What would you do???

tell your parents to stop paying its not up to your parents to pay for everything. But I would put there names on it but maybe at the end so and so invite you to join thier daughter so and so celebrating in the marriage of so and so son of so and so. You get it.

They haven't even mentioned who they want to invite or who they don't..basically my FH and my dad and me have been working on the invitation list.
If they arern't going to contribute then I don't think they really should have much of a say. Down the road if they want to invite people other than close relatives [we're having a small wedding anyway..]I'm just going to say 'my dad is only able to pay for this amount of people..if you want to invite others, you will have to pay for them.'
Hows that???

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Posted by dleeny

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Posted by nferrandi

You can do 'your parents name' invute you to the wedding of their daughter 'your name' to 'your FH's name' son of 'his parents name.' that will make it clear that your parents are hosting without leaving his parents completely out.

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I agree

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I think this is a good idea and a good way to recognize them without taking away from your parents. I do think it's important to show that your parents are hosting because although people our age think differently about these things, your parents' friends and many older relatives probably don't and that may be a big thing for them, which I would understand. This is a good compromise but you don't have to put their names on at all - it's your wedding so you should make sure you feel comfortable with your decision also. As for guests, I think you and FH should ask them for a guest list, but make clear in asking that they'd be wholly responsible for paying for these people. If I were your MIL, I'd probably have people I'd want invited and may not approach you about it... but I would completely understand the financial obligation that would come with a guest list. Just a thought. Good luck!

So do you think they should pay for their own people? Is that reasonable to ask? Is that totally normal?
And side note...how do I respond on here to one specific persons response?

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Posted by alioop4282

So do you think they should pay for their own people? Is that reasonable to ask? Is that totally normal?
And side note...how do I respond on here to one specific persons response?

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#1:
Yes, and I think it's reasonable to ask.

#2:
Use the 'QUOTE' feature.

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Posted by mbm750

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Posted by alioop4282

So do you think they should pay for their own people? Is that reasonable to ask? Is that totally normal?
And side note...how do I respond on here to one specific persons response?

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#1:
Yes, and I think it's reasonable to ask.

#2:
Use the 'QUOTE' feature.

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Thanks!!!!

JMO... I personally don't feel that parents should feel obligated to give money...

I am not asking my mother or my FH parents to pay for anything... I am pretty sure my FH parents will contribute on their own... I know my mother keeps trying to push money on us, we haven't accepted yet.

But for the most part we are trying to do everything on our own... This is our wedding not theirs.

But... even so... I will be putting both their names on the invites.

Marriage is about joining of families and to celebrate loved ones, not about money... I think either put both parents on, or neither... JMO...

Good luck I hope everything works out!!!

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Posted by nferrandi

You can do 'your parents name' invute you to the wedding of their daughter 'your name' to 'your FH's name' son of 'his parents name.' that will make it clear that your parents are hosting without leaving his parents completely out.

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Thats also a thought... Good Idea... Then its not leaving his parents out... I feel that they might be hurt by that.

Good luck again!

I am definitely putting my parents on the invitations..how can I not when they are paying for everything. My FH and I will pay for whatever they don't..like the invitations themselves and the favors probably. My dad's 60th birthday is three days after the wedding so I was actually thinking of having a special cake for him there, as a surprise. I thought that was a nice idea. And maybe we can all sing happy birthday to him.

My FH and I are paying for most of our wedding, my parents are giving us some. FH's parents are not giving any money for the wedding. But my FMIL told us that not too worry, we are getting a NICE wedding gift($$) instead of them paying for the wedding. Which is fine with me, I'd rather have money to put down on a house. But I am still having their names on the invite. It is a celebration of two familes coming together, regardless of how much one payed and how muc the other didn't pay. I would have them on the invite, they are part of the day too. And I know that this is an old fasioned thought but, traditionally isn't the brides side suppose to pay? I never really heard of the grooms parent's giving money. . . sorry I'm a little out of it.

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Posted by tiffandmatt

My FH and I are paying for most of our wedding, my parents are giving us some. FH's parents are not giving any money for the wedding. But my FMIL told us that not too worry, we are getting a NICE wedding gift($$) instead of them paying for the wedding. Which is fine with me, I'd rather have money to put down on a house. But I am still having their names on the invite. It is a celebration of two familes coming together, regardless of how much one payed and how muc the other didn't pay. I would have them on the invite, they are part of the day too. And I know that this is an old fasioned thought but, traditionally isn't the brides side suppose to pay? I never really heard of the grooms parent's giving money. . . sorry I'm a little out of it.

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Yes, traditionally the brides parents are supposed to pay and the grooms parents are actually left off the invitations.
So if they're not giving b/c of tradition then maybe they won't mind being left off the invitations since that is tradition too!

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Posted by Blu-ize

I think your're just pissed at FH's parents and that's out of spite. Honestly, we all have baggage. Why air it out on your invites. I put both names on the invite out of respect for both of our parents. We paid for most of the wedding.

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Yes, I am a bit pissed. It's hard not to be!
But I have a lot of time..so maybe things will change by then.
I hope they do.

Both parents are paying for ours, but if it were just my parents I would only put my parents names

I have to say that with the amount that weddings cost these days and 2 people are getting married and no help from FHs parents-I would be pissed too

some people think you don't have to have a big wedding if you can't afford it. Maybe that's what FH's parents are thinking..

I hope they come through for you, but people give what they can and they spend their money on what they want to spend their money on.

They probably won't even care about being mentioned on the invite.

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Posted by nferrandi

You can do 'your parents name' invute you to the wedding of their daughter 'your name' to 'your FH's name' son of 'his parents name.' that will make it clear that your parents are hosting without leaving his parents completely out.

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I agree

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Posted by Blu-ize

I think your're just pissed at FH's parents and that's out of spite. Honestly, we all have baggage. Why air it out on your invites. I put both names on the invite out of respect for both of our parents. We paid for most of the wedding.

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I disagree. I was very frustrated with my ILs' lack of willingness to fund (you know, the people who cried poverty that have been on vacation FOUR TIMES since we got married a year ago) the wedding, but I still put their name on the invitations. It was my parents who fought that - they were very upset and frustrated by my ILs not paying for anything, and rightfully so. In their day, the parents who paid got their names on the invite. My Dad's parents aren't listed on my parents' wedding invite, because they didn't pay.

Alioop, I was in the EXACT same situation you were in, and I want to say GOOD LUCK. My ILs were the worst part of wedding planning (not just for financial reasons either).

My DH and I decided that he should be listed as Son of Mr and Mrs A&E G, as opposed to just listing him. It was fine, and everyone got the idea.

And if the invitation didn't get it across, I'd imagine my BIL's Best Man Toast did. 'I'd like to thank the Cohens for paying for everything.' Mom's *still* upset.

IMO, I would only put your parents on the invite... I am not sure if that is rude or mean but, they are paying for it. If your FH contributes as well then his name should be included as well...