What would you do in this situation? (Update with my response on Pg 2)

Original post by BKtoLI

Jul 05, 2006 11:43 PM

A friend of mine who I've known for about 5 or 6 years (but only hung out with sporadically) kept telling me about when I get married, she wanted to be invited to the wedding.

Well that time happened, and she was excited to be invited and told me every chance she got up until a few days before the wedding how she couldn't wait for the big day.

The wedding day came and went. She (and her guest that she RSVP'd with) were a complete no show and with no explanation, no phone call, no email, no congrats, NOTHING.

All of a sudden I get an email from her stating that she has moved to a new address. I am debating if I should even bother opening the email at all. Since it's via AOL, she will know if I delete it. I had all intentions of just writing her off.

What would you do?

greenfreak Posted: Jul 06, 2006 09:27 AM

Re: What would you do in this situation? (repost from Newlywed board)

If you feel you would always wonder what happened and that would make you a bit nuts, ask her. I can't think of any excuse that would explain why she wouldn't at least call you to tell you why she wasn't there. If she's well enough to send a change-of-address email, she's well enough to call her friend and explain.

If you know her that well, you'll know right off if she's BS'ing you. Then you can write her off and let the friendship die.

Sometimes people seem like good friends until you need to count on them for something. Then they dissapoint you. You have to decide if you're ok with having a 'no-responsibility' kind of friend that you can't expect anything from.

I couldn't. That's why I have no friends.

SeptBride70 Posted: Jul 06, 2006 09:36 AM

Re: What would you do in this situation? (repost from Newlywed board)

It does depend on how you feel about the friendship-- if she was never a close friend to begin with (and no GOOD friend should ever do that) then I would say write her an email back just basically cutting ties. I would explain that you felt, regardless of what issue came up that caused her to miss the wedding, it wasn't right for her to not call or let you know about it. She is being very irresponsibile and it is rude and unfair. So I would keep it short and sweet, see what she has to say in the initial emial and take it from there.

But all in all, if I were you: I would not be friends with this person anymore and I would tell her to basically lose my number and forget she knew me. You don't need people like that-- people that really don't give a crap in your life. So sorry that happened, do update and let us know what the email said and what you decide to write back.

leese Posted: Jul 06, 2006 10:00 AM

Re: What would you do in this situation? (repost from Newlywed board)

Posted by BKtoLI

A friend of mine who I've known for about 5 or 6 years (but only hung out with sporadically) kept telling me about when I get married, she wanted to be invited to the wedding.

Well that time happened, and she was excited to be invited and told me every chance she got up until a few days before the wedding how she couldn't wait for the big day.

The wedding day came and went. She (and her guest that she RSVP'd with) were a complete no show and with no explanation, no phone call, no email, no congrats, NOTHING.

All of a sudden I get an email from her stating that she has moved to a new address. I am debating if I should even bother opening the email at all. Since it's via AOL, she will know if I delete it. I had all intentions of just writing her off.

What would you do?

Same thing happened to me. I didn't give her a card or a picture and now she is not talking to me. I don't care though.

Open it and write back... what happened to you - I thought something terrible happened because why else would you miss my wedding? Have fun with it!

DandS Posted: Jul 06, 2006 10:06 AM

Re: What would you do in this situation? (repost from Newlywed board)

I would open it and like someone posted before, it would kill her more to see you opened it and did not respond. Although I would never be able to keep my mouth shut, so I would respond as well (and not in a nice way).

BTW, I am sorry that she did that to you!!!

weddingbunny Posted: Jul 06, 2006 10:07 AM

Re: What would you do in this situation? (repost from Newlywed board)

Does nobody else see that something must have happened to keep her from coming?

If she was excited to come up until a few days beforehand, and this is the first you've heard from her, and she's had to move, then something must have happened. There are a lot of reasons she might not get back to you - embarrassment, other things going on that were just more important (let's face it, as important as your wedding is to you, if there's something going on in her life, it has to take priority, and your wedding might have just slipped out of her mind), whatever. I think it's worth at least contacting her and seeing what happened before you flip out and cut her off forever. Sh*t happens. It doesn't mean she had any intention of blowing you off.

And a lot of people just don't have any concept of how much it costs you to have a no-show for a wedding. Before I planned my own I had no idea that you had to pay for people who didn't show. Cut her a break and at least see what happened.

EGreene79 Posted: Jul 06, 2006 10:35 AM

Re: What would you do in this situation? (repost from Newlywed board)

I agree with weddingbunny. You never know what is going on in someone else's life. Before you blow up at her, make sure that she doesn't have something major going on - divorce, illness, etc ... I understand it's a lot of money that was wasted, but personally I'd hate to go of on someone over money to then find out she's sick, or depressed or having serious problems. It's still rude not to get in touch with you, but you never know how someone is going to act until their in that situation. Plus, before I started planning a wedding I didn't realize you paid for your guests beforehand - I thought the final was paid that day - maybe she thought the same?

JennJay Posted: Jul 06, 2006 12:40 PM

Re: What would you do in this situation? (repost from Newlywed board)

Read it... then write her off.

October Bliss Posted: Jul 07, 2006 12:26 AM

Re: What would you do in this situation? (repost from Newlywed board)

Janna - the curiosity would kill me. I would have to open it just to see if she addressed the no-show for the wedding. There is no way I could resist. After you see what it says (or doesn't) you can then decide whether or not to write her off.

BKtoLI Posted: Jul 07, 2006 12:58 AM

Re: What would you do in this situation? (repost from Newlywed board)

This is basically what I wrote:

Thanks for giving me the update.

I was a little worried when I didn't see you at the wedding, and was hoping nothing bad happened. We had quite a few people who had family emergencies that week, including my husband's cousin. It was like something bad was in the air or something.

Glad to know all is well and congrats on the new house.

Ahhh we'll see what she responds.

Katie&Chris2006 Posted: Jul 07, 2006 08:45 AM

Re: What would you do in this situation? (Update with my response on Pg 2)

Posted by BKtoLI

This is basically what I wrote:

Thanks for giving me the update.

I was a little worried when I didn't see you at the wedding, and was hoping nothing bad happened. We had quite a few people who had family emergencies that week, including my husband's cousin. It was like something bad was in the air or something.

Glad to know all is well and congrats on the new house.

Ahhh we'll see what she responds.

I think you handled this beautifully. You left the ball in her court and were the bigger person. If you don't hear back or get some kind of explanation, my vote is to write her off!!!

Edited because I wrote 'right' instead of 'write'

ewickens Posted: Jul 07, 2006 08:50 AM

Re: What would you do in this situation? (Update with my response on Pg 2)

Posted by BKtoLI

This is basically what I wrote:

Thanks for giving me the update.

I was a little worried when I didn't see you at the wedding, and was hoping nothing bad happened. We had quite a few people who had family emergencies that week, including my husband's cousin. It was like something bad was in the air or something.

Glad to know all is well and congrats on the new house.

Ahhh we'll see what she responds.

Nice response, Janna!!! Handled very intelligently and thoughfully!!!!!!

maria5-6-05 Posted: Jul 07, 2006 09:04 AM

Re: What would you do in this situation? (Update with my response on Pg 2)

Honestly Janna, you were the bigger person and IMO couldn't have handled it better. It's not worth giving another thought to and you can see what she responds.

I'm sorry this happened but as has been said MANY times already - people's true colors come out during the wedding process and you will be better off in the end if she is just a self centered person and didn't think twice about missing your wedding. I've come across quite a few people like this during my planning already!

hmpena Posted: Jul 07, 2006 11:55 PM

Re: What would you do in this situation? (Update with my response on Pg 2)

Janna,

I think you handled the situation with so much class! You are one classy lady and this person chooses not to respond, then it's her loss.

XsoontobemarriedX Posted: Jul 08, 2006 12:03 AM

Re: What would you do in this situation? (Update with my response on Pg 2)

I think you gave a great response!

snydl40 Posted: Jul 08, 2006 12:06 AM

Re: What would you do in this situation? (Update with my response on Pg 2)

It's up to you.-It depends on how you feel about this friend. Would you really want to keep her as a friend? If your not to sure then I wouldn't open the e-mail and let the friendship go. If you want to stay friends then open it-it's your call. Good luck.