What would you do???

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Posted by alioop4282
Yes, traditionally the brides parents are supposed to pay and the grooms parents are actually left off the invitations.
So if they're not giving b/c of tradition then maybe they won't mind being left off the invitations since that is tradition too!

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Sorry if it seemed as if I ment that the grooms side were not giving as part of tradition. If the grooms side wants to offer money than it should be up to them, they should not be made to feel bad for not contributing. To leave them off an invite for spite is unfair. My FH parents are not contributing to the wedding not because of traditon, as I said they told us they are giving us a large monatry wedding gift. They are giving money us in other ways. By the grooms side giving or not giving should not depict how into or not into the wedding they are. I am just saying that it's nice to add all the parent's names since it is a celebration for all sides. Just beacuse someone wants to follow one tradition such as the brides side paying, does not mean that they should follow every traditoin to the T. I just think it is a nice, (apparently new thing) to add all parents names to the invite. Sorry so long and I hope that this dosen't seem nasty or anything, it's hard to get a point across in writing.

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Posted by alioop4282

So do you think they should pay for their own people? Is that reasonable to ask? Is that totally normal?
And side note...how do I respond on here to one specific persons response?

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I wish I did now- maybe they would realize how much wedings cost

they invited at least 15 people x $170 = $2550

that at least covers my dress!

I do think that having them pay for any guest that they invite is a very fair way to deal with this problem! Sometimes parent's want to invite friends of theirs from work or where ever, who you and your FH don't even know too well at all! I would definalty put this idea to them. It will show them that you are not expecting them to pay for your flowres or dj or something, but for their guest, who they invited. And as someone said it would at least cover your dress. Just don't do things to them out of spite, they will be your family soon, don't harbor grudges.

If you want to show someone you are talking to them, click on the button that says 'Quote', under their original quote (where you would normaly just click to 'Reply') their quote will appear where you will be writing your response. For a private response use foram mail on the top by the 'Home' and 'My Account' bottons!

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Posted by Beth1210

do what I did

Beth
and Jake
together with there families
yada yada yada

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We did this too, and we paid for our wedding ourselves.

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Posted by alioop4282

My FH refuses to ask his parents to contribute to our wedding and he will not let me ask them either. He said whatever my parents don't pay for, he will pay for. As of now..my parents are paying for EVERYTHING. His parents have not offered anything either. SO here's my question...come invitation time, do I leave them out? I wouldn't really be doing it to be a bi**c but I want my parents to get the recognition they deserve. Thoughts?

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My Fh parents aren't paying for the wedding either (only the rehearsal dinner). My parents wanted me to originally ask them if they could contribute towards flowers, band, etc...but i really didn't feel comfortable with that. If they wanted to contribute they would have done so already. I am also not to spiteful type. So, when it came time for the invitations I truely tried to include their names on it (both my parents are re-married and his parents are divorced and not remarried). The wording of both parents (4 sets) just didn't look right. My FMIL and FFIL were not at all hurt by this.

I really appreciate everyone's opinions on this. Thank you all for helping me. Some people said that their in-laws contributed in other ways and that's wonderful. Unfortunately I don't think that's going to happen here. My FH already told me they will pay for nothing/give us nothing...they don't have any money. The reason I'm so hurt is because they DO have money. I've seen them spend it freely on other things.
It's just not right but yes, they will be my family soon and I should just get over it.
It's very hard though when I'm watching my dad constantly signing his his hard earned money away and they do nothing.

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Posted by alioop4282

My FH refuses to ask his parents to contribute to our wedding and he will not let me ask them either. He said whatever my parents don't pay for, he will pay for. As of now..my parents are paying for EVERYTHING. His parents have not offered anything either. SO here's my question...come invitation time, do I leave them out? I wouldn't really be doing it to be a bi**c but I want my parents to get the recognition they deserve. Thoughts?

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This was our EXACT situation. We just left them off the invitation, and they attended our wedding like they were any other guests, and not the groom's parents. They didn't even give us a great wedding gift, considering they contributed nothing. Just make sure you discuss it with FH first if you are leaving your FILs off the invite so he is not in the dark about it.

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Posted by alioop4282

I really appreciate everyone's opinions on this. Thank you all for helping me. Some people said that their in-laws contributed in other ways and that's wonderful. Unfortunately I don't think that's going to happen here. My FH already told me they will pay for nothing/give us nothing...they don't have any money. The reason I'm so hurt is because they DO have money. I've seen them spend it freely on other things.
It's just not right but yes, they will be my family soon and I should just get over it.
It's very hard though when I'm watching my dad constantly signing his his hard earned money away and they do nothing.

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Again, we had the SAME EXACT situation. I still ahve a lot of resentment towards JT's parents, as does he. But, as JT pointed out to me, we can't make them want to be a part of the wedding or contribute. I just feel bad for him that it's his own parents. Imagine how he must be feeling.

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Posted by prncssrachel

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Posted by alioop4282

I really appreciate everyone's opinions on this. Thank you all for helping me. Some people said that their in-laws contributed in other ways and that's wonderful. Unfortunately I don't think that's going to happen here. My FH already told me they will pay for nothing/give us nothing...they don't have any money. The reason I'm so hurt is because they DO have money. I've seen them spend it freely on other things.
It's just not right but yes, they will be my family soon and I should just get over it.
It's very hard though when I'm watching my dad constantly signing his his hard earned money away and they do nothing.

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Again, we had the SAME EXACT situation. I still ahve a lot of resentment towards JT's parents, as does he. But, as JT pointed out to me, we can't make them want to be a part of the wedding or contribute. I just feel bad for him that it's his own parents. Imagine how he must be feeling.

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Wow. I'm sorry you went through this.
It seems we have a lot in common..I'm always the one going to use Christina Bohn.
My FH does know about the invitation idea of mine..not including them..and he agreed 100% and said if they get pissy he will explain to him 'well you aren't contributing!'

We just got our invites today, and both of our families have contributed little (under $1000). We're paying for everything pretty much ourselves, but out of respect for his family, and tradition wise, I worded the invite like everyone else suggested:

Mr & Mrs Blah Blah
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Jane Blah
to
John Blab
son of Mr. & Mrs. Blab
yada yada yada

It's the best way to show respect.

I've also seen it done like this:

Jack and Jill
along with their parents
Mr & Mrs Blah
and
Mr & Mrs Blab

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Posted by BKtoLI

We just got our invites today, and both of our families have contributed little (under $1000). We're paying for everything pretty much ourselves, but out of respect for his family, and tradition wise, I worded the invite like everyone else suggested:

Mr & Mrs Blah Blah
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Jane Blah
to
John Blab
son of Mr. & Mrs. Blab
yada yada yada

It's the best way to show respect.

I've also seen it done like this:

Jack and Jill
along with their parents
Mr & Mrs Blah
and
Mr & Mrs Blab

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Thanks! If I do happen to put their names at all, it will be in the wording you used. I am NOT using Together with their parents. I can't do that. I'm running out of respect here!

My future in laws haven't said anything either. They keep presenting invite list though. Now they are up to 79 guest. FH is cutting there list. We are doing only my parents on the invitation. Plus the invitation store agreed.

Good luck!!

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Posted by nferrandi

You can do 'your parents name' invute you to the wedding of their daughter 'your name' to 'your FH's name' son of 'his parents name.' that will make it clear that your parents are hosting without leaving his parents completely out.

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I think this sounds the best. Remember... they haven't been asked to contribute, so they haven't done anything wrong.

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Posted by BJandDan
I think this sounds the best. Remember... they haven't been asked to contribute, so they haven't done anything wrong.

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Really good point!

Traditionally, the host of the wedding (IE: the person/family who paid for it) was the only person other than the bride and groom listed on the invitation.

Last year my sister got married. My mother (father deceased) gave my sister a huge financial contribution for her wedding. His parents (married to one another and alive) gave nothing. He (BIL) was working very sporadically, my sister was working two jobs. My mother blew a gasket about his parents names being on the invitation.

You mentioned that you thought your dad would be upset if his parents were on the invite. That is what I would go with. Not upsetting my own parents.

ME - happy my sister got married first so I can avoid all the things my mother complained about.

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Posted by nferrandi

You can do 'your parents name' invute you to the wedding of their daughter 'your name' to 'your FH's name' son of 'his parents name.' that will make it clear that your parents are hosting without leaving his parents completely out.

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i agree

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Posted by SexyEsq

Traditionally, the host of the wedding (IE: the person/family who paid for it) was the only person other than the bride and groom listed on the invitation.

Last year my sister got married. My mother (father deceased) gave my sister a huge financial contribution for her wedding. His parents (married to one another and alive) gave nothing. He (BIL) was working very sporadically, my sister was working two jobs. My mother blew a gasket about his parents names being on the invitation.

You mentioned that you thought your dad would be upset if his parents were on the invite. That is what I would go with. Not upsetting my own parents.

ME - happy my sister got married first so I can avoid all the things my mother complained about.

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Thank you...and yes I think my dad would be upset if their names were on it and you're right...that is what's most important.

I would only put my parents on the invite if they were paying for the whole thing.
I think of it like this... If you & FH are throwing the party then only your names go on the invite. If both sets of parents are then both go on the invite. And if only your parents are then it would only make sense for only their names to be on it, as hosts that is.

I put my parents names first...as if they are doing the inviting...then I put DH's mother's name afterwards....


Mr. & Mrs. ______
request the honor of your presenace at the marriage of their daughter
Dannielle
to
Ken
son of Ms.___________


everyone was included this way, and no one's feeling were hurt...and no one was upset at the wording.