What would you do?? (Advice Please)

First off I'm soooo sorry that you have this added stress that you don't need.
Secondly, I think you should be honest with him and tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him how much it means to you for him to be there and how horrible he's been making you feel about it. Maybe he doesn't realize? I know it's a bit of a long drive, but it's a lot cheaper and then he doesn't have to worry about the government. If he really wants to be there then he can make it work, but I think you definitely need to talk to him about it. This is one of the biggest days of your life and he needs to understand that and stop bringing you down.
I'm sure it will all work out in the end....cheer up!

driving up here isn't very expensive. its about a day drive and they dont have to worry about the papers

im say give him the opinion to drive here.

from the time of your engagement until the wedding there is no reason why he couldnt put away a little money each month. towards a ticket or something.

don't let him off the hook bc then AFTER the wedding he can say 'oh i thought it was okay with you' make sure you stand firm and let him know that you NEED him to be there for your wedding

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Posted by TiffJoey

First off I'm soooo sorry that you have this added stress that you don't need.
Secondly, I think you should be honest with him and tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him how much it means to you for him to be there and how horrible he's been making you feel about it. Maybe he doesn't realize? I know it's a bit of a long drive, but it's a lot cheaper and then he doesn't have to worry about the government. If he really wants to be there then he can make it work, but I think you definitely need to talk to him about it. This is one of the biggest days of your life and he needs to understand that and stop bringing you down.
I'm sure it will all work out in the end....cheer up!

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Thanks. I feel like being honest with him would make me sound selfish since I know how much trouble he's going through. He's making me feel bad for having a wedding when he's in such financial turmoil. But something tells me whether I had this wedding now or in Feb of 2009 I would still be getting the same stories. I just dont want to deal with anything anymore. When I asked him about driving he said he's gonna have to spend so much on gas. SO now IM looking up Greyhound fares.

i am so sorry Lea ...i would definitely call him up and tell him exactly how you feel, maybe if he sees that you are not listening to his excuses he might make the extra effort

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Posted by Mizzdimple

How bad do you want him there..can u fly him down at least

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I wish I could. I would have bought his tickets already. Were broke! And I think he's worried about going through airports.

If you give him the OK not to come, you will be so heartbroken. I would let him know how much you need him on your wedding day and try to get him to drive up for your big day so he won;t have to deal with issues at the airport. I think that you need to stand your ground and try to have him there. If he really can't that will be on him, but he won't have your permission to not come.

Good luck and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

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Posted by Songstress

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Posted by Mizzdimple

How bad do you want him there..can u fly him down at least

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I wish I could. I would have bought his tickets already. Were broke! And I think he's worried about going through airports.

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the problem with going thru an airport when you don't have papers is that you have to show a valid identification to board the plane--if he has a passport from his country that is valid--it shouldn't be a problem. (since he doesn't have papers i can only assume he can't get a license)

but if he's too paranoid to do that--he could always drive.

i'm so sorry that you have to deal with this--its so hard when you just want them to be happy for you and said 'okay i'll be there'. it sounds like he's waiting for YOU to say that you will pay for him.....so you have to ask yourself how bad you want him here.

let him know that you want him there so bad--but that you've given him ample notice and that you don't think you're asking for alot for him to come up here. a couple hundred dollars for tickets to fly up--isn't much. from florida to NY is cheap--maybe offer to pay for half?

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Posted by Songstress

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Posted by Mizzdimple

How bad do you want him there..can u fly him down at least

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I wish I could. I would have bought his tickets already. Were broke! And I think he's worried about going through airports.

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Tell him to drive, tell him you need him there.

i feel so sad for u that u r dealing w this. i think its terrible that he would put these problems on u about coming to ur wedding. ur his daughter, he should do whatever he has to do to be here. i think u should tell him how much it hurts you and that he shouldnt be telling u how hard its gonna be.

he SHOULD just do what he has to do and keep it to himself. im so sorry u have 2 deal w this.

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Posted by JeanetteandSteve

i feel so sad for u that u r dealing w this. i think its terrible that he would put these problems on u about coming to ur wedding. ur his daughter, he should do whatever he has to do to be here. i think u should tell him how much it hurts you and that he shouldnt be telling u how hard its gonna be.

he SHOULD just do what he has to do and keep it to himself. im so sorry u have 2 deal w this.

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That is what I feel. If I had to be at my kids wedding and I was having problems with money, I would tell my kid, 'IM so excited, I love you, I cant wait to come' And inside I would worry myself as to how I would get there. I would NEVER let them know I was having trouble. NEVER. It just makes me feel like this wedding is NOTHING to him. And my dad is a sweetheart and has always been good to me but this is just stinks. And I dont want to tell him how I feel because even though hes hurting me right now, I dont want to hurt him.

why dont you maybe suggest he takes a bus here greyhound to nyc that is much cheaper and it avoids airports I am sorry that you are going through this issue it dosent sound easy no matter how you look at it but the best advice i can give like the other girls have already be upfront and honest about your feelings

Ehhh. I got stressed reading this story. Lea, your right. Somebody needs to say it...youre right and hes wrong. No money (or lack of) in the world should keep your Daddy from coming to his baby girls wedding. Period. Greyhound is a wonderful (and cheap) thing. He could also rent a small compact car for like 19 dollars a day, and gas would be much less expensive and last a lot longer then he thinks. Have you thought about sending him a gas gift card for xmas and tell him its towards his drive up here to his daughters wedding?? Do you think or feel that he is wanting you to say you will pay for his trip and thats why hes holding back or does he realize you dont have the $$? On another note, he is absolutely correct to be worried about going thru an airport with no papers. Thats out, I wouldnt even have him try it. Immigration is all over peoples asses in NY lately.

Lea, he can make it happen baby. Let him know how your feeling but in a non-combative way...and you'll see...his ways will change if he loves his baby girl.


<3 <3 <3

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Posted by AmorPeruano

Ehhh. I got stressed reading this story. Lea, your right. Somebody needs to say it...youre right and hes wrong. No money (or lack of) in the world should keep your Daddy from coming to his baby girls wedding. Period. Greyhound is a wonderful (and cheap) thing. He could also rent a small compact car for like 19 dollars a day, and gas would be much less expensive then he thinks. Have you thought about sending him a gas gift card for xmas and tell him its for his drive up here to his daughters wedding?? On another note, he is absolutely correct to be worried about going thru an airport with no papers. Thats out, I wouldnt even have him try it. Immigration is all over peoples asses in NY lately.

Lea, he can make it happen baby. Let him know how your feeling but in a non-combative way...and you'll see...this ways will change if he loves his baby girl.


<3 <3 <3

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Thanks girl. I just spoke to him but not about how Im feeling. I looked up Greyhound and was able to find a fare for him and his wife for 126 round-trip for the BOTH of them. Im sure he'll be able to come up with that and he seemed like he's be able to do it. So we'll see if he comes up with any excuses now. If he's that hard up, I dont know why he's worrying about bringing his wife. She doesnt have to come. These situations make me just want this wedding to be over and I dont wanna feel that way. Ill get over it once FH gets home. He always makes me feel better.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially that your dad is causing drama. Tell him exactly how you feel. Even if he is worried about deportation, he should make every effort to be at your wedding.

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Posted by Songstress

I have been a little depressed for the past couple of days and it mainly has to do with family drama. The newest being with my father. My father has always had money problems and moved to Florida about 3 years ago when his house was foreclosed here. When I told him I was getting married (about 7 months ago) he already made it seem like it was going to be hard for him to raise money to get here. From then up until now, everytime I speak to him its always, 'I dont know what Im gonna do, my wife wants to come, its gonna be so expensive' And his newest story is that he's worried about being deported because he doesnt have papers and immigration laws are tough right now. My dad didnt put anything toward this wedding. My mom and and stepfather did. All my dad had to do was be there. I feel like he's wants me to say, 'Its okay dad dont worry you dont have to come' Why cant he just keep his stories to himself and just do whatever it takes to get here? Am I asking for too much. Its really taking a toll on me and I feel horrible. My own father is pulling this. Should I just give in and tell him not to come even though it will kill me?

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do you think that maybe he is saying that because he wants you to offer to pay for a flight up there?