Re: what would u do
I also think that the videographer knows who to focus on and who not to
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what would u do
Original post by cutet1018
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Re: what would u do
Posted by cutet1018
I told my sister that her boyfriends son acn not come to the wedding. My sister is living with this guy and has two children with him and I love my neice and nephew and they are in my wedding. However, the other son is mentally retatrded and when he comes to parties he is all over the cameras and the center of attention. I don't want to seem like a ***** but I am paying alot of money for photos and video and I don't want him there. I told my sister and she was upset but just told my mother how she feels and not me. She still has not told the boyfriend or the boy yet. Am I a ***** for not wanting him to ruin my day and be all over my video. he is inappropriate at times. what would you do?
What would I do? I'd still invite the kid & realize the world doesn't revolve around me and my party. Basically what it comes down to is that YES it is your wedding but it is NOT your choice whether or not to invite someone based on a DISABILITY
you are totally wrong in this situation. The videographers can edit and do what they need to do make sure that this child doesn't 'ruin' your video. It is inhumane for you to make a decision based on a person's mental capacity. You should also have faith in the parent and give him the benefit of the doubt that he will use his judgement in taking care of his son during your precious wedding. I think you just don't like the kid.. I had a family friend at my wedding ::gasp:: with severe disabilities and she was all over the video.. I didn't get bent out of shape, I was happy she was able to share in the wedding. The way she behaves is the person she is.. Love her or leave her.. My family & friends choose to love her and not toss her aside because shes 'retarded'.....
This has got to be one of the most disturbing, sad, and disgusting posts I have seen yet. I think you are being extremely selfish. What's worse is that you are inviting 2 out of the 3 kids to your fabu shindig... way to go..
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Re: what would u do
Posted by soon2bmrsVPT
Posted by cutet1018
I told my sister that her boyfriends son acn not come to the wedding. My sister is living with this guy and has two children with him and I love my neice and nephew and they are in my wedding. However, the other son is mentally retatrded and when he comes to parties he is all over the cameras and the center of attention. I don't want to seem like a ***** but I am paying alot of money for photos and video and I don't want him there. I told my sister and she was upset but just told my mother how she feels and not me. She still has not told the boyfriend or the boy yet. Am I a ***** for not wanting him to ruin my day and be all over my video. he is inappropriate at times. what would you do?
What would I do? I'd still invite the kid & realize the world doesn't revolve around me and my party. Basically what it comes down to is that YES it is your wedding but it is NOT your choice whether or not to invite someone based on a DISABILITY
you are totally wrong in this situation. The videographers can edit and do what they need to do make sure that this child doesn't 'ruin' your video. It is inhumane for you to make a decision based on a person's mental capacity. You should also have faith in the parent and give him the benefit of the doubt that he will use his judgement in taking care of his son during your precious wedding. I think you just don't like the kid.. I had a family friend there with severe disabilities and she was all over the video.. I didn't get bent out of shape, I was happy she was able to share in the wedding. The way she behaves is the person she is.. Love her or leave her.. My family & friends choose to love her and not toss her aside because shes 'retarded'.....
This has got to be one of the most disturbing, sad, and disgusting posts I have seen yet. I think you are being extremely selfish. What's worse is that you are inviting 2 out of the 3 kids to your fabu shindig... way to go..
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Re: what would u do
Posted by soon2bmrsVPT
Posted by cutet1018
I told my sister that her boyfriends son acn not come to the wedding. My sister is living with this guy and has two children with him and I love my neice and nephew and they are in my wedding. However, the other son is mentally retatrded and when he comes to parties he is all over the cameras and the center of attention. I don't want to seem like a ***** but I am paying alot of money for photos and video and I don't want him there. I told my sister and she was upset but just told my mother how she feels and not me. She still has not told the boyfriend or the boy yet. Am I a ***** for not wanting him to ruin my day and be all over my video. he is inappropriate at times. what would you do?
What would I do? I'd still invite the kid & realize the world doesn't revolve around me and my party. Basically what it comes down to is that YES it is your wedding but it is NOT your choice whether or not to invite someone based on a DISABILITY
you are totally wrong in this situation. The videographers can edit and do what they need to do make sure that this child doesn't 'ruin' your video. It is inhumane for you to make a decision based on a person's mental capacity. You should also have faith in the parent and give him the benefit of the doubt that he will use his judgement in taking care of his son during your precious wedding. I think you just don't like the kid.. I had a family friend at my wedding ::gasp:: with severe disabilities and she was all over the video.. I didn't get bent out of shape, I was happy she was able to share in the wedding. The way she behaves is the person she is.. Love her or leave her.. My family & friends choose to love her and not toss her aside because shes 'retarded'.....
This has got to be one of the most disturbing, sad, and disgusting posts I have seen yet. I think you are being extremely selfish. What's worse is that you are inviting 2 out of the 3 kids to your fabu shindig... way to go..
brava
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Re: what would u do
Posted by egem523
[if] the child was your sister biological child would you feel the same way and refer to him the way you did in your post.
This here speaks volumes. What if it was your biological nephew? Would you feel the same way? Would it be easier for you to 'overlook' his disability?
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Re: what would u do
I think you need to try and show a little sensitivity and compassion. Feelings will be hurt that you are singling him out and excluding him alone. There's no mistaking that it's personal. Maybe you need to put yourself in their shoes. As suggested in other posts, I think the best thing is maybe for someone else to be there to take care of him. Not the same thing, but one of my BM's father had Alzheimers. They had a nurse who helped take care of him when her mother went to work. Well, when her sister got married, they invited her to the reception to take care of him because sometimes he would get agitated. This way he was able to attend and everyone was able to enjoy themselves with a little peace of mind. That is probably the best solution in your case, as well. I think someone else said it..try and imagine how you would feel if the situation were reversed.
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Re: what would u do
this post makes me incredibly sad![]()
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Re: what would u do
Posted by hayleyandsteve
this post makes me incredibly sad![]()
me too! my sister has an array of disabilities which cause her to occassionally (sometimes mroe than occassionally) act in inappropriate ways. She isn't a child physically but still has trouble controlling herself the way a child would... and NEVER in a ZILLION years would I have dreamed of not having her part of my day. Sure, I worried a little bit about what would happen, but in the end this was one day and one party and she is my sister for life and I would never have done it without her there. I sincerely hope that the OP is never treated with the lack of compassion that she is showing to this poor child.
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Re: what would u do
Posted by jeanyus27
Posted by deb08
That is a very hard one to answer we have a similar problem my fsil has a disable daughter and she is a hand full- of course she will be at the wedding but my fsil also a bm has her mom coming to take care of her for the day- if there are any problems she will be removed maybe you could suggest the same type of thing -just make sure that it is put to them that if there is any problems with the boyfriends son he is removed before it gets to bad. -- I am sure you would be willing to add a extra so that no one feeling get hurt.
good luck
I agree that there should be someone there to specifically watch him at all times. Tell them that he is not to go near the photog/videographers. they are professionals that need to work and focus on the bride and groom. But someone should be prepared to leave with him if it gets to be too much. Its a tough situation to be in.![]()
I agree with this also...I know we have been to weddings were they actually brought a portable DVD player for the little kids and had them watch the movie with snacks at a table ( we are also doing this for some little ones...thanks to our DOC). They should come prepared with things to keep him occupied so he doesnt distract from your day....this is a tough one...good luck I hope it all works out!
***updated***
I missed that you said he couldnt come....that I dont agree with that...I would have him attend but ask them to be prepared to take him home or keep him occupied like I said above.
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Re: what would u do
Some would consider the person with ignorance, selfishness and insensitivity to be the disabled one.
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Re: what would u do
oh wow. i'd have to agree with the ladies before me that said this is one of the saddest threads i've ever read ![]()
i'm pretty much disgusted by the OP![]()
i'm pretty much disgusted by the OP
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Re: what would u do
Posted by soon2bmrsVPT
What would I do? I'd still invite the kid & realize the world doesn't revolve around me and my party. Basically what it comes down to is that YES it is your wedding but it is NOT your choice whether or not to invite someone based on a DISABILITY
heather your post pretty much summed it for me. i would NEVER ask that a child be left at home because of a disability. can you imagine how hurtful this may be to the parents?? (probably not). i would not attend the wedding if i was asked to leave one child at home for this reason. its incredibly insulting and also presumptuous because im sure his parents would take care of him and watch him. i really don't have words for this beyond that.
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Re: what would u do
Posted by Espo22
Posted by davenjess
i am sorry to be the voice of the 'other side' however i think that you asking this is not right.
how would you feel if you had this child & you were asked to leave him home? I have to be honest, it would really make me angry and i would consider not coming to the wedding at all.
your videographer & photographers are professionals, or you wouldn't have hired them. they will NOT focus on him, but on YOU & DH....
the ONLY thing i would do, if i were you would be to alert your videographer to the situation and your concerns.
I am sorry but yes i agree with this. Its one thing if you werent inviting any kids to your wedding so its not that you dont want him there but just no kids. BUt to invite other kids and more importantly your sisters other kids but not him specifically that is wrong. I mean NOBODY should be discriminated against because of a handicap, and this is doing exactly that. I can only imagine how they feel, i am sure they go through alot to help him feel like he is just like any other kid and with a kid who has this problem, i am sure all they do is worry about discrimination and for it to happen within their own family will only hurt them.
Listen, a videographer edits videos so anything that shouldn't be on there, guess what they wont put on there. Its not just about this kid, hey you can have drunk ppl at your wedding who will act worse or who knows what someone can do. A professional videographer will not put that in your final edit so no need to worry about. You can speak to your videographer about editing certain parts, and not put in parts where ppl are all up in the camera...another thing is these cameras are up high, so it will be hard for him to be up in the camera, they move around alot too and most of the time you dont even notice them...So if the boy is dancing and playing with other kids, he wont notice the video most of the time. This really shouldn't even be a concern
Sorry, but its hard to tell someone that their kid is not welcomed because he is mentally retarded. In the end do what you want to do but you have to understand why she would be upset. If i had a kid with the same situation and i attended a wedding where no kids were invited then it would be fine, but if my kid was specifically not invited because he is mentally retarded then i would be extremely hurt and upset.
ITA!!!!...Well said....woooooow
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Re: what would u do
First, I'm sure his dad and your sister will keep an eye on him just as they would if he wasn't handicapped. To not have him there simply b/c he is handicapped and may get out of hand is nuts.
I would suck it up and not worry about it. He is your NEPHEW!!! Besides, im sure he would be thrilled to be there. Maybe its just me, but i would hate to be the one to deprive him of have a great time there.
Your photog will know how to deal with any situations and will edit you video accordingly. Believe me, you will get tired of looking at yourself on film after a while lol
I would suck it up and not worry about it. He is your NEPHEW!!! Besides, im sure he would be thrilled to be there. Maybe its just me, but i would hate to be the one to deprive him of have a great time there.
Your photog will know how to deal with any situations and will edit you video accordingly. Believe me, you will get tired of looking at yourself on film after a while lol
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Re: what would u do
Posted by ChristineAaron08
First, I'm sure his dad and your sister will keep an eye on him just as they would if he wasn't handicapped. To not have him there simply b/c he is handicapped and may get out of hand is nuts.
I would suck it up and not worry about it. He is your NEPHEW!!! Besides, im sure he would be thrilled to be there. Maybe its just me, but i would hate to be the one to deprive him of have a great time there.
Your photog will know how to deal with any situations and will edit you video accordingly. Believe me, you will get tired of looking at yourself on film after a while lol
I think she said he is the boyfriend's son, so maybe she doesn't really consider him her nephew. I have to wonder if maybe there is some other underlying issue just by her tone about it. If she has concerns, she should sit down with both of them, but to single him out...it's really kind of sad.
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Re: what would u do
Posted by davenjess
i am sorry to be the voice of the 'other side' however i think that you asking this is not right.
how would you feel if you had this child & you were asked to leave him home? I have to be honest, it would really make me angry and i would consider not coming to the wedding at all.
your videographer & photographers are professionals, or you wouldn't have hired them. they will NOT focus on him, but on YOU & DH....
the ONLY thing i would do, if i were you would be to alert your videographer to the situation and your concerns.
I have to agree with jess on this one. I think that you can ask your sister and her boyfriend to maybe hire someone who can help keep an eye on him if they need, but you shouldn't ask that they leave him home and bring your niece and nephew. I think your photographer/video people will know not to make him the 'focus' of your wedding.
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Re: what would u do
i think some people are being a little judgemental to the OP - she is in a tough spot and was just looking for advice....i do understand both sides to the story and i can see why others might be offended but saying this is a disgusting post seemed a little harsh - all i know is that ive worked with developmentally disabled children and autistic children and i have seen some of the children behave in a manner where even their parents and aide could not handle them - and when a child is out of control like that it does draw attention to them - and not ALL people are understanding of the situation and i can see how it could take away from the bride and groom - of course, i dont know how this child behaves but i have seen some autistic children who are a little older (pre-teen like 12-15) that have had meltdowns that have been really dramatic and scary especially when the child can overpower an adult....for us, if we did have a child with a disability in our immediate family they would not have been invited because we are not inviting ANY children - so i think the problem here is excluding the child with the disability and not any other children....i think its a very sticky situation and it really depends on the parents - i do know of some parents who would hands down leave the child at home and i can think of other parents i have dealt with that would be offended - i guess the only advice would be to feel out how your sister and her partner feel about it - it seems lie they dont think the child is a problem since it sounds like he has been at other parties - i think his behavior may be more of a nuisance and he may not be destructive and violent - so in that case it doesnt sound too bad - you didnt say that he has hurt other people, or damaged property, that could be a problem but if he just running around having a good old time then maybe it wont be so bad - maybe he can sit out during the ceremony? that might be a good compromise? ..
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Re: what would u do
I see your point - there are those who are mentally disabled to a point that they are 'uncontrollable' and behave inappropriately. However, the OP never mentions any inappropriate behaviour other than he may ruin her pictures and video which comes off as sounding a bit selfish. There are plenty of kids that are NOT disabled in any way and act 1,000 times worse.
Not to mention, this couple is living as a family - two parents and THREE children and she is inviting everyone but the one child. I asked before, I'll ask again - if this child were her blood relative as opposed to her sister's boyfriend's son, would her attitude be different?
Not to mention, this couple is living as a family - two parents and THREE children and she is inviting everyone but the one child. I asked before, I'll ask again - if this child were her blood relative as opposed to her sister's boyfriend's son, would her attitude be different?
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Re: what would u do
i just went back and re-read the OPs first post and you are right - it doesnt say he is uncontrollable or anything like that - sounds like he just is having a good time! if that is the case and you dont have to worry about him hurting himself, or your guests, and he isnt going to do anything destructive to the property i dont think it will be a problem - as a matter of fact, i know quite a few children who are not mentally disabled and they are camera hogs too!
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Re: what would u do
Thank you for all saying your peace. I guess you all don't know the whole situation. You would never understand and thats fine. Not all family's are perfect. I don't have anything against anyone or any type of person. Thank you for all your thoughts.
