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what would u do
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Re: what would u do
That is a very hard one to answer we have a similar problem my fsil has a disable daughter and she is a hand full- of course she will be at the wedding but my fsil also a bm has her mom coming to take care of her for the day- if there are any problems she will be removed maybe you could suggest the same type of thing -just make sure that it is put to them that if there is any problems with the boyfriends son he is removed before it gets to bad. -- I am sure you would be willing to add a extra so that no one feeling get hurt.
good luck
good luck
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Re: what would u do
Thank you for your answer. I am sure that I will work something out.
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Re: what would u do
Posted by deb08
That is a very hard one to answer we have a similar problem my fsil has a disable daughter and she is a hand full- of course she will be at the wedding but my fsil also a bm has her mom coming to take care of her for the day- if there are any problems she will be removed maybe you could suggest the same type of thing -just make sure that it is put to them that if there is any problems with the boyfriends son he is removed before it gets to bad. -- I am sure you would be willing to add a extra so that no one feeling get hurt.
good luck
I agree that there should be someone there to specifically watch him at all times. Tell them that he is not to go near the photog/videographers. they are professionals that need to work and focus on the bride and groom. But someone should be prepared to leave with him if it gets to be too much. Its a tough situation to be in.
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Re: what would u do
On one hand you don't want that kind of behavior at your wedding -- on the other hand, how do you exclude someone who is part of your sister's immediate family? That's a tough call.
I would explain to your sister and the boy's father that you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but you just don't think he will be able to behave appropriately during your wedding. As a way to keep peace, offer to hire a babysitter. If the other children are in the wedding and you are purchasing gifts for them, I would buy something for him too just to include him as much as possible.
I would explain to your sister and the boy's father that you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but you just don't think he will be able to behave appropriately during your wedding. As a way to keep peace, offer to hire a babysitter. If the other children are in the wedding and you are purchasing gifts for them, I would buy something for him too just to include him as much as possible.
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Re: what would u do
Good point. Thanks for your help and ideas
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Re: what would u do
i am sorry to be the voice of the 'other side' however i think that you asking this is not right.
how would you feel if you had this child & you were asked to leave him home? I have to be honest, it would really make me angry and i would consider not coming to the wedding at all.
your videographer & photographers are professionals, or you wouldn't have hired them. they will NOT focus on him, but on YOU & DH....
the ONLY thing i would do, if i were you would be to alert your videographer to the situation and your concerns.
how would you feel if you had this child & you were asked to leave him home? I have to be honest, it would really make me angry and i would consider not coming to the wedding at all.
your videographer & photographers are professionals, or you wouldn't have hired them. they will NOT focus on him, but on YOU & DH....
the ONLY thing i would do, if i were you would be to alert your videographer to the situation and your concerns.
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Re: what would u do
I just want to add that I think it depends on the child. My uncle's ex-wife has a child with Down's and he is the happiest person on the planet. He is supercute and really listens when his mother corrects him. I think he would be okay at a wedding (I'm not inviting his mother so it's a non-issue).
If the child becomes overly excited, he won't listen or cries a lot, that's another story. This is why many brides don't want babies and young children at their wedding. It's not their fault but they don't always have the self-control and social skills to behave appropriately during very formal occasions.
If the child becomes overly excited, he won't listen or cries a lot, that's another story. This is why many brides don't want babies and young children at their wedding. It's not their fault but they don't always have the self-control and social skills to behave appropriately during very formal occasions.
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Re: what would u do
Does he go to a special school and has a nurse or aide that goes with him that could attend the wedding also? The reason I ask is becuase I have (as work) attended a formal party before with a patient. Matter of fact the program they were on alotted extra hours for this so i was paid as usual and it was no extra money out of her parents pockets.
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Re: what would u do
Posted by davenjess
i am sorry to be the voice of the 'other side' however i think that you asking this is not right.
how would you feel if you had this child & you were asked to leave him home? I have to be honest, it would really make me angry and i would consider not coming to the wedding at all.
your videographer & photographers are professionals, or you wouldn't have hired them. they will NOT focus on him, but on YOU & DH....
the ONLY thing i would do, if i were you would be to alert your videographer to the situation and your concerns.
I'm not the OP but I just want to say that I definitely understand where you're coming from. The boy is part of the family. The last wedding I went to my cousin was asked to leave her two year old at home. She understood why and agreed. The child constantly screamed at the top of his lungs when he couldn't get his way -- which was all the time. She brought the boy to my mom's 60th birthday party and he screamed for more than half the party. To the point where I had a headache and I was dying for him to take a nap. A wedding is a much more formal event and the videographer/photographer can not be expected to handle a child who is seeking constant attention from them.
I'm not trying to sound harsh. I'm a teacher and a mother of two so it's not like I have something against kids or the handicapped but I think it might be better if the child stayed home.
Again, it all depends on the kid.
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Re: what would u do
Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri
Posted by davenjess
i am sorry to be the voice of the 'other side' however i think that you asking this is not right.
how would you feel if you had this child & you were asked to leave him home? I have to be honest, it would really make me angry and i would consider not coming to the wedding at all.
your videographer & photographers are professionals, or you wouldn't have hired them. they will NOT focus on him, but on YOU & DH....
the ONLY thing i would do, if i were you would be to alert your videographer to the situation and your concerns.
I'm not the OP but I just want to say that I definitely understand where you're coming from. The boy is part of the family. The last wedding I went to my cousin was asked to leave her two year old at home. She understood why and agreed. The child constantly screamed at the top of his lungs when he couldn't get his way -- which was all the time. She brought the boy to my mom's 60th birthday party and he screamed for more than half the party. To the point where I had a headache and I was dying for him to take a nap. A wedding is a much more formal event and the videographer/photographer can not be expected to handle a child who is seeking constant attention from them.
I'm not trying to sound harsh. I'm a teacher and a mother of two so it's not like I have something against kids or the handicapped but I think it might be better if the child stayed home.
Again, it all depends on the kid.
i have a lot to say on this topic and i'm concerned that i'll get VERY nasty....so i'm going to leave it at this..
if you hire professionals to do their job on the day of - they will do it. they are not responsible for taking care of children - that is up to the parent.
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Re: what would u do
I think the biggest issue is that one of three children is being excluded and it is probably painful for your sister knowing that he most likely acts the way he does due to his disability which is an unfortunate thing in itself. I definitely agree with the above poster who suggested that if he has an aide in school maybe he or she could be invited also to supervise. It's a very tough situation that should definitely be handled with sensitivity.
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Re: what would u do
Posted by davenjess
Posted by FutureMrsCarrieri
Posted by davenjess
i am sorry to be the voice of the 'other side' however i think that you asking this is not right.
how would you feel if you had this child & you were asked to leave him home? I have to be honest, it would really make me angry and i would consider not coming to the wedding at all.
your videographer & photographers are professionals, or you wouldn't have hired them. they will NOT focus on him, but on YOU & DH....
the ONLY thing i would do, if i were you would be to alert your videographer to the situation and your concerns.
I'm not the OP but I just want to say that I definitely understand where you're coming from. The boy is part of the family. The last wedding I went to my cousin was asked to leave her two year old at home. She understood why and agreed. The child constantly screamed at the top of his lungs when he couldn't get his way -- which was all the time. She brought the boy to my mom's 60th birthday party and he screamed for more than half the party. To the point where I had a headache and I was dying for him to take a nap. A wedding is a much more formal event and the videographer/photographer can not be expected to handle a child who is seeking constant attention from them.
I'm not trying to sound harsh. I'm a teacher and a mother of two so it's not like I have something against kids or the handicapped but I think it might be better if the child stayed home.
Again, it all depends on the kid.
i have a lot to say on this topic and i'm concerned that i'll get VERY nasty....so i'm going to leave it at this..
if you hire professionals to do their job on the day of - they will do it. they are not responsible for taking care of children - that is up to the parent.
I agree, it's an emotional topic.
To the original OP: Good luck! I hope it all works out in the end
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Re: what would u do
Posted by davenjess
i am sorry to be the voice of the 'other side' however i think that you asking this is not right.
how would you feel if you had this child & you were asked to leave him home? I have to be honest, it would really make me angry and i would consider not coming to the wedding at all.
your videographer & photographers are professionals, or you wouldn't have hired them. they will NOT focus on him, but on YOU & DH....
the ONLY thing i would do, if i were you would be to alert your videographer to the situation and your concerns.
I am sorry but yes i agree with this. Its one thing if you werent inviting any kids to your wedding so its not that you dont want him there but just no kids. BUt to invite other kids and more importantly your sisters other kids but not him specifically that is wrong. I mean NOBODY should be discriminated against because of a handicap, and this is doing exactly that. I can only imagine how they feel, i am sure they go through alot to help him feel like he is just like any other kid and with a kid who has this problem, i am sure all they do is worry about discrimination and for it to happen within their own family will only hurt them.
Listen, a videographer edits videos so anything that shouldn't be on there, guess what they wont put on there. Its not just about this kid, hey you can have drunk ppl at your wedding who will act worse or who knows what someone can do. A professional videographer will not put that in your final edit so no need to worry about. You can speak to your videographer about editing certain parts, and not put in parts where ppl are all up in the camera...another thing is these cameras are up high, so it will be hard for him to be up in the camera, they move around alot too and most of the time you dont even notice them...So if the boy is dancing and playing with other kids, he wont notice the video most of the time. This really shouldn't even be a concern
Sorry, but its hard to tell someone that their kid is not welcomed because he is mentally retarded. In the end do what you want to do but you have to understand why she would be upset. If i had a kid with the same situation and i attended a wedding where no kids were invited then it would be fine, but if my kid was specifically not invited because he is mentally retarded then i would be extremely hurt and upset.
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Re: what would u do
I am a special education teacher and deal with a variety of disabilities. I understand where you are coming from, I have student's who are socially inappropriate. I have a child with Down Syndrome who will say very very inappropriate things to women and could not imagine him at a wedding saying these offensive and often times disgusting things to guests at the wedding. However, try to understand your sisters side and point. If he is offensive in anyway they should know that he cannot attend the wedding b/c he does not act the way he is supposed to. If he is just hyper and likes to run around..I think that's a better situation and much more easy to handle. I would (like some of the other girls suggested) hire or get someone to keep a very close eye on him to make sure he doesn't get hurt or go near any of the equipment etc.
I just remembered being at a friends wedding where her boss had a teenager with down syndrome and he grabbed some women's breasts and said and I quote : OHHHH Big Titi's' !
I just remembered being at a friends wedding where her boss had a teenager with down syndrome and he grabbed some women's breasts and said and I quote : OHHHH Big Titi's' !
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Re: what would u do
Posted by davenjess
i am sorry to be the voice of the 'other side' however i think that you asking this is not right.
how would you feel if you had this child & you were asked to leave him home? I have to be honest, it would really make me angry and i would consider not coming to the wedding at all.
your videographer & photographers are professionals, or you wouldn't have hired them. they will NOT focus on him, but on YOU & DH....
the ONLY thing i would do, if i were you would be to alert your videographer to the situation and your concerns.
Thank you for speaking up
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Re: what would u do
Posted by Espo22
Posted by davenjess
i am sorry to be the voice of the 'other side' however i think that you asking this is not right.
how would you feel if you had this child & you were asked to leave him home? I have to be honest, it would really make me angry and i would consider not coming to the wedding at all.
your videographer & photographers are professionals, or you wouldn't have hired them. they will NOT focus on him, but on YOU & DH....
the ONLY thing i would do, if i were you would be to alert your videographer to the situation and your concerns.
I am sorry but yes i agree with this. Its one thing if you werent inviting any kids to your wedding so its not that you dont want him there but just no kids. BUt to invite other kids and more importantly your sisters other kids but not him specifically that is wrong. I mean NOBODY should be discriminated against because of a handicap, and this is doing exactly that. I can only imagine how they feel, i am sure they go through alot to help him feel like he is just like any other kid and with a kid who has this problem, i am sure all they do is worry about discrimination and for it to happen within their own family will only hurt them.
Listen, a videographer edits videos so anything that shouldn't be on there, guess what they wont put on there. Its not just about this kid, hey you can have drunk ppl at your wedding who will act worse or who knows what someone can do. A professional videographer will not put that in your final edit so no need to worry about. You can speak to your videographer about editing certain parts, and not put in parts where ppl are all up in the camera...another thing is these cameras are up high, so it will be hard for him to be up in the camera, they move around alot too and most of the time you dont even notice them...So if the boy is dancing and playing with other kids, he wont notice the video most of the time. This really shouldn't even be a concern
Sorry, but its hard to tell someone that their kid is not welcomed because he is mentally retarded. In the end do what you want to do but you have to understand why she would be upset. If i had a kid with the same situation and i attended a wedding where no kids were invited then it would be fine, but if my kid was specifically not invited because he is mentally retarded then i would be extremely hurt and upset.
I agree with both you ladies very well said. The only thing I want to add is you say that you do not want him to act like a****** in front of the camera . That is a bit a harsh and the child was your sister biological child would you feel the same way and refer to him the way you did in your post.
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Re: what would u do
Posted by davenjess
i am sorry to be the voice of the 'other side' however i think that you asking this is not right.
how would you feel if you had this child & you were asked to leave him home? I have to be honest, it would really make me angry and i would consider not coming to the wedding at all.
your videographer & photographers are professionals, or you wouldn't have hired them. they will NOT focus on him, but on YOU & DH....
the ONLY thing i would do, if i were you would be to alert your videographer to the situation and your concerns.
I totally agree.
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Re: what would u do
I dont want to start drama but my brother is mentally retarded and if someone told me to keep him home, I personally wouldnt come
edited because
this post really bothers me. I guess it struck a nerve but its hard to see someone say basically because the child is mentally retarded hes not welcome. Its this attitude in people that sometimes causes my brother to be treated the way he is treated. I am so dissapointed to see a post like this![]()
edited because
this post really bothers me. I guess it struck a nerve but its hard to see someone say basically because the child is mentally retarded hes not welcome. Its this attitude in people that sometimes causes my brother to be treated the way he is treated. I am so dissapointed to see a post like this
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Re: what would u do
a cousin who is autistic was invited to our wedding, and the mother asked if she could bring someone to watch him and take him home if necessary...we said of course!
perhaps you can offer your sister this kind of situation? that he's more than welcome to come if someone is there specifically to supervise him and take him home if things become too much??
i would talk it through with her instead of just excluding him from the beginning. of course it's your wedding and you want it the way you want it, and you're entitled to that! however, consider your sister (and her stepson's!!) feelings!
good luck :)
perhaps you can offer your sister this kind of situation? that he's more than welcome to come if someone is there specifically to supervise him and take him home if things become too much??
i would talk it through with her instead of just excluding him from the beginning. of course it's your wedding and you want it the way you want it, and you're entitled to that! however, consider your sister (and her stepson's!!) feelings!
good luck :)
