/c I am torn on how to repsond. I do think you need to give him more time, you can't expect him to just get over what happened. In his head he is probably so confused....'Do I forgive her', 'can I forget what happened', 'will I be worrying about this everytime she goes out w/ out me'....Maybe there are issues he's still trying to figure out for himself before he could move on. I think you should give that to him. If something like this happened to me, I'm not sure if I could forget....forgive...yes but forgetting is really hard.
Well said If my FH did this to me- I would not forgive him. JMO. Dont give him an ultimatum- give him time.
I agree w/ all above. What does he say he wants? Time? Then why are you two sleeping together? Talk about having his cake and eating it too. Be stern and say 'I love you and you know I am sorry, but if you need time then why are we still sleeping together?' Tell him you can't keep putting yourself out there if he is just taking adavntage of the situation! JMO Put your foot down!
jnrrb
Posted:
Member since
Re: What to do...w/poll
Every one knows the old saying, ' If you love it set it free, if it comes back it's meant to be.
AeroJenn
Posted:
Member since
Re: What to do...w/poll
Posted by PaddysGirl15
Posted by DNicholes
If this situation was flipped.....what would you do?Would you be able to forgive him?
I haven't posted a lot about this topic b/c I am torn on how to repsond. I do think you need to give him more time, you can't expect him to just get over what happened. In his head he is probably so confused....'Do I forgive her', 'can I forget what happened', 'will I be worrying about this everytime she goes out w/ out me'....Maybe there are issues he's still trying to figure out for himself before he could move on. I think you should give that to him. If something like this happened to me, I'm not sure if I could forget....forgive...yes but forgetting is really hard.
Well said If my FH did this to me- I would not forgive him. JMO. Dont give him an ultimatum- give him time.
Very well said!!! I also have kept quiet on this topic because I too am very torn. I feel so bad for what you are going thru right now, but I also can put myself in his shoes and if that were me...I think a part of me would always worry about what you were doing when you go out, etc. He HAS forgiven you. But he will never forget...and thats going to be the hardest hurdle. Give him some more time and eventually he will be able to determine if he will be able to handle this and move on so you can share your lives together.
I hope everything works out for you two.
Gin-Char 104
Posted:
Member since
Re: What to do...w/poll
Posted by hayleyandsteve
I honestly can't think of anything 'new' to add to your situation, so I'll just repeat one of my old posts to you!
It's not suprising that you'd want to do everything to please him.. I'm sure that you feel guilty about the previous situation and feel the need to 'make it up to him.' But there comes a point when someone can begin to take advantage of that. I dont know your exact situation, so I don't know where that line is drawn...
But my advice to people in similar situations has always been.... Something happened in your relationship. You can't go back and change it. So, now you both have to decide what you to do from here. You've made your decision (i.e., you want to be with him). Now he needs to decide if he can deal with what happened and move on or not. Because it's not fair for him to hang this over your head forever.... and you can't spend the rest of your life trying to make it up to him (you don't deserve that!). I think that he DOES want to be with you, from what you've told us, so he honestly just needs to HEAL and MOVE ON. This shouldn't be something that's constantly brought up in arguments and fights... he should know that it happened, and move past it.
--ALSO...
I think that you need to let HIM start making some decisions. I'm sure that he feels that the situation has gotten WAY out of his control. I DEFINITELY don't think an ultimatum is the way to go... I just think that he needs to figure out whether he REALLY can forgive (and not just 'say' he forgives you, and then he's worrying everytime you leave the house, and constantly bring this up in fights).
think SERIOUSLY about if the situation were reversed.
I'm sorry to say this, but if my FH cheated (even just a kiss) it would be over.... no looking back.
I think you need to understand what HE feels about the situation, and stop trying to be in control of everything that goes on... just let him figure it all out.
AND -- since I'm always giving quotes and lyrics.. here's a good song.
We all lead such elaborate lives wild ambitions in our sights How an affair of the heart survives days apart and hurried nights Seems quite unbelievable to me I don't want to live like that seems quite unbelievable to me I don't want to love like that I just want our time to be slower and gentler, wiser,free
We all live in extravagant times playing games we can't all win Unintened emotional crimes Take some out, take others in
I'm so tired of all we're going through I don't want to live like that I'm so tired of all we're going through I don't want to love like that I just want to be with you Now and forever, peaceful, true This may not be the moment to tell you face to face But I could wait forever for the perfect time and place
We all lead such elaborate lives We don't know whose words are true Strangers, lovers, husbands, wives Hard to know who's loving who
Too many choices tear us apart I don't want to live like that
Too many choices tear us apart I don't want to love like that I just want to touch your heart May this confession be the start...
WOW...i couldn't have said it any different Kris.....You and I have talked about this and i agree with what the other girls are saying too...about the guilt.....I would get myself into therapy to figure out what was going on with 'me' and the relationship b-4 anything else....JMO I think it's important to understand who/what we are about b-4 we get into another relationship..whether that means with him or someone else....b/c there could be a repeat...even though you say NO....until you figure out what was giong on ...it won't fix itself.....
