What would YOU do? In-law related questions

I have never really been welcomed and treated nicely by FH's Mother, Aunt and Grandmother. These are the type of people that are controling and very manipulative. My FH and I will be together 3 years in August and then in November we are getting married. Even the day FH called his mother to tell her the news that he had proposed the next morning.. her answer was 'How did THAT happen'? I have never had any problems with other boyfriends mothers in my past not liking me. In fact, they all loved me and were very nice to me. It's totally them and their issues. They won't call here, and they won't call me at all. I did post some of this is a previous post, you may recall. Fh has this 12 year old brat for a cousin. Even before FH and were engaged, whenever FH would go to visit them, she would harrass me and constantly ask me if she could be one of my bridesmaids. My answer was always the same. 'We'll see'. I never told her different. Well, I already told the little brat on New Years eve that I had already picked my bridesmaids.. and she snarled and says to me 'well, I have to let you know then my mommy said we won't be going to your wedding if I'm not a junior bridesmaid'. My reply was 'FINE' I walked away, told FH about it and he was also very annoyed that this little brat had the nerve even impose on me.. the way she did. So, a few weeks later while FH was on the phone with his mother I asked if I could speak to her, b/c they were talking about the situation. I told his mother that I NEVER insinuated that the cousin would be a junior bridesmaid. I am NOT having a junior bridesmaid! My answer to her always was we'll see! His mother at the time of the call seemed like she understood. Well, in this time between now and 3 months ago his mother has been giving her son grief about her health issues, that she had biopsies taken that she had stage 4 lyphoma! Well, after months of being given many guilt trips that he was not coming over there constantly to BE with her B/C she was claiming to be SO sick.. he said enough is enough and went to her doctors office and talked to her dr. to find out the real deal. The dr. told him that the biopsies that were taken came back NON CANCEROUS!! She was fine and totally will be around to make it to her son's wedding! That was another thing too, she was saying that she might not even be around for it! Bottom line - she lied. He has been very upset about this news. He does not want to go over to his mothers anymore b/c of all the crap they cause and now THIS. In the months she was claiming to be ill, I called her, told her I was here if she needed me.. etc.. I extended my hand to her NUMEROUS times. Since then, she never calls me NOT even once to say Hi How are you , how's the planning? NOTHING. FH went over there about 2 weekends ago and the granmother told FH that if I don't decide to put the cousin into my bridal party that the aunt will not be going to our wedding, nor will the grandmother come if the aunt does not come..UGH what horrible people. FH turns to his mother and asks WELL will YOU be there? She did not give him a direct answer.. I am really trying to not let their BS bother me,, but let me tell you it's hard. I can't believe that his own mother and grandmother and aunt are so horrible to him and me. They don't seem like they care about his happiness at all, they are so self absorbed and everything has to be about them, it makes me so angry.. My question is would you call the mother and tell her you want to clarify a few things with her that the cousin was never supposed to be a BM, that this decision has already been decided, etc... OR should I not say anything at this point? I mean they have not come directly to me to say any of these things.. they just torture my FH about it.. What would you do here?

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. But to answer your question, I don't think I would bother having any more discussions. You explained it to her already. What part of 'she's not in the wedding party' doesn't she understand??

IMHO, the best thing you can do right now is be supportive to your FH unless he asks you to do something different (like put the brat cousin in the wedding for the sake of peace and harmony). If his relatives are so petty as to threaten him with not showing up, they can stay home.

I have a similar problem with my family, and my grandmother and aunt are not coming. IMHO, it is their loss. I will still be surrounded by people that love and care about me on my day, and if others chose to make it about them by offering up threats, or just deciding not to come, I can't be bothered. I've shed as many tears as I'm going to - it's time to move past it all and get busy starting a new life with FH.

aww my heart goes out to you to have to deal with planning a wedding and their crap! I agree with the above post, you already have mentioned everything you needed to, to them. You dont owe them any more explanantions. It's YOUR and FI wedding and not theres. They need to grow up! Thank god your Fi is on your side with it.

Yes, thank god he is on my side and in my corner and has always been. If he was not, I would not be marrying him. He has mentioned the idea about maybe adding her in, but I already decided my bridal party and I do have many reasons as to why I do not want the little brat in the bridal party. She has said many disturbing thigs to me in the past, which I believe she is obviously hearing these things from her mother ( his aunt) and them and this is why she has said the things she's said. You would not believe the crap that's come out of her 12 year old mouth! I explained this to FH and he does remember what I have told him about her remarks and now he agrees totally to not give in to them and add her in.

Sorry I had to post this personal stuff here, I just feel like sometimes I can't talk to anyone about it. My mom and my family can't stand his mother and them. However, thank god his dad and his wife from his second marriage are such good loving people. I think of his step mom more of my FMIL than I do his own mother. She has been so nice to me and suportive to us and so has his dad. At least we have them and my family!

I am just going to push this all aside in my mind and keep on going having happy wedding planning and just ignore it for now. I think FH is at his wits end with his mother and them and if they pull any more crap he said he is going to tell them to *****%^ off! Thanks for reading my drama and posting your support!

I feel for you sweet heart... 1 of my husbands brotherand his family is CRAZY and will say ANYTHING accuse ANYTHING or do ANYTHING to get you upset or insult YOU...............

Tell them if they don't come to the wedding GOOD RIDANCE...

I think you guys have said and done more than enough. It is obvious that they are really self absorbed people and don't really care how all these things and behavior would make you guys feel. I am sorry you have to go through all of that you and your FI.

You guys try to remember that the people that really love you and care will be there!!

OMG......sooooooooo sorry!!!!!


Just keep reminding urself...your marrying him...not his parents