What would you do? bachelorette party dilemma ... long

I am really close to three of the girls in my bridal party and they want to go away for my bachelorette party as our last weekend ever going away together. My wedding is in June and they are trying to plan a weekend in South Beach for May. The thing is my FH. He says that I am a grown woman and can make my own decisions, but I don't want to hurt or upset him. He thinks that if I go away in May - that it will take away from our honeymoon in June. It's about a month apart and I don't think so. But I also think he is a bit jealous and he doesn't want his decision to change mine. But what do I do? Do I make plans and go when I think it bothers him OR do I not go and disappoint my friends. I'm torn - I'd like to go, but I don't want to hurt my guy. I try talking to him, but he really doesn't say much. I know he doesn't want to be the one to sway my decision. I told him he should go away and have one last weekend with the guys, but none of them have said anything - as of now, they are only planning a night out. What would you do? The girls want to plan this yesterday - so they are waiting on me.

What would you do? bachelorette party dilemma ... long

I think that you should definitely go away with your friends! My friends want to go away with me too before my wedding and I'm definitely going to do it. It will be your last time to go away with them ever! It definitely won't take away from your honeymoon since that is a whole different kind of vacation. Going away with your friends will be some quality, fun time with them and your honeymoon will be your first of many romantic vacations with your husband. You have the rest of your life to go away with your husband. I think you're FH might just be jealous and is making up other reasons why you shouldn't go.

What would you do?... long

I think you need to figure out what is really bothering him. Most likely he is jealous that you will be going away without him or that his friends aren't doing the same for him. (Good Luck getting him to admit to either.) There is no way a weekend in Florida with the girls will take away from a honeymoon. A honeymoon is a romantic getaway with someone you just made the hugest commitment too. I would go. If you can afford it and he trusts you (which by now he should :) ), it should not be a problem. I have seen this happen a couple of times. My brother's fiance is saying he should not go away for his bachelor party. His friends want to treat him...she is just saying she sees no reason for it. I have a feeling she is jealous b/c her friends are not in the position to do the same for her. I am going to try to plan at least a weekend getaway (maybe the shore or something)for her so hopefully she will relax with my brother. My fiance and I already talked about it and I told him he can go away with his friends..I know I will be disappointed that I probably won't go away but I will have to deal with it. Not a problem to me. Good Luck ...

What would you do?... long

My fiancee's friend have been talking about taking him to Brazil or Amsterdam before the wedding. Im not crazy about it only b/c I wish I was going too :) Thats probably what is bothering your FH. Discuss it with him and tell him how much this trip will mean to you and that you two will have plenty of trips to go on. PS: I don't plan on not taking girl trips once im married.

What would you do? bachelorette party dilemma ... long

Tough situation...Maybe if you try to compromise with him it will give you a better idea of why he is upset. You could possibly try offering to go somewhere local for a weekend with your friends. If he still doesn't seem okay, then you know he just doesn't want you going away with your friends at all. Let him know that it isn't fair to you for him not to express his concerns or genuine feelings. I would say go with your friends but if your fiance is going to resent you going away it might not be totally worth it. Good luck -

What would you do? First thing First!!... long

Speaking as a married woman. 1) Did you ever go away separately as a couple? Meaning Both of you-different locations, different people. 2) If yes how far along in the relationship were you? If you were in the early part of the relationship and it only happened once...see #3 3) If you both never ever did this before without each other.....then why bother??? Most couples use their 'bachor/bachorette time to do and go places they would never do before without their partners and use the excuse 'but it's the last time we will all be together' That's BS and the people who want to do what they never did before in the relationship, most likely never would even consider it befpre. If the answers are yes to the above. Then why bother???? Just to have the other partner upset? It's not worth it, If it was the 'norm' in the relationship...then do what's familiar to both of you and it will avoid animosity in your future life together. If you as a couple have done this kind of thing before and had no problem with it, then by all means!!! go and have a ball. Good luck.

What would you do? bachelorette party dilemma ... long

I guess it really matters how you look at what a bacholette party really is. I think some people look at it as your last big hurrah being single before you are married and i don't think that's right. I think it should really be about celebrating the life you are about to begin... not saying farewell to 'the fun single life' by going crazy and acting wild. Perhaps your fiance thinks you might be looking at it like that in which case I would be slightly jealous also. Ask him what he thinks about the whole bacholerette party idea and what he believes you think how ist should be and what it means. His answer might surprise you and whereas one night or weekend is nothing compared to a lifetime of marriage, find out the reasons why he feels the way he does. The weekend will come and go, the reasons may or may not need to be addressed in more depth. What if you did a joint getaway guy/girl party but once there you did your own thing? Let us know how it goes and what you decide. Good Luck!

I went away and we had a great time

I am married 5 months and my bridal party and I went to Vegas for the bachlorette. It was 'good/clean' fun. My husband had a day and night out at home. He would have liked to go away but the guys didn't initiate it so he wished me a good trip and off I went. Whatever works for you but make sure you do what would make you happy and not cause turmoil in your relationship at the same time. If you really want to go and can afford it you should go they are two very different types of vacations (honeymoon to weekend) and if there is trust you'll be fine. Happy planning.

I think you should go

One of my best friends planned a weekend bachelorette party in New Orleans in May, her wedding was in July. They went to Italy. I don`t think it took away from her honeymoon. Going away with the girls for a weekend is totally different from a week or two on your honeymoon with your husband! Do it. Try to explain to your FH that girl time is something that women need! I hope it all works out. Becky

I think you should go

Maybe he feels that you are going away to close to the wedding. My Bachorlette party was just my friends and I wnet out to dinner and they all left by 12:00 and my husbands was they went to dinner and went to a strip club..he was home by 1 am so we really just had on night out with iour friends..Maybe if they planned it earlier it might have easier instread of it being so close to the wedding

I think you should go...ditto

if the question is taking away from the honeymoon...I don't think this is really the case (unless maybe you were going there for your honeymoon) My FH is going away, as am I and it will be fun...we both love each other and will probably miss each other desperately, but have some fun with our friends... I do plan on going out with friends after marriage...but they have already seen me slow down since I met him...

I think you should go

Seems like a tough decision. Personally i think you should go, not because its ur last 'single night out'...but because its your time to celebrate this wonderful exciting time in your life. maybe if you talk to him and find out maybe other reasons why he is upset

I think this is a very personal decision

My best friend (she is married with 2 kids) and I went away upstate in Sept. and are going again in March. So, it doesn't have to be the LAST time you ever go away with your friends for a girls-only weekend. If you really want to go South Beach then go, but understand that your FH is not upset about your decision. Maybe he is worried that you will have a last-fling or that you will have more fun with your friends than you do with him. Only he can tell you his real reasons for being upset. Would you be upset if his friends were going to take him to South Beach? I think his feelings should come before your friends, and that your friends should understand the situation. I would talk to him again and then decide.

I think this is a very personal decision-I agree

I think I would try and compromise. Maybe go away to somewhere closer for just one night, if it`s going to bother your fiance, no matter what the reason, in the end he`s going to be bothered. Some of the things that would bother me aren`t necessarily rational, but I appreciate when my FH considers my feelings anyway. Good luck, and please let us know what you decide. I`m sure this will come up with a lot of us!

Thanks so much for all your input ... I think (long)

that I am not going to go to Florida but try to do something locally. I spoke to some of my male colleagues at work to get their feedback from a male perspective. I spoke with the FH too. And truly he says what really bothers him is that we are saving every dime for the wedding, sacrificing on doing things with each other, that now I am going to go away with my friends when things are tight. He is right - sometimes I don't think that we can't do it. I just always assume that I can. I got to get use to this married stuff! ;-) So if my friends and I do a local trip - it shouldn't be expensive and we still spend quality time together and I will only go away for 1 or 2 nights, instead of 3! You ladies are awesome - thanks so much for your input! :-) I'll let you know what the final decision comes to be! I hope my friends are not to disappointed.

Thanks so much for all your input ... I think (long)

I`m sure you`re friends would be more disappointed and upset if they thought such a happy occassion brought you sadness instead and that they just want you to be happy. I think it was great that you spoke with your FH... that`s what a marriage is all about!!! I am sure that you will have a wonderful time and you will enjoy yourself so much more knowing that now everyone is happy. Have fun and Good Luck!!!

I agree with nubride *NM*

I think what's more disturbing about this thread...

is that so many of you seem to think that you'll NEVER plan a trip with your girlfriends after you get married! What?? No wonder friendships suffer after marriage - people are too willing to give up their lives with their buddies, once they take a spouse! I think this is very sad. We all need to remember that part of what makes a successful marriage is when both people have their own lives and interests to bring to the relationship - this includes maintaining the friendships that have carried us through life before we married. Personally, I believe that it's important to have time away from your spouse, and just be with your friends. It makes your life richer and more satisfying. I relate to my girlfriends so differently than my husband, and sometimes I just need to feel more 'understood' by a woman. Of course, quality time with your spouse is important too, but it helps if you both have the same expectations before you enter marriage.

I think what`s more disturbing about this thread...

I totally agree. I live with my FH and I`ve gone away on vacation twice with just my girlfriends, will be going away for my bachelorette and definitely will continue to do so after I`m married!! You don`t give up your life when you take a husband.

I am not giving up my life nor my girlfriends ...

each relationship is different and the people in those relationships are different. I am going to go away with my friends but just not to a tropical 'like' resort a month before our honeymoon that we have been soo waiting for since we haven't had a vacation in so long. I do intend to see my friends outside of a couple thing and I do intend to do some small trips but I have to admit - as a married woman I will not be going to Cancun for a week with just my girlfriends and leave my husband home. It's just not me. And I'm not saying that that's bad for the girls that would. We actually had a discussion at my job about this today. It was divided - half would and half wouldn't. So what may be disturbing to you may not be to someone else. And in addition, I think that your true friends are there for you even if you are one of those girls that does not want to go away for a week partying without your FH. So the friends that these women lose are the ones that weren't friends anyway. I had a friend who hated the fact that I was engaged and hated the fact that I spent more time with my FH instead of her. Sorry but I needed to put my 3 cents in.