when is too late to ask another BM? (sorry for the long post!)
Hello wise liwedding brides! I am so sorry for the really long post but I am in serious need of your advice please! ![]()
I feel like I am stuck right now and can't decide what to do and would LOVE any help! Here is my situation...
Back when I was first choosing bridesmaids I considered my friend who I wanted to invite as a bridesmaid but hesitated to do so bc she was in 3 other weddings within a year (2 of which she was MOH), is in grad school and only working PT and I thought it was too much of a time and financial commitment to ask her. I ended up not asking her for the above reasons, and also bc I already had 7 other bridesmaids which I thought was enough and I didn't want to go overboard inviting every friend to be a BM.
Fast forward 4 months to October and I really started to regret not having her in the wedding bc I've realized over the past year what a great friend she is and although we don't see each other very often, when we do see each other it always seems like no time has passed. I was thinking at that time of inviting her to be a b-maid but wasn't sure about it since she would know I was asking her much later than everyone else and then our schedules got crazy and we haven't gotten a chance to see each other until now so it never happened.
Fast forward again to this week, which is now only 4 months till my wedding (YIKES!). I am really behind schedule and she emailed me Tuesday so see how things were going and yesterday after work she met me at RK Bridal to see some bridesmaid dresses since I need to order these like super asap and none of my bridesmaids have been able to come with me at all or they don't live nearby. I've basically been doing this on my own (not all their fault, part of the problem is that I tend to be a procrastinator and part of it is that some live in other states and the ones that live close enough to take train to see me have small children, etc. so they haven't been able to make the time for dress shopping with me) -- but my friend was so nice to spend the time helping me and asking what else I need help with (since it seems I'm so behind in everything!) without being asked to do so or without being a bridesmaid and obligated to do so. That's just the kind of person she is.
I am not complaining about the lack of involvement from my other bridesmaids, but I just feel now more than ever that this friend is so supportive of me in general, my relationship with FI, and the whole planning process -- just bc she is a good person and a good friend, which makes me again want to invite her into the wedding party. Isn't that the definition of what a BM should be after all?! We were actually laughing yesterday that she was the one helping me when my bridesmaids were nowhere to be found. Again, I'm not complaining about the lack of involvement from my BMs bc I know they're all very busy and they are not obligated to plan my wedding, that's my job. I just feel like I would really like her to be in the bridal party to show her how much I appreciate her friendship and support, but am I being ridiculous to think that a BM invitation is actually something that would convey that to her? And is it too late now to ask her since the wedding is only 4 months away? In terms of logistics it would be okay since we don't have limos or dresses finalized yet, but do you think it's going to be weird from her perspective that I'm asking her so late? I also don't want her to feel pressured into doing it if she doesn't want to, so I am so torn on what I should do. Although a part of me thinks the fair thing to do is just give her the option and not make decisions on her behalf, I don't want it to be awkward either.
What should I do? Any advice??? I am trying to put myself in her shoes to see what she would think but I'm so confused. Thanks so much for any help!!!
Back when I was first choosing bridesmaids I considered my friend who I wanted to invite as a bridesmaid but hesitated to do so bc she was in 3 other weddings within a year (2 of which she was MOH), is in grad school and only working PT and I thought it was too much of a time and financial commitment to ask her. I ended up not asking her for the above reasons, and also bc I already had 7 other bridesmaids which I thought was enough and I didn't want to go overboard inviting every friend to be a BM.
Fast forward 4 months to October and I really started to regret not having her in the wedding bc I've realized over the past year what a great friend she is and although we don't see each other very often, when we do see each other it always seems like no time has passed. I was thinking at that time of inviting her to be a b-maid but wasn't sure about it since she would know I was asking her much later than everyone else and then our schedules got crazy and we haven't gotten a chance to see each other until now so it never happened.
Fast forward again to this week, which is now only 4 months till my wedding (YIKES!). I am really behind schedule and she emailed me Tuesday so see how things were going and yesterday after work she met me at RK Bridal to see some bridesmaid dresses since I need to order these like super asap and none of my bridesmaids have been able to come with me at all or they don't live nearby. I've basically been doing this on my own (not all their fault, part of the problem is that I tend to be a procrastinator and part of it is that some live in other states and the ones that live close enough to take train to see me have small children, etc. so they haven't been able to make the time for dress shopping with me) -- but my friend was so nice to spend the time helping me and asking what else I need help with (since it seems I'm so behind in everything!) without being asked to do so or without being a bridesmaid and obligated to do so. That's just the kind of person she is.
I am not complaining about the lack of involvement from my other bridesmaids, but I just feel now more than ever that this friend is so supportive of me in general, my relationship with FI, and the whole planning process -- just bc she is a good person and a good friend, which makes me again want to invite her into the wedding party. Isn't that the definition of what a BM should be after all?! We were actually laughing yesterday that she was the one helping me when my bridesmaids were nowhere to be found. Again, I'm not complaining about the lack of involvement from my BMs bc I know they're all very busy and they are not obligated to plan my wedding, that's my job. I just feel like I would really like her to be in the bridal party to show her how much I appreciate her friendship and support, but am I being ridiculous to think that a BM invitation is actually something that would convey that to her? And is it too late now to ask her since the wedding is only 4 months away? In terms of logistics it would be okay since we don't have limos or dresses finalized yet, but do you think it's going to be weird from her perspective that I'm asking her so late? I also don't want her to feel pressured into doing it if she doesn't want to, so I am so torn on what I should do. Although a part of me thinks the fair thing to do is just give her the option and not make decisions on her behalf, I don't want it to be awkward either.
What should I do? Any advice??? I am trying to put myself in her shoes to see what she would think but I'm so confused. Thanks so much for any help!!!
