What would you do? (sorry a little long)

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Posted by little j

uh i could not deal with this!!! you did the right thing

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Thanks! We all know the stress that comes with all this planning and to have this added to it is really getting to me.

I'm so sorry that you have to go through something like that. Your friend should really be ashamed of herself for acting that way. I def would not extend an invitation to her as a bridesmaid. You don't want that negativity around you the day of. If she wants, she can come as a guest. If she's your true friend she will want to come and support you on the most important day of your life, bridesmaid or not. GL!

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Posted by AngeeM

I'm so sorry that you have to go through something like that. Your friend should really be ashamed of herself for acting that way. I def would not extend an invitation to her as a bridesmaid. You don't want that negativity around you the day of. If she wants, she can come as a guest. If she's your true friend she will want to come and support you on the most important day of your life, bridesmaid or not. GL!

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I agree that if she really is my true friend she will come any way, but I gues only time will tell!

be careful if she has already said she is 'flaking out' on even attending.... part of the drama I had with one of the ladies / friends I've since parted ways with ... she was coming and then she wasn't b/c of work supposedly... then she was coming... then not even 5 days before the wedding she sent me a text and said since she wasn't invited to the BachP she didn't feel welcomed at my wedding and would not be attending b/c she was not comfortable. (don't even ask)

But yes be careful she doesn't cancel at the last minute. Try not to invest too many feelings b/c you will be even more stressed and POed. So I guess if she comes she comes and if she doesn't that's fine too. Hopefully she wont make or break your minimum...
(that was the worst I had about 6 people cancel the week of the wedding.)

Keep your spirits up and not let anyone ruin this journey to your wedding day!

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Posted by caligirl87

Awww, I'm sorry you are dealing with so much drama, especially with such a close friend! Just in my opinion, it comes down to if you want to repair the friendship or if you are going to let it go. 15 years of friendship seems like a lot to throw away because she got her feelings hurt and decided to act like a child. It was horrible to act that way, but it sounds like you were close friends before hand, and I think everyone's entitled to a mess up or 2. If you still treasure her friendship, I would work to repair it. Even if you have made other plans for the wedding, try calling her and talking about it with her. Explain to her how you feel and that she really hurt you by just deciding not to be a part of the bridal party on such an important day. You might even point out how silly it is to let one day ruin your 15 year friendship. That might put it in perspective for her.

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What a shame that it had to come to this after so many years I totally agree with how you are handling the situation - why take the chance that she would just up and bounce again?! However, I do agree with Caligirl that if you would like to maintain any sort of friendship with the girl, that as the more mature person, you should let her know how she made you feel. Some people are very conflicted, and though it may not outwardly always show, they can take the wrong way about dealing with things, as your friend did. Good luck with everything

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Posted by Celeste617

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Posted by caligirl87

Awww, I'm sorry you are dealing with so much drama, especially with such a close friend! Just in my opinion, it comes down to if you want to repair the friendship or if you are going to let it go. 15 years of friendship seems like a lot to throw away because she got her feelings hurt and decided to act like a child. It was horrible to act that way, but it sounds like you were close friends before hand, and I think everyone's entitled to a mess up or 2. If you still treasure her friendship, I would work to repair it. Even if you have made other plans for the wedding, try calling her and talking about it with her. Explain to her how you feel and that she really hurt you by just deciding not to be a part of the bridal party on such an important day. You might even point out how silly it is to let one day ruin your 15 year friendship. That might put it in perspective for her.

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What a shame that it had to come to this after so many years I totally agree with how you are handling the situation - why take the chance that she would just up and bounce again?! However, I do agree with Caligirl that if you would like to maintain any sort of friendship with the girl, that as the more mature person, you should let her know how she made you feel. Some people are very conflicted, and though it may not outwardly always show, they can take the wrong way about dealing with things, as your friend did. Good luck with everything

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I don't think it's the wedding that would ruin this friendship, but rather her inability to be happy for someone else when she feels she doesn't have anything to be happy for within herself. I'm just disappointed that she would act this way and put me in this position. The fight wasn't about the wedding, but her allowing her 'boyfriend' to disrespect me and my FI by asking me if I was that desperate to be marrying someone from a particular country. I didn't think expecting a friend to check this guy to be to much to ask, but instead she just laughed it up along with him. We did have a conversation regarding how her actions have affected me she just tried to find every way to blame me for this.

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Posted by shyavon81


I don't think it's the wedding that would ruin this friendship, but rather her inability to be happy for someone else when she feels she doesn't have anything to be happy for within herself. I'm just disappointed that she would act this way and put me in this position. The fight wasn't about the wedding, but her allowing her 'boyfriend' to disrespect me and my FI by asking me if I was that desperate to be marrying someone from a particular country. I didn't think expecting a friend to check this guy to be to much to ask, but instead she just laughed it up along with him. We did have a conversation regarding how her actions have affected me she just tried to find every way to blame me for this.

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OH HELL NO!!! Well in that case, screw that! There's a huge difference between having an argument and one person overreacting, and someone being a complete jerk and her supporting it Desperate?! I retract my statement! I would have shoved my stiletto so far up her a$$

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Posted by Celeste617

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Posted by shyavon81


I don't think it's the wedding that would ruin this friendship, but rather her inability to be happy for someone else when she feels she doesn't have anything to be happy for within herself. I'm just disappointed that she would act this way and put me in this position. The fight wasn't about the wedding, but her allowing her 'boyfriend' to disrespect me and my FI by asking me if I was that desperate to be marrying someone from a particular country. I didn't think expecting a friend to check this guy to be to much to ask, but instead she just laughed it up along with him. We did have a conversation regarding how her actions have affected me she just tried to find every way to blame me for this.

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OH HELL NO!!! Well in that case, screw that! There's a huge difference between having an argument and one person overreacting, and someone being a complete jerk and her supporting it Desperate?! I retract my statement! I would have shoved my stiletto so far up her a$$

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Lol! You're so funny! I told her that his ignorant comment got me really POed and all she could say was 'He only said that because he's Hatian' and 'I don't know why you are so mad.' I would have felt slightly better if she would have said something like 'Don't pay him any attention, he can be such a jerk' or anything like that, something, anything, but instead she just laughs. She's still telling me she doesn't know why this would upset me. She just doesn't get it!

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Posted by shyavon81

Lol! You're so funny! I told her that his ignorant comment got me really POed and all she could say was 'He only said that because he's Hatian' and 'I don't know why you are so mad.' I would have felt slightly better if she would have said something like 'Don't pay him any attention, he can be such a jerk' or anything like that, something, anything, but instead she just laughs. She's still telling me she doesn't know why this would upset me. She just doesn't get it!

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It's unfortunate when people can't understand how another feels just from a statement. If I think FH is being an insensitive idiot, he and others around me know since I am not one to hide my emotions. I wouldn't just brush someone's hurt feelings aside because of his upbringing...like that makes it a fair excuse. If she can't understand, she just doesn't want to. You seem like a very nice person, having given her the opportunity to amend the situation. I'd say, if you don't want to completely burn the bridge, invite her to the wedding, but the bridal party ship has sailed...

your response to her was completely appropriate. i have a friend who's a huge flake an even tho she cancels plans at the last minute and doesnt answer calls for weeks, i know that if i ask her to, she will have my back.

im sorry to hear you;'re going thru this but if she's a true friend you guys will eventually work it out.

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Posted by futureMrsJSL

It's funny how people will try to make you feel bad for something that isn't even your fault. I totally agree with how you handled the situation. It's a shame that sometimes you can't count on your nearest and dearest to be supportive when something good happens for you.

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Yeah! Don't you love how this suddenly became my fault